In which the pond hears the caws for coal, and then listens to the cawing of the reptiles ...

The reptiles have astonishing cheek - gall if you will - and it was on view in the advertising plastered over the reptile editorial this day ...

Lurking below the facts that aren't alternative were some decidedly alternative facts, including the Donald, a chant of 'dinkum Oz coal, coal, coal for the world', a cry with steel-capped boots of 'oi, oi, oi', and so on and so forth ...

From homophobia to climate denialism, in a clean coal leap and a single bound.

Well the reptiles might talk of realism, but between the Donald and your average scientist, climate or otherwise, it seems the reptiles subscribe to the Donald ...

Yes, there's realism at its finest, and there's plenty more at Every Insane Thing Donald Trump Has Said About Global Warming ...

Realism? Well if sociopathic insanity is just an expressionist form of worldly awareness ... which explains why the pond prefers your average scientific realist following the scientific method to the reptiles blathering on about "realism" ...

But enough of caring about the planet, because the reptiles were also hot to trot about the state of Malware, and there was some feuding in the ranks ...

The always 'glass half full' bouffant one was keen to discover the magic flashing in the pan ...

Unfortunately - or fortunately, as the case may be - this meant the bouffant one turned in a very short piece ...

Now why on earth would anyone doubt employers putting their hands in their pockets and cutting profits?

Isn't that why the generous Malware himself barely scraped a living, and managed to acquire a very humble abode, so keen was he to give it all back to the workers?

Or some such nonsense. As for the dubious reptile, the Crowe seemed to be cawing from a different part of the script ...

Ah, it's all the onion muncher's fault ... and what a cry, a Ginsbergian howl of pain, followed ...

It's all too late, the sky is falling in, and the chance of a coal-led recovery, oi, oi, oi, drifts away with the tide and endless talk about 18C...

And yet, who encouraged that particular folly?

Never mind, there's just time for a little more cawing of doom ...

Now the pond was a little startled at this distilled essence of suffering. Abbott's being blamed for 18C, when it's the pandering to reptile insanity that caused the fuss, and even led Barners to wonder what the fuss was about?

SSM, which could have been sorted, but for the homophobic reptiles stirring the angry Xians into a crusade?

China, when the reptiles have noted with truculence that the Chinese legal system is a bit suss?

And so on and on ... with the reptiles leading the way on almost every own-goal issue ...

But the pond won't hear of despair and talk of defeat.

Surely the way forward is clear. 

We need a coal-led recovery, and an abolition of 18C, so that insolent gays might be given a sound verbal thrashing, and the crusade might be won, and penalty rates stripped because everyone on them lives in rich households, and any wayward miscreants can be shipped to China which has the right sort of legal system to deal with them ... 

And then with everything restored to normalcy, and a ship-shape 1950s world view restored to lively health behind the picket fence, we can march forward with certainty, at least until the weekend edition of the Oz, and the next sighting of realistic Donald thinking  and a readership business model for the ages... 

Oh, and thanks to Pope, there's one other thing that would help, with more helpful papal insights here ...

In which the pond tries to keep up with reptile affairs, and somehow ends up in a crusade with the angry Sydney Anglicans ...

It's impossible for the pond to keep up with the many disgraceful ways the reptiles disgrace themselves, as in this contemptible example by the contemptible Carolin Overington, and noted in the Graudian as Attack on union leader Sally McManus by the Australian newspaper backfires ...

Contemptible in a risible way, of course, with the reptiles seemingly incapable of understanding the difference between an SRC and an SU on campus ...

Then there was Jolly Joe Hockey landing back in town, seemingly intent on replacing Chris Christie in the Trump administration, and Mark Latham being sacked by Sky - what will the Terrorists do now? - and this wondrous headline by the reptiles ...

Limited victory? So that's what you scribble when writing about Dunkirk? Or the fall of Singapore?

Limited victory indeed... but trust the reptiles to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory ...

And then on a related matter last night, the pond switched from listening to an informative yarn about the economics of the orchestra (here) - well the pond was on the road so relapsed into an RN state - to catching the opening on 'their ABC' of The Drum, to hear Chris Berg introduced as an RMIT prof ...

Say what? 

They went on to talk about trigger alerts, but the pond has no time for this sort of modern young people claptrap. 

If they don't want to hear about what went on at Dunkirk or in prison camps after the fall of Singapore, or the tragedy of the reptiles' limited dark victory, they can just bugger off. But then the pond itself lapsed into a coma, a victim of a failure to deliver a trigger alert about Berg turning prof ...

