In which nattering "Ned" and Moorice find the gloomy lining to sundry reptile crusades ...

  

It should have been a day of triumph for the reptiles, with dinkum true blue clean Oz coal on the march … and never mind that it's a much down-sized exercise with bugger all jobs, how the reptiles love their coal.

Only yesterday the reptiles had published a piece explaining how the United States could afford climate change …why it might be only a mere $510 billion a year ...and who gives a toss about the rest of the world? Let the devil take the hindmost …and let coal run wild and free. It's an affordable indulgence ...

 

Yes, it's tremendously affordable, and yet there were saucy doubts and fears on other fronts … with nattering "Ned" wringing his hands, in a desperate state, terribly worried about the rights of Islamic fundamentalists and Scientologists and such like to go on preaching their godly (or perhaps E-meter) thoughts …

Indeed, indeed, who will stand up for the centuries-old, faith-based teaching mission of Islamic fundamentalists and such like? Only, it seems, nattering "Ned" and the lizards of Oz …because it's essential that gays and other wicked people can still be consigned to an eternity of hellfire (and who would dare to remove the right of Catholics to play the guilt card and shame?)

Surely even Moorice would appreciate how subsidising religious fundamentalism is the right way forward for any sensible government? Let the crusades continue ...

What a relief. The Morrison government will join the lizards of Oz in their crusade to protect fundamentalist Islamics, and no doubt your average fundamentalist Xian school too …creationism must get its tax-free government subsidy and institutional governmental blessing!

Of course as the infallible Pope noted today, there are many heretics out there, and where would religious schools be if they couldn't teach the hows and whys and the necessities of their persecution?

Oh the wicked hussies, the witches on their broomsticks, meeting in the middle and doing their hubble and bubble …

It's dangerous theological times, which is why everyone needs to head off to the infallible Pope for guidance here …

Meanwhile, speaking of infallible guidance, Moorice is also agitated this day, and as always, the pond must pay attention …

Now it should be obvious from the get go that the pond is completely on side with Moorice on the matter of subsidies …

… and no doubt Moorice will be demanding that the subsidising of fundamentalist schools must end by close of business today, so let's have at the road to hell being paved with subsidies ...

Ah, the pond knew the real problem at once. A lack of dinkum clean Oz true blue coal, oi, oi, oi, though perhaps the threat to religious freedom and the witches of the cross-benches doing the devil dance with old Nick himself, the malign Malware, might also be involved. 

Who knows? Only Moorice has the truth, and the shining light, which will put ideological special interests and Surry Hill 'leets dragging down over $300k a year to the sword ...

Alas and alack, it seems the new exciting boom in coal is being held back, and never mind that just yesterday the lizard Oz, courtesy the WSJ, was explaining how climate change was easily affordable, provided a carbon tax was introduced lickety-split … the way this hoax maintains a hold on scientists continues to be inexplicable, but Moorice understands only too well the outcomes of fraudulent science.

And yet yesterday it all seemed so simple and so easy …

Bingo, we can have it all, tax reforms, welfare states, and beautiful clean coal, and all we need to do is build dikes, or flee to Woop Woop, where the temperatures are always sure to be pleasing …you know, Past four years hottest on record, data shows ...

And so to a final reason for reptile glumness. It seems there's some reptiles that suspect ScoMo is a flim-flam man, a bamboozler, a con man, a snake oil salesman, a sandbagger, a bilker, a diddler, and all that talk of going mano-a-mano was just a bit of braggadocious effrontery ...

Oh no, the zingers are winning. Not the zingers, that would only please Micallef ...

No wonder things are grim. Glorious coal triumphant, the future assured, and climate change easily affordable, with appropriate taxes and subsidies … and yet suddenly there's Moorice blathering about the economic ruin that subsidies will bring …

Even worse, somehow heavily subsidised fundamentalist schools will soon be unable to preach that the path to hell will be paved by subsidies, or possibly wicked gays or witches gathered at the cross-benches, way worse than Robert Johnson offering his guitar to the Devil …

And all the crusading reptiles can do is wring their hands, shout at the heavens, and pocket their $300k plus a year!

