Monday, May 06, 2013

Speaking of running the course and lacking relevance come on down Paul Sheehan, Mark Day and Ray Stevens ...

How soon tigers resume their stripes, leopards don their spots, and members of the commentariat such as Paul Sheehan return from holidays to indulge in meaningless speculation.

After the unnerving agreement with Sheehan on the Manly matter - which caused a tidal wave of grief, despair and emotional uncertainty on the pond - what a relief that Sheehan's next flurry of floozies is Deaths may shed light on a killer.

May shed light?

So it has to be, because Sheehan is merely recycling gossip and speculation, with standard anti-Islamic jihad twist, of a kind that was current on the full to overflowing intertubes several weeks ago. The theory is that Boston bomber Tsarnaev might have been involved in the bloody murder of a couple of friends.

You can read about it in the Daily Beast on April 23rd under the header Tamerlan Tsarnaev's Best Friend, Brendan Mess, an Unsolved Killing, also full of unconfirmed speculations, or the American ABC's Boston Bomb Suspect Eyed in Connection to 2011 Triple Murder (with bonus forced video and ad) on 22nd April, or in the SMH itself back on April 23rd, Brutal triple murder linked to Boston suspect (with forced video and ad as bonus).

What does Sheehan add to the story on the 6th May?

Diddly squat.

Just more regurgitation, re-hashing and idle speculation, without a clue, without anything new, just lots of innuendo and suspicions and standard anti-Jihadist twist. Waiter, shaken not stirred, and with that AJ twist ...

Who knows what happened, who knows what went down? Certainly not Sheehan, who spent no actual time researching the killings, but instead indulges in that stand-by of the desperate columnist, desk top research, and at that stale second hand research which has seen no new developments in the matter these past few weeks.

No, the pond was after sterner stuff, and naturally resorted to the lizard Oz, and as it so happens who should pop up amongst the daily hate fest but that old favourite, Mark Day.

Now it might be observed of Day that he has run his course, been put out to pasture at the lizard Oz, and lacks relevance, which would add a certain piquancy and nostalgia to the splash for his story:

Of course once Day asserted in On Jonathan Holmes' watch, Media Watch not a viewing must (behind the paywall so you can avoid joining the discussion) that the show should be killed off, the pond knew that the program still had life, and could be given new direction with a fresh pair of eyes, hands, and even legs.

Not to worry, astonishing new insights emerge thanks to Day.

Did you know that David Marr was far left? By golly, by that definition, Day must be far right, so far off into la la land that even Genghis Khan doffs his lid in admiration.

It turns out that new host Paul Barry has committed a crime:

He now lives in France, where he is finishing a book on Rupert Murdoch and the British phone hacking scandal. This prompted the comment from one wit: "A perfect choice: a pretentious expat who hates News. The ABC has excelled itself."

Yes if you write actual pieces about what actually happened - as opposed to sweeping Murdoch, and the phone hacking scandal, and News under the carpet - why automatically you're a News hater. Just like that dreadful pinko commie pervert David Marr, strongly pro-Fairfax and virulently anti-News.

Not that we're living in paranoid's castle, where everybody is judged by whether they're for us or agin us, whether they're on side and on the team, or vile outsiders, whether we're either wryly smiling Bolters pointing out that the ABC is biased, while the Bolter himself is remarkably free of bias, or  we're members of the ABC's conservative-free anti-News hate zone ...

As for Day's insight into what any new version of the irrelevant program might offer to gain relevancy, have a go at this:

I don't get too het up about the political leanings of radio or TV presenters. Or newspaper columnists, for that matter. Journalists involved in the kind of commentary I think Media Watch should embrace should not be political warriors for Left or Right.

Yes, yes, which is why Day framed his entire column judging who was right and who was wrong, sorry, left,  and who were News haters and who weren't, and who therefore were righteous and who were beyond the pale, and seemingly getting het up about it all. Well as het up as you can be when you've run your course and lack relevance.

Sssh, whatever you do, don't mention the war between the lizard Oz, Chris Mitchell and Media Watch. You might be pinged for talking up a hidden agenda, and when dealing with kool aiders in Castle Paranoid that might turn into a problem.

But do go on, Mr. Day, give us your brand-new vision for the show:

What matters is that they have a point of view based on the facts as they see them and that they put forward their opinions with clarity and verve. It is then up to us to decide whether or not we agree.

That's it? That's the best you've got? Already the pond is drifting off into a deep, deep sleep ...

But hang on, it's Monday morning, we need to be alert, awake and alarmed. What to do?

Well let's reach into our handy grab bag of loonery, and admire the thinking of Mermaid Beach MP Ray Stevens.

Now the pond has been to Mermaid Beach and admired the mermaids and the malls, and no wonder Ray, a member of Campbell Newman's NLP, is a deep thinker, and his deepest cogitations produced this splendid idea:

Tattoed Queenslanders would have to register their ink with the State Government under a radical proposal from a Gold Coast MP to crack down on bikie gang money-laundering operations. (Coast MP proposes tattoo register).

What an excellent idea. Frankly, the pond is appalled at the way young people have taken to the ink, and everybody these days seems to have a tatt or two tucked away somewhere on the bod. And it's not just the islanders in the football, or the other footballers, why you can even find them amongst netballers ...

Mr Stevens said the proposal could work with people required to give their name and identification to parlours when getting a tattoo with that information passed on to the Government register. 

Similar restrictions are used for the sale of cold and flu medication containing phenylephrine, which is targeted by criminals because it is an ingredient in making speed.

Yes, treat tatts like they're an ingredient for speed, that'd sort out the fashionistas. It makes perfect sense, perfect logic.

Of course in licketty-split time, there were the usual bunch of nattering negative naysayers coming out of the woodwork to give poor old Ray a hard time:

Queensland Council for Civil Liberties spokesman Terry O'Gorman said it was a naive and extreme approach. 
 "To require everyone who gets a tat to be registered is to require a huge number of the population who want it as a fashion statement to go on what would effectively be a criminal register," he said.

Don't listen to them Ray, you're on the money, you're the pond's main man.

Now please don't take it personally Ray if the pond proposes a minor amendment to your plan.

Require everyone to get a tattoo, say a number, or some other easily identifiable mark, and put it in a register. Sort of like a tatt barcode ... no worse than the mark you might make on a pack to keep track of it on the supermarket shelves.

Now where's the harm in that Ray?

It'll work a treat Ray. Let me know if you think it will fly, if you think it's a goer, and the pond will be on the first available plane to the deep north so we can help set up the very first camp for tatt processing ... or as we like to call it Civilian Bar Codes for a Crime Free Queensland ...

(Below: by golly, she's first on the list Ray, first on the list).

We're thinking more like this Ray, but of course it will say 101% Queenslander ... and perhaps Campbell Newman forever ...

1 comment:

  1. Reminds me of the no tattoos policy of various clubs in Shinjuku’s Kabukicho district and in bath houses and hot spring resorts throughout Japan. Tattoos equal yakuza, however in reality the yakuza do what the hell the want get in everywhere, and visiting tattooed western youth are shown the door. Of course not all yakuza have tatts, just those in the minds of legislators who think Japan’s underworld is like a 1970’s Kinji Fukasaku yakuza film.


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