Monday, November 16, 2020

In which the pond must do a culling, but that means there are winners as well as the usual tosser losers ...

 


 

The pond has had to revert to its hunger games to winnow out the many Monday reptile contenders for attention.

Alas and alack, first to go was the reformed, recovering feminist, doing a standard lizard Oz hatchet job. This is bread and butter for the reptiles, but the pond has become accustomed to a more elevated level of reptile loonacy. 

Similarly, the Caterist didn't make the cut, with a sub-standard attempt to imitate Killer Creighton. The pond understands that the reptiles yearn to be in the current situation of the UK, Europe and the US in relation to the virus, but frankly the pond would rather stand in a quarry in the middle of a flood - just to work out the movement of the water - than piss on the Caterist to help him quell a bushfire in the season soon to be upon us ...

When the pond looked elsewhere, it knew it had its Monday winner ... the Major ... 


 


 

The Major was off to a flying start, by pointing out that Malware - he who admires himself so much - and former Chairman Rudd, were filthy rich. The Major hates the rich, as does the pond, and loathes the capitalist system which produces rich people, and apparently these days is only searching for that Order of Lenin medal so that he might wear it himself.

Above all the Major is blessed with a highly tuned paranoia, which doesn't see enemies everywhere... just the ABC and the Graudian and the greenies and the lefties, and all those who love the rich and the capitalism system, and pretty much anyone else who doesn't subscribe to the Major's world view. 

As the bromancer himself would put it, "nutty", what a rich, nutty mix of confused thinking, so please allow the pond to make some peanut sauce with the Major by crushing enemies ...

 

 

Excellent, have at them Major, and remember to berate the filthy rich and their filthy ways, including the filthy rich Donald, and his wretched failures ...

 


 
 
Utter tosh! Delightful, way better than cant or humbug or any of those other quaint expressions, such as pish-posh ...

The anguished pond, while marveling at the extensive range of mortal enemies the Major had aligned in the cosmos,  consulted a source to see if the Major had chosen wisely in his words ...

The choice is really up to you, mainly because both "pish-posh" and "pish-tosh" effectively come to the same thing -- saying something is rubbish.
To be honest, the two terms are quite outdated even to most people of my generation (the 50-somethings and older). I myself haven't heard them spoken in real life but have only seen them used in dated humorous writing (such as those by Stephen Potter, George Mikes, etc, from the 1950s, '40s and before).
 
Dated humorous writing! And the Major's preferred choice of 'utter tosh' is Nigel approved ...
 
 

 

Phew, the Major was a winner, no bollocks here, here no bollocks, as on we go, smiting and smoting at the assorted enemies. Please, remember to adopt a look of wild-eyed rage, as sometimes seen in Donald lovers...


 

Oh dear, a real Joe Friday effort by the Major. 'Just the facts, ma'am', though it's rumoured Joe actually never said those words, just as its rumoured that the Major is full of utter tosh, and speaks loads of bollocks.

Of course the reptiles are in favour of net zero, whatever that nonsense means. Why the dog botherer is a devoted and enthusiastic supporter of climate science, and believes he'll be around at the age of 90 to see Elysian fields, and so is the Bolter a climate science devotee, and so are all the Murdochians ...

It's just a pity that the Major filed a little late, or he would have found another enemy to smite ...

 


 

Oh dear, follow that link here and you cop this ...
 

 


 

Oh dear, another mortal enemy for the Major to rage about ... as he just loves coal and gas to death, as all expert reptile scientists do, and don't get him started on those dreadful renewables, and the green left media, who purport to hate a heating world, but who love the filthy rich and capitalism in a way that the Major never could ...


 

What an epic rant, a wonder for the ages, full of seething resentment and hostility, and barking mad too, and as full of denialism about News Corp as News Corp rags and columnists are full of climate science denialism ...

Is it any wonder that the pond gave the nod to the Major?

