In which the bromancer, a man with little to be proud of, and "Ned's" natter shoots for goal ...

So Melania has finally hit the torrents.

Did anyone notice or care? Would anyone want it, even when if it's free?

According to Box Office Mojo, it started strong enough and then did an epic fade down to $49 a screen in its death throes, for a domestic total of US $16,357,453. 

The international take was beyond feeble. Australia managed a grand US$62,969 - in its final week at an average of $110 a screen. The total worldwide gross was just US$293,076. (More gory details here). 

It's never good when your p & a of $35 million doesn't get covered, let alone the the cost of production and the bribe fee paid to Melania herself.

Another note before beginning yet another excruciating tour of duty with the reptiles.

Yesterday the pond was reading the cracking Crace - just because the pond doesn't reference him or Marina dishing out a classic Hydeing (she was at it again today with hapless shopper-in-chief Kai the target) doesn't mean the pond has abandoned him.

Crace was in jolly good form, and the pond did appreciate his lashing of the appalling Tony Bleagh ...

So Badenoch, Farage and Blair think the Iran war is a great idea? Hmm … (use a different browser if the Graudian tries to extort an email address).

Come the weekend we got a rare moment of clarity. A moment when those last waverers who couldn’t make up their minds about their support for the war came to see things more clearly. The revelation that Tony Blair was all in favour. Couldn’t believe the UK hadn’t done whatever the US demanded from the get go. At which point every right-thinking person knew the war was a massive mistake.

These days, Blair resembles a shrunken corpse. On the surface still well put together but psychologically a wreck. Making it through from day to day on ever higher doses of denial. Resistant to any form of therapy because he knows he would be overwhelmed by shame and guilt. His insistence he was right all along about everything becoming less convincing by the day. The toll on his mind and body must be unbearable. So of course he has to say the US war with Iran is legitimate and the UK must be on the frontline. Because to say otherwise is to open himself to his mistakes and traumas of the Iraq war. He has become his own unreliable narrator.

And yet … and yet Kemi and Nige find Blair completely plausible on Iran. More than that, they find him one of the greatest and most erudite of Middle East analysts and commentators. Tony has spoken. Kemi and Nige have had their memories of Iraq and Afghanistan expunged. This time it’s going to be different. They don’t know why they think this. They just do. Iran is going to be a wonderful success.

So Albo thinks getting Australia involved in this mess is a great idea? Hmmm...

(It turns out that the flip flopping Nige has shown the white feather, and so copped another cracking Crace).

Ah to be able to roam the world freely and enjoy comedians outside the hive mind (all the best for Tottenham Mr Crace), but the pond is stuck with the domestic stylings of the usual assortment of second rate reptiles, with the bro leading the way ...

The header: Mixed signals from Donald Trump suggest economic fallout and lack of support are hitting home; Oil markets have forced the United States President to contradict his own ‘total surrender’ demands on Iran, signalling the probable defeat of maximum US ambitions.

The caption for a whimsical snap of the King trying to find his way out of his demented delusions: US President Donald Trump leaves the stage after speaking to the Republican Members Issues Conference at Trump National Doral Miami on March 9in Doral, Florida. Picture: AFP

Poor bromancer. 

He could only conjure up three minutes dealing with the mixed signals from King Donald and Kegsbreath, as the King seemed to slip back into familiar TACO mode ...

It’s official. Donald Trump has told us that regime change in Iran is no longer a serious US policy goal.

Early this week, oil prices skyrocketed, stockmarkets plummeted, bond markets were destabilised. More than almost anything in the world, those sorts of movements get Trump’s attention and determine his actions.

He responded by giving an interview in which he said the campaign in Iran was “nearly over”, that the US was “way ahead of schedule”, referring to the four to five weeks he had previously suggested as the likely duration of the military effort.

In fact, Trump said, the US had achieved virtually all of its goals already. It could declare it was finished and go home tomorrow and the operation would have been a great success.

