In which the pond enjoys the noises emanating from the onion muncher's band and from Kevin Xian Whiner and the complainers ...

The pond went to sleep last night dreaming a dream, a vision of the morrow featuring outraged, agitated reptiles, jumping to the barricades, storming the onion muncher, berating him, badgering him about 18C and free speech ...

Oh there'd be a hammering and a pummelling and a cudgeling and a bludgeoning, a beating a battering, and a bashing usually done by English cricketers ...

There would be nothing for the pond to do, save transcribe the thoughts of the reptile columnists lined up in a row. It would be a front page story, the Oz editorialist would take a stern, nay savage, view ...

Just kidding, as Colbert would say ...

Oh sure, there was the usual from little Johnny near the top of the digital page, which also made it on to the front of the tree killer edition ...

But look, there below the Howard, a line drawing attention  to the way that the spineless reptiles left it all to spineless Malware to have a go at the onion muncher... the gutless wonders didn't have it in them to go the onion muncher direct.

Good grief, would the pond have to report that it agreed not just with gorgeous George "free rapper" Brandis, but the spineless Malware, who created the circumstances for all this hysterical nonsense?

Yep, while all the reptiles went to water, it was left to Malware to carry the water on the Ten network.

Naturally the Oz punters in the comments section below were outraged by Malware, rugby league, poofters, rappers and the whole damn thing - how dare someone sing of tainted love? - which just shows how well the reptiles know the culture of hate and bigotry they've created, and how wise it was not to challenge the brains of their dinosaur readership with conflicting ideas about 18C and the freedom to sing or rap ...

But the reptiles could sense trouble at mill and so raced to clear the onion muncher of any talk of a ban...

The Australian has confirmed he hasn't signed the petition and he hasn't called for Macklemore to be banned?

Nope, he just retweeted a Miranda the Devine tweet, with encouraging bigotry and a link to where the petition calling for a ban might be signed, as could be discovered by reading stories such as Tony Abbott backs call to ban same-sex anthem from NRL grand final ...

The Coalition for Marriage, the official "no" campaign vehicle, seized on the Change.org petition on Wednesday, demanding the NRL ban the song despite making "freedom of speech" one of its central campaign tenets. Spokesman David Goodwin said the grand final was "not a PC lecture theatre" and it was "bizarre that the NRL would choose to use its half-time entertainment to push a message which it knows millions of Australians disagree with".

Mr Abbott backed that call, tweeting: "Footy fans shouldn't be subjected to a politicised grand final. Sport is sport!" 

Indeed he did ...

It's called plausible deniability if you're a lying, dissembling onion muncher or a reptile anxious to save what little is left of his reputation as a white anter, wrecker and sniper.

What a gormless, gutless bunch the reptiles are when the heat comes on in the 18C kitchen ...

Now Macklemore's music doesn't do much for the pond, but so what. Where was the onion muncher when Meat Loaf turned up to butcher some of his old hits at the 2011 AFL grand final? (To be fair, the pond was well out of audio range).

Typically the surreal Erica, the fish and chip harridan, the moronic ScoMo and the decidedly weird mutton Dutton lined up to back the onion muncher, with the mutton turning phallic and blathering on about having a song or perhaps a metaphorical penis thrust deep, jammed down, into his throat ...

Perhaps he's expressing an unconscious urge or desire ... you know, a love of jamming and ramming ...

The next time the reptiles blather on about 18C and freedom of speech, the pond will remark on the dissembling disingenuous gutless wonder carry-on that let this golden opportunity go begging... though thankfully there was Rowe, ready to have a great time gigging with a new band (and more freestyle Rowe channeling Coltrane or Motown or Amy - take your pick - here) ...

All the same, the pond felt unsatisfied and unfulfilled.

The gutless wonder reptiles hadn't delivered and the pond's reputation for loonacy was at stake.

Naturally the pond broke the glass and turned to the Terror ...

Now the pond is deeply conservative, addicted to ritual and tradition, and Sharri is a lunchtime treat, and there's nothing to be gained by Christine Foster berating the No side, which is to say the Murdochian cheer squad - the irony of scribbling that in the Terror is too meta post-modern for the pond - but huzzah, look, there's dashing Kevin Donnelly doing his usual hysteria ...

Even better dashing Donners has become his own brand ... his name is all that's needed as a sign of quality paranoia ...

This would at a stroke restore the pond and keep its brand true to label ...

For some reason, around this point the pond was reminded of an old New Yorker cartoon ...

But other, fresher, comparisons also sprang to mind ...

Uh huh, how long before dashing Donners conjures up sharia law?

Well that didn't take long, though perhaps the pond should note that for a time it lived under Catholic law, and talk about suck - not that the pond is against sucking, per se, but losing a gum boot or a clog in a sucking bog of mud isn't the greatest of fun ...

Yep, we're deep in Roy Moore territory, a man who entertained all the late night comics last night by not having a clue what Dreamer meant ...

And now in Ray Moore style, how long before we get on to the glories of Xianity, with Donners once again following in the same tradition as previous Xian thieves and counterfeiters, stealing all the works and doings of the ancient pagan Romans and Greeks, and taking all the credit ... and giving all the glory to a bunch of superstitious camel and goat herders with a taste for mystical nonsense and actual cannibalism...

What a tediously predictable angry old white man in a portentous funeral suit shouting at clouds he is, with not the slightest hint of shame, as he shamelessly conflates Xianity with Enlightenment ideals and the works of the Catholic church, including the Inquisition and Index Librorum Prohbitorum disappear in a puff of specious tosh and smoke ...

Hmm, that mention of Australian Aborigines reminds the pond of an old teaser. 

Just why did god send Her only begotten son to a godforsaken remote part of the world when the intertubes was only a part of the dreaming, and so communications were even slower than Malware's copper, and gave the Xians the injunction that anyone not baptised was going to find it tricky to get into paradise ... or so the Catholic Encyclopaedia suggests ...

So all those poor fuckers who hung around in Australia for 60-40,000 years, right up until the invasion, didn't get to hear the good news, and as unforgiven sinners died as pagan heretics destined for hellfire ...

Lordy, lordy, did She cook the books or what ... and no wonder Donners is feeling a bit nervous ...must be time to whip up a bit of nonsense like limbo or purgatory to explain it all away ...

As for the rest, how much of this Catholic fundamentalist tosh can the Murdochian Catholic press print? How many times must we endure the fundie Islamic v fundie Catholic wars, when the world would be better off without the lot of them ...

Does the ACU have the first clue, or care about what this says about their brand?

Grounded in the University's Catholic identity and the charisms of our foundation religious communities, Campus Ministry's outreach embraces people of all faith traditions.

Oh yeah? Pull the other one, you useless gherkins ...

And now to wrap it all up, the Pope has arranged for a DJ to sing a song, with more papal entertainment here ...by golly put him with Rowe's band and the whining and complaining could go on all night, with dashing Donners grooving to the beat ...