The Sunday Terror and the quotation marks that clatter ...

(Above: the quotation marks that clatter).

Check this strange beverage fall out from the sky
Splashin' Baghdad on the Hudson in Panther Martin's eyes
He's high and outside wearin' candy apple red
Scarlet gave him twenty seven stitches in his head

With a pint of green Chartreuse, ain't nothin' seems right
You buy the Sunday paper on a Saturday night

Tom Waits, 'til The Money Runs Out

So here's a quote from Alexander Downer:

"I don't use the c-word, but I do use the f-word pretty freely, and I can tell you that Kevin Rudd is a f****** awful person," he said.

Now go look for it in the full unexpurgated transcript of Alexander Downer's revelations in relation to former chairman Rudd and his hapless exploitation as a "double agent", as published not just in the Sunday nee Daily Terror, here, but also as regurgitated at The Punch, here.

Strange. I couldn't find it. I could find this:

... I don’t know if Julie Bishop tells these stories but - I sent him and Julie Bishop on a parliamentary delegation to Zimbabwe, he was using the c-word to her all the time. I mean you’re a woman, women don’t like that. There was all that sort of language that she found - she came back and complained to me about it.

And then there was the matter of the use of the words "double agent".

Amazingly I found it. In the introduction by Penberthy to his piece:

... Alexander Downer has questioned The Sunday Telegraph’s treatment of his comments about Kevin Rudd, particularly the use of the word “double agent” to describe Downer’s claim that he used to leak Rudd information damaging to his opponents the Labor Party.

Yes, there it is, "double agent", and in quotation marks, what's more.

But when I went looking for it in the transcript strangely I couldn't find it. With or without the window dressing of quotation marks.

Yet here's how it's presented in the header to the story, which, you see is titled Libs: Kevin 007 was our 'double agent'.

Yes, there it is. Libs: Kevin 007 was our 'double agent'.

Now let's refresh my memory, since grammar isn't my strong suit.

Noun 1. inverted comma - a punctuation mark used to attribute the enclosed text to someone else

Why lordy I guess a reader more informed than me about grammar might think that Alexander Downer was being directly quoted to the effect that former Chairman Rudd was a "double agent" for the Liberal party.

That got me thinking about the difference between single and double quotation marks, and of course it's wreathed in tea party wars with the old country, as explained in Single vs. Double Quotation Marks: Once Again British and American Usage Differ.

As always, quotation marks have their own wiki here, but it would seem no matter how you cut it, a quote's a quote when you put it into quotation marks.

Hmm, but it seems that Alexander Downer didn't actually say "double agent" or if you will 'double agent'.

That was just put in the header to spice things up a little, and explain the tremendous spiffing graphic of former chairman Rudd as special agent 007.

Oh it's such a grand graphic. As we've said before, it's so witty and clever. Certain to sell newspapers on a slow day in an election campaign which clearly needs a little spice, if not chilli and garlic and a hearty dose of black pepper.

There's no doubt from the actual transcript that Alexander Downer is a goose who shot off his mouth. But that's not a revelation, or an insight, or a story, that's a truism, a banality. The Terror could have hung him out to dry, without needing to sex up the story, or rush off to invent some kind of dodgy phrase, almost up the mark of a "dodgy dossier".

Is it possible that the Sunday Telegraph's sub-editors, editor, and possibly the journalists involved simply don't understand that quotation marks should refer to an actual quotation.

Clearly the Sunday Terror would like to dump it all in Downer's lap. Penberthy dubs his piece "The things that natter: Downer's full Rudd transcript". I usually use italics to indicate a title or a link, but I think it's nice to use quotation marks to show it's a direct quote. So you wouldn't mistake it for something like the twits that batter, or the wits that splatter, or the gits that blather.

Never mind, I'm sure any decent lawyer could have a lot of fun with the whole damn thing.

And now, since we don't have to be "economical with the truth", a splendid phrase we owe to UK Cabinet Secretary Sir Robert Armstrong, as explained here, let's have a few more quotations:

I should define punctuation as being governed two-thirds by rule and one-third by personal taste. I shall endeavour not to stress the former to the exclusion of the latter, but I will not knuckle under to those who apparently claim for themselves complete freedom to do what they please in the matter.

