Peter Walsh, Malcolm Turnbull, the greens, the lefties, the banks, the scientists and a vast unifying conspiracy theory bigger than Einstein

(Above: gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight? The same thing we do every night Pinkie. Try to take over the world ... with the help of Larry, or perhaps Malcolm or Richo).

While on the subject of The Australian and its quality brand of journalism - well worth a stipend of fifty quid a year to keep us all safe from the pinko greenie leftie retards at Fairfax and the ABC - you might have missed an exceptionally fine moment in publishing history last Friday, with Peter Walsh's Tax carbon to stop corruption.

It will take a finer judge than I to say whether this is a better, richer drop than that penned today by John Pasquarelli - most likely the kind of judge inclined to drink down the wine while tasting it, until the staggers set in, and there's nothing to do but retire to a corner and sleep it off.

But as conspiracy theorists go, Walsh is right up there, capable of extraordinary insights into bizarre alliances:

Politics makes for strange bedfellows, but the alliance that has pushed the Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme Bill to the point of ultimate success is surely the most bizarre alliance in the history of Australian politics.

The driving force behind this campaign to decarbonise Australia has been the Greens. Although they are small in terms of numbers they are extraordinarily influential.

Their influence is derived from the support they have in the media - notably the ABC and the Fairfax media - but also because they are well off with secure jobs and they live in the best suburbs.

Malcolm Turnbull's seat of Wentworth, which is probably the richest seat per capita in all of Australia, is a prime example of this wealth and influence.

Hah, you thought Malcolm Turnbull was the head of the Liberal party, but he really should be titled gauleiter of the Greens Alliance. And possibly you have an image of greens as grubby dreadlocked hippie ferals lurking up on the north coast of NSW. So little you know!

The greens are astonishingly rich and powerful, and a danger to everyone:

Notwithstanding their personal prosperity the Greens seek to reduce the standard of living of other Australians (often in states far from Sydney and Melbourne, such as Western Australia) through measures that will reduce our productivity and progress.

An example of this mind-set is their unrelenting hostility to genetically modified crops.

Oh yes, the tentacles of the filthy rich green Vaucluse octopi reach out to the west and the north and the south to strangle the precious green sprouts of hope and growth and productivity and progress before you have the split second needed to say quick, open another uranium mine and purify the plants with radioactivity (except of course in Tasmania, but that's another island, full of greens and worse, Bob Brown).

Even more bizarre, the left are now in on this deviant, perverted game:

The extreme Left realised early on that a regime that controlled emissions of carbon dioxide would enable them to control in great detail the lives of every Australian.

Former High Court judge Ian Callinan described the situation thus: "Emissions regulation offers government an irresistible opportunity to centralise and control every aspect of our lives; on our roads, on our travels, in our workplaces, on our farms, in our forests and our mines, and, more threateningly, in our homes, constructed as they will be compelled to be, of very specific materials and of prescribed sizes."

And who better to send to Canberra under covert cover of pretending to be John Howard and a centrist is that demon of the extreme left, Chairman Rudd, intent on controlling every aspect of our lives, right down to the kind of socks we wear and the postage stamps we buy. Perhaps even the brand of chardonnay we drink, or even the quality of the grind of the coffee, or ordering people to drink Australian hot chocolate made out of carob!

So the socialist Left got behind the Greens at an early stage of the campaign.

But is that it, you ask, eastern suburbs greens and extreme socialist lefties? No of course not silly, there are also mad ambitious scientists at work, intent on having prosperous careers at the expense of mankind (or even humanity, but never mind the womenfolk). Yes, a cabal:

What was initially a small cabal of government scientists realised in the 1980s that if governments could be persuaded that mankind's emissions of carbon dioxide were going to heat up the world, perhaps to make it uninhabitable, then their careers would prosper greatly.

And these deviants managed to befuddle the finest political minds of a generation, to the ruination of us all:

Astonishingly, Margaret Thatcher was the first political leader of real consequence to fall for this nonsense (although she later retracted her support), but it was she who put large sums of money on the table to enable the British Met Office and the University of East Anglia to become world centres of the global warming hoax.

A cabal at the heart of a hoax. Well it can't get much more Tim Blair and Andrew Bolt than this can it? So little you know. In between doing deals with property developers, and making sure that the NSW state Labor government is currently unelectable, Richo was in on the game:

In Australia, Graham Richardson was determined to win the 1990 elections on Green preferences, so he threw lots of money at the CSIRO and was televised walking through so-called old-growth forests in Tasmania, pretending to be a tree-hugger.

Eurkea. Another "so-called" moment worthy of Gerard Henderson. Because these so-called old growth forests are nothing but young saplings going the early rounds when you put them up against a giant California red wood. So-called old growth. In my day we called them puppies, so-called.

Well you were warned about the Tasmanians and you did nothing, and now look where you are. As for that tree-hugger Richo, we know what he likes to hug, and it ain't a tree. Say no more.

