In which the pond turns to the Speccie mob for its Friday relief ...

The pond was deeply reluctant to turn away from the lizard Oz as preparations for the 30th birthday celebrations get underway - oh there's a deep vein of pure black coal and suffering white farmers to be explored - but rulez is rulez, no matter what the auto-correct says, and this day the pond has set up a tradition of visiting the Speccie mob …

Sadly there was no Giles - the much-loved heart of the rag - but what joy that Flinty was back, and he'd abandoned his pensants to stage a party which rivalled the pending lizard Oz fiesta …

Indeed, indeed, the pond was deeply moved and immediately thought of Steve Smith as an adulteress … or was that Barners?

The pond sometimes gets terribly confused, but the point is well made. First commit a crime, then commit an act of contrition, and immediately Flinty will fill you full of a devine love that passes understanding …

And now to give the cowardly Malware what for. No amount of contrition will ever save this knife-wielding cad ...

Trump-like! Could there be any higher praise? As for speaking the language of the working class man, it's well known that sounds rather like Flinty, which is to say a plum shoved so deep down into the oesophagus that it sometimes feels and sounds like it's coming out of the speaker's arse …

And so it's on to Flinty's demand for the immediate recall of the onion muncher, perhaps with petulant Peta by his side - oh she deserves a vote of thanks - and certainly with knighthoods, because how can we be a crowned republic if we don't have crowned knights?

Now the pond can sense a certain scepticism regarding the overwhelming demand for the return of the onion muncher, but Flinty is ready for the sceptics and the heretical, atheistic, secularist non-believers trapped in their soul-less universe, as incapable of eating an onion as a vampire is when confronted by garlic ...

Indeed, indeed, Brexit and Trump have worked out splendidly, America is great again, and who could possibly argue with that? Let there be no ridicule of Flinty, he manages the job perfectly well by himself ...

And so to the rest of the endurance course. The pond has decided that this is a bumper Speccie day and anyone who wants to get to the Pope cartoon will have to jump deep ditches and work very hard …

The first step is to ignore the news of recent times …

Monash's immediately family?

What would those loons know about the general when put up against the Speccie editorialist, in full flowering form ...

Wondrous stuff, and how right to deplore Malware and entirely ignore Monash's family.

Of such stuff was the British empire built, and speaking of the British, Hal G. P. was also out and about …

He's no Giles, but senility is much valued at the pond, and Hal G. P. was in fine form ...

It takes special class to defend Britain First but Hal G. P. is just the man for the job, and the pond was entranced as he rolled up his sleeves and went about the work like a British coal miner before Margaret Thatcher took a view ...

It's a fine point, but a necessary one … because really it should go without saying that Muslims can't ever be British people … and now having defended Martin Sellner, please allow the Hal G. P. to defend the gonzo ...

So many sics, it's enough to make both Hal G. P. and the pond sick.

What happened to the good old days, when Sir Oswald Mosley and the BUF knew what it was to be truly British, and good King Edward just wanted to be friends, and Lord Rothermere knew how to put out a decent newspaper. Where were the Speccie mob then?

An editor at the Spectator responded by writing, “the Blackshirts, like the Daily Mail, appeal to people unaccustomed to thinking. The average Daily Mail reader is a potential Blackshirt ready made.” (more fun here).

Oh dear. Never mind, it seems that these days the average Speccie scribbler of the Hal G. P. kind and the average Speccie reader is a potential Blackshirt ready made …

How can the pond say this with any certainty?

There are two clear indicators - either a reference to leaving a cake out in the rain at Macarthur Park or an invocation of the spirit of King Alfred the Great, those splendid Anglo-Saxons who invaded the hallowed isle and made it decently Germanic … (here)

Indeed, indeed, the sooner we all get back to our German ancestry, the sooner the pond will earn proper respect - how they mocked the Black Forest on The Goodies - and Hal G. P. will be judged a proper and decent gauleiter …

And now for all those who staggered to the finish line, a Pope which seems to summarise certain tendencies and thoughts in the Speccie mob, with more apt summaries by the Pope in a better gallery format here ...