As for The Insiders, the pond only watches it for the cartoons, as men only used to read Playboy for the articles, and yesterday the infallible Pope turned up, always a pleasure to see, given how many infallible Popes the pond celebrated in its time ...

 


 There's always a funny photo, and an infallible Rowe and a Pope to dissect, and other cartoons ...






But what about a silver Order of Lenin medal? Surely the pond can find it in its heart for an also ran, a loser, a wannabe, a dropkick try hard, still yearning to be a winner, and doing his best, in the sacred memory of his best mate, the onion muncher ...

Well, the pond will always have a special place in its heart for the bromancer ...

 

 
 
 
How could the pond resist acknowledging the bromancer's achievement, silver though it was? After all, beginning with a shot of fatuous fools giving boosterism a bad name promised much fun ...
 


 
 
 
Flim-flam! Almost as good as utter tosh. And elephants in the room, and nothing to write home about, and a joke about agricultural exports to Myanmar, and so on and so forth, and the bromancer was just beginning to wind up ...


 
 
Now at this point the reader must be reminded where the bromancer started ... with that photo of those shameless flim-flam men, those hucksters, those sellers of aluminium sidings, those peddlers of Trucoat ...


 
 
... and the pond must do so because it must pre-empt a line from the bromancer, who suddenly realised what he'd been scribbling so furiously, which needed a sudden, swift tugging on the handbrake to produce a 180 degree doughnut ...

"None of this is remotely a criticism of the Morrison government."
 
Yes, dear devotees of reptile reading, the bromancer suddenly realised where he'd been heading, and talk about the need to turn a belly flop into a pike ...
 

 

 

The pond is still rolling that around on the tip of its tongue, before moving it to the back palate for some more savouring, as if - breaking its no drink rule - to have a sip with Goldfinger and James Bond of a Château Mouton Rothschild 1947 or Piesporter Goldtropfchen 1953, or a Bromancer 2020 ...

See how the bromancer dances ... such style and elegance, such a pirouette ...

"None of this is remotely a criticism of the Morrison government."

"RCEP is useful in some ways, but really pretty marginal."

Oh sure they might be flim-flam men, speaking utter tosh and bollocks, but what do you expect? Angels? Be content with the elephants in the room, and the bromancer showing how to do utter tosh and bollocks, or you could end up hacking away in the bunker of life ... as often happens with Rowe here ...

 


 

14 comments:

  1. Do read Michael Pascoe putting in the boot to Dame Slap and others re the allegations of bullying by Tudge, at https://thenewdaily.com.au/news/2020/11/16/michael-pascoe-hypocrisy-smokescreens-canberra-bubble/

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    Replies
    1. A good link ...

      While the usual suspects on Sky News and in The Australian’s pages were concentrating on sex, fulminating about the ABC in general and reporter Louise Milligan in particular, Maiden cut to Rachelle Miller’s actual complaint: “What she is making is an allegation about is workplace behaviour. She put in a complaint about bullying. She talked about the treatment she was subjected to and she said, having had that sexual relationship, she was bundled out the door. These are serious issues.”

      And this is where the hypocrisy is thick on the ground.

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    2. That shot of Dame Slap in the NewDaily article is enough to send shivers down the spine...

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. Following is the result of the disturbing news of yesterday’s march on Washington, a late night, and caffeine...


    The Tweetpest
    A slight wordploy by Billy Fakespeare.

    The two players:
    Trompius: The Emperor King. A paragon of self-idolatry.
    Kezzooks: The Court Jester. The soothsayer. The voice of reason.

    The scene:
    Inside the West Tower, Trompius has learned that Lord Bygone and Lady Kamilla have gained the loyalty of the peasants. They have given Trompius two months to surrender power.


    Enter Kezzooks:
    Uneasy lies the rug that bears your crown.

    Trompius:
    Something is rotten in the state of Pennsylvania!

    Kezzooks:
    Thou art but a walking shadow, a poor loser, that pouts and tweets his final days upon the throne, but then shall text no more his tales told by an idiot, full of noise and bluster, signalling nothing.