That was found here, on Quotation Marks and Direct Quotations, wherein you can find such splendid and troubling examples of the usage of quotation marks as:

General Sedgwick's last words to his worried staff were "Don't worry, boys; they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist—".

President Kennedy famously exclaimed "Ich bin ein Berliner!"
Madonna is fond of declaring "I'm not ashamed of anything."
"The only emperor", writes Wallace Stevens, "is the emperor of ice cream."

And here's a wise warning for the unwary:

Now notice something else which is very important: a quotation is set off by quotation marks and nothing else. A sentence containing a quotation is punctuated exactly like any other sentence apart from the addition of the quotation marks. You should not insert additional punctuation marks into the sentence merely to warn the reader that a quotation is coming up: that's what the quotation marks are for. Hence the first two of the following are bad style, and the third one is wrong:

*President Nixon declared, "I am not a crook."
*President Nixon declared: "I am not a crook."
*President Nixon declared:- "I am not a crook."

Now we've contemplated that handy lesson, let's remind ourselves once more of the actual meaning of quotation marks, by breaking the rule and using a colon:

The chief use of quotation marks is quite easy to understand: a pair of quotation marks encloses a direct quotation — that is, a repetition of someone's exact words.

Hey, I think I've got it, by George I've got it.

What's that? Not in the antipodes dude?

Can anyone confirm that the Sunday Terror has an actual style guide in the building, or do they make it up as they go along?

Hey ho, hey nonny no, that's the last we'll say on this, but let's go out with Tom Waits, since strangely it feels like I did buy a Sunday paper on Saturday night, and tomorrow I dare say I'll read a Sunday paper printed on a Monday, and apologies for the rough out point at the end of the number ...

UPDATE: clearly we understand nothing. So when we read Karlis Salna's Spectre of Kevin Rudd hangs over Labor, scribbled for the Sydney Morning Herald, and given a 5.54 PM publication date, this 1st day of August in the year 2010 of the absent lord, we read it in the quest for enlightenment, normally reserved for our visits to Zen Buddhist monks.

Former Liberal foreign minister Alexander Downer has since attempted to pull back from the claims, published by News Limited on Sunday, saying his comments were misinterpreted.

But a statement issued on Sunday evening by News Limited said the organisation stood by its report in which Mr Downer is quoted as saying Mr Rudd was used "mercilessly to embarrass" then-Labor foreign affairs spokesman Laurie Brereton, whom Mr Rudd later replaced.

An unedited transcript of the interview with Mr Downer was also released, clearly showing he did in fact make the remarks.

Yes, but did he say "double agent"? Or was that an invention of News Limited? I mean, you can wriggle and you can slime, but really the English language should be sacred ...

Is there a style guide available in The Sydney Morning Herald? Or are the dullards in control there as well? Does anyone on the planet understand what quotation marks are meant to mean? Hello ....

Whatever, here's hoping that former Chairman Rudd takes the lot of them to the cleaners ... A pox on the lot of them.

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE IN THE MANNER OF A PARTICULARLY OPAQUE AND STUPID TIM BLAIR:

The story so far. In a quest to understand the nature of quotation marks, loon pond has resorted to many sages and sought much wisdom, and so bizarrely, and with singular stupidity, ended up at Tim Blair's blog, wherein the saga is retold from the viewpoint of a Murdoch hack.

UPDATE IV. The reporting on Downer’s claim is solid. Here’s the interview transcript. Note, too, that Downer had no objections when the Sunday Telegraph reminded him that the piece was about to be published, and when the paper asked further questions about the claims.

Yes, but Blair too features the splendid Kevin 007 graphic featuring 'Double-Agent'. Who or what said the actual words 'double-agent', and so earned the right to the quotation marks?

Well there's cretins and gooses and then there's Tim Blair doing his quadruple bypass updates, and why on earth did the pond expect any understanding of punctuation from him?

Note too, and to self. Blair doesn't have a fucking clue ... as Lord Downer himself might have muttered into a port in his darker moments in the Adelaide Club ...

Put it another way. "Double fucking agent. C'est quoi ce bordel?"

Yes, you can quote the pond on that one ...

And now, at last, back to Tom: