In which Akker Dakker proudly continues the bash-a-thon, because late is better than never ...

Devastated ... that's the only word for it ...

Only nanoseconds after celebrating the return of Akker Dakker to his rightful place, a proud patriarch standing astride the Sunday Terrorist opinion page, with petulant Peta banished to a sidebar, what do the reptiles do, but banish Akker Dakker to a sidebar and install Peta to the left of the Devine ...

It's true that no one could be further to the barking mad, howling at the moon, lunar wolf hound on the moors, always right, especially when wrong, Devine, and her classic demonisation of laura norder south of the border this day is a classic ...

But for heaven's sake, what sort of missy matriarchy do we live in, when Akker Dakker is banished to a sidebar ... considering he too has important work to do, and many tremendously insightful things to say ...

Now the pond knows what some are thinking ... with a little erasing, that headline might make better sense ...

The trouble of course is that it's an easy question to answer.

It's Rupert Murdoch who gives this idiot his soapbox ... a column or so a week, and the life of Riley in the tuckshop of life ... waiter, another doughnut, and could you make sure the white powder is sprinkled generously ...

Yes, that captures the essential posturing of the smug preening fat owl of the Murdochian remove ...

Of course Akker Dakker is arriving very late to the scene, possibly miffed that he was excluded from the honour roll of knaves and ratbags noted in Richard Ackland's piece for the Graudian about the Anzac Day bash-a-thon, which ended up this way

Lest we forget. And lest we forget the suffering of Syria and Palestine, tragedies for which reminders cannot be too frequent. Maybe the reaction would have been different if Abdel-Magied had posted on Anzac Day something like: “Lest we forget – the Holocaust”. 
Contrary to the dictates of the swivel-eyed zealots guarding our values, Anzac Day is the perfect occasion for introspection about the misery of war and the damage it inflicts on its participants and the civilians in its path. The idea that the day should be apolitical when politicians have been basting themselves in it since 1916 is an absurdity. And while we’re about it we should be remembering the other flawed campaigns engineered by political manipulators and their useful idiots in the media – Iraq in particular. 
If you like explosions of boring, ugly and misinformed posturing then the regular Anzac Day bash-a-thon is for you.

Boring, misinformed posturing. Calling Akker Dakker, because better late than never ...

Actually, the great hilarity came when some idiot proclaimed, to great hilarity, that Akker Dakker was "the most feminist of Murdochian reptile scribblers..."

It took the pond a week to collect all the Jaffas that were rolled down the aisle ...

It wouldn't be a genuine Akker Dakker outburst if multiculturalism didn't get a mention.

Truth to tell, the pond does occasionally wonder about a policy which suggests that Akker Dakker and the reptiles of Murdoch la la land should be tolerated ... when they might be shipped off to the US to join their employer or returned to their original homelands. How much better off the country might be ...

Thanks to the reptiles, we do indeed have a shot of the young hijab-wearing Sudanese-Egyptian-Australian Muslim flaunting herself at the Wewak Papua New Guinea born, India dwelling, Guildford Grammar School expelled lad gives her a savaging ...

 

Shocking, and such a shameful hijab ...why the way it covers neck and chest is deplorable ...

Of course back in the day when Akker Dakker was a Murdoch hit man, he knew what it was like to be attacked, singled out, made an object of hate ...

The most powerful media proprietor in the world, Rupert Murdoch, recently described Mr Akerman as one of News Limited’s greatest assets. “That’s because he’s prepared to hurt people,” said Damien Murphy, a former senior writer for `The Sunday Herald’, now at `Time Australia’. “Most of us are too lazy and don’t like the stress, and yet he appears to enjoy the stress.” Added a former editor of `The Sunday Herald’ color magazine, Jo Wiles: “His behavior is symptomatic of the corporate culture of News Limited. The top executives don’t mind if their executives are hated, and he is their hatchet man. Wherever he moves he creates tension. I suppose it’s a compliment to him that he can invoke such hatred.” But Mr Akerman described the closure of `The Sunday Herald’ and the subsequent retrenchments as the most devastating experience of his 26-year journalistic career. When told by `The Sunday Age’ that he had been described by a series of employees – past and present – as a “hit man”, he accused this newspaper of setting out to portray him in a negative fashion and stressed that before `The Sunday Herald’ closed he had never sacked or made redundant a single employee. At a previous interview, while pondering the depth of emotion the mention of his name provokes in many journalists, Mr Akerman said: “I’m used to being an alien in an unknown environment. I believe Australia suffers from a lemming-like rush for people to mythologise or demonise individuals. I deplore it, but that’s the way culture is. They look for scapegoats, and if I become the whipping boy then so be it.”