These lines from Trump seemed directly to contradict his earlier insistence that he would accept nothing less than “total surrender” from the Iranian regime and that he, Trump, would have a role in choosing Iran’s next leader.

The point is not just yet again to draw attention to Trump’s many contradictions, but their strategic consequences.

Leaving any stylistic critique of Trump aside, this is undeniably a pivot moment in the military campaign.

The reptiles tried to take matters seriously, with an AV distraction ... U.S. President Donald Trump on Monday (March 9) threatened to escalate the war with Iran if it blocked oil shipments from the Middle East, even as he predicted a quick end to the conflict. Syakir Jasnee reports.

That was it for distractions, as the bromancer was left on his lonesome to struggle through the contradictions:

It is still barely conceivable that the regime in Iran could collapse, and while that would be highly desirable from the point of view of human civilisation, it now seems very unlikely.

There’s no sign of sufficient division within the Iranian military that it could lead the regime to break up. Comparative moderates such as the Iranian President have been publicly and comprehensively sidelined. And the choice of the new Supreme Leader, Mojtaba Khamenei, the son of the late ayatollah, is as defiant as any choice could be.

Similarly, there is no sign of popular revolt from Iranian citizens – another Trump goal – and who could possibly blame them, given the violence all around them and the intensely murderous response of the regime to any internal dissent?

Trump’s interview achieved its tactical purpose. The oil price fell, the stock prices recovered. If this fighting ends soon, the global energy market will probably recover soon.

But it also represents the probable defeat of the maximum US and Israel ambition, regime change, and it’s a signal, however reluctant and even unintentional, to the Iranian regime that they probably don’t have very much longer to wait before the US campaign stops.

Realising he’d probably been a bit too calm and pacific, Trump later made further comments saying the war could still go on for a while yet, that America after all had “not won enough yet” and that it would continue for at least another week.

Trump’s calculation presumably is that stocks and bonds will be OK if they know the fighting has got only another week or so to go.

Trump also threatened that if the Iranians interfered with a single ship going through the Strait of Hormuz, America would rein “death, fire and fury” on Iran beyond anything it’s experienced yet.

This also seems an odd statement on its face because the Iranians have effectively already shut the Strait of Hormuz. On the basis of risk and insurance jitters, ships won’t go there right now. Perversely, by promising it will all end soon, Trump has probably denied himself the opportunity to definitively clear the Strait of an Iranian veto on its use.

Oil companies will say: why risk it now, if it’s all going to be over in a week? We can wait till then.

All of this doesn’t make Trump’s whole military campaign worthless. At the very least, the US and Israel have massively weakened Iran. But unlike any other US president in modern history, before embarking on a major military campaign, Trump made no systematic effort to explain its rationale to his nation and to win their support.

He started with about a quarter of Americans supporting the action, the lowest level of support in history before a major military campaign, and then produced a bewildering list of ever-changing justifications and purposes.

His suggestion that Iran was about to attack the US and all of the Middle East with missiles is simply unbelievable. The Iranians then would have guaranteed overwhelming American public support, and international support as well, for an American military campaign against them as any president could ever demand.

If the Tehran regime survives it can claim, however fraudulently, it defied the Great Satan, shut the Strait of Hormuz and chased the devils away.

And, while severely damaged for a time, it will surely rebuild, starting with its most lethal capabilities. And it will undoubtedly be helped in this rebuilding by China and Russia.

At strategic communications, Trump is, simultaneously, both a genius and a fool. And this has consequences.

Indeed, indeed ...

And so to a little light local comic relief:

The header: Littleproud just like Black Jack? He was no Anthony, no Fischer, no Anderson, no Vaile, no Truss …David Littleproud is likely to be even more ‘buggered’ as his colleagues unceremoniously stampede to replace him and as his Walter Mitty claims of achievements and legacy are exposed.

The caption for the country clown: David Littleproud announces his resignation as National Party leader on Tuesday as his wife Amelia looks on. Picture: Martin Ollman (Poor Amelia, how did it come to this?)

