In which the pond has a light Friday snack with simplistic Sharri ...

On a Friday the pond has taken to light snacking on a Sharri ... a nutrient-free treat before the crocodile steaks lumber into view on a lizard Oz Saturday ...

The pond is a firm believer in "The truth doesn't matter anymore ...Max Markson", and there's nothing like a Sharri for a dose of that alternative reality ...

Of course it would be better if the hagiographic scribbler wasn't quite so dumb, but the pond long ago learned that we can't have everything ...

Typically eloquent?

It's true that she didn't call Sharri a lickspittle idling shyster, a kulak parasite, a bourgeois traitor to the proletariat, a capitalist running dog, a tool to the Bonapartist Chairman Rupert, and a Trotsky fascist hyena (more insults here), but "crap" has a melodious sound to it ... though no doubt stern devotees of Anglo-Saxon culture and western civilisation might argue for the more basic "shit", which has a long and honourable Iberian Celtic heritage (well, as the pond noted not so long ago, that's Belloc's preferred term, none of that Judeo-Christian crap for him)...

Middle English shitten, probably from Old English -sciten (as in besciten, covered with excrement), past participle of *scītan, to defecate; see skei- in Indo-European roots (here)

'Crap' apparently has a faint whiff of the French about it, making it suspect for freedom fry lovers ...

Middle English crappe, chaff, from Old French crappe, from Medieval Latin crappa, perhaps of Germanic origin (here)

Now around this point, it should be apparent that the pond doesn't have that much interest in what Sharri might actually scribble in her shyster way ...

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise that the proposed alterations will do nothing for diversity or regional publications - Chairman Rupert's organisation has been ruthless in centralising its operations, while letting them run with token regional branding to placate silly people too blinkered to notice the way copy is shunted and shared all over the place ... and speaking of rocket science ...

Nor will the alterations do anything to change the online world or the activities of the giants that so irritate the Chairman and his minions (and here the pond should note that it's free on a google-owned service).

And it goes without saying, the chance to do merges and to limit competitors and reduce the ABC as a foe will do wonders for the reptile dinosaurs as they stage a last ditch struggle for survival... which is why you'll find the desperately silly Sharri willing to do cheap shots and easy slurs, slamming Sam the man with the line about being lubricated by a few drinks ...

What a farce? Sssh, don't mention Pauline or there'll be more talk of freedom fries with fish, and they'll be served cold, in much the same way as revenge ...

Speaking of lubrication, the pond is irritated at having to remind the reptiles that in a proper tabloid world, any elderly male readers who frequent the pond expect a little bit more by way of a Sharri illustration ...

It's not as if they aren't available, as she sheds tears in her porridge about the terribly unfair ABC ...

There, that's better and after being fortified, any of the pond's stray gentleman readers could move on to the next Sharri homily in a peaceful state of mind ...

Right at this moment, the pond will have to declare a conflict of interest. Frankly if any one of those shows or personalities disappeared right this moment, the pond wouldn't notice. Wouldn't have a clue. Might even take weeks or years to notice ...

If that's the best that the Australian media landscape has to offer, perhaps it's best if we just got rid of all of it ...

But wait, Sharri was just cranking up to a last rhetorical flourish and a couple of incongruous photos ...

It's about covering the news of the world?

But, but, billy goat, there's this thing called an interconnected world, and the news now comes via multi-nodal copper and ancient HFC at speeds designed to startle old folk...

Wait, what? We need Sam Armytage and Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O to cover news from around the world? Excuse the pond while it takes a moment to tend to its knitting ...

That's better, but Sharri was still intent on delivering rhetorical zingers ...

Say what? Sam and Kyle and Jackie O are covering floods? When did the pond miss that?

Why the pond may as well get Seth Meyers to cover the reporters covering the US hurricane season ...

Meanwhile,  rocket science Sharri gets on to explaining how with the new deal, Chairman Rupert and the reptiles will at long last be able to move into multimedia platforms and to speak to audiences online, over the airwaves and on television all at the same time ...

The pond thinks she might be referencing the 3As, anywhere, anytime on any device, which the pond was pitching around the arrival of the new millennium ... so long ago as to be startled by Sharri apparently discovering the new world ...

Well it wouldn't be a News Corp story without pictures of a couple of glowering greenies, though the pond was very disappointed to see that they'd had their satanic horns photoshopped out, and it wasn't possible to see their forked tongues and cloven hooves ...

And around this moment, Sharri turns really pathetic, and the little hoppy toad about the ABC that followed reminds anyone interested in the fate of the ABC what's really likely to happen to it, if Chairman Rupert and his minions get half a chance ...

Say what? It's that old saw about the ABC being greenie, when in reality the place is littered with pundits of the reptile kind?

And suddenly the reptiles want Fairfax to thrive? In what known universe? Ah, that's right the universe of Sharri the wise ...

... which perversely reminds the pond of another cartoon about strikes ...

Yep if you want an explanation as to why journalists have been shot down like a herd of sheep, while management makes out like bandits and buy-outs and leveraging is all the go, just think of Sharri the philosopher ...

And so to the final craven burst where finally there seems no other way to describe it than to rescue 'lickspittle' from ancient Mao usage, and perhaps couple it with Bonapartist running Murdochian dog ...

Um, does simpleton Sharri realise that one of the first things the networks want to do is get out of the difficult business of producing television for kids, so that they can leave that burden to the ABC? And get rid of onerous Australian content requirements so that the ABC can deal with the costs of producing television drama.

Bravo, you silly fuckwit? If anyone thinks this is somehow going to support actors and set designers and scriptwriters and technicians, they need to get out and about ...

It's a bit like Village Roadshow explaining how the Australian industry is affected by piracy, when what they're really talking about is all their LA mates making out like bandits ...

Reviewing all this, it strikes the pond that it's no wonder few care about the Australian media and its fate. 

If simplistic Sharri is the best that the Terror can offer on a Friday, there's no hope for the outdoor dunnies of Australia, because newspapers are dead and now slowly realising it, and this sort of digital shit is useless when it comes to wiping your bum ...

Actually there's one thing the pond would miss. 

Moir has been forced out to try and persuade people to fund his cartooning directly, and the pond lives in dire fear that the prescient Pope and the raging Rowe might someday face a similar fate ... but meanwhile, give the infallible Pope a click here, and after the simpering Sharri follies, let the pond turn serious for a moment ...