There's plenty more at Crikey here, including this delicious coward's castle attack by Ian Jones ...

Richard Jones: I draw the attention of the House to yet another highly defamatory attack by Piers Akerman on me and my crossbench colleague the Hon. Franca Arena. In today’s Daily Telegraph, referring to the Hon. Franca Arena, Piers Akerman said: 

 ‘As a member of parliament, however, she should be aware that many members of the public think that she, and those of her parliamentary colleagues who have also abused parliamentary privilege to make scurrilous personal attacks on members of the public, are also guilty of a form of blackmail.’ The article continued: ‘Nudist MLC Richard Jones, for example, or the Victorian Federal MP Kelvin Thomson, both supporters of the aborted ACT heroin trial, have also used their privileged positions to make false allegations about those whose views do not coincide with their own.’ 

But he does not refer to the fact that he is the one about whom I was making the allegations, not anybody else. In an article in a Saturday edition of the Daily Telegraph he confirmed that he had indeed used several of the drugs mentioned in the allegations. I do not know whether it was one, two, three, or four different types of drugs, but he did make that admission. He did not, of course, admit ever being addicted to those drugs, but he did admit to using them. He attacked us in the general sense that we – I in particular – abused parliamentary privilege when in fact I did not. I drew the attention of the House to a matter of public interest: the man who was condemning the heroin trial, who writes about drugs time and again, and who writes article after article on pot, himself had been a long-time pot user. He had also used cocaine and perhaps other drugs such as LSD. According to the information that I had he did indeed use LSD and cocaine. We know he used cocaine many times both here and in the United States of America, yet he campaigns against drugs, which makes a joke of the whole thing.

There's much more, including a splendid battle with Shirley the Destroyer at the 'Tiser, but as we're speaking of the lemming-like Akker Dakker willingness to demonise individuals, the pond should move on to the next gobbet ...

By golly there's nothing like a snap of a preening, smug, portly fat owl of the remove to seal the deal.

Who are the numbskulls who think this is a good idea? Is everyone in Murdoch la la land so blind to the flaws in the fat owl of the remove?

Never mind, in that gobbet, the fat owl did his usual seamless pivot, which is just as well because with the original bash-a-thon running out of steam.

Akker sorely needed a new piñata that would continue the loosely-related Islamic themes as he explains how the navy will be singularly useless when Daesh invade by next weekend ...

All the pond can add is that it sometimes wonders about the judgment and fitness of the individuals who initially selected Akker Dakker to work at News Corp ... surely they must be questioned and dealt with ... 

After all ...

Don’t deny nonentities of the fat owl of the removie kind their right to freedom of speech but at least deprive them of having a hand in the Murdochian purse pocket while they’re on their silly soap boxes.

And so to First Dog, with the full cartoon at the Graudian here ...

In which petulant Peta celebrates the onion muncher, and the pond takes a ride with the memes ...

The pond is ever so pleased ...

Last week it wrote more in sorrow than in anger how petulant Peta had replaced ancient patriarch Akker Dakker at the heart of the Terror's Sunday opinion page ...

It just wasn't right, it just wasn't fair, and the pond is wildly excited that the reptiles have heeded the pond's call and restored Akker Dakker to his rightful place, with petulant Peta placed in a sidebar. 

The only real problem now is that Akker Dakker is to the left of the Devine column, which is simply not right, in the sense of being wrong ...

Akker Dakker isn't to the left of anyone, least of all the Devine, and it's never right to put him to the left. Why Akker Dakker was of the lunar right when the Devine was still dribbling on her bib ...

But while Akker Dakker's piece is at one with the slobbering, slavering, howling, rabid rat pack of Murdochian wolves doing the Islamic demonisation tango, the pond must note with deep regret that petulant Peta is doing the more important work this day ... you know, wrecking, the undermining, the the sniping, and the white-anting ...

