Between Lauren Boebert's obsession with urination, and deplorable Mark Latham proving too much for Pauline and the Bolter - albeit invited by Channel 7 to be an expert commentator on the the state elections - there should be plenty of distractions for the reptiles, but sadly all they have is the voice ...
Oh and they have Jimbo, and here the pond is going to pick a bone with Jimbo.
Why go behind the lizard Oz paywall to discuss your budget? The pond read the piece, and found it was the usual pile of pre-budget tosh ... and here's the evidence the pond got to the end ...
But Jimbo, Jimbo, Jimbo, don't you realise that you're supporting the Murdochian machine?
At the very least your piece should have been published simultaneously on a publicly available website, your own perhaps, or some official Labor site, but the google machine suggested it wasn't ...
Next time someone on the government side complains about News Corp, just remember who keeps feeding the beast with EXCLUSIVES which can only be accessed by tugging the forelock and dropping a shekel or three in chairman Rupert's purse ...
Meanwhile, the voice was also front and centre at the top of the digital page ...
As usual, there was conflation and misdirection. "Voice of authority over states and territories" doesn't quite chime with "the power to advise", but that's the reptile way.
And the same misdirection was prominent in the tree killer edition...
What wasn't prominent? The trudge to replace the long-lost Tudge ... you could find it at the Graudian ...
You could find it at the Nine rags ...
It's a long shot, but the mutton Dutton and the reptiles are terrified, so the reptiles gave the story a quiet disappearing off to the cornfields ... the best they could come up with was simplistic 'here no conflict of interest' Simon saying doesn't matter, don't care, can't be counted, wide of the mark ...
Meanwhile, the pond was left to deal with the hole in the bucket man scribbling about ... you guessed it, the voice, though not so much the voice, as more his usual meandering, deeply pathetic wander through history ...
What a card, what a clever man, that reluctance to spell out cockservative, but that snap of Winnie at the start did remind the pond of what conservative once meant ... with this a sample from Ishaan Tharoor's piece in WaPo, The dark side of Winston Churchill's legacy no one should forget ... (paywall)...
There's plenty more out there ... once the walls of cancel culture came down, it became routine to take notice of the darker side, as in the Graudian with Priyamvada Gopal...
Sheesh, triggered by our Henry at the get go, and without even mentioning that other figure in the opening snap, Ming the merciless ...
The pond frequently finds G Rundle tiresome and is rarely up for a grundling, but the pond couldn't but help remember this bit of a book review of The Young Menzies in Crikey, Ming vast: the great Menzies myth machine rolls on ... (paywall).
And so on, but in all the pro-Hitler class laden fuss, the pond has almost completely forgotten our hole in the bucket man ...
What the fuck, but here a curious thing happened.
The reptiles clearly recognised that our Henry was being as boring as batshit, in his usual way, so someone thought a few illustrations might help, so they introduced this giant sized snap of Coke ...
Naturally the pond had to whittle it down to size ...
Then there was another short burst of meandering ahistorical mendacity ....
... and then some literalist at the lizard Oz felt the need to introduce giant snaps of Hume and Burke. So much visual padding, so little time ...
The pond did allow the next snap to stand in context, because it was of a modest size and there was some humour to be extracted ...
Eek, that'll get our Henry and the pond banned in Florida. Naked boobies ...
Just to make matters worse at the end of that last gobbet the reptiles flung in a giant sized snap of Ming the merciless which now seems mandatory in all reptile columns ...
Oh please, spare the pond. Time for a few cartoons?
By this point, even the most casual observer will note that the pond hasn't paid attention to our Henry or anything he's said, and truth to tell, the pond doesn't give a flying fuck for his tedious history lesson ...
There are only a few items worthy of study ...
But the pond supposes it should run the last gobbet, which features, of all the nonentities that our Henry might have chosen, the eminently boring Sir Paul Hasluck ... and that's some journey, from Winnie sounding like Hitler and Ming the Merciless praising Hitler, through Cicero, Aristotle, Coke, Hume and Burke, to land on Hasluck ...
And if Aboriginal people wonder why they've been fucked, are being fucked, and will be fucked long into the future, they just have to accept that ration of sugar, flour, tea and tobacco from our Henry ...
As for Hasluck, why did the reptiles chose that snap? Dressed in a top hat like some silly member of the upper Pom class carrying on like a Monty Python figure, wearing meaningless badges of a cargo cult kind ...
Surely they could have shown him shoulder to shoulder with some great statesman of a conservative stripe?
And so, with peg applied to nose, the pond turned to the craven Craven, just to see how vile an alleged Xian could be ... and because some correspondents expressed some interest in the erupting, ongoing, never ending feud, evoking memories of big and little endians ...
