The pond just had to start there.
Trudeau might be in trouble - who? - the Donald keeps doing his thing, another Cardinal dropped, "Elvis" McCormack has got the wobbles, and so close to an election too, and Bercow and Brexit are a daily delight …
Trudeau might be in trouble - who? - the Donald keeps doing his thing, another Cardinal dropped, "Elvis" McCormack has got the wobbles, and so close to an election too, and Bercow and Brexit are a daily delight …
… but while the reptiles did their best to minimise that hideous ghostly voice from Malware past - poor Brighette drew the night shift and had to write it up - the pond knew it would grate on the reptiles … grate like cheese or carrot, and any and all grating is good ...
And so it was done, and the loon drifted off to some other part of Europe … leaving the government to Carry on Feuding (one of the lesser known movies in the franchise) ...
… and leaving the pond with some agonising choices for a very dull Friday …
How very disappointing the Speccie mob have become.
Oh sure there are a couple of articles by people blathering about Pell, with no sign that they'd actually sat through the trial, but the pond refuses to go there. There's an appeal to go, and while everyone on the far right and barking mad fundamentalist Catholics are keen to interfere with the course of justice, put their thumbs on the scales, undermine the rule of law, the pond isn't that way inclined …
Besides, the reptiles had already published a defensive piece about a silly priest who'd already got some feedback about sticking his thumb on the scale …
Oh sure there are a couple of articles by people blathering about Pell, with no sign that they'd actually sat through the trial, but the pond refuses to go there. There's an appeal to go, and while everyone on the far right and barking mad fundamentalist Catholics are keen to interfere with the course of justice, put their thumbs on the scales, undermine the rule of law, the pond isn't that way inclined …
Besides, the reptiles had already published a defensive piece about a silly priest who'd already got some feedback about sticking his thumb on the scale …
He tried to shed light? No he didn't …he went the full Pellist ...
But back to the disappointing Speccie mob.
No Flinty, no Giles, just a standard bit of climate science denialism celebrating IPA hero Dr Peter Ridd - been there, done that, is that all they've got? - and a standard angry shout at the clouds about being woke, and so in desperation, the pond turned to this piece about the onion muncher, dripping with lard and nostalgia …
Oh lordy lordy, the rats might scuttle, but what makes king rat think he's the exception to the laws controlling rats?
Besides, the pond had exhausted its onion muncher jokes, and the jokes were getting more tenuous by the day …
The pond was delighted to learn of the Abbott's booby …
But did it justify dragging the Fitzgerald booby's speculations into the light?
Is this what it's come to, counting how many deck chairs might remain on the Titanic? With the king rat triumphant by surviving the booby body count?
Adult supervision? From the knighthood man? Well it's a joke, but the joke's a bit too booby-ish for the pond.
In the end, does the fate of a tired has-been matter? The poodle, the asbestos woman, and others, recognised their time was up, and had the grace to move on, no doubt with enough confidence in themselves to realise they could go on to a new phase in their lives, pursue other matters, do other business … instead of hanging around like an Abbott's booby decorating an Indian ocean rock …with no other career option in view, because nobody much likes him and he doesn't seem to have the imagination or skills for an alternative life, and all that's left is to feast on the carrion left over if he gets lucky and there's a road-kill election ...
What's more embarrassing is carrying a candle for the onion muncher, when there are fresher jokes out there … and as Xmas island has been mentioned, please allow the pond to pause for a Rowe, with more pausing Rowe here …
Meanwhile, there's a final gobbet to go in onion muncher la la land ...
The best political warrior? He's tired, he's aged, he's like a bleat from London …he was useless as an administrator, and now the booby sits on his rock, with his old foe vanquished, thanks to relentless undermining, sniping and white-anting, and now he should just remain a decorative feature on ancient blogs …
There are newer jokes out there, which is why the pond found the infallible Pope irresistible, with more irresistible papal jokes to hand here …
And here's where weaklings, aka sensible people, aware that the clock is ticking and there are many pleasurable things to do, can head off to enjoy their Friday …
But the pond has a painful duty … checking up on the reptiles and their ongoing obsession with coal.