The pond had expected to be able to indulge in a pleasantly brief mocking of the man with little to be proud of, but dammit, there was Shanners, willing to spend three minutes to do the job for the pond ...

Sure, the pond could have just gone with a 'toon of the Golding kind ...

... but the bouffant one was down and dirty, determined to give little to be proud of what for ...

David Littleproud declared on Tuesday that “I am buggered” as he announced his sudden resignation as Nationals leader after placing himself second only to the legendary John “Black Jack” McEwen in the pantheon of country leaders.

On Wednesday, as a humble backbencher, Littleproud is likely to be even more “buggered” as his colleagues unceremoniously stampede to replace him and his Walter Mitty fantasy claims of achievements and legacy are exposed.

Somehow Littleproud’s pride blinded him to the fact he was one of only three Nationals leaders never to have been deputy prime minister and allowed him to ignore Nationals’ leaders such as Doug Anthony, Tim Fischer, John Anderson and those who held the Coalition together such as Warren Truss, Mark Vaile, Barnaby Joyce and Michael McCormack.

Littleproud’s leadership is more akin to the fumbling term of Charles Blunt, who was leader for less than a year, never made deputy prime minister, lost his seat and resigned.

Charles Blunt? The man that did down Sinkers, then turned into a stinker?

Ouch, that's gotta hurt, as the reptiles paused for a break and a Kit-kat:  Nationals Leader David Littleproud recounts his "trauma" from the “worst Coalition result” in modern history after announcing his resignation as party leader. “We had the worst Coalition election result probably in modern history,” Mr Littleproud said. “I didn’t sleep for a couple of days; I’ve never had that trauma in my life before.”

The bouffant one didn't give a fig for the little to be proud of's trauma and kept piling on:

The truth is that much of the Nationals’ policy achievements and positions for which Littleproud took credit – including opposition to the indigenous Voice to parliament and a 2050 net-zero emissions target – were imposed on him through the partyroom.

“I’m proud of all I’ve done. I’m proud of all I’ve achieved,” an emotional Littleproud said as Nationals were stunned and confused by the timing of the announcement.

If Littleproud was so traumatised by the election loss, the Nationals’ defections, the Coalition splits and the differences with the dumped Sussan Ley, for which he had a large share of responsibility, why didn’t he resign when the Liberal leader was removed and allow a completely fresh start for the Coalition?

As Nationals’ leader, Littleproud publicly lost his temper and declared he couldn’t work with Ley as Liberal leader and split the Coalition just as Anthony Albanese was losing ground.

Coalition turmoil let the Prime Minister off the hook, finished off Ley and boosted One Nation.

The reptiles were so irritated they dragged out a snap of the real Black Jack, as if 'little to be proud of' could ever match his rustic charm, John “Black Jack” McEwen with John Gorton.

If you've lost the reptiles ...

With the Coalition facing its worst polling in history and falling behind One Nation on primary vote in the Newspoll survey, Ley’s resignation after her political destruction left the Liberals with the likelihood of a by-election loss in her seat of Farrer.

The Nationals, running in Farrer because it is no longer a Liberal seat, actually face an even more humiliating defeat with polling showing the independent teal candidate, One Nation and the Liberals will all finish ahead of Littleproud’s legacy.

The Nationals’ decision to run in Farrer split the conservative vote even further, virtually ensuring the Liberals cannot win, and meaning that the new junior Coalition leader, whoever it is, will wear a humiliating defeat within weeks of being elected.

Again, just as Angus Taylor and his Liberal colleagues start to behave with gravitas on the war with Iran, look like a credible alternative and put pressure on Chris Bowen over fuel supplies Littleproud created a political distraction.

Oh dear, not the Canavan caravan hovering into view, Senator Matt Canavan is among the candidates for Nationals leader. Picture: Martin Ollman

Talk about a rat scarpering from a ship he helped sink...

The Liberal leader was generous in praise of the man who helped him unseat Ley as Opposition Leader and attested to a trustworthiness that Ley could not count on.