There is a real coward to hand, but you can't expect the craven Craven to notice.
The mutton Dutton took a powder, just as he once turned his back ...
Yep, fails to show, and if only the same could be said for the craven Craven...
As for the feud, Pearson can look after himself, because being assaulted by the craven Craven is a bit like having a plastic shark in the bath tub or taking a verbal lashing from a wet tyke lettuce leaf ...
At this point, the reptiles decided to prove what an abject ass and ponce they were showcasing by producing a snap, and this time the pond will allow it to be enlarged, so the full hideous detail might be clear ...
The pond, it should be emphasised, didn't do any tweaking to produce that florid, self-satisfied, smug face, or the portentously pompous pose ... but it did decide as a lark to remind any reader who has made it this far of yesterday's take down ...
Who cares why the craven Craven got his knickers in a knot, and is still twisted and distorted and flapping about like one of those wacky, waving, inflatable, arm-flailing tube men, but you know what they say about a Catholic spurned. Inquisition time ... and a drawing of oneself up to great heights ...
By golly this feud is fiery ... please allow the pond to keep stirring the pot ...
And so to a last bout of shenanigans by the craven Craven, snout out of pompous joint, with a braying and a frothing and a foaming of righteous indignation ...
After all that, how could the pond resist the lizard Oz editoralist trying to pour oil on waters, perhaps so it might be set alight ...
Dear sweet long absent lord, what a mess the reptiles have created, full of unhinged rhetoric, betrayals, and somehow out of this unholy mess, "still a chance for political unity on voice question"?
Sorry ... lest we forget ...
Thank the long absent lord all this reptile carry on is behind a strict paywall, and if it wasn't for the ABC amplifying the message, and inviting reptiles and News Corp fellow travellers on to panels to discuss reptile navel gazing and fluff gathering, nobody would be any the wiser ...
The length of the lizard Oz editorial indicates the level of desperation, the realisation of the extent of the follies already produced ...
Oh fuck off, as if the lizard Oz has the remotest interest in unity across the political spectrum ... as if there was anything more to it than keeping uppity, difficult blacks in their place, with the way shown long ago by the likes of Winnie and Ming the merciless ...
Poor Noel, his biggest mistake was to imagine that the reptiles and the likes of the craven Craven were fit company, but then the tale of the frog and the scorpion is rarely heeded
Meanwhile, for the closer, the immortal Rowe was off to raise Boebert's hackles by evoking a little public urination ...
Thursday is the day when the pond would like to be almost anything else than settle down to its herpetological studies ...
There was Time magazine, of all places, doing a hatchet job on Ron DeSanctus, No One Is Talking About What Ron DeSantis Has Actually Done to Florida - suffice to say he's fucked it pretty good, but provided loads of distractions - but then the pond once watched someone fooled by the pea and thimble trick for a straight hour ... and who was the bigger fool, the sucker, or the pond for wasting an hour watching the sucker?
Instead of having fun of the pea and thimble kind, this is what the pond was set to study as its Thursday assignment ...
Dear sweet long absent lord, the bouffant one blathering about hot ai?
At least as some kind of reptile equivalent to a hot air balloon or blimp, he knows what he's talking about - and he even made it on to the front page of the tree killer edition, if you squint a little ...
And who is that Lorraine Finlay, helping out the reptiles in their daily bashing of uppity, difficult tricky blacks?
Yes, it's a deeply simplistic message, worthy of a simpleton, and the pond was glad it excerpted only a small portion ...
The pond quickly moved on to see what was below the fold, and was equally disappointed ...
Sheesh. the reptiles rolled out Jack the Insider last night, and his heresy about Sweden failed to move the pond ... Killer Creighton simply isn't for turning ...
And what are the reptiles doing publishing comrade Dan? Won't the sky fall in?
The pond did enjoy Shireen Morris, if only because she got stuck into the craven Craven, so a few excerpts about the voice won't hurt ...
What a delicious serve ...
Can the pond have another? It would be too much to expect a mention of that enormously silly Human Rights Commissioner - perhaps another day? - but giving the craven Craven a hard time will do for the moment ...
But after the fun, what then? And that's when the pond made the fatal mistake of turning to a fresh voice, a chance to sample young 'un thinking, or if you will, the voice of vulgar youff out and about in the lizard Oz ...
Oh dear, the poor thing, having a go at the basket weavers in Balmain, but at least she succeeded where it mattered in the next gobbet ...
How kind of the reptiles to bless her with a gigantic snap. It's all about brand recognition, and perhaps she'd be better of dancing on TikTok, but you must take your branding where you can find it ... and that's a truly big snap ...
As for the message ...