    Trompius:
    Hereafter, as bastardry is my sole gambit
    And contrariness an armament I blatantly brandish
    My rule shall not be brief!

    Kezzooks:
    Look to yourself!
    Your false news lure snares the truth fish,
    And thus do they of small knowledge and lesser domain;
    With upraised fist and fascist creed,
    By conspiracy find your direction.

    Trompius:
    This is Greek to me. I was born great, I achieved greater greatness, and shall have even more perfectly greater greatness heaped upon me.

    Kezzooks:
    Thou shouldst not have tweeted till thou hadst been wise.

    Trompius:
    To tweet, or not to tweet? What kind of question is that! — It is no fun to suffer through the terrible things Fox throws at you, or reply to outrageous comments, despite the constant negative press covfefe. There is nothing either good or bad, but my tweeting makes it so. By the tapping of my tweets, something wicked is unleashed. The first thing we do, let's kill all their lawyers.

    Trompius Tweets: CRY HAVOC AND LET SLIP THE BOYS OF PROUD!

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    Replies
    1. Ok, where do we get that published ? Surely the world must learn what kind of man is Trumpius.

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    2. Ah Kez - so much better than my poor imaginings. I had thought the events in Washington - mega MAGA marchers, all earnestly proclaiming the messiah - then the messiah tootles past, on his way to - yep, golf - it just seemed like a script idea from the glory days of 'Monty Python'. But to have found a parchment by Fakespeare - wonderful.

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    3. Cheers GB and Chadders. But GB, it has been published - exclusively here on the Pond!

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    4. Ah well, Kez, I look forward to the day when I can finally obtain my personal, autographed copy of 'The Collected Wisdom and Wisecracks of Loon Pond'. I'm sure the parchments of Fakespeare will feature prominently. :-)

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  4. Never thought I'd get to see the day that a reptile would cheerily boast of having basically no impact on Australian voters because "...circulation of physical print versions of [News Corp] papers have been falling for a decade." Actually boasting about diminished influence because of falling circulation.

    But apart from that, it's just about a word-for-word repetition of one or more Maj. Mitch posts of recent months. Take for instance the oft-repeated little dodge about how "most senior editors and columnists at News accept the climate is changing". Well of course they do: climate is just like weather, isn't it ? Changing all the time without obvious cause or rhyme or reason. So can't possibly be down to human agency, can it.

    And every time we get the same stupid lie: "South Australia's $500m Tesla battery". It actually cost about Au$90m and has paid back a significant percentage of its cost every year since it was installed (2018).

    So is this some "three repeats makes it true" stunt ? Though as we know, Trump only has to say it once to get the same effect. Or is Murdochratia just doing everything on the bottom-line cheap, now ?
    https://reneweconomy.com.au/revealed-true-cost-of-tesla-big-battery-and-its-government-contract-66888/

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    Replies
    1. And that's why the Major is a winner, GB, by being a loser.

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    2. And he's so very, very good at it, DP, "better than all the rest" (except maybe Cater, Ergas, Oriel, Kenny, ....)

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  5. So according to The Major Mitchell, Australia's response to the science of climate change should be dictated by the amount of votes cast for the Republican candidate in a United States Presidential election.
    Now that is a scientific basis to go forth on.
    How snappy and self-important these Murdoch flunkies look in the suits the boss dresses them up in. Sadly clothes do not a journalist of repute make, they do however show up a shonky spiv grovelling at the old Goat, Murdoch's feet.

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  6. Just one comment on the Bro; he says about RCEP: "It will give government boosterism a bad name." then adds: "It will also damagingly associate trade deals with flim-flam rhetoric." And then chimes in with a bit of a rhetorical question: "...which trade barriers to our exports would now fall." and then gives that wonderful flim-flam answer: "Absolutely none."

    But nonetheless: "None of this is remotely a criticism of the Morrison government." Well, I wonder if, some fine day, we'll find out what is a criticism of the Morrison government - absolutely nothing they've done so far is even remotely a criticism.

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