Wednesday, November 28, 2018

In which the pond indulges in a quadrella of reptile navel gazing and fluff gathering ...


O rats in the ranks, O difficult woman, O treacherous, treasonous spawn of Malware, O Massachusetts of the south, O little Johnny's battle to save the day and make spelling competitions that much harder,  O the humanity, O the reptile despair …

Indeed, it was so difficult a day for the reptiles that they, and so the pond, didn't know who to blame, or what to study. 

Should Malware's pariah be top of the page, smiling and gloating at the chaos she'd caused. Or should the state of panic be the top feature?


Never mind, however it was studied, and from whatever angle, navel-gazing and fluff-gathering was the order of the day, and while the pond was drawn to the bouffant one and thoughts of Francis Ford Coppola shooting in Baler in the northern Philippines as a ScoMo metaphor, the pond was also pleased to see that Dame Slap had been elevated up the chart, because if the country was going to be saved from the Massachusetts of the south, Dame Slap would have to be front and centre in the reptile crusade …


Oh dear that's a bad start … the IPA, but surely it should have read, "with even stupider people"? And who is this "grassroots" group, and why did the reptiles take so long to celebrate its arrival? Who belongs to this new AA?


More here, but that's enough for the pond. 

Moorice! 

Sainted world-wide famous climate denialist scientist, and regular contributor to the pond, coal lover extraordinaire …Moorice was riding to the rescue, and there were others anxious to help!

Move over Clive, there's a new bunch in town, but let us not forget the old, hardened, reliable crusaders either ...


A thousand young members, a tremendous success in a country of some 24.6 million, all bushy tailed and bright-eyed, and eager to learn from their mistress … 


Yes, children, if you're going to be a success, you must sit at the feet of Moorice and Dame Slap and learn to love dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, and the mighty Donald, so that you too might MAAGA … and please don't confuse AA with other sorts of AA, and swear off, or swear to the long absent lord ...


Yes, let's go the full Donald, the whole incestuous lobby and think tank thing, let's see the filthy rich really take control, and soon enough there'll be no more talk of dreadful Soviet-style minimum wages, and all will realise that the Donald is the saviour of democracy ...


Speaking of Soviet-style minimum wages …


Stalingrad! Uncle Moorice and his dinky-di coal-loving troops are under siege! They must battle to save the day for Uncle Joe? Oops, perhaps not quite the right metaphor? Should the pond be talking of a Moorice-inspired blitzkrieg?

Now around this point, the pond should have been sated at the sheer Dame Slapian Moorician madness of it all. 

Surely enough navels have been gazed and enough fluff gathered already … but not today. Today the pond was going where it had never gone before … a quadrella of reptiles …

First up, just to winnow out the weaklings, incapable of realising that if reading the reptiles doesn't destroy them, they will emerge the stronger ...


Who better than nattering "Ned" to maintain the navel-gazing, with a deep sighing, a wringing of the hands, a scattering of the ashes, a mock turtle dance?


Oh damn you Massachusetts of the south, damn you and the way you make spelling bees more difficult, and life so terribly hard for the coal-lovers from the north ...


It is undermined by the conservative lobby and its relentless push for policies that constitute electoral suicide?

Is that any way to talk about Dame Slap, the lizard Oz, the Murdochians, who have all valiantly crusaded away in the cause of being on the wrong side of history, from climate science to SSM to the joys of being a Trumpist? Is this what nattering "Ned" really thinks of his fellow luddites and collegial dinosaurs?


The feminisation of the workforce? O manly men, undone and divided …and what shocking progressive values, with idle talk of health and education, with not nearly enough talk of the wonderful curative powers of dinky di true blue fair dinkum coal ...

By the end of all that blather, the pond felt the urgent need of a Wilcox, and so turned to her Twitter account here, and sure enough …


Speaking of the brains trust and the swamp of denial and oblivion, the dog botherer was also on hand to do his own specialised form of navel gazing and fluff gathering …and yep, it's all the fault of those damned moderates ...


Now the pond already, as a long-term lizard Oz reader, knew it was all the fault of pesky moderates, wretched centrists, difficult women and that bloody Malware …though a few words and a few images evoke the dog botherer's emotional crisis.

