David Penberthy, and drinking the Tony Blair kool aid ...

(Above: the pond is now in a state of war with the Vatican state, and its guards, not least for their relentless assault on fashion sense).

In a way that is now routine, but still unforgivable, David Penberthy jumps the shark and nukes the fridge in Whatever the wrongs, Blair is still right on Afghanistan:

From where Australia stands, there are two issues with Afghanistan which are obviously intertwined – the first is winning the war on the ground, and the second is maintaining support for the war at home.

Our ability to achieve the second is hampered by the failure of Blair and, particularly, former US President George W Bush to make out and maintain a compelling moral case for the war in Afghanistan.

This war should by rights have the same galvanising effect as the battle against Nazism in the 1930s and 1940s.

That's right. Roaming around Afghanistan in a post-colonial adventure has the same galvanising effect as World War 11.

Please. Bring forward the Godwin's Law swear jar, but make sure to upsize it to accommodate the bathtub sized hogwash.

A compelling moral case? Are we talking about a holocaust here?

But then Penberthy isn't done with his verbal excess and metaphoric zeal:

For the Left, in particular, it should be every bit as compelling a cause as the Spanish Civil War ...

Say what? Now we're off with Franco and leftists galloping to the cause?

What's the guess that Penberthy is on the Right, and so has excused himself from rushing off to Afghanistan in a voluntary way, George Orwell style, to show that scribblers can be fierce battlers against fascism.

The reason for his desire that others keep fighting the fight?

... as in the Taliban we have an enemy which aside from its violent opposition to democracy, pluralism, freedom of assembly and worship, is also committed to a bloody and active brand of misogyny which kills teachers for daring to educate girls.

Um. Are we declaring war on North Korea today or tomorrow? How about Iran? That's if you think the solution to a violent opposition to democracy, a rampant theocracy, and a willingness to suppress women and men are the calling cards for a just war.

Come to think of it, we should also be declaring war on at least half the states of Africa. While we're at it, perhaps we should also send the military into sort out a few recalcitrant states in South America. Not to forget countries like Burma.

And so on and so forth. By golly, how about teaching the value of democracy and the ballot box by stomping around inside these countries and killing more than a few. That'll teach them a lesson or two. It's working out so spiffingly well in Afghanistan, what with the latest round of elections suggesting people preferred to avoid bombs and bullets on the way to a corrupt ballot box. Come to think of it, I'd be a bit shy about trotting down to the local school to vote for the scoundrels they have running the show.

Oh dear, I knew someone would mention the NSW Labor government, currently busy slugging pensioners.

Yep, there's no doubt Tony Blair called it right, and the world is so much more peaceful thanks to his moral guidance. In much the same way as the British empire taught the world a thing or two about British values, and left such shining legacies as India v Pakistan and Palestine vs. the Israelis.

Meanwhile, using Penberthy's criteria for war mongering, I'm thinking of mounting a preemptive strike on the Vatican aka Vatican City aka Vatican City State. Let's run down the list:

violent opposition to democracy: yes indeedy, the Pope is ex officio head of state and head of government, and his official title is Sovereign of the State of the Vatican City. The President of the Pontifical Commission is a Cardinal, and as an absolute elective monarchy, and theocracy of a singular kind, the ruffians have imported a bunch of toey Swiss Guards armed with fiendish weapons to maintain the status quo.

pluralism Say what? You want Jews and Muslims and Protestants and Buddhists and Hindus and atheists and secularists and Sikhs running wild and free? Forget it Jake, it's Vatican City. Here no pluralism, no pluralism here

freedom of assembly and worship Say what again? Didn't you get the message under pluralism? There's absolutely no freedom to assemble, unless the Pope gives you the nod, and there's freedom to worship ... provided you worship in the one and only way that's approved ...

is also committed to a bloody and active brand of misogyny Hmm, well it's true there's been a bit of slippage lately. The number of women hanging around the place have increased from 11% in 1978 to 21% in 2007, but happily there are still whole sections of the Vatican that have no women - the tribunal system, and the diplomatic corp is all male and all clerical. And happily while there's a little less monitoring in terms of behaviour dress and 'mentality', most of the women remain in support staff positions and have little decision-making input. (here). I think we can still maintain the rage ...

which kills teachers for daring to educate girls. Hmm, this could be a sticking point, since the Vatican doesn't dare to educate girls, which makes it hard to kill the teachers. The only school still within the grounds is the Ethiopian College which trains young African males for the priesthood. And there's a bunch of other tertiary institutions in the ground, such as the Gregorian University, and the Angelicum (more here) which sensibly educate the odd nun in to an understanding of how men are much better at running the show, since they have a direct line to god.

Still and all, since we're feeling in a Penbo war mongering mood, we're drawing up a list of demands to present to Vatican City to change their ways, or they'll be dealing with the mouse that roared, no matter how many Swiss Guards they have to hand.

Speaking of mice that roar, Penberthy seems to have inhaled the Tony Blair kool aid, and still keeps drinking long after the cider has turned sour:

As Blair writes in his memoir, in the aftermath of September 11, both Iraq and Afghanistan were regarded as conflicts with a readily identifiable fanatical core which could be quickly identified and eliminated.

Nine years to quickly identify and eliminate a readily identifiable fanatical core? And still counting?

Well having got that bit entirely ass up and backwards, no doubt there's an exceptionally good reason for Penberthy to to on quoting the errant Blair:

His ominous but accurate assessment is that the greater struggle now is within Islam, to see that the extremists do not prevail.

“Such struggles don’t last an electoral cycle,” he writes. “They last a generation.”

Bugger me dead. So now instead of a nine year war and counting, Blair and Penberthy want an ongoing generational war, destined to outlast the hundred years war.

Meanwhile, the de-secularisation and Islamification of Iraq proceeds apace. Well played Mr. Blair. Jolly good, keep up the splendid work.

Along with Blair, Penberthy might want an ongoing crusade, a kind of holy war against Islam, now dressed up in the style of Catholic Blair's rhetoric, building and grooming an unhappy bunch of fundie Islamics, but count me out.

Meanwhile, the sooner Penberthy heads off to play his part in the holy war, the sooner we'll be saved his wretched scribbles.

Which are long on rhetorical praise for The Punch as some kind of national think tank, which has, Penbo proudly told us in his piece - hold the front pages - published columns for and against the war in Afghanistan.

What a pity it also publishes his own think pieces, which are very short on actual thought, and suggest instead that bears are better focussing on the hunt for honey ...

(Below: belated news that after five centuries the Swiss Guard is "considering" opening the world's smallest army to women is not enough. Unless gays and TG's are also allowed in, in the Australian way - Let them serve: Defence drops ban on transgender soldiers - then the pond will shortly and gravely be at war with the Vatican state, and no doubt Penbo will have our back. And rest assured, we will stamp out the kind of degenerate modernist kitsch to be found littering the entire city - sample below).