In which the pond is forced to scribble about nothing, which is to say the bromancer ...

A friend provided the pond with this Murdochian front page from January 18th 2017 just for the hoot of it …

But it came in handy because today the pond is Seinfeld-stricken and must blog about nothing …

You see, the reptiles delivered all their best shots early in the week and now there's a severe loon shortage.

Oh sure the reptiles are on their usual crusade, creating fear in their only remaining demographic…

 

And just as surely there's a Rowe for the occasion … with more reliable Rowe here …

But back to that loon shortage, which is keenly felt by the pond. 

By rights, if the reptiles had saved up their Moorice for today, the pond wouldn't be in a panic.

Instead it headed off to the Speccie mob, but they were only berating the Islamics and doing the rest of the usual. No hope there until Friday brings fresh offerings ...

The pond was so desperate it headed off to the Terror - though it had removed the bookmark - only to discover that the racist Bolter was still rabbiting on about race, this time inspired by Kerri-Anne Kennerley, and the pond just couldn't do it. It couldn't go there …

It did note a news item about the onion muncher just to prove it had made the visit, defiant and proud and still in love with dinkum clean coal oi oi oi, and the scare campaigns of yore …

That's when the pond realised it had wasted a Pope cartoon, and this was the moment it was needed … with more needed Pope here …

But the Terror readership was on side, climate science was still a nonsense, and there seemed no need to worry about the onion muncher's masthead status at the pond ...

The noble climate warrior seems safe, and the Terror will do all it can to ensure the independent threat is quashed …

So the pond turned back to the reptiles, and under protest decided it had to revert to the onion muncher's reliable sometime best buddy, the bromancer …elevated to the top of the reptile digital page …

The topic did nothing for the pond, and it turned out that the only interest in the entire piece was the way that the bromancer used the demonic Xi to downplay the dire Donald …but still, he had been given the Lobbecke of the day, and by definition, thereby elevated to reptile cult status ...

Wow?

Wow, it surely is a new era in reptile scribbling in the hope of appealing to anyone below the age of seventy.

It somehow reminded the pond of the ABC, currently promoting the bizarre idea that Barry Humphries is a selling point when talking about the natural world, and peddling the show in truly unique ways with an exceptionally unique understanding of the extremely unique English language …

But it did provide the pond with an excuse for a few cartoons …

And so back to the long bromancer haul ...

What, like medical records?

But there's no need to panic, all that's needed is sober judgement and steady practice … and

Wow!

Still, the pond is following bromancer orders and isn't panicking … after all, the Donald is at one with the US intelligence establishment on everything, and the news that the Russians and the Chinese are upping their alliance is certainly no cause for US reptile panic …

Phshaw, what could go wrong?

And now back to the long haul ...

Ah yes, everyone's on board with the Donald, and his wonderfully articulate policies …

But at least now the pond has the energy to finish off the bromancer piece ...

Yes, the Donald isn't a problem, not a problem at all … The peculiar logic of the Trump-Russia scandal deniers …

... and in that spirit, the pond is grateful it has discovered a cave which should provide shelter for it and all the reptiles …

In which the pond joins Gramsci on his long march to get Department of Finance funding ...

The pond is mad as hell and isn't going to take it anymore.

The pond now reels away at the first sign of "virtue signalling" being deployed in the lizard Oz, because a tendency to virtue signal about virtue signalling is the surest sign of moron signalling the pond has yet to discover …

So that one bit the dust before the pond had even begun, but as always with the reptiles, another tempting delight swiftly sailed into view …

Kristian Jenkins? Not a name familiar to the pond, but it sounded promising.

Could it be that cunning Kev had adopted a nom de plume? It sounded like pure undiluted Kev, with Gramsci in the header and paranoia in the heart ...

By golly, the pond wants the stewards to take a swab - Gramcsi, the long march, Marxism, and paranoia of a high order, along with pure, undiluted comedy …it just had to be dashing Donners in disguise …

The pond's theory, since no-one asked?

Aware that his tirades were getting repetitive and predictable, Donners did a Sherlock Holmes and donned a disguise so cunning no one would spot him, and then did a little light-hearted irony just to make sure everyone got in on the gag …

A bit far-fetched? No, no, no, the pond knows for a fact that communists have put fluoride into the water supply to weaken the herd mind, and the communists installed the Donald to weaken the United States, and Vlad the impaler is a devoted communist, which is why plutocrats are rampant in Russia, billionaires being a sure sign of communism …

Of course there are other ways the communists are at work, what with their alliances with the reptiles, the aliens and the Thetans, but more conspiracy theories next week, because at this point the pond had to revert to the reptile text du jour ...

Ah hah! The pond was right. Dashing Donners is in on it … but exactly what is "it"?

Well it didn't take long to make an inquiry … you see, Jenkins' mob is into the taxpayer in the usual Caterist way …

That list of leeches is here but the cunning cardigan wearers have now made it much harder to find out which set of bludgers scored which grant …

But that's for another day … instead why not just imbibe a little heady brew of history?