Is it time to look in the mirror with the help of Rowe? With more, always helpful, Rowe to be found here …

PS watch out for the rats scuttling through the house. Put out generous amounts of bait …

Why the pond cherishes the dog botherer and the Bolter ...

The pond abandoned its lunchtime posting some time ago due to assorted pressures, but was so delighted by a reader drawing attention to this minor war criminal dog botherer tweet that it just had to run it …

What a visionary, and how unfair and unsporting of some to drag it out of the closet, and dust off the moths, and see how the drover's dog did … (last heard from apparently the drover's dog was heading back to Fishermen's Bend to fuck up another part of Melbourne …)

Well there's more comments on the tweet here, and then the wretches kept on flinging it in the face of the dog botherer like so much cheap dog food …

And so on …

And then another reader suggested that the latest Bolter outing was well worth a read.

Apparently the Bolter realised the problem with having women in the government was that there were uppity, difficult women in the government …

Look at them laughing and smiling and cavorting and smirking and sniggering and having a good time. Why it's enough to make the Bolter's blood curdle, or perhaps boil. Bloody women …

But the pond had to politely explain, with a split infinitive, that the pond doesn't bother with the Bolter anymore, and besides, there's a simple cure.

Any woman who wants to stand for the Liberals or the Nats simply needs to be made to study the angry Sydney Anglican creed and understand the role of complimentary women:

According to Mary Kassian, who claims to have helped coin the term, Christian complementarians believe that men and women must exercise different functions: 

Males were designed to shine the spotlight on Christ’s relationship to the church (and the LORD God’s relationship to Christ) in a way that females cannot, […] females were designed to shine the spotlight on the Church’s relationship to Christ (and Christ’s relationship to the LORD God) in a way that males cannot. 
Therefore, it is argued – in most Sydney Anglican churches, for example – that women should not lead in religious communities because they have complementary, non-leadership, roles. (Here, at The Conversation, with links)

Of course, as a full-blown speaker in tongues, and therefore totally in tune with the duties of complimentary women,  ScoMo understands this all too well, though it perhaps it needs to be rendered into a political text so that lay people might comprehend:

Males were designed to shine the spotlight on ScoMo’s relationship to the people (and ScoMo's infallible relationship to  his disciples) in a way that females cannot, […] females were designed to shine the spotlight on the need for lamingtons and cheese and cucumber sandwiches at party meetings (and ScoMo's infallible need for a pie with dead horse and beer chaser) in a way that males cannot. Therefore, it is argued – in most Sydney Anglican churches, the Liberal party, the Nats, and Bolter columns, for example – that women should not lead in political communities because they have complementary, non-leadership, roles. Back to the kitchen, women, do your duty, and stop getting the Bolter agitated with your devious, unrepentant ways …

Of course there might be simpler selection processes if things get too tricky …

In which the invisible hand, or perhaps the monkey's paw, plays havoc ...

 

The reptiles are spooked … though the pond can't imagine why …

Oh wait …

News Corp Australia staff expressed shock at receiving an email about 9am on Wednesday, detailing "the redundancy summary" for employees "over 200K". The email reveals a redundancy entitlement of nearly $210,000 to The Australian's contributing economics editor Judith Sloan and details her $357,000 salary. (L'Age here).

Dear sweet long absent lord, $375k a year for the thoughts of Dame Groan?

Talk about the pond's fatal mistake. There it was thinking that climate science was a devious plot by scientists to line their pockets, when the real game was lining Dame Groan's purse with climate science denialist riches …(relax, she's still with the reptiles, there's no job vacancy at the moment. At the moment).

