It's a solemn weekend duty of the pond to adopt the business model of the reptiles and bore any stray passing reader senseless.
This task would be impossible to attempt without the help of prattling Polonius and nattering "Ned", and this time the team have been paired, to provide all the hot air that might be needed to sort out the current energy "crisis" (or help overheat the planet, but there can't be any gain without a little pain) ...
Now it's true that the entire gabfest might be summarised as "global warming, pourquoi quelle?" and aren't the Liberals the very best energy managers, and hasn't the private sector worked wonders, and hasn't the price of electricity plummeted since the carbon tax was abandoned (oh how they plummeted) ... but no bald synopsis can do justice to the full texts of these learned scribes as they whip up their very own Virginia Woolf...
First then to prattling Polonius, ever eager to answer key questions ...
Indeed, how did those electricity prices plummet downwards so quickly and so markedly after the carbon tax was abandoned? How did all that come about?
Why is everybody now talking of the need to put a price on carbon? How did that come about?
Read on, for your Polonial guide ...
Was it all just a passing dream?
Never mind, it's time to get back to prattling Polonius, deeply troubled by fanatical climate scientists, working hand in glove with either the Chinese or the UN (select preferred conspiracy for the day)...
Careful. Poor Polonius, wan aesthete that he, is likely to have a fainting fit at hideous brutalist concrete structures, and be terrified by mad monkish scientists wandering around gibbering like an attendee at a Catholic mass, or perhaps a meeting at the Sydney Institute ...
Oh indeed, indeed, speaking of that lift ...
But enough of those Fairfaxian heathens and barbarians. What an excellent flurry of floozies, albeit of the standard Polonius kind ...
Of course some readers might well have wandered off elsewhere ...
Damn you ABC, and there are other Conversational distractions, as Malware turned to water ...
Yes, we've gone from clean coal saving the day, to cool, clean, clear water, water saving the day, and all accomplished within two months... what a remarkable achievement ...
All day Malware's faced the barren waste of clean coal
Without the taste of water, cool Snowy water
Old Josh and he with throats coal turned dry
And souls that cry for water, cool, clear water ...
Keep a-movin' Josh, don't you listen to that coal, Josh
It's a devil, not a clean plan
And it heats the burning sand instead of water
Josh, can you see that big Snowy mountain
Where the water's runnin' free
And it's waiting there for you and me ...
But enough of heartfelt songs, the real Everest challenge - well climbing to the top of Kosciuszko isn't that hard - now confronts readers, who need to be prepared...
Nattering "Ned" has gone digital and upgraded from 1.9.9.9 to full 2.0! (Yes, nerdish readers will recall fondly what they were doing when Mac introduced 2.0 back in April 1985).
Still, the pond is pleased that "Ned" has finally made it to 2.0 and taken Malware with him. It must explain why the NBN has been such a rip-snorting success ...
Oh it's a breakout, alright, the only worry being whether readers will break out into sleep, rather than break out into wild excitement and nation building ...
Oh it's an ecstatic triumph of salvation and redemption, though strangely to solve a Chinese/UN conspiracy of no credibility whatsoever, given the way ...
mad science monks devised it
the Chinese organised it
The UN is using it to introduce world government (press button to select favourite conspiracy for the day).
It's even stranger to see nattering "Ned" bemused at the failure to adopt an emissions intensity scheme, and considering it as some kind of failure.
Hint: an emissions intensity scheme/emissions trading scheme would involve putting a price on carbon ... (with forced Fairfaxian video)
Please, could someone clear the room of all the fainting reptiles whose bodies now litter the floor ... the pond must get back to reading nattering "Ned" ...
Oh dear, more of that socialist talk about social licence. It's well known that Australians have no right to control or license what's in ground or in air or anywhere really ... just dig it up and ship it out and be grateful for a few crumbs. That's always been the lot of the peasants, and no reason to change now ...
The important thing now is to go out and have a fracking good time ...
The pond never thought it would be linking to a Waleed Aly column, as here ...
Indeed, indeed. Now let's get back to nattering "Ned", pointing out the urgent need to increase gas supply. Time to get fracking!
Fuck up after fuck up, and all along, the reptiles cheering on each fuck up, because deep down everyone knows climate science is just an international conspiracy ... please, if the UN or the Chinese don't satisfy, have you considered that the scientists are doing it so that they can live in Trump Tower on the very generous grants? The rich having been forced out because of the onerous taxes they pay ...
After all that, and speaking of climate denialism and the Donald, it's time for a break, and the pond has always found a papal encyclical better than a kit-kat, and more Popery here ...
After all that, and speaking of climate denialism and the Donald, it's time for a break, and the pond has always found a papal encyclical better than a kit-kat, and more Popery here ...
"when demand is -
ReplyDeleteexpect to..."
What's this odd punctuation habit the reptiles seem to have embraced of late? Is it some Malcolm Robertsesque grammatical tinfoil hat? What does it protect them from, I wonder?
And that "Tinkel review" is bound to be a doozy!
DeleteAccording to Polonius: "Paul O'Malley ... said energy costs in the US were up to 10 times lower than what his company paid in Australia."
ReplyDeleteQue ? Did he actually mean to say "energy costs in the US were as low as 1/10th what his company paid in Australia" ? How did that guy ever pass the TIMMSS and PISA tests ? Donners would be disgusted that he's achieved such a favourable outcome with such dreadful outputs.
"Action, action, action"...oh, how statesman like!
ReplyDeleteAnd this "action" of which Nattering Ned speaks? A feasibility study... *sigh*.
On a side note, Labor's carbon price imposed crushing price increases, but when the Finkel review comes in it will recommend a carbon price to, wait for it, reduce prices. We're through the looking-glass here, folks: "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"