It means that the pond, like the reptiles, is a Jill one-note, but that's the price that must be paid. Somebody has to do it, somebody has to listen to the booby squawking ...
It's the pond's observation, having seen a python kept as a pet, that reptiles are actually very boring.
They do very little except swallow a rat, reheated in the microwave, shit and piss, sit on a hot rock digesting the food, and occasionally escape and wander around knocking things off the mantelpiece or getting stuck in holes which might lead to the outside world and freedom … oh and shedding skin, always with the skin shedding …
Most pythons probably only think about when the next rat might be coming, but the reptiles at the lizard Oz rarely get beyond thinking about coal.
They spend every waking moment brooding about the black gold, and it's the pond's dreadful duty to pay attention, and even worse, the pond knew at once that there was another stage in the crusade coming, when a shout of alarm from the west was re-badged so it could linger on the digital front page …
Dear sweet long absent lord, will there be no end to this endless panic about clean dinkum true blue Oz coal, and the urgent need for a coal-fired power station?
See how the reptiles included a link to another story about dear sweet clean true blue Oz coal?
Oi, oi, oi … well the pond will have to cover that one too, but first it must trudge on, with reptile alarums sounding ...
And there you go, what need of the onion muncher now that Canavan has taken on the job of climate denialist central?
Once upon a time, the reptiles would have called the onion muncher for a comment and he would have been fierce and righteous and just and true … but now he's got fires on the home front, and is as useful as an Abbott's booby on a rock in the Indian ocean ...
Ah, the devious, perverted greenies at it again. Oh coal, poor pitiful coal ...
And so to the Shorten piece, featuring coal yet again, though the pond should pause to note the error in this Fox news alert …
Wrong. Coal saves children from cavities, and four out of five reptiles agree coal is awesome and comrade Bill is a terrible threat and a danger to children ...
The pond has no idea of the deal between the reptiles and coal lobbyists, but it must be truly awesome, because even the original Pravda didn't manage to carry on about the leadership the way the reptiles blather on about coal ...
All that, and still SloMo takes fright and flees the Hunter, and the Warringah booby is busy trying to survive so he might become king rat again?
And so to the lizard Oz editorialist.
No whining or moaning, the pond warned it would be a marathon and only die-hards would make it, with a yippee-ki-yay mother-fuckers (relax, no sensible child would have made it to this point to see that bit of Donald-speak) …
Oh fucketty-fuck, the pond's got to have a few jokes, before it runs screaming from the room shouting 'dinkum clean true blue Oz coal, oi, oi, oi …"
Just more of the usual blather about climate cultists, and never mind that talk of clean coal is delusional unless the experimental wallet is very deep …but what's that, even the reptiles can't go government investment and government big sticks?
Is it time for a little definitional re-think?
Well even a grand tour of coal mines must come to an end, and happily this is the last lizard Oz editorialist gobbet … full of yearning for that Abbott's booby stuck out in the Indian ocean ...
Will the reptiles ever give up on their desire to destroy the planet? Will they ever tire of repeating incessantly the same argument that there's no point that Australia does anything, except keep on with the coal?
Probably not … the pond senses that we're in a kind of Herman Melville saga with only one likely outcome …
Well, it's more like Ozzie gas, gas, gas! I wonder if anyone other than the Antonys, Trevors and Teds in the Oz readership safe space are taking any notice of the endless repetition?
ReplyDeleteIf the argument is that the wonderful little battler product will displace more polluting, substandard, foreign coal and thereby reduce emissions, someone needs to explain away the small matter of the projected 200 Mt fugitive emissions from Wheatstone and Gorgon by 2030. Bearing in mind that all the other gas projects likely have substantial leakage (I seem to recall tests showed five times the claimed losses from one project).
So Malware's on a speaking tour of Europe.
