So here's a grand idea.
Bung on a royal commission, spare no expense, what's money when it comes to truth and justice, and inter alia, make sure it includes a witch hunt into matters more than two decades old, no doubt reprehensible but small bees wax in the scale of fraud routinely perpetrated by the big end of town.
Now when asked to bung on a royal commission into the misdeeds of the big end of town, don sackcloth and ashes, weep and wail and gnash teeth about the cost of it all, and the need to save money.
And there you have it. That's how irony is done.
Oh wait, there's a coda. Make sure you remove some of the regulations instituted to prevent some of the rorting and misdeeds and fraudulent misbehaviour already on rampant, thieving show.
Explain that there's simply too much red tape which gets in the way of the big end of town as they go about the never ending business of fleecing the sheep. Oh pity the poor banks, oh shed tears for financial advisors ...
Well sad to say, if you voted for the big end of town, please don't come moaning and mewling and moping to the pond.
As the reptiles at the lizard Oz so convincingly demonstrate each day, paranoia is the only sensible state for survival.
Trust the big banks and financial advisers and all the other leeches and assorted blood suckers? Why I think you should check the cabbage patch, that new born babe might have just arrived.
As for the government for and by the big end of town? The lickspittle servants of the rich, anxious to score their own pile before heading back to their gated communities, removed from the desperate poor?
Why these politicians look to the United States for inspiration, in health and education, and how soon will they turn incarceration into a fine private industry down under?
Have a read of Sarah Stillman's Get Out of Jail, Inc. if you can get behind The New Yorker paywall ...
When contemplating this sorry state of affairs, the pond was immensely tickled by Jack the Insider's piece Australia you've been Clived.
Not the sentiments, which are fairly predictable, pointing out that everyone had been Clived by the flim flam man.
No, it was more the use of the first name to describe an act of chicanery.
It swept the pond back to the days when Australia had a censorious chief censor, one R. J. Prowse, and each time an Australian feature had all the naughty bits hacked out, it was said to have been Prowsed.
Well, victims of the financial sector, you've been Tonied ...
Meanwhile, please allow the pond to pause for some good news, of the "when did you stop hitting your head with a hammer?" kind.
Once upon a time, Gerard "the man who made prattling Polonius seem like an incisive wit" once stalked the pages of the pond like a demonic inner city elitist, as he came out to stalk and the terrify the city from his Sydney Institute bunker.
Then he headed off to join the reptiles at the lizard Oz, and all but disappeared.
Oh he's still there - this very Saturday he's furiously scribbling about dangerous ideas, and seizing the moment to drag us back into the mire of his obsession with Lebanese folk: Dangerous ideas - Fraser's Lebanon concession, for example - should be handled with care (inside the paywall because you have to pay for nonsense in lizard la la land).
But he never ever seems to make it to the front digital page, or the revolving digital splash of doom highlighting the compelling features buried in the belly of the Murdochian beast.
The pond, being deeply shallow - choke the pond in the shallow waters if it ever gets too deep - accordingly pays no attention to Hendo, because he's been delisted, demoted, sent to the back pages.
Why is that, the pond sometimes wonders, before shrugging, nodding and walking on by ... a
According to his wiki - Greg Hunt it here, Hendo was born in September 1945, and that puts him in the harmless old eccentric phase of the angry old white male trajectory he's followed like Oscar Wilde's rocket ... all he's useful for now is the occasional damp fizz on the ABC, a network he purports to hate, while routinely disporting himself in its studio lights ...
Instead the pole position at the lizard Oz today (yes it's a motoring metaphor designed to appeal to little Timmie Bleagh, yes, if you're little Timmie you might also think of a woman wrapped around a pole in a night club), right at the moment, goes to another doddering dodo:
The meandering Kelly seems to realise that an intelligent response to what climate science is revealing has not just been Clived, it's been Tonied ...
Surely the most outrageous bit in a piece that would be generally construed as outrageous, were it not so tedious, solemn, ponderous and portentous, in a way only Kelly can manage - yes the English language is routinely Kellied - is this line, as fine a card in the blame game as the pond has seen:
The deeper historical lesson from this week is the failure of progressive politics over the past six years to secure and solidify an ETS. Labor and the Greens had a golden opportunity to achieve this — and they blew it. The almost certain repeal of the Gillard government’s ETS will become an abject humiliation for both Labor and the Greens.
It's all the fault of the Laborites and the greenies? They blew it?
It had nothing to do with an ETS being fucked over, and being Tonied and Murdocked?
Here's the real abject humiliation.
The Australian has routinely claimed as its default position an acceptance of what climate scientists are saying, and a market based mechanism, such as an ETS, as the best first response for dealing with it.
Of course it's a complete lie and a nonsense, and for years the reptiles showcased Abbott in a pitiless campaign of nattering negativity. Just as they became denialist central, parading the likes of Maurice Newman, fake lordships, and other eccentrics and nutters, while their own commentariat roamed freely in the valley of denialist delusionalism.
