In which the Major continues MIA, but there are rich consolations, thanks to a course in the y'artz, and a chance to nuke the country ...

 

The pond has been patiently waiting for a fortnight now for the Major to explain how a media mogul attacking a media minnow represented the finest traditions of freedom of speech, but it looks like the pond will have to keep on waiting, because once again Major Mitchell is MIA.

Instead there was a real treat on offer, the return of one of the pond's favourite loons ... for reasons which will become immediately apparent, what with the pond being a devotee of the y'artz and always in search of a lecture in aesthetics...  and with the reptiles not even bothering to identify or label the opening example of the y'artz in action, though the pond is here to help ...

Thirty six bucks! Talk about splashing big on y'artz! 

Let's hope the reptiles did the right thing by iStock, so that we all might enjoy a rich sampling of y'artz before beginning the real treat!

"There has been ecological damage."

That's as quaint a way of putting the fucking of the  planet as the pond could imagine, discreet, and with proper Victorian restraint, and so the pond continued on, in the hope that triumphalism might be revived and its faith in the y'artz might be restored ...

Indeed, indeed, it is entirely possible that western civilisation has achieved perfection in the likes of the mango Mussolini, but let us continue to dwell in the Victorian era, or perhaps the ancient Romans, when empire was a bloody good thing, and others knew their place ...

And so scribbled a self-satisfied loon, entirely pleased by the mere power imbalance, and entirely mistaken about y'artz, but at least worthy of a cartoon ... which is the sort of y'artz the pond runs to these days ...

The pond would have liked to have spent more time with an emeritus sociology prof being entirely simplistic about the y'artz, but there is much more important business to hand, with the nuking of the country and the planet a pressing concern for the Caterist ...

Ah, of course, a smiling mutton Dutton doing his best impression of a shark as the snap at the top of the piece, and it would be entirely wrong for the pond to note the gloom that gripped the reptiles, and simplistic Simon in particular, this morning ...

Never mind, simplistic Simon, empires rise and fall, but you'll always have the y'artz, or a chance to nuke the country, and who wouldn't trust a man expert in the movement of flood waters in quarries to help with the nuking ...

Good old Compass, still polling away on behalf of the taxpayer-funded MRC, and getting the answers the Caterist needs, and how wondrous that everyone should support a species of power in the early stages of development and entirely uncertain as to cost.

It's the sort of forward thinking that gave the world the stump-jump plough, but at this point, the pond must pause, because the reptiles inserted an image so shocking that the pond could barely believe it ... and so made an appropriate adjustment ...

There, that's better, wouldn't want to startle any reptile horses, and now back to nuking the country in an uncertain way at uncertain cost, relaxed and comfortable and secure in the knowledge that a Compass Poll has all the answers ... yes, it's you, you bloody environmental activists and you bloody bunch of ignorant illiterates ... by which the pond means the entire country save for the blessed Caterist ...

Was it so long ago that a devotion to coal and gas was the last remaining hope of the reptiles for the restoration of sanity in the energy market, upon which our prosperity depends? 

Now it seems the only way to tackle those despicable renewables is to nuke the country ... but aren't we still doing the right thing?

And so to an apology. This day the Oreo has berated China and dictator Xi for its treatment of the Uighurs, in a cunning ploy to get the pond to agree with the Oreo ...

The pond was content to run just the last few pars, because it thought it might be able to help with the situation ...

Surely what's needed is a course in English poetry from Chaucer to Tennyson and Eliot, or perhaps the study of Homer, Plato, and Thucydides, or at the very least, an introduction to Raphael, Shaxberd, Bach, Mozart and the novels of Tolstoy and Henry James ... and then soon enough they'll be selling opium to Xi and his cohorts, and find themselves in possession of a very long lease on Hong Kong, because if you love the y'artz, anything is possible ...

And so to the very finest in western civilisation, the lizard Oz editorialist, with the unindicted co-conspirator still with a yearning for a fascist leader all their own ...

Indeed, indeed, much as you'd expect from a dissembling fascist organisation still continuing to support an authoritarian with autocratic tendencies, and the Donald himself showed exceptional tact and a fine grasp of the elegant retort, and the benefits of exposure to the best in western civilisation in his response ...

It's always the way. Liberals are supposed to be polite, and put dressings on table legs to avoid unseemly arousal, before settling down to a reading of Tennyson, anything but call out a fascist corporation for supporting a wannabe fascist ...

Luckily none of this had anything to do with the Donald's current situation, also in the headlines of late ...

But all that does nicely set up the immortal Rowe for a closing cartoon ...

Aw shit indeed, and so much of the shit can be found at the lizard Oz ...