Yes, it was both a flashback and a triggered nightmare, found at Crikey here from the 20th Feb 2017, and the pond only now catching up with the news ...

Luckily the pond's reptile training kicked in. There's simply not enough time to listen to the blathering of ivory tower profs sucking on the teat of the taxpayer, and spreading alarmist claptrap about climate, and so the pond switched off, knowing that the morning would bring news of the latest big reptile event designed to produce a condition of toxic shock ...

Yes, young 'uns, gather around. We're in a state of war, there's a crusade going down, there will be much blood, but with a bit of luck, the Xians can be saved, and the poofters put to the sword for their filthy, vile, abominable ways ...

Oh sorry, did you want a trigger alert? 

Didn't you see the bleeding obvious in both the tree killer edition and then re-dressed to provide a little image filler in the digital edition?

But how do we know for certain that the reptiles are in crusading Xian mode?

Well first of all, there's the prominence of the positioning - look ma, top of the page ma - and the stories are starting to come thick and fast ...

Oh yes, it's a slam here and a slam there ...

Then there's what the pond fancies might be called the Pravda treatment.

The prominent guest, the Xian dignitary, is invited to write a column, and then a little Ms Echo is selected from the rabble of kool aid drinkers, to write it up and cluck-cluck and tut-tut about the wickedness of the enemy and the importance of the crusade.

It also helps to have a prominent photo of said dignitary looking very dignified, and smiling in a simpering, pleasant, Xian way that is considered pleasing to women baking the scones for the church do, in their complimentary way ...

This part of the crusade fell to a gormless young thing, one Simone Fox Koob, who failed to provide the pond with a trigger alert ...

It's a bit like 18C, and the way the reptiles somehow feel limited in their right to hurl abuse at the world. 

Would it be possible to imagine someone more repressed, more silenced, more shoved to the back aisle than the leader of the angry Sydney Anglicans, as Koob faithfully transcribed Davies' deepest thoughts, given prominence on the tree killer front page, and splashed all over the digital edition, with bonus examples of shocking, offensive, hurtful gay behaviour?

Well it's a fine academic point - the pond isn't that keen on the notion of being hurled off a tall building - but who could argue with the quite reasonable statement that the angry Sydney Anglicans are barbaric Xians?

Trigger alert ... 

Talk of barbaric Xians was enough to induce a fainting fit in the reptiles  and to make them forget all about their fine and righteous talk of 18C and free speech... 

Apparently, it's possible to get an attack of the vapours just reading a tweet if you're a sensitive reptile...

For fuck's sake, has Davies forgotten that his bible and his church routinely consign gays to eternal hellfire and damnation for their wickedness.

And now he gets all marshmallow soft about a few words said in retaliation? He's all bolshie about a cancelled booking, while offering gays a booking in hell for eternity?

Hmm, they seem pretty buxom and cut, those thieves and more pics here ...

But back to the Pravda hagiographic treatment.

You see, once the crusaders have run the "news" story - "news" of a crusade the reptiles are conducting - space has to be made for the actual column that provided the spark for the "news" report ...

Indeed, indeed, but don't expect the reptiles to be running a story anytime soon with the header "Beware angry Sydney Anglican bullies pushing uniformity and monotonous sameness of a fundamentalist Xian kind..."

Not to worry, the pond will now regurgitate the column, though after the news report, it has nothing new to say ...

But the pond must replicate the reptile business model as best it can, and watch its readership drop like flies, fall away, and go and do something more interesting than watch the latest antics of the deluded crusaders ...

Perhaps that giant phallus, that elaborate prong at the head of the row boat, will spark some sort of amusement ... at the gigantic thrusting hypocrisy of a pack of reptile pricks ...

Oh go suck on a Freud, or the gigantic prong of a boat, or a cock, you gormless twit ...

Around this point, the pond started to drift off into memories of things that had once amused, crusaders who once had a comic appeal ...

But no, there was more to go, more whining and moaning and claiming of harassment ...

True freedom is only to be found in Jesus Christ? What, and a bonus offer of a lifetime in hell?

Hmm, pretty cut all the same, but please, go take a flying rhetorical fuck ...

In the meantime,  please keep at it. The more you and the reptiles crusade, and harp on, and carry on with nonsense, the more the reptiles shoot their business plan in the foot ...

Yes, there's always an upside, and no need to provide a trigger alert for a little harmless foot-shooting ...