The real humiliation is that the reptiles have at last got what they really wanted, and the fig leaf of their posturing hypocrisy - exemplified by the sanctimonious Kelly - has been stripped bare, and what's revealed is not a pretty sight.
You see, Kelly even gets so bold as to suggest that more "direct action" money should be uselessly pissed against the wall as a kind of revived fig leaf window-dressing:
Once the ETS is abolished Abbott will be in a stronger position to argue the merit of direct action.
On what earthly basis? On the basis that five year planning worked for Mao and Stalin?
Funding of the $2.5bn Emissions Reduction Fund, the heart of his policy, has been approved as part of the budget. If the direct action proposal is defeated in the Senate — as seems likely — Abbott and Environment Minister Greg Hunt, will adopt plan B, one of several alternative funding mechanisms under review.
They have no option but to get something in place. The entire intent of their opponents is not mainly to stop direct action but to prove to the nation that Abbott has no working policy.
Roll that around on the tongue:
They have no option but to get something in place.
Why? For years the reptiles at the lizard Oz have been telling anyone who listens that climate science is a fraud and a conspiracy by fat cat scientists, and might even involve a plan by the United Nations to install a world government (yes Janet Albrechtsen really did go there, in company with Monckton).
Actually Abbott's opponents don't have to prove he lacks a working policy.
He's never had a working policy, he's only had nattering negativity and a fig leaf, and The Australian and its parade of kool-aid drinking hacks was the first of the first when it came to praising the quality of the Emperor's 1000 thread count sateen stripe clothes ...
Australia has been Tonied, and so has the world, and now the reptiles have the cheek to blame Labor and the greenies?
What monstrous hypocrites they are, and the most shameless of them all, at least for this week, is the man who Kellied the truth of the matter ...
Should it be left to David Pope to say in one image what Kelly can't manage to say in his ponderous, monstrous ramblings?
Well that was a rhetorical question. You know the answer (and more Pope here):
Look on your work reptiles and despair. But at least Kelly can also say that in the Saturday rag with his piece, Emission Accomplished ...
Onan would be in awe ...
Well there's Chris Kenny harping away on the same theme:
But all that monkey jibber jabber does is allow the pond to say that the planet has been Kellied, Tonied and Kennied ... a roundabout way of saying fucked ...
So what does Kenny offer in T-Rex and Bambi show highlights big flaws in our debate (behind the paywall because you're obliged to pay for nonsense unless you're willing to google).
Direct action is the swing in the tail of this week’s walk with Palmersaurus. When the green Left applauded the Palmer-Gore intervention, they were applauding a plan that rejects direct action. Yet once the carbon tax is repealed the political pressure will flip from Abbott to the Greens and Labor.
The funding for direct action has already been passed by the Senate. Having lost a price on carbon, would Labor and the Greens really combine with Palmer to leave that money unspent and scotch Abbott’s plan to purchase domestic carbon abatement?
Yes, Kenny's suddenly in favour of direct action, a bit of socialist intervention as likely to be as effective as window dressing, but handy when in search of a fig leaf ...
Everybody and his passing dog, with the slightest interest in climate science, will assure you that the sort of pissant spend on direct action that's been proposed, is just mealy mouthed window dressing, a desire to feel good and pretend to be doing something ... but which will be as effective as pissing into the wind, or farting in the general direction of methane gas ...
And who has cheered us on through hill and dale? The denialists, wolves adopting sheep's clothing so they can get their hands on the time clock and get amongst the sheep.
If you read Liam Kenny's excellent In Defence Of The Chaser's False Depiction Of My Dad Having Sex With Dog, you will cop a link to this little outburst by Kenny, I'm sick of the scare tactics in climate debate, in his native habitat of Adelaide - oh Adelaide, Adelaide, do the maiden aunts still sit on the verandah?
People are scorned as "deniers" simply for pointing out the scientifically agreed fact that Earth has not warmed for a decade.
It is also a fact to say that the climate is always changing. And that no one has yet proved a link between human activities and/or carbon emissions and climate change. Sure, there are theories and models, some of which are widely respected. But there is no proven science.
There's plenty more of the usual kind:
The weather bureau struggles to tell us what the weather is doing 24 hours in advance but the Federal Government says it can cool our climate. And the Liberals meekly agree.
And there's the irony in all this.
Now denialist central is telling us we should embrace direct action as a way of settling our nerves and doing something about the climate. Don't worry if it's going to be useful or effective, it'll just quieten things down so the big end of town can get back to shearing and fleecing the sheep ...
How did Moir put it? In a way a little more succinct than a world that's being Kennied as we speak?
Yep, that'd be the Kellied, Kennied and Tonied track ... (and more Moir here).
Oh what the heck, here's another Moir, and if you like to imagine Tony Abbott as a partner of this smoke stack - and the blowhards Kelly and Kenny standing behind them swigging the kool aid and emitting emissions - feel perfectly free ... the hypocrisy's just the same ...