Tuesday, March 13, 2018

In which the useless reptiles insist the pond spend quality time with the NIMBY dreaming of Dame Groan ...

It seems Rowe has entered a dark phase, and who can blame him?

The pond knows the feeling, whether it's Malta or Casablanca …


The pond is feeling dark and angry and bleak.

It had planned to spend the day with the lesser reptiles, or perhaps head off to New York to spend time with David Brooks, wittering in his inimitable way about mindless concepts …

Yes, young 'uns, that's how you explain two world wars, the holocaust, nuclear weapons, the cold war, the Vietnam war and climate change … it's all about the lawyers saving the planet …

It's impossible to get a local reptile to rise to the monumental silliness and bonus gravitas of a Brooks …

… which helps explain the pond's continuing outrage and indignation.

The reptiles have botched the job of putting in a paywall of strength and solidity, a paywall that would match up to the best the Donald can do to keep out those raping, murdering Mexicans …

Now the pond has absolutely no interest in Dame Groan, and never pays the slightest attention to what she says, but if Dame Groan is made available, then perforce the pond must abandon the babbling Brooks, and go NIMBYING with the Groan …

It goes without saying that the pond shares Dame Groan's unselfish vision.

The last time the pond was in Melbourne, we drove out to Ballarat and were mightily pleased by the progress being made …

The pond has long dreamed of suburban McMansions stretching from Sunshine to Ballarat, in the modern style, with two stories and a pocket handkerchief yard … (and once you've travelled through this splendid prospect in the making, remember to check out the Ballarat Art Gallery, which is a step above the average regional effort).

Transport, facilities, an over-reliance on the motor car, Melbourne already crumbling from the power of the mighty vehicle, new lanes always being added to the Tullamarine so it might turn into a gigantic carpark LA style?

Pshaw, Dame Groan has a dream, and the pond shares it with her, a trip back to the 1950s, the only thing missing is her failure to mention the picket fence …

The pond has no idea why the reptiles insisted the pond share Dame Groan's NIMBY dream, but with a bit of luck, the grand plan to build quarter acre lots all the way out to Nhill might still come to pass. And why stop there? If head west is the cry, what about the vast empty spaces between Kaniva and Bordertown?

Please, hear the pond and Dame Groan cry, "à quarts d'acre blocs citoyens"avec palissade, s'il vous plaît ...

Actually, the pond lives with an entirely paved backyard, on the principal firmly established in the pond household, that anyone who brings a lawnmower anywhere near the house will be shot on sight …

But to each their own. 

The real problem is why the reptiles insisted that the pond waste its time doing a stint of urban planning with Dame Groan.

Can't they institute a decent paywall, firm and tightly shut? The pond isn't holding its breath, but please, the siren song of David Brooks is in the air, and the pond is anxious to travel …perhaps to mighty Melton, or beautiful Bacchus Marsh … after all, if it was good enough for Peter Carey - who strangely fled to New York - then it's good enough for Dame Groan …

And now, after yet another stern reminder to the reptiles to fix their bloody paywall, for the sneaky globalists, cosmopolitan 'leets, and internationalists who sometimes turn up at the pond, here's a cartoon or two ...


  1. "It's impossible to get a local reptile to rise to the monumental silliness and bonus gravitas of a Brooks

    Oh I dunno, DP how about:
    "Goosebumps Cater: "The British settled NSW to practice the lessons of the Enlightenment, intent onbuilding a new civilisation through reason and science, operating on humane principles."

    I think that's right up there with Bobo Brooks any day. But then, Goosebumps isn't actually a local, is he. More your unwanted 10quid pom, really.

  2. Hi Dorothy,

    “There’s class warfare, all right, but it’s my class, the rich class, that’s making war, and we’re winning.”

    That’s Warren Buffett who by my calculations was born sixty years before 1990.

    More here from back in 2006 but still very relevant;



  3. Dame Groan: "I'm all for opening up new housing developments on the outer fringes of our cities."

    I remember reading some time ago how eastern seaborad cities in the USA were gradually extending themselves up and down the coastal area and that in the not too distant future there would be just one very long city running from Portland (at least) to Miami (if it's still above water).

    So, if we follow Dame Groan and keep up a high immigration rate, how long before we have a 'ribbon city' spreading from Melbourne to Sydney ?

    1. If sea level continues to rise Miami will be obliterated. There may also be some bad effects.

    2. Washington will go under before Miami - SLR there is twice as fast as Miami, for various reasons. As you say, there may also be some bad effects.

      But Dame Groan's point is valid - we wouldn't want our cities to become sky-scraping urban hell-holes like Copenhagen, Barcelona or Paris (15, 35 and 50 times as densely populated as Melbourne), now would we?

      Even the most salubrious arrondissements of Paris somehow manage densities 10 times that of Melbourne, without reverting to soul-destroying tower blocks. It just takes a coherent plan - but where is Melbourne's Haussmann when she/he is needed?

    3. Quarter acre blocks, FD: 15 square houses (as they were back when) on quarter acre blocks with a big back yard in which kids can play and hide. Anything else is crushed up and grossly over-crowded like Dame G says.

      We can't help it if the Danes, Spanish and French live in pissy little countries with no free space.


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