Send in the sharks, there needs to be sharks, and look dear, at that fine pisces Abbottus with the pearly white teeth ...

A kindly correspondent sent along a copy of this Kudelka cartoon - no doubt the cartoonist thought that  this summary of all the worst fears of the Abbott government was a kind of comical exaggeration which would provide a little humour to relieve the tensions of the day.

In the usual way, it turned out it was only a scientifically accurate depiction of actual lived reality and no laughing matter at all.

Here's the Daily Terrorists today, going about the business of terrorising sharks:

The Terrorists have been blathering about this for a few days now:

A permanent solution!

Arbeit mach sharks frei! Prepare the concentration camps, exterminate, exterminate ...

Let there be a holocaust of flake ... and so on ...

The pond's suggestion? If by accident you find yourself in any way contributing to the Murdochians or Laura Banks' livelihood, it's time to cull ...

Your brain should be your domain, and Banks has no business destroying your intelligence with hysterical fear-mongering.

Of course it all becomes a little clearer when you look at the Terrorists' digital edition:

Laura Banks responds to online hatred! Talk about a goldmine for a tabloid. Spread the hate, then respond to the hate, treasure the hate, love the hate, feed the hate, maintain the hate, and soon it's a hate fest for the ages ...

Of course we've all been there before. This very week the NT News reminded an uncaring, completely indifferent world that a paper without a croc wasn't a paper at all ...

Meanwhile, on another planet back in 2014, Western Australian shark cull policy dumped: experts react.

But there'll be more of this, as oceans warm and sharks get more lively, and the Murdochians whitter away, not realising that the other great white shark, pisces Abbotus, still glides through the deep blue water, its glistening teeth triumphant and decorated with lashings of moderate flesh and blood ...

Yes, the Currish Snail even felt the need to put the Bolter's triumphant war dance on the front page, hurling spears at the dullards ...

A meisterstroke! Vee can vvalk ...

But as always the pond wondered how the reptiles at the lizard Oz were going about the difficult business of appealing to the young demographic, getting trickier by the day for a rag aimed at angry old white males ...

It seems there's still some terminological inexactitude surrounding the meisterstroke.

Here it is in the Oz:

Yet last night on 7.30, ScoMo the clap happy fundamentalist who speaks in tongues shifted very quickly from talk of a plebiscite to a referendum having a life of its own:

SCOTT MORRISON: Well, Leigh, that is not why I'm advocating a referendum.

SCOTT MORRISON: 'Cause, Leigh, what I'm arguing is it's not my view that counts, it's the Australian people's view that counts and that's why I want to see a referendum

SCOTT MORRISON: ...They're my personal views, Leigh, and I'm not going to impose those on the rest of the country. I'm going to say: everyone's views should be considered equally in this debate and that's why we need a referendum. 

 SCOTT MORRISON: Well, think about this, Leigh: I don't think a vote in this parliament is going to end this issue. That's why I'm a proponent of a referendum because I believe that is the best way to get to a conclusion on this issue which all Australians can accept. I don't want this issue to divide Australians, but I do want the issue settled and I think a referendum is the best way to achieve that outcome. (here)

And so on. This wasn't a flippant choice of words, it was deliberate, and it makes a mockery of David Crowe's headline.

Morrison has locked in on a referendum, a very different beast from a plebiscite, and yet there are delusionals out there still who think that Abbott is acting with some kind of good faith, as opposed to the deepest political cynicism imaginable ...

Abbott himself once went on record - and in detail - noting that SSM was rightly a matter for the federal parliament, but he now thinks he's found a way - at a humble hundred million dollars or so - to draw a further line in the sand. And a referendum is an even better line in the sand than a plebiscite.

But back to the reptiles, and once again there was a mix of moods and piquant irony in abundance:

Yes you know the punchline to that winning campaign to transform Tony Abbott's thinking:

Of course the oscillating fan managed to find hope in despair:

But the chief reptile was nervous:

Was there no reptile ready to stand up and celebrate? Why the pond is so glad you asked:

Yes the forelock tugging bromancer is in good voice and full throaty flight.

Clearly the bromancer has tried Coué's technique and the pond commends it to everyone:

But enough of this Murdochian headline approach, it's time to sink the pearly whites - oh that shark has teeth m'dear - into some Murdochian substance.

Feel the grit that generates the oyster, and what's the bet it's all the fault of Fairfax and the ABC?

Beyond the valley of the tired and the predictable. How's that young demographic working out for you Murdochians?

The rest is just more guff of the same desperate kind:

So Tony Abbott, Scott Morrison, Cory Bernardi and the rest of the gang of luddites, clap happy fundies and Catholics to the right of Opus Dei are now going to assist in looking ahead to the referendum and building community support, and Wong underestimates the Bolter and the rest of the Murdochian gang and their hate speech and anyway it's Labor's fault for not doing anything?

Yep, the reptiles are slow on the uptake. It's not Wong who's saying there shouldn't be a plebiscite.

It's Scott Morrison. He wants a full-on referendum, with bells and whistles and all that it entails, and he wants it for his own duplicitous reasons ...

And you'd have to be a mug punter to underestimate Scott Morrison, Tony Abbott, or the other fundies and their utter deviousness and their steadfast opposition, which they will make plain during any campaign ... and no referendum has succeeded without bipartisan support.

And after that little stew fest of hate, bring on the flake! Or at least bring on the gospel good news and let's all dance with the happy clapper!

A roaring success! Soul clap hands with glee and ride a tattered donkey into Bethlehem:

By golly, that's exciting stuff. Let's bung on a do with Indonesia this very week ...

Yes, climate science might be crap, but we take crap seriously, and risk management is all the go and Australia is doing more than its share ...

Just look at this Graudian graph found in Tony Abbott's hubris is staggering:

But back to the bromancer for a final example of the power of positive thinking:

Except you goose, the hard liners are already campaigning, not for a plebiscite, but for a referendum, with bells and whistles ...

No wonder the country's fucked. Even the hagiographers can't get their lines straight.

Send in the sharks, there needs to be sharks, lots of sharks, or at least a good Rowe cartoon, and more Rowe here, as the sweet lad suggests that gay marriage might have ironically produced a most weird form of bestiality: