Friday, May 18, 2018

In which the pond goes there, thanks to Henry ...

The pond hadn't wanted to go there …

Indeed, the pond had determined it wouldn't go there under any circumstance …

No wild horse, nothing, could drag the pond there.

And yet, there was sweet Henry, and he went there, and he'd been blessed by the sainted Lobbecke.

Of course the pond had to go there.

But what to do about this treachery, this breach of a sacred trust not to go there?

Best slip it out on a late Friday arvo, as the Minister said to a press release about another NSW government disaster and financial blow-out …

Come on Henry, do your royal thing ...

The pond was incredibly moved at the sight of good old Henry being moved by all the pomp and pageantry.

Carnivals will never go out of fashion so long as people yearn for clowns. What was it Bill said?

Thus comes the English with full power upon us; 
And more than carefully it us concerns 
To answer royally in our defences. 
Therefore the reptile Dukes of Oz, 
Of Bromancer and of Oreos, shall make forth, 
And you, Prince nattering “Ned”, with all swift dispatch, 
To line and new repair our towns of war 
With men of courage and with means defendant; 
For England his approaches makes as fierce 
As waters to the sucking of a gulf. 
It fits us then to be as provident 
As fear may teach us out of late examples 
Left by the fatal and neglected English 
Upon our fields.

Oh come on Bill, that's hardly fair.

A rousing speech for Henry if you please …

...Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide, 
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit 
To his full height. On, on, you noblest English. 
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof! 
Fathers that, like so many Alexanders, 
Have in these parts from morn till even fought 
And sheathed their swords for lack of argument: 
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest 
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you. 
Be copy now to men of grosser blood, 
And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman, 
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here 
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear 
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not; 
For there is none of you so mean and base, 
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes. 
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips, 
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot: 
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge 
Cry 'God for Henry, England, and royal weddings!'

That's much better, and by golly, noble Henry will rise to your challenge ...

Who could have imagined good old Henry "hole in the bucket" Ergas could have produced such magnificent tosh on the occasion of a minor royal's wedding to a Yank?

And let me speak to the yet unknowing world 
How these things came about: so shall you hear 
Of carnal, bloody, and unnatural acts, 
Of accidental judgments, casual slaughters, 
Of deaths put on by cunning and forced cause, 
And, in this upshot, purposes mistook 
Fall'n on the inventors' reads: all this can I 
Truly deliver.

Well done Henry, may the blessed light of Lobbecke shine down upon you and your CV, but please, some restraint as you look at the camera, remember a sovereign has no need to smile …

And now since this is the late arvo slot, and no one's paying attention, the pond thought it should slip in the latest news from the deep north …

Oh things are warming up, alright, nd the pond notes that once again the Caterist is mentioned, standing in the wings, and waiting for a chance to enter from stage climate denialist-right ...

35 broadcasts to add to the previous 32?!

Oh this is proving to be right royal fun, but alas, if the pond might return to good old Henry for a moment, has it occurred to him that he's backing the wrong royal family, with splendid news this day that the Donald is going to help prop up and make work a psychopathic, murderous dictator and his oppressive regime.

Surely this suggests that there's a new brand of royalty in town, and the pond was reminded of those fond portraits of the new dynasty by David Rowe, with more recent Rowe available here ...

1 comment:

  1. Very timely - I was just having a curmudgeonly rant about the royal wedding. Surely in the interest of "balance" the Oz should publish an equal number of articles from the "crock of shit" viewpoint?

    I wonder why Henry doesn't include failed business ventures in his resume?

    I'd forgotten all about his role in the destruction of Telstra or his flat tax advocacy (so fashionable now).

    All in all, very funny the way these advocates of free markets and small government manage to attach themselves to the public teat. Having failed themselves they then sally forth to give the rest of us the benefit of their wisdom. Although, this is true of nearly every reptile featured in the pond.


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