Taylor declared: “David has played a crucial role, as he said in his press conference a few moments ago, in shaping the direction of the Coalition, shaping the direction of policy across our side of politics over the last four years.

“Can I say that I have found David to be a committed Coalitionist as well. And this is incredibly important because we’ve had a difficult time in the Coalition.

“The night after I became Leader of the Liberal Party and Opposition Leader, David and I had dinner and we spoke about how to get the Coalition back on track.”

Getting the Coalition “back on track” didn’t include an abrupt derailing as a “buggered” but proud Littleproud abruptly departed leaving the Nationals and Taylor with a new Coalition quandary and the Prime Minister with another escape.

Indeed, indeed ...

And now, because it seems that the intermittent archive is now in permanent decline - it's certainly MIA at the moment - the pond is no longer able to send reptiles off to the cornfield, where they might repent at leisure and others might furtively inspect their entrails.

This means the pond can merely note the headlines ...

Choices must be made.

Look at blonde Dame Slap, yearning for attention.

But between Dame Slap and "Ned", the pond will always go the "Ned", because tedium, ennui and existential boredom is an art form "Ned" mastered long ago ...

The pond could merely note Dame Slap in passing, finding yet another excuse to rail at women  ...

It's just as well the pond stopped there. 

Does Dame Slap have the first clue about the Gulf states? 

Is she completely unaware of Saudi Arabia, its use of US comedians as window dressing, and its shallow attempts to pretend it's done something for the status of women? C.f. Domestic violence against women in Saudi Arabia: A persistent dilemma amidst claims of reform...

And as for the U.A.E, which Albo's mob are so keen to help? Per the wiki ...

The Human Rights Watch reports in 2025 and 2026 consider the UAE's efforts to improve women's rights as limited and falling short of fully addressing gender discrimination.Despite the trends towards greater equality, some describe some of these reforms as window dressing. Emirati women live under male guardianship.[Whereas men can marry multiple women and unilaterally divorce, women are required to obtain a court order to divorce their husband although they can request it in circumstances such as financial abandonment and neglect. Honor killings can go unpunished, as the victim's family can pardon the murderer. Marital rape is not criminalized in the UAE. The UAE is a major destination for sex trafficking.

And so on, and don't pretend it's all about Iran or that anything King Donald is doing will help women, because his base is keen on trad wives from the 1950s, a style which would see Dame Slap banished to the kitchen? Hang on, there is an upside to the oppression of women?

The pond also regrets it must give only a cursory, token nod to Jennings of the fifth form, in fine war monger mode ...

Oh indeed, indeed ...

And once upon a time the pond would have slipped this into the intermittent archive cornfield ... (sorry, mild paywall).

Oh dear, the HUN rather than the reptiles at the lizard Oz?

And so to "Ned", wringing his paws and sighing at clouds in his usual way ...

The header: Competent PM treads tricky path on Mid-East war; Anthony Albanese has learnt from past mistakes, notably his weak and unconvincing response as Australia’s leader after the massacre of Israelis on October 7, 2023.

The caption for the gesticulating fellow traveller: Prime Minister Anthony Albanese addresses the media at Parliament House. Picture: NewsWire / Martin Ollman

"Ned" spend five minutes celebrating the quisling fellow travelling of Albo's mob ...

Anthony Albanese is now engaged in a calculated but risky display of foreign policy realism – revealing his capacity to learn from past mistakes, notably his weak and unconvincing response as Australia’s leader after the massacre of Israelis on October 7, 2023.
Even that champion of international law, perennial restraint and UN norms, Penny Wong, has repositioned along the spectrum towards realpolitik and recognition that great-power coercion is the rising tide in the global system. Labor, in recent years, has been slow to get there. But Donald Trump’s aggressive military assault on Iran meant Albanese had little option but to back Australia’s still dominant alliance partner despite a campaign that flouts most of Labor’s enshrined principles about the world order.
That Trump’s campaign is in lock-step with the government of Benjamin Netanyahu – a government Albanese and Wong loathe – and an Israel whose war campaigns they have mostly resisted only highlights the scale of Labor’s readjustment in its outlook.
Australia doesn’t get the world it wants. Its task is to live with the world it gets. Albanese’s job as Prime Minister is to show he knows how to operate in a more chaotic and dangerous world. Most of the progressive critics of the government are in denial of this reality and still clinging to their cherished ideological fixations.