Massachusetts' lobster shacks!


Where will it all end?


The ruination of manly men!

As the dog botherer so wisely points out, these difficult women are scheming to rob the government of its precious bodily fluids, its life essence, or if you will, its defining strengths of manliness of the 'oh just harden the fuck up and bomb Iraq' kind ...


Yes, it's all the fault of those damned moderates. Be assured that SSM denialism, climate science denialism, and the rabid ratbag fundamentalism of the lizard Oz, Dame Slap, the dog botherer, the Bolter, the Devine and all the rest of the hysterics shouting about dangerous blacks and the need for Laura N'Order had nothing to do with it …

Now the pond senses that a few stray readers aren't yet exhausted … and might even be kinky gluttons for punishment.

Sadly, the pond must apologise for not being able to attend to yet another bout of hysteria, even though it's certified by Lobbecke as to its cult status …


Dear sweet old climate denialist Ron, two cheers for dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi, and what a reminder of the reptiles' many contributions to what's made the government take the high road to success …


But if the pond failed Ron, it still had one last duty to perform.

Yes, the pond had to attend the lizard Oz throne, and hear the wise words of the lizard Oz editorialist, explaining how truly it's all the fault of the moderates …


What a thorn in the side are these difficult women, and these pesky moderates … 



Oh poor unhappy thorn-laden lion. The reptiles understand, and anyway, what use is a bloody moderate centrist mouse?

Now please, no mention of the Massachusetts of the south and lobster pots as the moderates go about their devious business ...


Oh it's too much, that the reptiles' crusade should be ruined, and the moderates bring down such a centrist government, led by a speaker in tongues able assisted and advised by the likes of the onion muncher, the mutton Dutton, and Erica from the genuine south …


 


More David here, and so to the last blessed reptile gobbet of the day ...


Put it another way. With friends like Moorice and the reptiles and Dame Slap and the dog botherer and the Oz editorialist, who needs comrade Bill? 

Why, the reptiles are perfectly capable of gazing at their navels and coming up with all the wrong sort of fluff and lobster heads …

Some days though, such as these, after such an exhausting quadrella romp, the pond thinks it might be better off collecting Rowes, with more collectible Rowes here ...



12 comments:

  1. Goodness, Dame Slap quoting John Roskam: "On the centre-right of politics, who is supporting the Liberals ?"

    Well, we kinda thought it was you and the IPA (and Gina Rinehart), John. And the Sydney Institure and the Menzies Research Centre, and the Centre for Independent Studies. Oh, and the H.R. Nicholls Society in particular - you (and Slap) do remember Peter Costello and Hugh Morgan and H.R. Nicholls, don't you ?

    Every one of them is every bit as "mainstream" as AA, aren't they ? Though I do agree that it can be very hard to be "mainstream" with only 1000 members.

    But hey, a return to the truly traditional "mainstream" values of great Liberals and Conservatives such as Robin Askin and Joh Bjelke-Petersen will surely do the trick. Oh, ok: and Henry Bolte (plus Arthur Rylah), Thomas Playford and David Brand.

    And what a lovely quadrella that was today, DP. They really are deep into casual hysteria, aren't they.

    PS: whatever happened to True Conservative Cory ? Will we ever hear from him again ?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Allan Patience yesterday: 'the always pontificating Chris Kenny tweeted a prophecy: “Daniel Andrews is finished. Soft on crime. Paid a billion dollars not to build a tunnel. Siphoned taxpayers’ money to get elected. A drovers (sic) dog could beat him.”'
    Kenny is so deluded, he thinks that he still lives on Planet Earth.
    On Julia Banks, the crazies need a sign above the entrance "Actions have consequences!". If you are nasty to people, they will not be nice to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well at one of my usual lieu de cafe holes today I was reading the Age when I encountered in the Age's equivalent to 'Text Talk' a short entry that went like this:

      "I agreed with Amanda today. Oh I really hope that doesn't spread to her other opinions."

      And I was just thinking that at least I have no possibility of experiencing that with the Doggy Bov: there's just no opinion he's ever stated that I could even remotely "agree with". I do better even with Andrew (the) Blot than that.

