Thursday, September 23, 2021

In which the pond takes a break with its gat and chambers the bromancer ...

 

 

 


 

 

Huzzah, today is light duties day for the pond,  and how wise it was for the pond to decide to permanently ban petulant Peta ...

Don't the reptiles ever get tired of what seems to be their only sport, comrade Dan bashing? 

Besides, if the pond wanted to waste its time, why not spend it on that tale of spending $55k on "sex workers". 

Alas and alack, it seems that political correctness has overtaken the reptiles. In the good old days, the reptiles, proud of their willingness to affront, would have talked of prostitutes, courtesans, call girls, fille de joie, grande horizontale, hookers, whores, hustlers, scarlet ladies, bawds, drabs, cocottes, tarts, floozies ... and the excec turning the tricks and running up that impressive bill as a libertine john ...

Sorry, the pond has had Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep as its street library toilet reading, and is sometimes inclined to reach for its gat before getting to the toilet paper ...

Meanwhile, the pond was astonished to watch Morning Joe last night go on an endless rant about the unendurable suffering of the French, and the perfidious nature of the stab in the back deal,  almost bringing Mika to the end of her seemingly inexhaustible showbiz tether ...

So the time was right to look below the lizard Oz fold, and see if the yarn still resonated with the reptiles, like the resonating phone call the pond got from an alarmed partner trapped in Melbourne when the quake hit ...



 

What a relief. Just because the reptiles led with petulant Peta the pond had feared the entire day might be lost, but instead it could be wasted in company with a proudly peacock-strutting grand goose, aka the bromancer ...



Centre stage? Top of the world ma! Of course the pond knew immediately the bromancer had to stake his turf, which had recently come under threat, as noted by Crikey ...

 


 

 

The pond had ignored The Economist when it happened, but it did pose a serious threat to the bromancer's ability to dominate with undiluted hysteria. 

Centre stage might not be as good as Suez in '56, or Nixon in an opera, or the fall of the Berlin Wall, but it would have to do ...

Now perhaps a few more choice words? Say gobsmacked? How about enthralled? Perhaps astonishing? Anyone for a catapult?



Say what? The bromancer has in just a few short weeks moved from talk of climate waffle to waffle about helping the planet?

What an astonishing transformation, but then ...

...Morrison, who has faced growing international pressure to commit to stronger action against the climate crisis, insisted that the US and Australia were “both seeking to get to the same place” and reiterated that his government would outline its plan before the Cop26 climate summit in Glasgow.
“We are going to see the most profound transition of the global energy economy that we’ve seen in a very long time,” Morrison told reporters early on Wednesday Australian time. (Graudian)

And so it goes ...



 

From that to this and back again ...

It seems we have all turned against coal now, well at least until the next coal mine opens up and Clive gets busy ... but back to the bromancer, and spoiler alert, the pond must warn of talk of enormous historic opportunities and brilliant achievements, and then the poor sap sounds like he got sapped by reality and sobered up ...

It was about eleven o'clock in the morning, mid October, with the sun not shining and a look of hard wet rain in the clearness of the foothills of Surry Hills. I was wearing my powder-blue suit, with dark blue shirt, tie and display handkerchief, black brogues, black wool socks with dark little clocks on them. I was neat, clean, shaved and sober, and I didn't care who knew it. I was everything the well-dressed Murdochian journalist ought to be. I was about to piss squillions of dollars on submarines and realised I might just be about to mess it up ...

Take it away, bromancer ...



Oh yes, we're proudly independent, no doubt about it, and once we've got the subs, it'll be piss off uncle Sam, you can trust the bromancer ... or you can have an infallible Pope ...



 

South China sea ahoy ... but please, don't try to distract the bromancer. He's got a gat and cash in his purse, and he's itching to go on a spending spree, the loot is burning a hole in his pocket, he's had a run on Eddie Mars' roulette wheel, and he's ready to drop a bundle ...




Yes, yes, it may be that we'll be totally independent, except for that US-Australian crew and that imported US commander ...but to be fair, the bromancer this day gave The Economist a fair run for its money ... because nothing cries independence like a nuclear sub with an Australian flag and a seconded US commander ... and must we argue about who can do the best American accent, Sean Connery or Sam Neill in the re-make, The Hunt for Stars and Stripes September ...

Sad to say however that the pond's bonus must be a serve of the seconds, as the pond slipped a Chambers into the chamber ...



This is just a chance to see how the reptile hive mind works, but to be fair, it's also a chance to fire off a First Dog ...




Of course the pond could have run First Dog in full earlier, as a fine accompaniment to that serve of the bromancer, or at least noted the Graudian link here, but truth to tell, the chambered Chambers needs a little help, and a little distraction ... because how many ways can you say it's all good, and it's all for the best, and please don't send me to the corn field ...


 

That was back in June, you silly goose, things have changed a tad since then ... and not just Morning Joe going on a rant about back stabbing back stabbers ...

 




 

Thank you First Dog, a little magical thinking always comes in handy when dealing with the reptiles, and so to the final bullet in the Chambers ...

 


 

Oh yes, perfidious French, just settle down, and take your perfidy medicine in style ...

And now to another matter ...

You see, as well as the quake, the pond's stranded Melbourne partner has been sending snaps of loons on the march and complaining about not being able to get to the sushi shop ...

