Wednesday, October 28, 2020

In which the reptiles realise Dame Slap isn't up to it anymore, and bring back Capt'n Flint, reporting for dooty me hearties ...

 


 

The pond likes to live a rich fantasy life ... perhaps not as rich as Rudy or Toobin, but still, as the pond looked over the lizard Oz offerings today, it began to wonder ...

Sure there was simplistic Simon doing his usual monumental suck, and sure, early in the morning, there was the lizard Oz trying to boost the content by highlighting the lizard Oz editorialist ... but wonders of wonders, had the pond's trip off to the Speccie mob reminded the lizard Oz that Flinty still existed, and surely was the right man for the hour, especially as Dame Slap simply refuses to acknowledge the existence of the Donald? Did the pond have that much influence in the heartland? Oh please indulge the fantasy life, and indulge our Flinty, me hearties ...

 

 
 
Flinty would show simplistic Simon the right way to do a monumental suck ... and show that at last some real loonacy had returned home to where it belonged ... not amongst the Speccie mob, but in the lizard Oz, showing the reptiles what a real parrot with a piece of eight can produce ...
 


 
 
The pond loves Flinty and his Borat-like certainty, and should Borat ever come to Australia, the chances of Flinty doing a Rudy must be rated as high. But sadly the pond must report feeling a little deprived, a little nouvelle cuisine, at the size of the Flinty serving ... 



 

That's it? Talk of the long march, and then the pure gold of The Donald "... is a law-abiding president."

Oh well, can't complain, must feel blessed, must now slip in a Rowe cartoon, with more Rowe here, before moving on ...

 


 

What do you know? It turned out that the pond felt blessed doubly this day, because the reptiles had taken the trouble to introduce some relatively new and obscure blood ...

 

 
 
 
Indeed, indeed. What a scandal, how shocking, fancy wanting to fix the ills that ail the world. Oh for the days when women knew their place, men went off to war, and children were silent unless spoken to ... speak of those long lost golden times, Mr Fahey ...


 

An awareness of global issues? Why that's profoundly disturbing. The pond assumes Mr Fahey is talking in code of alarming things like fake faux false climate science, and such like matters, the sort of outrageous nonsense to be found in 'Sleeping giant' Arctic methane deposits starting to release, scientists find ...

What we really need is to get back to talking about the empire, the stump-jump plough, and why terra nullius has been has been unfairly stigmatised, scorned, slurred, defamed, discredited and pilloried by those long marchers through the institutions ... but alas and alack, after a serving of hour long boiled peas (remember to throw in bicarb of soda to keep the green look) and a greasy chop and fried egg, Mr Fahey too delivered a short second gobbet ...




 

Yes, yes, we should embrace the Stalinist habit of teaching students what to think. None of this giving themselves airs and fancying that they might think for themselves ... and none of this awful progressive globalism. We need the world to fry, and the sooner the better, if we're going to be able to fry an egg on the bonnet of a car in mid-winter, in the Tamworth way ...

This was all good stuff, and much appreciated by the pond, but when it came to the bonus, the pond was confronted by an awful dilemma, a real Sophie's choice ...

 


 


The Caterists have issued a report? "Ned" insisting that Labor must?

There was something about "Ned's" mustiness that got to the pond, because whenever the pond hears anyone say that the pond must, the pond goes all rebellious and global awareness and such like civil disobedience ... the pond blames it on a traditional education.

But then Dame Slap has been a big disappointment of late, with her resolute refusal to write about the Donald, such that the reptiles have been forced to import Flinty to do her duties for her.

Instead she shows no global awareness at all, except for a belief that Victoria is a foreign country, and they do things differently there ...

What a choice for the bonus, but in the end, the cult master whispered to the pond, and the choice was made ...



Please don't ask the pond to make any sense of that cult master effort, be content with splendid mystification, or the opinion of experts if they should happen to turn up in the comments. 

Is that sign pointing to St Kilda a hint that SloMo is a North Fitzroy bat who refuses to cross the river? But what of the blue water? It can't be the mighty Yarra, because that's a mighty, muddy brown, can it? Is it the bay? But why then the sign and the land beyond? And why does the bat have a fin? Is it the sort of gummy shark you can catch off the Prom - very tasty, if a transgressive eat - and that explains the gummy mouth?

