In which the reptiles organise a special parade of climate denialist clowns ...

 

Today the pond announces, without pride, and with some hint of deep shame, an official day for reptile climate science denialism ...

Some might prefer to be reading the news from Kherson, some might prefer the ongoing delights of the US election saga ... you couldn't write better material if you tried to match lines like Candidate Who Painted Q-Themed Trump Sign on Lawn Blames GOP Leaders for Loss.

Some might prefer all the parody Twitter accounts that erupted in the last few days ...Gizmodo had 15 fake verified Twitter accounts here and the Graudian offered A drunk pope? Ted Cruz the cannibal? Twitter parodies exploit new blue tick. Nearly everyone has featured Mario flipping the bird.

Endless fun, endless distraction, and as one who has never signed up to be a twitterer, finally a reason for using the service.

Traditionalists will want to head off to catch up on Marina Hyde ...What’s more cringey than a Matt Hancock bushtucker trial? The Tory MPs voting for it.

The pond also expects its herpetology students to have read up on the Weekly Beast  ... a failure to do so could see you dropped from the course, especially with the Terror MID yet again.

But the deviant UN has been doing its usual devious business and so climate science denialism must yet again have its pride of place in the reptile sun.

Naturally the first among the reptiles is the dog botherer, always ready to rise to the challenge, and lead off the parade ...

Before proceeding further, the pond should note that it's not going to get into the business of sampling alternative gobbets or picking a fight.

The dog botherer is on a planet fucking roll this day, and at some length too, and to insert amusing contrasting gobbets would simply take up too much space ..

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You see? If you want those 'leet profs and talk of a climate crisis, you should head off to the  Graudian.

The dog botherer will grind on and on and it's best not to distract him ...

  

Of course you can't accuse the dog botherer of hypocrisy. Stupidity and a total lack of scientific qualifications yes, but News Corp has been giving him a platform for his denialism for years, and the hypocrisy belongs to them ...

Meanwhile the dog botherer just keeps on doing what dog fuckers intent on fucking the planet do ...

How many times will the dog botherer scribble, in a deeply alarmed way, about fact-free alarmism? Well he's been alarmist about the alarmism for years ... but the pond must press on because there's a parade of denialists to follow, as befits official climate science day denialism ...

Yes, there's more alarmism about alarmist claims and the best way to debate the planet fucker is simply to assert baldly that he is simply wrong, and yet routinely stands uncorrected in Surry Hills climate science denialism HQ.

The good news, for those tired of this deeply familiar part of the parade, is that there are other clowns to come, and hush impatient parade watchers, after just two more gobbets ...

Indeed, indeed, how much better it is to keep on shipping out clean, dinkum, decent, innocent sweet Oz coal to help with the cooling of the planet ... but that brings the pond at last to the end of the beginning of the parade ...

The pond will concede that while she does her best to provide some clowning in the middle section of the parade, Gemma is something of a lightweight, but still, she does her clown best ...

Would the pond like to leave this clown, ban official reptile climate science denialism day, and call off the parade? Of course the pond would, that goes without saying ...

There are many other clowns out there ... and they do much better clowning ...

But you can't expect much by way of decent clowning in a parade around the streets of Surry Hills ...

Speaking of the 'leets, remind the pond why this gibberish is still being made available in tree killer form? Oh that's right, you wouldn't want a climate science denialism hack to go down, not on official climate science denialism day ...

Apologies for the compression of the infallible Pope, but you catch the drift and the pond can now move on to the last clown gobbet ...

Ah, the reptile trick, usually deployed by fuckwitted clowns without any scientific credentials. Drag religion into it, talk of policy absolutists, call on heaven, speak of doctrines, and there, you've played a splendid part in the parade, and best of all, you don't have to deal with the actual science, which is always a stretch for climate denialist clowns ...

But as any follower of Macy's will understand and appreciate, at the end of the parade comes the Queen or Santa of the parade, and so the pond is proud to turn to Lloydie of the Amazon, queen of lizard Oz climate science denialism, and this day wearing a sash dedicated to UN conspiracies ...

Bulgaria! And the reptiles have done such a fine job supporting dinkum, sweet, innocent, virginal Oz coal, and how disappointing that their relatively good performance as climate science denialists wasn't recognised in Egypt ...

Why if that sort of thing continues, we'll have to have a climate science denialist parade every week in Surry Hills (but at least the coffee will put the crowd in good 'leet spirits) ...

Ah yes, the deviant UN.

The reptiles have been warning us about them for yonks ...

And now it's come to pass ... and likely there will at last be world government by Xmas, though the pond had originally expected it at the end of 2009 ...

Still, in the way of religious fundamentalists, why not just change the date?

The bloody UN! Why all the work of the valiant Dame Slap went for naught, and no one heeded her warming, though it was published far and wide in the Murdochian empire ...

Every so often, the pond thinks the reptiles feel they aren't in a parade so much as a sci fi movie ...

They shout and scream in an alarmist way about the alarmists ...

... but in an increasingly fucked planet no one can hear their screams above the sights and sounds of a fucked planet.

Why only this morning the pond woke to news of eels disappearing and turning endangered, and even looked it up, and realised its favourite Japanese-style food was now in peril ...

Climate change is also a factor, shifting marine currents that carry eels from their spawning grounds in tropical waters to the rivers and estuaries where they will spend most of their lives.

Longer and slower routes mean higher mortality rates for young eels as they drift towards coastlines.

Damn you non-existent climate change, damn you to non-existent hell, leave those eels alone ...

And now, to the sounds of Pink Floyd, the reptile parade has reached its final gobbet ...

Don't expect to hear more about the rise in the planet's temperature any time soon, at least not on any official reptile climate science denialist day ...

And so ends the parade, and the pond recalls that the end of Tamworth's Festival of Light parade was always a dismal affair, with detritus scattered all over the streets and the deflated crowd wandering off, and no one much impressed by the clowns in the parade, and even the pipe and brass bands inclined to be a little off key ...

Never mind, the trick was always to have a cartoon at the end, so that the parade would soon be forgotten, and the next carnival of clowns could begin ...