Um, disapproving of getting into bed with a demented man child narcissist, who does three sixties like an ice skater off their meds, is some kind of cherished ideological fixation?

The reptiles slipped in a snap of a gaggle, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, Deputy Prime Minister Richard Marles, Foreign Minister Penny Wong, and Climate Change and Energy Minister Chris Bowen address the media at Parliament House. Picture: NewsWire /Martin Ollman

Oh dear, it seems they're completely unaware they've lost Joe ... Joe Rogan Nukes Trump’s ‘Insane’ Iran War: ‘People Feel Betrayed’

"Ned" began his next gobbet with a classic Neddism, a billy goat butt, dressed up as an "of course".

Trump, of course, is a dangerous ally. 

But of course that's just a straw dog, a sacrificial flourish, a flimsy fear easily defeated by "Ned's" cunning ...

Albanese doesn’t miss this truth, and his supporting language is careful in the extreme. Every sign is that Trump entered this war devoid of any tenable plan to achieve regime change and without any proper assessment of Iran’s reaction or the global economic and energy fallout. A lot can go wrong and probably will.

Uh huh, but all that means is that it's time for another billy goat butt ...

But Albanese’s March 1 declaration of support was quick, firm and calibrated compared with many European leaders – it was tied to denying Iran its nuclear weapons ambition, not regime change, and it correctly dodged the trap about international law. It emphasised the brutality of Iran’s regime, its violation of human rights, its threat to global peace and security, and its involvement in attacks on Australian soil.
While Albanese and Wong say their primary motive is to “keep Australians safe” – always a vital goal – this fudges the strategic essence. That penetrates to the deepening US alliance in which Labor is engaged with the AUKUS project as its spearhead. Under Labor, the alliance is adding value, becoming more integrated in its military and strategic dimensions, and sees a developing submarine infrastructure in South Australia and Western Australia.
This is occurring under the agreement of Albanese and Trump. While Trump is unpopular in Australia and Albanese never sings from the “100 years of mateship” songbook, the strategic reality is basic to Albanese’s ownership as PM. The upshot is on display – Albanese has strategic, moral and political reasons that drive his support for Trump’s campaign.
The politics are hazardous. Albanese knows he must tread a careful path, balancing his concept of the national interest against the guaranteed political reservations of much of Labor’s constituency with the Greens creating merry hell in the ballpark of the left.

Too late for the pond, which has left the trenches, and gone over the top, never to be seen by the Labor party again, because if p*ssing a fortune on a few AUKUS subs is the answer to the current drone and missile and bombing trends, then the pond is up there with Jennings of the fifth form as a military strategist.

Just to rub it in, the reptiles flung in a snap of the demented king ... Donald Trump speaks to the Republican Members Issues Conference at Trump National Doral Miami. Picture: Roberto Schmidt / Getty Images

"Ned" kept on trying to persuade the pond that Albo had been clever and correct ... but the very proposition "Ned approves of Albo" makes a nonsense of the argument from the get go ...

Albanese wants to avoid being branded a Trump apologist applauding an illegal war tied to regime change – yet on the other hand he couldn’t tolerate being branded as a reflex leftist, hostile to US actions, allergic to Trump, weak on Iran’s tyranny and attached to a “rules-based” order that failed to restrain Iran.

That’s no easy path to navigate – yet it is the correct course.

Albanese is tied to Trump’s war, not by any offensive ADF commitment but by his declaration of support – yet the longer the war lasts, the more the Iranian regime proves its resilience, the more global markets implode, energy prices skyrocket and inflation increases, the more Albanese will come under pressure.