But back to the rats in the ranks, the ghost that haunts the castle, that dreadful apparition, the invisible hand striking terror in all those who sense it …

...Stay, illusion! If thou hast any sound, or use of voice, 
Speak to the pond, or at least the savvy Savva: 
If there be any good thing to be done, 
That may to thee do ease and grace to us, 
Speak to us: 

(Cock crows, reptiles writhe in anxiety)  

If thou art privy to thy country's fate, 
Which, happily, foreknowing may avoid, O, speak! 
Will the NBN ever work?
Or if thou hast uphoarded in thy life 
Extorted treasure in the womb of earth, 
For which, they say, you spirits oft walk in death, 
And therein haunt the Liberal party and the reptiles
Speak of it: stay, and speak! 

Sorry, the pond got it wrong, here's the invisible hand …

But enough of Western Civilisation, and the invisible hand, and full-blown rampant reptile paranoia and hysteria, because it's time to gloat along with the savvy Savva …

How now Horatio? It's not all Malware's fault? 

Perhaps it might even be the fault of those wretches who in their self-indulgent folly, killed the king, and now he stalks the battlements, haunting the reptiles with his dread and bloodied visage… about to speak, until the cock did crew ...

...And then it started like a guilty thing Upon a fearful summons. I have heard, The cock, that is the trumpet to the morn, Doth with his lofty and shrill-sounding throat Awake the god of day; and, at his warning, Whether in sea or fire, in earth or air, The extravagant and erring spirit hies To his confine: and of the truth herein This present object made probation.

And now, with the ghost safely in Wentworth, it's left for the savvy Savva to pour mercury into the ear of anyone listening … and to do the tricky deed for, quite possibly, a handsome stipend ...

Speaking of Banks, the reptiles this morning were deep in a sense of betrayal and loss …

What an EXCLUSIVE. Look how the hussies hug each other, while devoted members are moved to tears and shattered by the betrayal … and yet, surely the reptiles would have scored more clicks if they'd stayed the course with yesterday's late arvo featured splash?

Ah reptiles, torn between Reddit and 375k a year … but speaking of cows and emissions and onion munching ...

As always, after the savvy Savva has had her way, and talked of the grim task of rebuilding and reshaping and remoulding and reviving and revitalising and so on and so forth, the pond always likes to turn to her fellow reptiles for an alternative … for keeping things the way they are. 

What sayeth the brightest, most expensive minds at the top of the digital opinion page?

That's not good …someone daring to point out the monstrous stupidity of the mutton Dutton, and a reptile worried about ScoMo's big stick? 

How lucky for the pond that wedged into between was the brightest reptile of them all, yet again guaranteed cult status with a Lobbecke ...

The most capable, the best-known and the most impressive backbench senator in Australia? 

By golly, they work hard for the money in reptile la la land …

Absolutely fabulous climate science denialism? Did the pond catch the wrong TV show?

Here at Fairfax for the active links… and here's the Absolutely Fabulous bromancer ...

He's a professional political journalist, and he didn't hear of Hollie Hughes? Say, back in November 2017, as in the ABC's Hollie Hughes not eligible to replace Fiona Nash in Parliament due to government job …

But the pond has lived for years with this reptile prejudice against the north-west of New South Wales … you see, Hughes is from Moree, which is way too extreme even for someone from Tamworth, centre of the known universe, though she did make it into the Northern Daily Bleeder a few days ago. In that story, it was noted  noted she'd finished ahead of arch-looon Concetta Fierravanti-Wells back in 2016 …but what would a professional political journalist know or care about any of that ancient political history?

Let's face it, the reptiles get nose-bleed the moment they go too far from their 'leet eerie in Surry Hills and the baristas that fuel their non-stop rage, and besides, Hughes is a woman, say no more, and Molan is a top-notch political adept never making a coal-loving far right false step…

Their ABC here ...

Good old Jim …how the bromancer will miss his luddite ways …

What was it the savvy Savva said?