The Page Research Centre was launched on 11th February 2003 by The Nationals then leader and Deputy Prime Minister the Hon John Anderson MP. He announced on that occasion that “The Page Research Centre is Australia’s newest think tank and will have a comparable role to the Menzies and Chifley Research Centres. It is affiliated with the National Party, but will carry out independent research into the strategic issues affecting rural and regional Australia.” The Page Research Centre occupies a unique place in Australian policy research in that we, like The Nationals, are concerned with driving debate and policy which affects our vital rural and regional areas. We are grateful for the privileged access we enjoy to The Nationals, especially in that the work we generate can have a direct impact on party and government policy. It means we are mindful of the responsibility we have to commission and publish the most thoroughly well researched papers and policy reviews, and hold lectures and conferences which speak to the vital issues affecting Australia. The Page Research Centre is a non-profit organisation which is sustained by individual and corporate donations, and by an annual grant from the Department of Finance. (here)

So the cockies have got the fear about Gramsci?

The pond would've thought hundreds of thousands of dead fish might exercise rural and reptile minds a little more, but the notion of being a genuine conservative, intent on conserving the land, seems to have gone missing of late, and instead the reptiles are full of paranoid blather and Lloydie doing the usual …

Yes, yes, but everything comes at a cost, including rampant carp, and purchasing a reptile rag in search of loons ...

Actually if you don't mind Kristian, the pond will pass on the Page Research Centre's school education policy paper. The only time the pond ever thinks of Gramsci and fails to hear about dead fishies is when it tunes into the lizard Oz …and dashing Donners is on the prowl, and the commies are lurking, and the sky is about to fall in ...

And now the pond doesn't like to do it - since Kristian should be enough for anyone in search of Gramsci's long march to get Department of Finance funding - but it must be acknowledged that today is Dame Slap day …

Oh sheesh, but what was the pond to do?

After all, Dame Slap had been awarded the Lobbecke of the day, thereby guaranteeing her cult status ...

Uh oh kiddies … the pond could feel a lesson coming on …as if enduring Gramsci's long march to department of finance funding hadn't been enough ...

Yes, it was Dame Slap being macho again ...

Now here's the thing children.

Scour this CV and see if you can see any mention of an exciting physical life full of physical challenges, as opposed to sitting down at a computer keyboard and berating anybody and anything within reach …

Risk averse?

Well there's the way forward. 

Sit around moaning about universities and the youff of today, while heading off to pocket a substantial sum of money from Chairman Rupert for said moaning ...

Now before kiddies and their parents decide they need to harden the fuck up, the pond must remind them of this cautionary tale from Dame Slap's previous missive …you know, making sacrifices, taking risks, stepping out into the wide world ...

Yes, kiddies,  it's a tough world out there, and if you can pick up a few degrees and hunker down safely at home, sheltered from the world, good luck to you …

Do a Dame Slap, and don't just avoid caves, avoid the rough and tumble of politics, which is sure to lead to tears and the company of rats … or perhaps come up against a champion skier …

Here's how tortured and convoluted it can get …

Say what, he's a dinkum clean Oz coal lover, and so the reptiles hold him up as a dangerous villain in a bow tie?

Yes, kiddies, it's a confused, confusing world … stay at home with your mum, it's the only way ...

Dammit, shiver the pond's and Rowe's timbers, Slo Mo and his mighty team are in rough waters, with more Rowe observations of rats on the move available here ...

In which the pond drags out the DeLorean ...

 

There was a huge sigh of relief at the lizard Oz this morning. A bigly bounce, and all not lost, even as another turncoat hovered into view, a rat in the ranks designed to rankle …

But the pond wasn't happy. Why on a day of such joyous news did the reptiles only manage to serve up the thoughts of the 357k Dame Groan and young Adam?

 

Sure, the pond should praise young Adam for alternately blathering about a lack of governance, and adopting a Donaldism, because what we need above all is Trumpism as a way of elevating the political debate …

But dammit, the pond felt the need to clamber into the DeLorean and swing back to yesterday when the full glory of the reptiles was on display to the world … and the pond lacked the time, space and energy to cover that noble rage of reptiles …

And then the pond chanced upon a poignant story in Politico, dubbed The New Language of Climate Change, proposing Scientists and meteorologists on the front lines of the climate wars are testing a new strategy to ge through to the skeptics and outright deniers …

The strategy? Sssh, don't mention climate change, talk about other things hinting of climate change, and hope for the best with the new lexicon …

As if this had the remotest chance with the likes of Dame Groan - nobly, she doesn't really like to use air conditioning - or the dog botherer …

Now this was an epic effort by the dog botherer, in which the entire science might be flung into doubt thanks to a single statistic …

What about the last four years being noted as the hottest on record, as noted in the Graudian and elsewhere?

Nope, in the dog botherer world, a single figure is enough to bring the whole house of cards, the devious conspiracy, crashing down …

A hotly contested climate debate?

Not in the world of science, where the science is in … but in the dog botherer's fevered mind, tilting at windmills, the brave lad has all the ammunition he needs. You see, it was hot in the past too, and there's your answer … say no more, nudge nudge, an argument about a single statistic is as good as a wink to a blind man ...