Mystery upon talking in tongues like a Barrett mystery, upon sublime transubstantiation mystification if only he wasn't an evangelical awaiting the rapture, upon cult master transformation of a confusing kind ...


 
 
 
Of course it's wondrous to see Dame Slap slag off SloMo, using comrade Dan as her sand wedge ... that'll teach simplistic Simon a lesson. But the pond must still mark her down as an epic fail, because surely at some point she should have mentioned the glorious triumphs of the Donald in combating the virus? 
 
Or what about Boris? Surely while berating comrade Dan, Dame Slap could have paused for a second to admire the latest headlines ... UK daily Covid deaths rise to 367 - highest figure since late May ...

Must this sort of diligent work always be left to Killer Creighton?
 
 


Oh dear, that last barb about the sharks was cruel, and perhaps explains the cult master, since even the pond is aware that the thugby leaguers were losers, suckers and dropkicks, a bit like the bunnies, though the pond blames that on Rusty needing the cash and appearing in Unhinged, which was so bad the pond began to feel some sympathy for Rusty, so low has he sunk since his high-handed artistic days when he dismissed the likes of Jocelyn Moorhouse out of hand ...

But the pond digresses, as Putin mandates face masks and the Donald surges and how cruel of Obama to suggest he was jealous of COVID's media coverage, and stories of the White House Declares Pandemic Over As it Cites Renowned Scientist Ivanka Trump  kind... and all Dame Slap can do is slag off SloMo, while defending the corporate rich, as a good IPA stooge must do ...



Yes, it's pleasing that Dame Slap clearly loathes SloMo, he must really be getting up IPA noses, but the pond doesn't have much time for him either, so what's the point? 

A little more global awareness from Dame Slap might have helped sort out this domestic bickering, but alas, we are no longer allowed to be aware of global issues or global crusades.

Perhaps then, as a closer, a local crusade, as celebrated by the infallible Pope, with a terrific Don Quixote and a most excellent Sancho Panza ...





13 comments:

  1. Flint - ‘then by emails in a hard drive obtained by the New York Post’

    always a pleasure to observe the keen forensic mind, honed through years of - oh, sitting in an administrative office, and being a member of innumerable committees. So - bearing in mind that ‘forensic’ is derived from the Latin ‘forum’ - not a lot of actual involvement with how the law applies to actual people.

    As for old fashioned concepts like chains of custody or independently confirmed identifiers of the exhibit - nah, not when you have been awarded Outstanding Legal Scholar by the World Jurist Association in Barcelona, in October 1991.

    The World Jurist Association does lots of nice conferences around the world. Membership is not restricted to Legal Professionals (lawyers with qualifications). Its website invites membership from ‘Business Associates’ for $200 (presumably greenbacks, the head office is in Washington DC)

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    1. I saw this item (below) yesterday, Chad, but didn't quite know where to put it - in truth, it probably belongs with Moscow Mitch and Amy Coney Barrett. But how could I go past Flinty as an "Outstanding Legal Scholar of the World Jurist Association" ?

      Victorians deserved a bit of grace but with Josh Frydenberg's outburst, adolescent rancour prevailed
      Katharine Murphy, Political editor

      https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2020/oct/27/victorians-deserved-a-bit-of-grace-but-with-josh-frydenbergs-outburst-adolescent-rancour-prevailed

      It contained a couple of 'pocket wisdoms' that are worth quoting:
      " facts to be determined by fealty" and " tribe determines truth"

      I think Americans should insist that the next SCOTUS judge should be a Scientologist as representing the only local tribe originated religion. Surely all Americans can give fealty to that.

      Delete
    2. GB - I was wondering if, for $280 at today's rate, plus, of course, those extra fees one's bank adds for the cost to them of a few electrons stirring in their IT - say a round $300, if one could claim a post-nominal for Business Associate of the World Jurist Association. BAWJA? So, when lodging comments on the Juris Doctor Slap, one might sign off as 'Chadwick BAWJA'. For that extra touch of authority, you understand.

      Delete
    3. A lovely touch, sir.

      Delete
  2. Luckily DP captured the screen before they corrected it, so it can live on in infamy:


    We don't need ILLITERATE activists

    Australian students spend far TO many school hours on being aware of global issues and too few studying maths and English

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    1. Right on Chad. Here's an interesting couple of items I found:

      Jan Richards is the manager of Central West Libraries, a network taking in the Orange, Blayney, Cabonne, Cowra and Forbes council areas. Ms Richards says her region, and the whole of Australia, has "huge literacy issues".

