Punching on with the Punch until you're a little punch drunk ...

(Above: it's time to start banning everything! The ten principles of harmonious relationships as explained by thoughtful leader Stephen Conroy are a good starting point).

It seems that The Punch hasn't undergone a revivalist miracle during my time in China.

There's Tory Maguire, in Well that was excruciating, and she's recycling an ABC program AM, by building a few short pars around it and offering up a link.

It seems that the excellent Barnaby Joyce can't be silenced, and has many productivity commission reports usefully deployed in the dunny for wiping his bum, and naturally it's only appropriate to provide a link, Punch style, to the AM report here.

But what's a Murdoch rag doing referencing the ABC and its socialist ways?

Why aren't they out getting their own toilet paper quotes? Is this an example of how the Murdoch paywall might be breached in the future by cads who quote all the best bits of Murdochiana while staying within fair use limits? Or not even worry about fair use provisions, but simply set up a site holding all the best Murdoch copy and offering it up for free?

Sorry, I know there was an oxymoronic redundancy in 'best Murdoch copy' but hey, if Barners runs out of productivity commission reports, there's always The Australian. Wipe. Again.

Meanwhile, Paul Colgan suddenly manages to discover that the Catholic Church is a strange beast in How much abuse can you take from the Church?

It's times like these that you wished a militant atheist was handy so that Colgan's wishy washy half baked thinking could be taken to the cleaners.

Well reading it was excruciating, so they certainly know how to keep on song with Tory's header.

It gets even worse when free space is offered up to Michael Ronaldson to whine about the Labor party assaulting the foundations of democracy in South Australia, in Labor's nasty habit of polling booth rorts must end.

The allegation is that Family First voters were tricked into offering their preferences to Labor:

On election-day, polling booths were attended by political wolves-in-sheeps’-clothing in the form of Labor activists posing as Family First representatives.

Wearing T-Shirts bearing the slogan “Put Your Family First,” these impersonators handed out misleading how-to-vote cards designed to defraud unsuspecting South Australians out of the right to express their true political opinions at the ballot box.

That'd be right. If you're dumb enough to vote for Family First as your first preference, you'd certainly be dumb enough to put Labor second, not being aware of the Liberal party, or knowing how to make an 'X' against their candidates as a way of making use of your preferences. Stupid sheep.

Now here's my electoral reform proposal. Have wolves in sheeps' clothing standing by and handing out how to vote cards, and if a voter is dumb enough to take a "How to vote Family First" card, they should immediately be whisked off to the abattoir, where their woolly minds can immediately be flensed and used for mattress stuffing.

But never mind the quality, admire the quantity. There's Steve Wilkinson getting upset about Bear Grylls eating habits, in Man vs MasterChef, rather than Bear's name and his urine fetish, which has revived golden shower culture around the world. Does his use of of Grylls with a 'y' constitute unfair and deceptive trading? What a pity Lucky Grills isn't around to mount a case.

And then there's Mark Colvin escaping from the ABC to help out Chairman Rupert with more content under the header How Cameron and the good old boys could still lose. Okay, it's a good chance to recycle that notorious photo of David Cameron being a school toff, and trading off on a bit of Evelyn Waugh, but remember digital content is always best when it's free.

The Punch, showing all its mastery of digital content, uses an "artist's recreation" of the Bulllingdon photo, as a way of getting around the firm which took the picture withdrawing permission for republication more than two years ago (here).

Not to worry, a quick google image search will fix what ails ya. Meantime The Punch has no doubt deposited a handsome stipend for the artist - for the use of his recreation - in his bank account, marked Anon, care of Switzerland.

And then top all this joy up with Dennis Atkins getting excited about The boy who was better than the Beatles, a paean of praise for Alex Chilton which excitedly offers up some modest recognition for The Beatles:

This was why the Beatles deserve some recognition - they recorded two influential albums (Sergeant Pepper & Revolver) and almost everyone who used them to shape their music made something that was so much better.

Ain't that grand. The Beatles deserve some recognition!

I usually feel the same way about Mozart, since Beethoven was so much better. Not to mention Brahms who was so much better. Though not as better as Mahler. Not to mention Shostakovich who was so much better. As a result, I never have to listen to any of Mozart's scribblings, since everyone subsequently did things that were so much better.

Yep, that was excruciating reading too.

But at least it offered an opportunity for The Punch to recycle content in the shape of a YouTube clip of The Box Tops doing The Letter. Ain't free content a wonder and a marvel.

You have to scroll way down the page to finally get to Richard Marles brooding about John Curtin's drinking habits in Rehab 1916-style for a future Prime Minister, which sadly made no reference to Bob Hawke's more recent and public battle with the booze, with Marles preferring instead to get into his piece sundry plugs for Pirra Homestead as part of his electorate. Well there's history and drunks, and then there's local food and wine festivals - drink responsibly at your piss up by going gourmet - and then there's shoring up the votes.

By the time I'd reach Frank Zumbo on consumer law issues in Buyer beware cause business is getting its way, I was thinking I should be back in China where blogging is carefully regulated by the government. Mention any of the three T's - Taiwan, Tibet or US Trade - and suddenly a hole in the intertubes will whisk you into a vortex of blackness. At The Punch, it's surely Tiresomeness, Tediousness and Tendentiousness.

So where's Chairman Conroy, as he beavers away in a bid to bring us closer to China?

Could this be the way forward for valiant workers under Murdoch seeking to advance righteous causes?

In China, those that care (not that many do, whether through lack of means or desire) can easily "climb the wall" by using vpn's and such like, and the exotic and the unknown and the censored are like the fruit that tempted Eve and ruined the human race (damn women for their despicable ruination of paradise).

Could it be that The Punch might become exciting and tempting if it was forbidden?

I'm all for the experiment.

Let's ban The Punch - make it part of Conroy's black list which can't be named because well you know they're addresses - so that we can all climb the wall to read it.

Or not. Whatever. I'm feeling a little punch drunk now, and am off to spend the afternoon in rehab or drinking a few shots. My first return visit and Tory nailed it. Excruciating ...

(Below: the happy face of a well regulated intertubes - more here).