ReplyDeleteYou would hope his delivery would be a bit more polished than the rambling, directionless, hesitant drivel the reptiles quoted above before you forked out a cent to listen to him.
Of course if you ignore climate change, the whole sorry saga of Malware doesn't make any sense at all. All the woulda coulda shoulda stuff is premised on the party supporting him to reduce emissions. The party wouldn't hear of reducing emissions at the cost of coal, so they dumped him.
He just can't bring himself to admit it.
Evidently, whatever the qualifications for Social Media Editor are, logic is not amongst them. "Post hoc ergo propter hoc" was the first formal logical fallacy I learned, at the age of about 10. Briquette (with a name like that, she is destined for greatness at the National Coal-lovers Daily) seems to have utterly missed Malware's logic fail.
DeleteIt is true that Truffles ended his tenure down 48 to 52 (from BludgerTrack's synthesis of multiple polls), and under the Nightwatchman that has slipped to about 46.5 to 53.5. The question is not to compare August to February but to ask how Turnbull would be doing if he was still in the chair with everything that has happened since? The Parliamentary party doing a fair imitation of the Comédie-Française, defeats on multiple bills, the Nat's quietly imploding under McWhatshisname, sagging wages, a per capita GDP recession, forced pivots by nearly everyone on climate change...
Malcolm's self-regard knows no bounds, but there is no evidence he could have done any better than ScoMo in the last six months of the Muppet Show. ScoMo is a complete putz, but Turnbull's inability (IMO) to have done any better speaks volumes for just how wretched a Prime Minister he was. Perhaps Malware should have heeded CMDR Tom "Stinger" Jordan's wise words to another conceited twerp...
Ah yes, 'briquette'; now that's a word I heard often in my younger days, but hardly ever now. Well, never really, though apparently Bunnings still sells them:
Deletehttps://www.bunnings.com.au/hotshots-10kg-pack-heating-briquettes_p3171316
The spiel says: "Hotshots super heating briquettes are a smart way to heat your house. These large, high quality brown coal briquettes have a high calorific value of 19MJ/KG. When mixed with firewood in a slow combustion heater, they'll provide an economical means of heating the house".
Do people really do that to heat their house nowadays ?
And not to be denied attention, The Onion Muncher ends the week with that creaking noise of the un-oiled weather vane - he's FOR PARIS!!!
ReplyDeleteAs K Murphy tweets, you could not make this shit up.
Those 3 or 4 buzz-cutted young volunteers at Onion Muncher campaign HQ are going to be very dizzy by the time it's all over.
Ypu mean he won't be able to get the Advance Australia volunteer army in to support him, vc ? Now that's really sad, isn't it.
DeleteThe reptile editorialist rabbiting on about "coal fired plants": "The former prime minister [that's Honest Johnny, not the booby, he's talking about] reminded those with short memories of the long history of costly mistakes when governments entered the commercial sphere."
ReplyDeleteAnd those of us with slightly longer memories recall the "costly mistakes" made when government left the "commercial sphere". Like when Kennett sold off the SECV and Gas and Fuel and fvcked Victoria's electricity supplies. Not overnight, of course, but we are now all living the consequences of ravaging pseudo-capitalism.
And I can't even work out what the $billions we got for the SECV and the Gas and Fuel establishments ended up buying for us Victorians; probably Kennett and Stockdale just cocked their legs and pissed it away, as usual.
The Pond wrote -
ReplyDelete"It's the pond's observation, having seen a python kept as a pet, that reptiles are actually very boring. They do very little except swallow a rat, reheated in the microwave, shit and piss, sit on a hot rock digesting the food, and occasionally escape and wander around knocking things off the mantelpiece or getting stuck in holes which might lead to the outside world and freedom … oh and shedding skin, always with the skin shedding …"
Dorothy, you rock. If Hunter S. Thompson and H.L. Mencken had a baby it would be you.
Mike from Jersey
Do they actually 'shit and piss' or is it more like 'shit'n'piss'?
Delete