How about calling Bragg and Hughes identikit nonentities, and satirically propose they're names to conjure with? By golly, the bromancer's the unifying spirit you need for that job, no doubt doing the job for a modest stipend ...

By the way, for those who have no memory of Andrew Bragg, their ABC had this story, with more of it here …

He pulled out for a woman? He made a noble sacrifice and a gesture? 

By golly, he deserves all the contempt the reptiles and the bromancer heap on him. He's not a manly man of the Molan kind, he's a pathetic wimp …

And as for that nonsense about women running for preselection, what's the point? The treacherous hussies will only line up together and cause the reptiles EXCLUSIVE pain and suffering.

You have to harden the fuck up and be a manly man, if you want a place on the ScoMo bus, as celebrated by Rowe here today ...

That's more like it, and now the pond supposes it must finish off the last gobbet of essence of bromancer …

And there you have it … undiluted bromancer logic. 

Australian generals have generally had nothing to do with politics and what a good thing that is. Which general would want to sully their reputation with politics?

Jim Molan has blundered about like a luddite dinosaur in Australian politics, embracing the likes of Craig Kelly and climate science denialism and Britain First, and sullied his reputation with politics, and what a good thing that is …

No wonder they fork out handsome stipends so the reptiles can go about their business ...

Meanwhile, the ghost in the machine, the invisible hand, the monkey's paw, continues to haunt the reptiles and the government, and there's only one response left, as charted by Wilcox here …

In which the pond indulges in a quadrella of reptile navel gazing and fluff gathering ...

O rats in the ranks, O difficult woman, O treacherous, treasonous spawn of Malware, O Massachusetts of the south, O little Johnny's battle to save the day and make spelling competitions that much harder,  O the humanity, O the reptile despair …

Indeed, it was so difficult a day for the reptiles that they, and so the pond, didn't know who to blame, or what to study. 

Should Malware's pariah be top of the page, smiling and gloating at the chaos she'd caused. Or should the state of panic be the top feature?

Never mind, however it was studied, and from whatever angle, navel-gazing and fluff-gathering was the order of the day, and while the pond was drawn to the bouffant one and thoughts of Francis Ford Coppola shooting in Baler in the northern Philippines as a ScoMo metaphor, the pond was also pleased to see that Dame Slap had been elevated up the chart, because if the country was going to be saved from the Massachusetts of the south, Dame Slap would have to be front and centre in the reptile crusade …

Oh dear that's a bad start … the IPA, but surely it should have read, "with even stupider people"? And who is this "grassroots" group, and why did the reptiles take so long to celebrate its arrival? Who belongs to this new AA?

More here, but that's enough for the pond. 

Moorice! 

Sainted world-wide famous climate denialist scientist, and regular contributor to the pond, coal lover extraordinaire …Moorice was riding to the rescue, and there were others anxious to help!

Move over Clive, there's a new bunch in town, but let us not forget the old, hardened, reliable crusaders either ...

A thousand young members, a tremendous success in a country of some 24.6 million, all bushy tailed and bright-eyed, and eager to learn from their mistress … 

Yes, children, if you're going to be a success, you must sit at the feet of Moorice and Dame Slap and learn to love dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, and the mighty Donald, so that you too might MAAGA … and please don't confuse AA with other sorts of AA, and swear off, or swear to the long absent lord ...

Yes, let's go the full Donald, the whole incestuous lobby and think tank thing, let's see the filthy rich really take control, and soon enough there'll be no more talk of dreadful Soviet-style minimum wages, and all will realise that the Donald is the saviour of democracy ...

Speaking of Soviet-style minimum wages …

Stalingrad! Uncle Moorice and his dinky-di coal-loving troops are under siege! They must battle to save the day for Uncle Joe? Oops, perhaps not quite the right metaphor? Should the pond be talking of a Moorice-inspired blitzkrieg?

Now around this point, the pond should have been sated at the sheer Dame Slapian Moorician madness of it all. 