Meanwhile, speaking of business plans, David Rowe offered this splendid example of a limited victory ... with more Rowe here ...

In which the pond enjoys a Bronnie short, before getting into earth-shaking excitement with a salivating Savva ...

The pond is so bored with the outpouring of crappy CGI fests and comic book films that recently it's taken to doing a Coen brothers revival.

Not all of their films are worth a revival - up against the glorious original, The Ladykillers is inexcusable, and while Barton Fink remains fun for movie buffs, The Hudsucker Proxy has less charm. But you've got to do a few misses if you want to turn out a dude hit like The Big Lebowski, and some of the lesser known Coen films are worth a second look. 

The pond recently checked out Burn After Reading with the immortal Tilda (does she know how to do a beat or what?). It's likely that the film works best because Brad Pitt and George Clooney aren't acting so much as revealing their inner selves, but it remains fun, especially in light of the recent fuss about dealings with the Ruskis ...

Somehow the grasping Frances McDormand trying to sell state secrets to afford a nip and a tuck ineluctably reminded the pond of the greed of the Donald entourage ... shameless in their desire to sell themselves ...

Next up is A Serious Man, which the pond liked at the time - that dark cloud approaching on the horizon - but the pond appreciates that others prefer their comedy a little broader, which is why it was a tragedy for Bronnie that she couldn't actually get to four weddings, and so the HUNsters had to settle for three ...

 

The reptiles also picked up the story and ran with it, and they kept the filmic heading ...

The report went on - the yarn's easy enough to google - but it swept the pond back to the glory days ...

There's a lot to be said for nostalgia, and for mayhem, and for follies ...

And so the pond turned to the salivating Savva for a fun Thursday meditation.

Now Savva had already signalled her thesis on last Sunday's Insiders, a generally disappointing and dull show, almost as alienating as 'their ABC' showing the Caterists on The Drum, with nary a mention of how grants might save the population from worries about employment ...

Never mind, the pond has always believed that the enemy of an enemy is a friend, and so it loves the way that the knives are now out for the onion muncher ... and for Malware ... as this day's double feature splash shows (with rip-snorting serial and Bugs cartoon), with the bromancer after Malware and the savage Savva after the onion muncher ...

It created an agony of choices for the pond but let's face it, if you get caught and charged within the Chinese legal system, you're almost certain to go down ...

The pond knows the data comes from the US, in the form of Chinese Statistics Indicate More than 99 Percent of Criminal Defendants Found Guilty in 2004, and then in WaPo in 2014 China scored 99.9 percent conviction rate last year ...

Funny, it's pretty much the same procedure in Japan and it's exactly the sort of tough on crime, effective judicial system that conservatives moan about not having here, but it tilted the pond's balance towards Savva ...

The pond already knows Malware is fucked, and has fucked the NBN, and doesn't have a clue about China or ROW, so why not pin it all on a skulking rat?

That shot of the rat, alone and clearly caught out in some act of malfeasance, is just the way to get things going ... oh how alone he always is ...

...and then Savva stokes the flames of fear by giving Comrade Bill a shot at the crown.

Years of Comrade Bill lecturing the pond? It could be quite the end of the pond, with the relatives (by marriage) triumphant ...

But who is responsible for this state of affairs, what skulking, malign rat has gnawed at the emperor's footwear?

"And government backbenchers worry the Chinese are untrustworthy."

"... they know nothing will stop Abbott."

Why, the lying, despicable, brown coal-loving rat ... sock it to him some more, stern Savva ...

Of course the pond will stay tuned. The pond will be even more tuned than when it tracks Lloydie explaining how the Great Barrier Reef is safe for the ages, no doubt thanks to the Donald and clean coal ...

The notion of the onion muncher being up for a fierce pre-selection challenge is just the sort of show that excites the pond even more than a Coen brothers' movie.

And from a mystery challenger, no names, no pack drill, anyone, just anyone who'll call a halt to the champion's shenanigans.

Who could it be? Pick a box, any box will do ...

Yes, it takes the pond back to the good old days of black and white telly and the Saturdee matinee ... oh pity the young 'uns who've never seen the glory of coming of the lord or those wondrous quiz show days ...

Let Victor fight a stuffed lion, let Hedy loll sensuously, let George drink a final toast to his doom, let the pillars come down and fall where they may, let the earth shake ...

... which luckily brings the pond to another form of earth-shaking excitement, with more moving of the earth from David Rowe here ...

Good old Sally. 