      "Forty-seven per cent of the Australian population are functionally illiterate," Ms Richards says. "That means they can't read the instructions on a medicine bottle, they can't read a map, they can't read a recipe."


      Almost half the country is functionally illiterate
      http://www.abc.net.au/local/videos/2012/09/07/3585457.htm

      . Adults (aged 16-65) in Australia show above-average proficiency in literacy, and problem solving in technology-rich environments compared with adults in the other countries participating in the survey, but only show average proficiency in numeracy.

      . Foreign-language immigrants in Australia have lower levels of literacy proficiency than the native-born and native-language Australians, although the difference observed is amongst the lowest across the participating countries.

      . The link between higher literacy and such social outcomes as trust in others, participation in volunteer and associative activities, belief that an individual can have an impact on the political process, and better health is stronger in Australia than in most other countries.

      . Australia shows a good match between the literacy proficiency of workers and the demands of their jobs.


      Survey of Adult Skills Australia
      https://www.oecd.org/skills/piaac/Country%20note%20-%20Australia_final.pdf

      Ok, so which tribe do we swear fealty to: Central West Libraries or the OECD. Both are dated 2012.

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    2. From personal experience, GB, I would be more readily persuaded by the regional librarian. They know things that most 'surveys' will not readily turn up. My companion in life has long been an ardent, and practical, supporter of local libraries, from which she had acquired perspectives on how kids learn to read - and continue to read through life - that, for example, have quite eluded those witches chanting 'phonics, phonics phonics.' Or the Donnelly, to pluck an example from oblivion.

      The one useful hint from the OECD is mention of numeracy, but I fear that the worldwide average proficiency in numeracy is low, so the proverbial 'bar' is set very low. This is ruthlessly exploited by certain media and political spin merchants; just consider the fanciful interpretations of numbers for infection/death from COVID-19.

      Oh - one of the things the C-i-L learned early is that there are two lots of displays of books for children. A high shelf, with pristine volumes which have won awards from bodies you otherwise have never heard of - with names like 'Children's Literacy Council' - and the shelves with the books that kids actually read, and recommend to their friends. Such books often go out on the card of one child, and come back in the satchel of another, having gone from hand-to-hand of several other young readers before returning to the repository. As often as not, the main reason they are brought back is to be repaired.

      But thank you for the two links - the C-i-L is following up.

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    3. Yeah, always a problem to choose between personal, but limited, information and research data that may or may not be based on a genuine understanding of the situation.

      My own tendency is to partially believe them both, but I don't know enough about the subject to be sure to draw the right separating line. Interested in anything the C-i-L turns up.

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    4. Some more recent numbers for your C-i-L, Chad:

      One quarter of Australian 11-12 year olds don’t have the literacy and numeracy skills they need
      https://theconversation.com/one-quarter-of-australian-11-12-year-olds-dont-have-the-literacy-and-numeracy-skills-they-need-148912

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  3. "Please don't ask the pond to make any sense of that cult master effort, be content with splendid mystification"

    Now, DP, I've lived through Monet's cataract vision - apparently he painted exactly what he saw - and van Gogh's "hallucinatory madness" only now to come to the Cult Master and whatever problems he might call his own. Any clues ?

    "...or the opinion of experts if they should happen to turn up in the comments." Oh, if only, DP, if only. You are much missed, Kez.

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    1. Indeed, indeed, and so the pond must remain mystified, and even its sister, a rural librarian, could shed no light ...

      Delete
  4. "Yes, it's pleasing that Dame Slap clearly loathes SloMo, he must really be getting up IPA noses..."

    It truly is fun, ennit. Indeed, what terrible delinquent misdeed has SloMo committed to earn the pique of the Madam of the IPA ? It can't be his misogyny - she approves of that - and it can't be both the invisible, and highly visible, friends he keeps, she never mentions that. And he's every bit as much a smirking, coal loving climate denialist as she, and the IPA, is. Perhaps he spoke out against smoking sometime(s) ? Sugar ? GMOs ?

    But from the tone of her gormless, feckless, rancorous diatribe - why, she even forgot to keep on goading Dan - it's certainly a doozy.

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