The reptiles thought so highly of it, so valued the information and insights within it, they were giving it away for free, no doubt on the basis that the brand is enhanced by a quality freebie ... or perhaps because it was worth what the pond paid for it ...

The clever things embedded a link in that sub-header, which led to a Terror story about Malware suffering from foot in mouth disease yet again, the nub of it being ...

The Prime Minister has been under pressure about remarks he made when announcing export controls to protect domestic supplies. “People” were being offered prices of $20 a gigajoule in Australia and under the new regime it should be about half that amount or less, he said. Mr Turnbull later clarified the comments by insisting he was talking about wholesale prices, saying the main benefits would flow to businesses that relied heavily on gas.

Well the pond is only too pleased to help the reptiles with a link.

Naturally the legion of onion muncher lovers laughed and laughed, and petulant Peta made ready to mock ...

Speaking of deliberately chosen camera shots, as the pond must given the way that Peta has perversely raised it, inter alia, the pond has noted before the astute way that the reptiles curate their pictures, and truly that last one of that foolish Malware fop  gesticulating in parliament is incredibly evocative of other gesticulators ...

And as for women hating Malware, compare the deep love that women felt for the onion muncher ...

Was it only in 2013 that the onion muncher was caught in that marvellous moment with Lisa Newman?

The onion muncher's hot, sexy ways were always a hit with women, who fell at his feet, infatuated by his immense charm and wit ...

The pond felt the same way when it was in the same room as the notorious groping uncle, the pride of the family ... how the pond's mother loved to be winked at and groped ...

Compare this hot sexiness with the feeble Malware ...

Look at that firm woman correcting the devious, tricky, difficult, smirking Malware ...

What a myth that the onion muncher had a problem with women ...women loved him, women couldn't get enough of him ....

 

What a charmer he was ... still is, if only they'd recognise it, and return him to the throne instead of that hoppy toad lurking in the eastern suburbs ...

Indeed, indeed, taxpayer-supported Menzies Research Centre does great work on the taxpayer dime to help out the Liberal Party, and by golly, the chap at the heart of it certainly has that endearing, crumpled, rumple, hang dog look that sets some women aflame with desire ...

Now let's compare this shabby Malware chappie to the great press that the onion muncher routinely scored in the matter of women ...

Oh it's "Mia gets out and about and sells her book" week, so the pond thought it would just drop in a link ...

Let's face it, the pond would run out of space quicker than it could run all the many great stories about women's love of the onion muncher, and the many ways that the onion muncher promoted women ...

Oh you petulant Graudian people, listen, pay heed to perspicacious Peta ...

Indeed, indeed, did any one man do more for the status of bitch witch women than the onion muncher?

Well the pond is pleased to report that Peta's excellent wrecking, undermining, sniping and white-anting paid off, as she and no doubt the reptiles, had hoped ...

Splendid stuff ...and so to end on some of the onion muncher's grander insights, celebrated at news.com.au in Your Tony Abbott gaffe guide, and quickly turned into memes ...

“What the housewives of Australia need to understand as they do the ironing is that if they get it done commercially it’s going to go up in price and their own power bills when they switch the iron on are going to go up.” February 8, 2010.

Virginity “is the greatest gift you can give someone.” In response to a question about what advice he’d give his daughters about sex before marriage. 2010.

On Fiona Scott, MP for Lindsay “They’re young, feisty, I think I can probably say have a bit of sex appeal and they’re just very connected with the local area.” When asked about the commonalties with Ms Scott’s predecessor Jackie Kelly in the lead up to last year’s election, August 13, 2013.

On and on they go, so the pond might just wrap up with a couple of visualisations ...

Actually News puts an earlier dating on that one ...

“I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons” Written by Abbott as a university student in the 1970s.

... but all that proves is how deeply and how long the onion muncher has held his firm views on the important role that women can play ... how deeply sympathetic he is to women, how he refuses to trivialise situations they might find themselves in, how astutely he refuses to sound like a fundamentalist Catholic bigot who believes in the magic of transubstantiation cannibalism, but draws the line at women controlling their bodies ...

Spoken, or at least winked, like the pond's uncle ...

In which the pond does a bait and switch from ethno porn Stewart to our sweet Gracie ...