This song has had over two million views on YouTube ... The pond has no idea why ... apparently some can't handle earth-shattering excitement, but hey, let's see that cat pin its claws to the lining ...

In which the pond goes another round in Lloydie v Media Watch ...

It had to happen of course. After the hand is found in the cookie jar, there always comes the excuses ...

As noted on these pages only on Tuesday, in Lloydie v Media Watch, aka Climate Science Denialism on parade in the Lizard Oz, when unfortunate comparisons were made to Dorian Gray, Lloydie has disgraced himself routinely and frequently when it comes to reporting on the condition of the Great Barrier Reef ...

And so the empire decided today to strike back at Media Watch ... providing the pond with a keenly awaited further round in the denialist determination that the coral will survive and revive, no matter what its natural inclinations might be ...

This is an exemplary opening distraction. 

It makes Lloydie look on top of an unfolding response to an unfolding situation. The ace reporter is on the scene, making notes on a still unfolding natural emergency ...

There's no mention of the uglification and derision arising from the battle with Media Watch. 

That must be stewed slowly, and then it can pop out naturally, like an alien emerging from the belly .. (do we really need another sequel or prequel or whatever it is?) ...

And so the little hoppy toad hops into view.

It is pathetic, actually beyond the valley of the pathetic.

The point that Media Watch made was that after a series of headline features last year, attempting to soften and ameliorate and talk down any coral bleaching, Lloydie himself - as the fearless environment reporter for the lizard Oz, and not Sarah Elks or the rag showing a provided video - had gone extremely quiet and ignored the second round of bleaching ...

It also made the obvious point that Lloydie had been muddle-headed in his responses to the first round of bleaching news, a point made by others at the time, as here under the header More sophistry from The Australian on coral reef science in wake of Great Barrier Reef bleaching ...

Well yes, and back in the day, Lloydie's story turned up, as intended, being hailed on the usual suspect sites, such as Watts Up and Joanne Nova, with the usual headlines such as Scientists exaggerated coral bleaching and Great Barrier Reef scare: exaggerated threats ...

Such is the innocence of the dog whistling reptiles regarding the full to overflowing intertubes, they routinely seem astonished at the way their dog whistles end up in their intended homes ... celebrated by rabid climate denialists ...

The funniest thing is to watch Lloydie accuse Media Watch of some sort of hidden "agenda" or of "projecting a narrative", when it committed the thought crime of wondering why Lloydie reported as he did ...

And so to Lloydie sowing further confusion ... he just can't help himself, and this time there's more obfuscation about the status of reporting from the reef ...

After that splendid graph, Lloydie did a little wrap of the naysayers ...

But that was only so Lloydie could return to his favourite form of dissembling, by turning to dissenting voices ...

He did the same last year, as noted in the story linked to above, where all the links, like this one, are active, rather than being a screen cap ...

So what does Lloydie do this time around?

You guessed it ... a chameleon might put on a show of changing colours, but a reptile is always a reptile ...

So tiresomely predictable, and so comical when that last line echoes all that previous talk of "narratives" ...

Yes, climate science is an "entrenched narrative", as opposed to Lloydie's entrenched narrative of lonely voices crying in the wilderness, explaining how it all will be for the best in the best of all special worlds, aided and abetted by the Donald delivering a whole bunch of clean coal ...

What a tiresome, obfuscating wretch Lloydie is. The pond wondered previously how he lived with himself, and urged him not to check the likeness in that Dorian Gray painting. 

This final gobbet provided no answer ...

And so for once, the entrenched narrative seems to have had a final word, but nothing in this piece will erase the contemptible, obdurate Lloydie's efforts of recent years ... and it's hard to imagine that Media Watch won't want another round, given that there are so many ways of jabbing at Lloydie's soft, exposed head, and wobbly denialist belly ...

Naturally the denialists were out and about in the comments section ...

The pond is sorry, it simply can't overlook the "it's" in "it's ancient past" ... if you can't do English, PR how do you imagine that you do science? - and as for the Bikini Atoll? 

What does a Standford student report in 2015 here say for anyone in search of good reasons to nuke the reef?

Now the pond appreciates that Graham is being a bit of a jolly wag, and that after reading Lloydie, there's little alternative than to sound like a fuck-witted wag ...

If the master is an expert in obfuscation, distortion and wilful provocation, why not the readership too?

Well it's only a matter of noting with Pope where all this has ended, this reptile reporting of climate science, and with more noteworthy Pope here ...