Surely enough navels have been gazed and enough fluff gathered already … but not today. Today the pond was going where it had never gone before … a quadrella of reptiles …

First up, just to winnow out the weaklings, incapable of realising that if reading the reptiles doesn't destroy them, they will emerge the stronger ...

Who better than nattering "Ned" to maintain the navel-gazing, with a deep sighing, a wringing of the hands, a scattering of the ashes, a mock turtle dance?

Oh damn you Massachusetts of the south, damn you and the way you make spelling bees more difficult, and life so terribly hard for the coal-lovers from the north ...

It is undermined by the conservative lobby and its relentless push for policies that constitute electoral suicide?

Is that any way to talk about Dame Slap, the lizard Oz, the Murdochians, who have all valiantly crusaded away in the cause of being on the wrong side of history, from climate science to SSM to the joys of being a Trumpist? Is this what nattering "Ned" really thinks of his fellow luddites and collegial dinosaurs?

The feminisation of the workforce? O manly men, undone and divided …and what shocking progressive values, with idle talk of health and education, with not nearly enough talk of the wonderful curative powers of dinky di true blue fair dinkum coal ...

By the end of all that blather, the pond felt the urgent need of a Wilcox, and so turned to her Twitter account here, and sure enough …

Speaking of the brains trust and the swamp of denial and oblivion, the dog botherer was also on hand to do his own specialised form of navel gazing and fluff gathering …and yep, it's all the fault of those damned moderates ...

Now the pond already, as a long-term lizard Oz reader, knew it was all the fault of pesky moderates, wretched centrists, difficult women and that bloody Malware …though a few words and a few images evoke the dog botherer's emotional crisis.

Massachusetts' lobster shacks!

Where will it all end?

The ruination of manly men!

As the dog botherer so wisely points out, these difficult women are scheming to rob the government of its precious bodily fluids, its life essence, or if you will, its defining strengths of manliness of the 'oh just harden the fuck up and bomb Iraq' kind ...

Yes, it's all the fault of those damned moderates. Be assured that SSM denialism, climate science denialism, and the rabid ratbag fundamentalism of the lizard Oz, Dame Slap, the dog botherer, the Bolter, the Devine and all the rest of the hysterics shouting about dangerous blacks and the need for Laura N'Order had nothing to do with it …

Now the pond senses that a few stray readers aren't yet exhausted … and might even be kinky gluttons for punishment.

Sadly, the pond must apologise for not being able to attend to yet another bout of hysteria, even though it's certified by Lobbecke as to its cult status …

Dear sweet old climate denialist Ron, two cheers for dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, and what a reminder of the reptiles' many contributions to what's made the government take the high road to success …

But if the pond failed Ron, it still had one last duty to perform.

Yes, the pond had to attend the lizard Oz throne, and hear the wise words of the lizard Oz editorialist, explaining how truly it's all the fault of the moderates …

What a thorn in the side are these difficult women, and these pesky moderates … 

Oh poor unhappy thorn-laden lion. The reptiles understand, and anyway, what use is a bloody moderate centrist mouse?

Now please, no mention of the Massachusetts of the south and lobster pots as the moderates go about their devious business ...

Oh it's too much, that the reptiles' crusade should be ruined, and the moderates bring down such a centrist government, led by a speaker in tongues able assisted and advised by the likes of the onion muncher, the mutton Dutton, and Erica from the genuine south …

 

More David here, and so to the last blessed reptile gobbet of the day ...

Put it another way. With friends like Moorice and the reptiles and Dame Slap and the dog botherer and the Oz editorialist, who needs comrade Bill? 

Why, the reptiles are perfectly capable of gazing at their navels and coming up with all the wrong sort of fluff and lobster heads …

Some days though, such as these, after such an exhausting quadrella romp, the pond thinks it might be better off collecting Rowes, with more collectible Rowes here ...