But with Richo involved as a wheeler dealer, a mover and a shaker, naturally the conspiracy soon grew out to take over the world:

As government support for these scientists grew, their numbers expanded quickly.

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change became a vast gravy train and the fraudulent use of statistics, as in the notorious hockeystick and most recently in the scandal of the Yamal tree rings, became the defining characteristic of its modus operandi.

As a consequence of this intellectual and institutional corruption, our Australian scientific community is tainted with a loss of reputation that will bedevil us for at least a generation. However, the most disreputable member of this unholy alliance is the so-called business community.

And who better to judge than Peter Walsh, with his eminent scientific degrees in wheat and sheep farming and politics.

But you might have thought these deviant perverts would settle for compromising the entire world, along with the entire world of science. How little you know. Have you forgotten that in any decent conspiracy the banks are always front and centre, and they're never after just a peppercorn rent:

In my time in politics I saw quite a bit of rent-seeking, but nothing compares in scale and scope with the rents that financial institutions of all kinds are pursuing in the emissions trading scheme at the heart of the CPRS Bill.

This rent-seeking is quite brazen.

In The Australian Financial Review on May 2, 2007, the WWF authorised a full-page advertisement just when the Howard government had lost its nerve and was planning to surrender on this issue.

This advertisement took the form of a letter signed by five senior economists from the banking and financial services sector, including ANZ and Macquarie Bank.

You see! The greenies have got to the banks. Why even now I believe that undercover investigations are underway to discover how greenies have taken control of the entire Swiss banking system, and are intending to use those funds to install Malcolm Turnbull as our leader, and shortly thereafter, after his election to the position of supreme gaulieter, directing greenies and extreme lefties to control every inch of our lives.

My evidence? My totally hard core firm scientifically proven proof? Well you know how Richo had some trouble with Swiss bank accounts? Say no more.

The key sentence in this letter, which urged the government to adopt an ETS, was this: "The emissions trading scheme ... would also have the added advantage - as against for example a carbon tax system - of establishing tradeable property rights with respect to permits, thereby building a support base for maintaining the system going forward within the corporate sector."

At the heart of this campaign is the creation of a powerful rent-receiving and rent-seeking alliance of banks and other financial institutions that will make billions from trading the emissions permits and that, once the emissions trading scheme is established, will be able to spend hundred of millions in ensuring, as best they can, that repeal is politically impossible.

Now being a sceptic and a cynic you might wonder if they need to organize such a vast conspiracy to get our money - when they can just organize a financial crisis so we can bail them out and make sure their bonuses are up to scratch - and as always you'd show that you know nothing.

There is a long list of reputable economists who are rightly pointing out that if the government wishes to decarbonise it should impose a carbon tax, pure and simple.

Such a tax would, of course, impose serious economic dislocation and the clamour for its repeal would be impossible to ignore.

But from the great alliance of Greens, the socialist Left, the now suborned science community and the rent-seekers of East Sydney and Toorak, a tax means no rents and is therefore not on their agenda.

Well I never. Those deviant greens and perverted lefties in bed with the bankers and the rent seekers of East Sydney and Toorak. And there's a further clue in the use of the term "East Sydney", which you must surely know is reserved by natives for Darlinghurt and the actual next door suburb of East Sydney.

Except for a few aberrations like the Australian Museum, and Sydney Grammar School, and St. Vincents hospital, it's the heart of Sydney's gay scene and the home of the Mardi Gras.

I know, I know, Walsh is just being gentle and not wanting to confuse the issues or the conspiracy with a gender crisis, but really it's obvious that the homosexuals of Sydney are also involved.

So now we have Malcolm Turnbull, the greenies, extreme lefties, Toorak tractor driving types and a suborned scientific community befuddled by Richo in enough ways to make Margaret Thatcher go mad. And the gays! Never forget the role of gay marriage in rent seeking climate change conspiracies.

It is an extraordinary thing that the Left has become a willing accomplice in this racket.

Yep, and it's extraordinary that Peter Walsh served as minister for resources and energy from 1983 to 1984 and finance minister from 1984 to 1990 in the Hawke government. And perhaps even more extraordinary that this article, based on Walsh's retiring presidential address to the Lavoisier Group, was run in The Australian.

And Chairman Rupert expects punters to fork over fifty quid a year!

Over at Crikey, Sophie Black runs The Simpons' stonecutters' song along with her piece Who made Steve Gutenberg a star? but this is no joking matter.

We now must be on full alert and fully alarmed, and I'm ever so grateful to Peter Walsh for drawing my attention to such a far flung conspiracy. It seems we must devise new words to encompass an understanding beyond the far fetched ... so take out a cardboard sign and scribble down these words.

Down with multi-millionaire banker Malcolm Turnbull, gauleiter of the great greens leftist rent seeking scientists of East Sydney and Toorak alliance known as the Liberal Party ...

(Below: the heart of darkness, where the global international worldwide conspiracy began).