 

 


 

But the real action has been elsewhere ...





Dazzling Dazza? Patti Smith? And then there was this in Crikey ...

 



 

Again with dazzling Dazza?

Please, if we're going to serve horse paste, serve it with due and proper credit ...

 

 


 
 
Poor old Rickie Lee, how did she simultaneously end up in that mess and get ignored at the same time?

And then came the Tudge, crying freedumb ...
 
 
 

 
 
And that reminded the pond that, as well as giving up The Big Sleep, the local street library had recently given up this Bergian moment, published, as you might expect, by the usual ...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
It was the sort of half-baked nonsense from an IPA stooge that you might expect would allow you to score a job in a university as a plant, and it ended with "No one has the 'right' to rule", with the inverted commas supposed to be the get out clause, and to soften the blow of immense meaningless stupidity, but which the publisher forgot about for the blurb on the back ... thinking instead that a little yellow might do the trick ...
 
 


 
 
 
And so here we are, with loons in the street crying freedumb, along with the Tudge and the Berg, and all the pond has to offer in retort is a Rowe, but it is some fair retort, with some more pretty fair Rowe always here ...
 
 
 

 
 


9 comments:

  1. "...Morning Joe last night go on an endless rant about the unendurable suffering of the French"

    Oh my my. And did Joe have anything to say about BloJo:

    ‘Donnez-moi un break’: Johnson deepens rift with France over defence deal
    "UK prime minister hits out after Paris reacted with fury to announcement of defence pact."
    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/sep/22/aukus-row-boris-johnson-tells-france-donnez-moi-un-break

    Now why don't we have one like him:

    Macron yet to take call from Australia’s Scott Morrison over sub snub
    "Australian PM hopes to speak with French president ‘when the time is right and the opportunity presents’ "
    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/sep/23/macron-yet-to-take-call-from-australias-scott-morrison-over-sub-snub

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bromancer: "The military [presumably he means the Australian military] now believes you cannot drive a boat as big as we need our subs to be with conventional propulsion..."

    Oh wau, "the military" now believe that, do they ? And when did this revolutionary awakening come to them ? And what incredible inspiration awakened them ? And why has it taken years for the bleedin' bloody obvious to finally get through to them ? And why do they still have jobs ?

    ReplyDelete
  3. "did the earth move?" You would have to have a heart of stone not to laugh at the best-known version of that:
    Then they were walking along the stream together and he said, "Maria, I love thee and thou art so lovely and so wonderful and so beautiful and it does such things to me to be with thee that I feel as though I wanted to die when I am loving thee."
    "Oh," she said. "I die each time. Do you not die?"
    "No. Almost. But did thee feel the earth move?"
    "Yes. As I died. Put thy arm around me, please."

    Hemingway - so brave and so true.
    (https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DidTheEarthMoveForYouToo)

    ReplyDelete
  4. For light relief - one of the serial offenders on 'Quad Rant' has put up yet another of his communications to the NSW Department of Education and/or Minister, about the presence of Bruce Pascoe's book in NSW schools. Don't bother reading it - that would be 4 minutes of your life you would not get back (ten minutes if you have not moved beyond phonics). The writer does include this observation - in a 'publication' that otherwise counts Windschuttle as editor - "It strikes me as odd that the department would have mandated texts, i.e texts that must be studied, but no category of texts that may not be studied"

    So much for the other contributors who believe they are campaigning for freedom of expression.

    More amusement from the couple of comments - one suggesting that "Maybe yesterday’s earthquake was actually turning in the graves of Doug Anthony, Ian Sinclair and Tim Fisher". Certainly there should have been some turmoil from Ian Sinclair, listed with the 'Wiki' as still alive - but, of course, the 'Quad Ranters' are not inclined to accept what is in the 'Wiki'.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think you're not entirely with it yet, Chad: in their mind, "freedom of expression" means your "freedom" to read all and only what they say you should. Which is exactly the state pursued by Tudge.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This one’s dedicated to the FUCME (Fools Undergoing Conspiracy Manipulation by Extremists).


    The Corpses

    If you die we won’t cry
    We’ll be cold as stone
    You marched along
    Singing that stupid song
    When you should have stayed at home

    If you get vaccinated
    Your rights aren’t violated
    You know your world won’t fall apart
    How can it be that you are afraid
    To get a covid jab?

    We can’t hear you
    When you shout so loud
    Have those Nazis
    Overtaken your crowd?

    If that’s the way it’s gonna be anti-vaxxers
    You could die and join the corpses yeah
    Piled up to the sky anti-vaxxers
    And if you do
    Who gives a fuck
    Who gives a fu-u-uck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now that's an interesting one Kez. Original ?

      Delete
    2. Hi GB. It's actually a pisstake of "The Horses" which that mob of "Tradies" were "singing" on West Gate Bridge the other day. Aussies love to request it of bands because of the Darryl Braithwaite version which was a big hit in the 80s.

      It was written by Rickie Lee Jones (who also wrote Chuck E's In Love) and the late Walter Becker of Steely Dan. DP has a clip of the sheet music in this very post. Here's a link to Dazzer's version

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnigc08J6FI

      Delete
    3. Well, apart from the fact that I've never knowingly listened to Darryl Braithwaite ever before, I'd never have worked that one out - I totally missed the connection with the sheet music. Neat.

      Delete

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