The pond had at first thought of checking in with reptile Stewart on the Donald's progress ...

The dear lad seemed to be offering that weird kind of reptile porn, a bit like National Geographic porn, sort of ethnographic porn, which sees an intrepid reptile head off into the donga and speak to the natives ...

Hundreds of reptiles have been writing hundreds of profiles of the Donald's hundred first days, but the trick is to give it a little local relevance, a kind of 'Épater la bourgeoisie' which will shock the elite readers of the lizard Oz, and yet produce a welling of empathy for those outside this illustrious, elite crowd ...

Stewart conjured the mood nicely in his twittering to promote his piece ...

  

There's nothing excites a reptile so much as a feisty start - never mind the fuck-ups - and the smell of coal in the morning. Beats napalm hands down...

And there's the trick in a nutshell. Go off and talk to some dumb fuck, because gosh gee, he's an authentic dumb hillbilly coal and gun-loving dumb fuck, with a fear of commies but not the Ruskis, not now that Vlad's such a decent, friendly, Donald-loving, god-fearing dictator ...

Of course you quickly skedaddle for home after spending a little time talking to the hillbillies - Stewart likes to sign himself as reporting from Washington, dangerous home of know-it-all 'leets - but once you've done your ethno porn tour, you've got enough material to rabbit on endlessly about dangerous elites, balanced by the notion that the Donald has pulled the wool over the eyes of these pathetic hillbillies ...

The trouble is, Stewart takes himself and his blathering seriously, and he goes on endlessly, like a nattering "Ned" in training ...

That's how he ended his piece, and you can see how he tweaks the natives to his purpose, much like the Donald himself. It'll be market forces that dictate the future of coal, because climate science is just a dream ... you know the same way market forces will sort out health and income tax and such like for the rich ...

Before that market-driven closing, Stewart was full-on into his ethnographic porn, daring to walk amongst the natives and even talk to a few of them ...

Oh they're so quaint, and yet so loveable, and yet their views on climate science are so worth quoting ...

You can get the same effect, and much the same impact, by moving amongst creationists dedicated to explaining how dinosaurs were in the Garden of Eden, or angry Sydney Anglicans explaining how Eve means there should be complimentary women ...

There's disbelief, and yet there's something strangely appealing, attractive, almost compelling to the angry old white 'lizard of Oz' reader in these eccentricities ...

But the pond got very tired of all this ethno porn, and decided - since the tired fourth season of Silicon Valley is upon us - to do a quick pivot.

You see, our Gracie has delivered a humdinger this day, so why not a bait and switch? 

Promise ethno porn of an American kind, and deliver some great dinki di Gracie ethno porn instead ...because she is not some sheltered reptile working for the Murdochian dollar, she can sing the song of the workers ...

Yes, our Gracie can do stunning comedy ...

Now it's true that our Gracie's comedy song could be summed up pretty quickly ...

  

But there's a special pleasure in listening to our Gracie deliver the song ...

Indeed, indeed, the pond wishes millennials good luck as our Gracie says hello to affordable housing, Gracie style ...

It struck the pond initially as some kind of comedy sketch. The mocking of education, the celebration of gardener Paulie, and the worship of Dandenong, home for nongs of the Gracie kind ...

That mention of oak-leaf hydrangeas was a final poignant touch ... a reminder of how our Gracie did it tough ...

By golly, she's a trouper ...

But the show didn't end there. There was much more to come ...

Always pleased to serve, the pond is only too happy to provide a link to that Flinders Street property for a cool $169k here ...

Perhaps here the pond should note that it has a dog box out the back for a humble $100k, and any prospective buyer should be aware they can use the outdoor toilet, the laundry, and the garden hose for a brisk shower ... It's currently under inspection by a dog, but the pond is happy to strata title it for some all-day sucker ...remember, a cold water shower early in the morning in winter is the only genuine way to be admitted in to Our Gracie's Just Harden The Fuck Up Club ...

As for the rest, what to say? Our Gracie is so far up herself and the right to screw people in her love of the common folk that the pond was inordinately pleased it had made mention of the Donald ...

The cartoonists have also been busy celebrating the Donald's easy peasy reign, and at least the show could wrap up with a couple of Rowe cartoons, with more Rowe here ...