The American Family Association, Gap, secularists and time to start your personal war on Christmas ...

(Above: if the only way to end this kind of cheerleader advertising is to ban Christmas, I say bah humbug, ban Christmas).

Already there's a few warning shots being fired, but it's safe to say that we're still in the phony war stage.

Leaflets are being dropped behind enemy lines - hey, they kept it up for months at the start of world war II - but the mass slaughter has yet to begin.

Still it's only fair to warn you - a month out from the pointy end of the campaign - that this site is at war with Christmas. And when it's war, we like to get in early, and fight dirty, as dirty as it takes.

No guilt here. You see the war's all the fault of the christians, who, having ripped off and looted the idea of Christmas from the pagans, have somehow ended up thinking that Christmas belongs to them. When of course it belongs to the paganists, and the Santa Clause-ists, and pine tree worshippers, and the materialist present exchangers, and the sensualist hedonistic food and drinking types.

Let's face it. Christmas has nothing to do with the birth of Christ, a day unrecorded by history, or even the bible. Likely enough, the date borrowed by Christians either corresponded to a Roman festival day (Natalis Solis Invicti), or was deemed to be part of the pagan winter solstice action (a pet theory of Sir Isaac Newton). Even the Saint Nicholas rip - in a bold bid to pretend Santa Claus was theologically respectable - can't hide the way his persona owed a lot to the pagan Nordic types intent on relieving snow bound-boredom.

Gift giving owes a lot to the Roman saturnalia, greenery and lights from the Roman new year, and yule logs and heavy as logs food to the German/Scandinavian fondness for the winter Jule festival. You can catch up on this and more here, but the real news is that already the Christians are getting agitated about a date and a festival they stole, pinched and purloined from the pagans, without a single historical justification. And the Bible says ye shall not steal!

Here's the silly buggers at the American Family Association calling for a boycott of Gap this Christmas, not because of the hideous advertisement or the quality of the merchandise, but because Gap wants its signage to be inclusive. As if a retailer like Gap wants to be exclusive, and drive away hordes of customers!

Here's the reason for the boycott. It seems Gap is politically correct:

Gap, Old Navy and Banana Republic, the three stores owned by San Francisco-based Gap Inc., are being targeted by AFA in a limited two-month boycott over the company's failure to use the word "Christmas" in its advertising to Christmas shoppers.

Gap refuses to use the word Christmas in its television commercials, newspaper ads and in-store promotions despite tens of thousands of consumer requests to recognize Christmas as well as repeated requests from AFA to do the same.

Just one week before Christmas last year, Gap reiterated this politically correct statement to Christmas shoppers. "Gap recognizes that many traditions are celebrated throughout this season and we feel it is important to display holiday signage that is inclusive to everyone."

Well if you're not shocked and appalled then you should be astonished at the commercial politically correct cheekiness of Gap, which seems to portend that America will slide towards Satan a little more this Christmas:

The effort by Gap to take Christ out of the culture of Christmas is a sign of the continued secularization of America. Some people don't like to focus on Jesus because He's offensive. This is no surprise for the Gospel is very clear that Jesus is going to offend people. He calls us to repentance, and some just don't want to hear that. But Christians must not allow those attitudes to win. We have the responsibility to continually witness about Christ and make sure He remains in the culture. And while the culture is hostile to God now, it's a fact that cultures ultimately lie under His judgment. (here).

Yep Gap is shameless, denying the naked facts (well not too naked, more like a full length skirt), offering Happy Whateveryouwannakah, Good Luck With that Bird You Office Party Hardied, Mo' Mistletoe, Big Ol' Piece of Peace Vegetarian RSVP, The Present of My Presence, Merry Birthday Still got that Receipt?, Be Belated, and other cheerful injunctions which you can make offensively personal (here).

Well already some people are calling for a boycott of the American Family Association (here).

But the forces of truth and justice have already received a setback, just after the war on Christmas commenced, perhaps a bit like the fate of Poland after Hitler sent the Stukas into action (t'ching, a dollar in the Godwin's Law swear jar):

On November 3, we noted that the “War on Christmas” had begun. One piece of evidence that was offered was the decision to have a “Holiday Tree,” instead of a “Christmas Tree,” in Frankfort, Kentucky. But after getting pounded by outraged Christians, Gov. Steve Beshear has reversed himself: both he, and the state government, have now chosen to call the Christmas Tree the “Christmas Tree.” (here).

And Fox News has noted further early casualties:

'Tis the season for the war on Christmas. The mayor of Amelia, Ohio has canceled the village's traditional Christmas parade because of fears over possible lawsuits.

A private group had funded the parade for the last 28 years. It pulled out so the village took over and the mayor's legal counsel advised him to change it to a "holiday parade" to avoid any potential legal problems. That prompted a backlash from church groups who threatened to boycott if Christmas was taken out of the name.

Mayor Leroy Ellington says he had no choice but to call the whole thing off: "As a citizen I wanted a Christmas parade, as a mayor I've an obligation to prevent the village from spending unnecessary tax dollars." (here).

Other reports from the front line keep trickling in, and it seems likely this Christmas is going to be one of the bloodiest and most offensive, as you might expect with a certified Muslim foreigner somehow settled in the White House.

I know, I know, it's early, you think you still have time to plan and to repent, but likely as not you'll be the first amongst the fallen as you cheerfully buy your Kris Kringle and wish somebody in the office happy holidays. The Christians will be on to you in a flash, for the filthy vile heathen atheist pagan secularist you are, and then where will you be? A fallen comrade lost behind enemy lines.

So here's the snappy come back. When someone complains about being wished happy holidays, remind them that holiday is a word derived from the middle English holidai, or holy day. (Old English: hlig dæg : hlig, holy; see holy + dæg, day).

And then tell the damn fool Christian you're talking to that they know diddly squat about history, Christ's real birthday, holy days or the true meaning of Christmas.

Sure them's fighting words, but we have to keep Christmas safe for the secularist, so we can indulge in the things that really matter: fights with relatives, and accepting useless junk with a smile, while wondering if there's someway to exchange the rubbish on Boxing Day, and spending the five dollars on an easter egg.

Which reminds me that Christmas is almost over, and soon we'll be fighting the war on Easter.

Meantime, remember, when in doubt use X, it's the safest way to ensure a safe and happy Xmas ...

(Below: evidence of defiant secularists at work - click for a bigger view of the text - and a few cartoons from older battles in the first great war on Christmas).