And there you have it. A new lexicon? Not when the dog botherer is on the job, and the 357k woman, Dame Groan is moaning about renewables, and the talk is of clean dinkum Oz coal, oi, oi …

And what do you know, there she is, with obligatory smokestacks, at the top of the front page for the digital edition …

Yes, in the time the pond was writing, Dame Groan had been promoted to top of the page ma, top of the page …

But the pond was still writhing and reeling over the deepest shame of all … the way that the pond had cut Moorice dead in the reptile promenade yesterday, and yet Moorice was on fire in his usual way …

Yes, Moorice had been doing field research, vital for one of the world's top climate scientists …

Now 'some' might wonder if Moorice came back with news from such detritus as Federal report: Hawaii has even less time to prepare for the devastating effects of climate change ...

Poor 'some'. It must be their first time at the pond … because naturally Moorice was still going the full Donald …

Moorice's outburst reminded the pond of a short recent lizard Oz editorial …

There weren't many comments - who cares what the reptile editorialist thinks? - but it did produce one snap back ...

Oh dear, but it did set the scene for more ongoing alarmism by Moorice, and never mind that there is much contrary evidence designed to suggest that perhaps he should have got a bit closer to the wall than Hawaii …

...while 90 percent of the heroin sold in the United States comes from Mexico, virtually all of it comes through legal points of entry. “A small percentage of all heroin seized by CBP along the land border was between Ports of Entry (POEs),” the Drug Enforcement Administration said in a 2018 report. So Trump’s wall would do little to halt drug trafficking. Trump’s repeated claim that the wall would stop drug trafficking is another Bottomless Pinocchio claim. (WaPo here)

Never mind, on with the Bottomless Wooden-nosed Moorice ...

It seems strange for Moorice to cultivate a fear of Hispanics, while the Donald is boasting how the Hispanics love him bigly, but that's just the way it goes in bizarro land … because in that land, the Donald is a major humanitarian ...

Yep, Moorice is still all in for Donald 2020 … and no doubt will be all in for the onion muncher in 2019, as the sirens roam the warming seas singing distracting songs …

Ah the infallible Pope has returned to his chapel of joy, and all is well in the world …but thinking of the onion muncher inevitably reminded the pond that it had also missed out on the Caterist …

Now it's true that revisiting the Caterist is just the same as a seagull checking out particularly soggy chips …but as the pond noted yesterday he was granted cult Lobbecke status, and so attention should have been paid, and the pond was mortified and guilty, at least until it could remedy its wrong, and make right … barking mad right if you will...

Actually there's not a jot or whit of difference between the Caterist whining and moaning, and the 357k woman Dame Groaning away today …

But it does provide a chance for the pond to apologise for that seagull metaphor … you see it was a New Yorker cartoon wot done it your honour, with more here …

Anything to help the pond get through another burst of dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi ...

Any worries for the planet? Nope, all is well in climate denialist Caterist world - and he can certainly help you with flood water movement in quarries too … all thanks to the Australian taxpayer …

Hmm,  a new year, must be new grant application time, with bonus climate science denialism and yet another plea for dinkum clean Oz coal …

Of course the Caterist too has got the fear … comrade Bill is giving him the willies, and it's possible he might still be in a state of wild-eyed panic this morning as he opened his fish and chip wrappings to learn of the poll and the reptiles quivering with barely suppressed hope and joy ...

… which strangely brought the pond back to that story in Politico …

Educating the public and policymakers about climate change at a time when elected leaders and scribblers for the lizard Oz are doubling down on denying that it is happening at all or that humans are responsible for it demands a new lexicon, conference attendees told me—one that can effectively narrate the overwhelming scientific evidence but not get sucked into the controversy fueled most prominently by President Donald Trump, the Caterist, Dame Groan, Moorice, the dog botherer and assorted other reptiles, not to mention the onion muncher. 

The hope is to persuade the small but powerful minority that stands in the way of new policies to mitigate climate change’s worst long-term effects—as well as the people who vote for them—that something needs to be done or their own livelihoods and health will be at stake. 

The new language taking root is meant to instill this sense of urgency about what is happening in ways to which everyday citizens can relate—without directly blaming it on human activity: The spring blossoms keep coming earlier; seasonal allergies are worsening and lasting longer; extreme heat is upending the kids’ summer camp schedule; crops are drying up or washing away at alarming rates.

In your fuzzy, warm-hearted new lexicon, politically defanged rhetorical dreams, climate scientists …

While there seems to have been a few gremlins and add-ons in the pond's transcription of that Politico story, the point is that down under the Caterists are trapped somewhere in Dunkirk, and no doubt hoping to be saved by Russian forces storming down from the north to take Berlin …

Forget the DeLorean … we're well back to the future, and the likes of the Caterists and the dog botherer and Dame Groan will carry their delusions to the grave, and all that's left is a Rowe cartoon celebrating the smoke stacks, with more Rowe here …

And here's a couple of Adams, just for fun …