Here's a tip for young 'un Freya. While you carry on about TikTok, the reptiles are featuring a snap of little Johnny in your piece, and no one cares, not those old enough to remember and forget, and those too young to remember the war years ...
And about that message ...
Our serious content needs to be emotive?
What, like Ron DeSanctus? As in the United States?
Nah, doing a man in a funny hat (badly) is beyond the valley of the tragic. But "Young people value authenticity and a sense of being real" is a step beyond that ...it's really tired ...
And then came the worst crime of all ...a snap of the parrot in the final gobbet ... and not just a normal-sized snap, but a full-blown Freya style snap ...
What the fuck? The message the pond came away with is that young Freya is happy to be associated with the likes of a chortling parrot, aged and irrelevant... not exactly the branding or the messaging that the pond had expected.
In all, the pond felt underweight and underdone, and not having delivered on its assignment, so for once the pond dared to go there ...
The pond realises it will be too much for some, but the sense of schadenfreude was both delicious and irresistible ...
Fast forward, and there was Gladys, and there were many other things, but the pond is here just for the schadenfreude, and how rich is the serve ...
... and after that howling and wailing and gnashing of teeth, petulant Peta wandered down the road with barking mad Victorian loons ...
What's wrong with the Libs? Well they have all these barking mad loons in their midst, urged on by barking mad dinosaurs of the onion munching and petulant Peta kind, and all the rest lurking on Sky after dark and imagining their delusional notions of reality can be confused and conflated with the world ...
You have tohead off elsewhere to see how weird that Deeming is, and how she keeps on being deemed problematic ...
She couldn't help herself ...
What to do, what to say?
“That’s what I wanted all along. I wanted it to be condemned, and she’s done that,” Pesutto said on Monday. “It would be different if there were no concessions from Moira.”
Hours later, Deeming took to Twitter to deny she had condemned either woman.
Deeming told Jones in a tweet: “Don’t worry, I never condemned you, or KD [Katherine Deves] or KJ [Keen].”
During a media blitz on Tuesday morning, Pesutto said there would be consequences if Deeming did not honour the agreement made in the party room.
“Moira is not off to a good start,” he told ABC TV. “The party room will be very, very seriously concerned if Moira doesn’t prove herself by faithfully observing what we agreed to.
“It’s entirely in Moira’s hands and it concerns me, it absolutely does, that those tweets appear to be contradictory, but I can tell you Moira won’t be able to re-enter the party room if she’s going to be speaking and acting inconsistently with what the party room agreed.”
And that's when she went into her sob story ...
But enough of narcissistic attention seeking ... the pond must get back to the sobbing petulant Peta ... and sure enough, take note young 'un Freya, there's a snap of little Johnny ...
Completely clueless, but at that point the mere mention of Ming the merciless led the reptiles to produce a gigantic snap of the man, Freya size, but it felt wrong to the pond, an irrelevance, a nostalgia for the 1950s that would probably have sent Freya into a TikToking frenzy ... so the pond cut it down to size ...
The reptiles should have run a snap featuring something inspirational, uplifting, elevating ...
Oh okay the pond was only ever going to run with a petulant Peta piece if it could have some lolz ... and so to a final short gobbet, a closing howl of Ginsbergian pain ...
Climate is a first world concern? And now they're putting all their chips on showing how cruel they can be to difficult, tricky, uppity blacks?
But then conservatives have always inclined to be cruel, as shown by a country which has managed 130 mass shootings in three months, better than one a day ... and done sfa to stem the blood ...
No cartoonist can summarise the madness, though to give them credit they tried ...
Yes, but how could the immortal Rowe possibly beat this sort of image?
"Well, we homeschool her," Burchett said in response. While answering a separate question about how to quell school shootings, he also said "we're not gonna fix it."
"I don't see any real role that we could do other than mess things up, honestly, because of the situation," Burchett added, commenting about how people can 3D print guns now. "Criminals are gonna be criminals. And my daddy fought in the Second World War, fought in the Pacific, fought the Japanese, and he told me, 'Buddy, if somebody wants to take you out, and doesn't mind losing their life, there's not a whole heck of a lot you can do about it.'"
Colbert went on to accuse Republicans in Congress of being “desperate” to talk about “anything else.” And in particular, he highlighted the recent comments from Rep. Tim Burchett (R-TN), who declared that “we’re not gonna fix it” because “criminals are gonna be criminals.”
“I suppose as a lawmaker he could, I don’t know, make a law, but that sounds like a lot of work,” Colbert replied. “Despair is so much more efficient.”
And when it came to Burchett’s analogy between school shootings and his father’s experience in the Second World War, Colbert said, “Counterpoint: Elementary school is not supposed to be like World War II.”