      Delete
  3. Indeed, a quartet of passion and pain - and words and time wasted of course. As they always are. Especially when your dog botherer is involved. True to form, he had explained all this before, he'd presaged it, and if only people could have listened to him etc etc etc.

    But the cherry on the cake-like disaster here for me today is the header of the editorial. After all this, they still think this is a "centrist government". Bless their cotton picking socks! A climate change denying, bullying, woman probleming, storing innocent people on tropical islandsing centrist government. Yep.

    You couldn't make this up.

    And you don't need to.

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    Replies
    1. Well you gotta understand, vc, that wherever a reptile stands is, by holy writ, "the centre".

      Delete
    2. It's not just "centrist". D Slap doesn't understand "grassroots", "mainstream", "liberalism" or "freedom of speech". She really needs to venture outside the bubble occasionally.

      I suspect that some of the LNP's traditional backers are actually adapting to the new realities and now find themselves at odds with the coal, oi, oi, oi boosters (say BHP spinning off the coal assets or generators that see the opportunity in a renewable build). The reptiles are supporting a diminishing sponsor base and the money is probably drying up. It's sending them bipolar.

      Delete
  4. More evidence of the brilliance of the Reptiles' business plan; here's what they pay Dame Groan - https://www.smh.com.au/business/companies/human-error-news-corp-salaries-redundancy-entitlements-emailed-to-staff-20181128-p50iwk.html

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    Replies
    1. She gets $375,000 pa from the Australian ? Sheesh, no wonder the business plan is always flailing and failing. I wonder what the other reptiles get.

      Delete
  5. Hi Dorothy,

    Rupert Murdoch’s father Keith helped found the IPA and his son is still a key presence in the organisation. Gina Rinehart, we have recently learnt, has dropped a cool $4.5 million on the ‘institution’ in the last couple of years.

    In return the IPA has created a wish list of at first 75 and then a 100 suggested policies that the Abbott/Turnbull/Morrison Liberal led Coalition were expected to follow (having surprisingly, for a political party, appeared to have forgotten how to formulate policy for themselves).

    https://www.crikey.com.au/2013/09/06/institute-of-liberal-party-policy-what-the-ipa-will-get-from-abbott/

    The result has been a government that has fetishised Climate Change Denialism, rewarded Corporate bad behaviour with tax cuts, attacked and defunded the ABC and SBS and eliminated Media Ownership restrictions. All things that benefit Rupert and Gina.

    Unsurprisingly the voting public has been less enamoured with this corporate welfare and has shown increasing signs of turfing the Coalition out of power. In response the Liberals, having imbibed the Kool-Aid that it “isn’t the polices that are at fault just the salesmen”, hoped to assuage public opinion by knifing the sitting PM. Twice!

    Now the electorate has recoiled in horror and the Coalition are looking down the barrel of political oblivion.

    Any sympathy from Albrechtsen, a Director of the very organisation that led them to this ignominious position?

    None of course. They are simply whingers, deluded, cranky, griping, a narrow class of former political apparatchiks, complainers, dummy-spitters, bellyachers, poor losers, not good at their job and sad lost loners.

    “It’s array of rushed and disconnected policies over the past five years are testament to party that doesn’t check in with itself or with others about what it stands for.”

    Wow, that’s some gratitude coming from the Institute that formulated those very policies.

    DiddyWrote

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    Replies
    1. Hi Dorothy,

      Just to highlight how bereft of policy the Coalition have become, it appears that ScumMo and Co. want to have even fewer days of parliament sitting before the election.

      https://www.crikey.com.au/2018/11/28/federal-election-delaying-tactics/

      (Behind the paywall but the introduction gives the gist)

      What an apt illustration of this pointless government. They don’t even want to govern.

      DW

      Delete
    2. Maybe the realisation has dawned, DW, that ScumMo isn't Julia Gillard and he, and his mates, just can't govern as a minority.

      I'd like to restate that Julia Gillard's "minority government" still holds the record for acts passed per sitting day of parliament. Does anybody reckon ScumMo could get within cooee of that ?

      Besides, the more days parliament sits, the more days the male members can heap scorn and sexist abuse on the females and the more of them might just bail out instead of putting up with it.

      Delete

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