As Prime Minister he was astute in revealing that three Australian sailors were in the crew of the US submarine that sank an Iranian ship – an open declaration about how AUKUS will operate with its essential and growing integration of naval personnel. The implication is obvious: Albanese wanted the public to realise the nature of defence force integration that AUKUS constitutes and that he endorses. Such integration is not new but it will become more expansive.

Albanese’s stance has been significantly assisted by the two latest events – the written and oral requests to Australia for support from the United Arab Emirates along with the Gulf states and Labor’s proactive efforts culminating in issuing humanitarian visas to five members of the Iranian women’s soccer team and signalling its willingness to reach out to others.

This frames Albanese in two ways – as an active participant in defending the Gulf states against Iran through an overseas Australian military deployment while projecting Australia in the global symbolism of safeguarding Iranian women currently in this country from having to return, thereby avoiding a potentially ominous fate. The UAE support is tangible but limited – deploying an E-7 Wedgetail supported by 85 ADF personnel and providing medium-range air-to-air missiles.

The mission, as Albanese said, follows Iran’s attacks on 12 nations from Cyprus to the Gulf and testifies to Australia’s close ties with the UAE – given its base in the UAE for military operations – and the fact there are 115,000 Australians in the Middle East including 24,000 in the UAE. Defence Minister Richard Marles was most anxious to say these were “defensive weapons” – not offensive.

For Albanese Labor, this distinction is fundamental. His position is that Australia has no role in joining the US-Israeli attack on Iran but the irony is that his “defensive” commitment will provoke the populist right into demanding that he now take an “offensive” stance and join the Trump-Netanyahu attack on the Iranian regime.

Um, that'd be the U.A.E. that Dame Slap didn't rabbit on about, as the reptiles celebrated rampant destruction in another arena, no thanks to Benji's desire to rule from the river to the sea, Smoke billows from the site of an Israeli air strike in the southern suburbs of the Lebanese capital Beirut on March 9, 2026. Picture: Ibrahim Amro

So lickspittle fellow travelling of a gormless kind is fine, but steady on old chaps, best not to go too far?

That’s a red line Albanese won’t cross. Nor should he – it would be folly.

There is no request, no need and no compulsion for Australia to join the attack on Iran. That would be a distortion of our political and military priorities. Would the Coalition cross this red line and call for Australia to join the campaign? It hasn’t so far.

Australia’s support for the Iranian women seems a copybook exercise. Trump was initially agitated and complaining about Australia’s lack of action. But in a phone call with Albanese about 2am Tuesday morning local time the Prime Minister told the President that Australia had been active over the previous 48 hours, that five of the team had sought assistance and had been safety located by the AFP. A grateful Trump publicly praised Albanese and declared: “God bless Australia.”

Albanese told a media conference on Tuesday morning the Australian people had been moved by the plight of these “brave” women who were now safe and that they should “feel at home” in Australia.

Critics warning this is a “forever” war are likely to be far wide of the mark. Trump is manifestly under pressure – he may favour a longer war to destroy the regime but his temperament, American public opinion, concern about the US military capacity and fear about the economic consequences all point to a shorter war.

Australia has many national interests at stake – the removal or weakening of the Iranian regime, maintaining an alignment with the US in Trump’s most important military action so far, supporting the Gulf states, and the need to limit the devastating economic consequences of any prolonged closure of the Strait of Hormuz.

So far, every stage of this conflict has been marked by bipartisanship at home across Labor and the Coalition. Albanese will face mounting domestic pressures via petrol and inflation. Yet his management of the crisis has been astute, demonstrating his ability to strike a balance between his view of the national interest and his domestic Labor constituency.

Bipartisan? Mebbe not so much, if you read the Graudian ...

But, billy goat, of course it's only quiet alarm, and they did eventually get around to scoring one goal ...(perhaps they could help Mr. Crace's Tottenham) ...

Bonus thoughts on the man we apparently should be following. Thanks for your attention to this matter: