After the election of Godzilla, a feast of reptiles ...

The pond dropped in on the coverage of the NSW election, and saw a little of the ABC. Well, why wouldn't you?

Inevitably the result sent the reptiles and SloMo into a frenzy. Kudelka called the Godzilla bit right, and there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. Shorten might implode like Daley in the final week, there was hope for coal, the dream was alive, and the wrecking of Sydney could continue.

Meanwhile, the Mueller report dropped, nobody knew anything, Brexit lurched on to another day offering the same result with destiny, and the pond was forced to watch the Sumo live stream instead of brooding about any of it.

And then the pond woke to a meditative Sunday with much more more important fish to fry. For starters, there was prattling Polonius.

Now just after a major tragedy seems exactly the right time for a tone deaf reptile to slag off New Zealand and New Zealanders.

Some might think it was a little beyond the pale, but not our man Polonius. Whenever there's dirty work to be done, he's the pond's go to reptile hero ...

Yes, Kiwis, pay attention to Polonius's prattle.

Sure it was an Australian that went over and shot the shit out of the place, but really, it was all your fault, and Ardern is little better than a fellow traveller with a populist poseur … and, what switching off already?

But it's time for your history lesson, and why John Howard is much better than anything you pathetic New Zealanders could come up with (and how do you explain and justify your weird vowel shift, while the pond's in the business of showing deep sympathy in the proven, patented Polonial style).

Remember, Australia is fully aware of the dangers of extreme right wing groups, which is why ASIO has staked out the Sydney Institute and the HQ of the dangerously 'leet reptiles lodged in the inner city suburb of Surry Hills, where you might expect to find greenies and lefties.

Somehow they've been dislodged by far right wing extremists ranting away at New Zealanders, and publishing subversive Polonial manifestos ...

Oh dear … that dreadful Muslim giving the speaker in tongues a hard time? What a shocking thing.

Why if we don't watch out, Polonius might have a fainting fit … because somehow a story in Fairfax has turned into a disgraceful smear and an appalling lie …

Well the pond's been there before …

But really it's just one of many crimes and misdemeanours committed by the reptiles and right-wing politicians ever since John Howard bunged on the Tampa do … and yet Polonius, stout-hearted chap, manages to remain in denial about it all ...

Damn you New Zealanders with your fancy airs and your fancy ways and Peter Jackson and Colbert gushing all over you and blathering on about his appearance in a bloody movie … you've got on the wrong side of Polonius, and there's going to be hell to pay.

What's worse, see how you've ruined a major lizard Oz initiative, as evoked by the reptile editorialist:

Ah, the brand, because a country should be a television commercial … and what do you know, eccentric Twiggie is leading the charge … and how unfortunate it was that an Australian was rampaging in New Zealand, until Polonius correctly pointed out it was all the fault of the victims ...

But hang on, hang on, SloMo was responsible for a major branding exercise, and what a ripper that was …

The man who oversaw the controversial but successful "So where the bloody hell are you?" tourism campaign has ended up a victim of his own refrain. 

Scott Morrison, the managing director of Tourism Australia, has lost his $350,000-a-year job after what insiders describe as a bitter falling-out with the federal Tourism Minister, Fran Bailey. 

Mr Morrison's departure will be formalised at a board meeting in the next week, ending the persistent tension between the tourism boss and Ms Bailey since his appointment in November 2004. (here)

Successful? Yes, you too can dangle the Bingle and be a dropkick loser, and go on to be PM:

What have we learned about global campaign localisation in the ten years since Tourism Australia’s $180 million ‘so where the bloody hell are ya’ campaign? Intended to increase tourism from markets including the UK, Canada and Singapore, it was banned in the UK for using the word ‘bloody’, banned in Canada for using the word ‘hell’, and changed to the innocuous ‘so where are you?’ in Singapore. (Mumbrella here).

Talk about branding. A Bingle, a prawn and a camel, and the job's done.

Who does the pond invoice? Do the reptiles need any more help?

The contributions of leading scientists?

They wouldn't be the mob practising a fake theology known as climate science, always moaning about the state of the reef and the weather, and giving the reptiles a hard time by suggesting that we give up precious, dear beloved coal? Why, the lizard Oz denounces leading Australian scientists and their mischief on a daily basis, it's a sport more popular than eating Vegemite on toast (now there's a brand).

Shouldn't be undermined by populist political vagaries?

Yes, the parrot and the Bolter will fix all that …and speaking of the Bolter, the pond also thought it should dig this up for a meditative Sunday ...

Right from the start, the pond thought it should head to the edge of stage, and deliver with elaborate theatricality, a whispered aside, he's from Campion College, don't ya know …

And why not a cartoon as a bit of blessed relief ...

Now it's on with the Campion college view of things, which begins with a plea for the right to insult Chinese folk.

Yes, a massacre on Dixon street might just be the right sort of healthy corrective the country needs. Why it'd stop the Kiwis bleating, and Australia's branding would be right back on the world stage … Port Arthur does Chinatown ...

Yes, there's nothing like Free Speech and Western Civilisation, and Wilcox appreciates this Campion set of conclusions … He knows which side of his Vegemite bread must be buttered with unctuous praise for the reptiles and a wanting against assaults on Sky and the noble SloMo by the devious Aly.

Oh the tragedy that people should speak freely in this way, when there's even freer speech to be speeched, with more Wilcox here ...

And now on with what the pond thinks of as vintage Campionism … because bloody useless furriners must be discussed and addressed in a democratic way, and told to sod off as required, with the reptiles wondrous experts at the game ...

Indeed, indeed, there's nothing like a flock of Catholics in full flight insulting a bunch of poofters to show the treasure that is free speech …

Don't think of it as demeaning and abusive, it's just the Catholics showing Xian love ...

Meanwhile ...

And so to the ultimate challenge.

By now most stray readers will be reeling, but the pond has had a proud tradition of paying attention to nattering "Ned", always facing some elemental crisis, or catastrophe, or the rapture, or the end of the world, or at least the end of the SloMo government ...

It's an imitation of Chicken Little that has many admirers, and yet in each rendering of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse, nattering "Ned" somehow manages to be as boring as batshit, and so reduces the crisis to hand  to nothing more than a storm in a teacup, or much ado about nothing.

So here's the pond challenge. Who can make it through this latest edition of much ado, right to the bitter end?

The pond is already wildly over length, and so isn't going to say anything much.

The only thing it will offer at each way station is a cartoon, in much the same way as cyclists are offered a sponge, a drink, and perhaps something to munch on, before careening on for another forty kms, or perhaps, as at the stations of the cross, Catholics stop to abuse Islamics, atheists, ne'er do wells, foreigners and homosexuals, all in the name of free speech ... 

Wilting already, oh feeble and faint of heart? Here, have a Campion approved cartoon ...

Now back in the saddle. It's the climb that sorts out the "Ned" chaff from the wheat ...

A real evaluation downwards? Not beloved, dinkum, true blue clean Oz coal? Not the black gold ravaged by fake Australian scientists taking climate change seriously, not those preachers of theological bunkum the Oz editorialist wanted to push on to the world stage just a moment ago? What else might be swallowed whole if this is the go?

Never mind, back on the bike, and if you pedal hard, you might find a street library, or some other dirty, filthy, pinko pervert example of communism gone wild in the community ...

Is there anyone still out there reading?

Here, have a cartoon …

A church where the abuse of all can finally be seen as the Xian virtue it is ...

And now it's back to nattering "Ned", yearning for some kind of rapture or apocalypse ...

The pond should probably confess at this point that it has been a member of retail and industry super funds.

And the retail fund was a disgraceful rip-off, with high fees and sorry performance … and that's about all it's got to offer on the matter causing "Ned" such great distress ... but really, that's not going to help people in agony, attempting to read "Ned" nattering to the bitter end …

Yes, in the next twenty minutes, you might realise you've reached the end of "Ned", and wondered where a vast amount of your life, way more than twenty minutes, just went ...

At this point, the pond is starting to run low on cartoons …

But what luck, there's only one gobbet of "Ned" to go ...

Well if anyone wants an explanation of why Comrade Bill might overcome the Daley factor and win the next election, the pond can't think of a better one than the tedious exegesis just offered by nattering "Ned."

Never mind, be proud, you did it, you finished the verbal Tour de "Ned", you climbed Mount Nederest,  you endured the Nedalypse and survived, but sorry, all the pond can offer as a prize is a few more cartoons …