Monday, June 08, 2015

In which the pond, thanks to Maurice, sounds the alarums to save Australia from the fascist world order boot ...

Citoyens, citoyennes, what are you doing?

Do you think this is some kind of holiday Monday wherein we all might celebrate the joys of a monarchist lifestyle? Sleeping late in bed, and then sleepwalking to a BBQ?

No, there are evil forces at work, stalking the earth, posing an imminent threat to our treasured lifestyle.

First to the chief villain in the piece - the reptiles of Oz.

These shameless paywall ratbags know the truth, yet they want it to hide the truth behind a paywall, so they can charge people anxious to learn about the end of the world as we know it.

To facilitate the process, they provide splashes to lure in unwary readers willing to disturb the redback family in their purse:

See? But this is too important a matter to hide behind a paywall. The pond must shout the truth from the rooftops, the truth none may see unless they hand over a shekel or two to Chairman Rupert.

But the truth poses enormous policy issues, and must be dealt with out in the open.

Luckily, reader James knows the solution:

Indeed reader James, where is that craven, gutless Tony Abbott?

The pond likes your thinking and this is the pond's reply:

Reader John has all the necessary science to hand:

Oh how lucky is the Oz to have such intelligent, informed readers as their base.

Other readers chipped in with informed comment:

Indeed, indeed. Is Greg Hunt a member of the international conspiracy? Is the Prime Minister a covert double agent? What about the British Royal family, which the pond understands from impeccable sources, might be part of a gigantic neo-Nazi conspiracy?

Where are your Monday honours now, you foolish mortals? In tatters, tattered rags that can't clap hands or sing ...

But now, let the teasing end, and let's get down to brass tacks, or whatever cliche you like to use, because Maurice Newman is the man, and what he has to say will startle you and shock you.

Thank you maestro, drum rolls and trumpets sound, as the pond proudly presents for your consternation and paranoid alarm ...

Indeed, indeed, and to summarise it succinctly in a single visual, how about this?

Oh you foolish mortals romping off to the wedding as the old man stops you with wavering finger and quavering voice, and warns you about the impending albatross.

Do you listen, do you pay heed, foolish mortals?

Indeed, indeed, sound the alarums.

Citoyens, citoyennes, to the watchtower. We must stand guard 24/7/12/365 or 366, depending on the year, we must be vigilant, stout-hearted and ready.

What's that? There's a UN lover in our midst? What say you UN lover? Perhaps you're one of those people who didn't get upset by Adam Goodes' dance of hate ...

At which point, the UN lover rose to ask: "Where is the usual disclaimer?"

The pond: "What disclaimer? What do you talk of rascally knave?"

This, said the UN lover, resorting to a cheap prop from a previous Maurice story:

Why, you wretched rascal, get thee gone.

Maurice is at the heart of the Prime Minister's advisory team. There is no need for a disclaimer and the reptiles of Oz were right to leave it off.

This is straight from the heart of the Abbott government. This is the chairman of the business advisory council clearly helping the council warn all Australians of the impending dangers, possibly the gravest threat to the world since the invasion of the body snatchers.

There's no need for trivial, useless and ultimately inaccurate disclaimers. Maurice speaks in a way that a constrained Tony Abbott can't. But each time Maurice speaks out, Tony is grateful and pleased, and the readership of the Oz jumps to the cause. Because we can never have enough of the kool aid ...

Luckily we have to hand an artist's impression of Maurice Newman in activist mode:

And so it is the pond's solemn duty to provide a warning of another UN backed conspiracy:

Please, no thanks.

Being at conspiracy central, the pond is just doing what any honest, upright citizen would do, sounding the alarums of impending doom. It is the pond's duty, while foolish citizens romp on a long weekend.

Now - first a gracious clearing of the throat and a humble modest cough - your majesty, to the matter of that strange oversight and omission, the pond's birthday honour, though it may not be your birthday and some might think it tainted by Prince Philip's neo-Nazi affiliations ...

What's that you say? He's just a grumpy old man? Why your Majesty it's time you started reading the pond, or else you might end up as clueless as a Graudian liberal ...


  1. Speaking of e anti-change interests and the stacking of Abbott's appointments with industry stooges, this is 18 months old but worth revisiting.,6017

    And we haven't heard a peep from Freedom Boy about the 'Rape of Gillian Triggs' by brussel sprout Dutton.

  2. It's possibly the day for it: "Weird Al" Yankovic Music Video: FOIL (Parody of "Royals" by Lorde) [caution: may contain traces of SONY].

  3. Hi Dorothy,

    Three cheers for Maurice!

    At last a patriot and a brave defender of our sovereign rights, who takes a stand to protect Australian freedoms and democratic principles against creeping International Co-operation.

    Tomorrow I am certain noble Maurice will declaim on the creeping danger that threatens the very right of the Australian parliament to create its own laws. A brutal tyranny that will allow faceless organisations to take the Australian Government to an International Court whenever they feel their rights are threatened.

    He will expose how a secret agreement, is right now being drawn up without any scrutiny by our democratically elected representatives. Worse of all, once signed not one word of this dark confidential agreement will be alterable by parliament.

    Arise mighty Maurice and expose the monstrosity that lies behind the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) a fiendish plan that will sideline our national laws.

    Free-market madness that will make us all slaves of the multi-nationals.

    Speak up gallant Maurice!

    Maurice....? Maurice?


  4. A belated welcome back to good health, DP, even if you risk further infection by going to the commenters on Reptile sites. I, too, have had an absence, fortunately nothing to do with health. I happened to spill tea onto my laptop and the resulting damage left me offline for a few weeks as I scoured Ebay for a replacement. Having found a suitable one I've rejoined the web world.

    The absence was a suitable weaning process prior to my travel overseas in mid-July. It has allowed me a little time for reflection. My outrage towards the government foisted on us by the Murdoch empire and the lazy/cowardly MSM "reporters" has not diminished. But occasionally it allows me poetic insight. Consider this:

    Abbott is to economic management what Bolt is to climate science. And they are looped together by the loopy Maurice Newman being his chief economic adviser. If is a frightening prospect at one level when we look at the horrors that Morrison, Dutton, Pyne, Hockey and Brandis have sought to impose on us (and that's before we get to whatever idiocy passes through Abbott's head). The saving grace is that their very incompetence and unpreparedness is preventing their worst wishes for us being fulfilled. Government as farce is bad enough but perhaps a lesser evil than full fascism.

    So I live in some hope that Australians will survive this mini Dark Age.

    1. Ah the old spill the tea on the keyboard trick, GD, the pond has been there and done that, though the latest loss - of two keyboards - was due to flooding after a big storm in Sydney. Sadly, despite your hopes, the pond suspects that your keyboard is to Australia under the current regime, but it's good to see you're back online.



Comments older than two days are moderated and there will be a delay in publishing them.