Saturday, July 01, 2017

In which the pond celebrates prattling Polonius Q.C., S.J., and the nuclear stylings of the bromancer ...


What's remarkable about the lizard Oz this day is the way that there's nary a mention on the front page of the digital edition (or the tree killer version's front page) of Germany's decision in relation to gay marriage.

Of course it's awkward, the news that despite voting against it, Merkel allowed a conscience vote, and the bill was easily passed, because it says a huge amount about the unholy mess into which the onion muncher and his conservative brethren have plunged the Liberal party in Australia. No wonder the reptiles felt the need to hide the news ...

And so to prattling Polonius Q.C. (Querulous Coot division of the bar).

A reader had optimistically predicted that Polonius would leap to the defence of the Pellists this day, and the pond shared that optimism.

Sadly, Polonius only attempted a sideways defence in his guise as a dog, by complaining for the nth time about the treatment of a former chairman of the ABC and hippie Richard Neville (devotees can head over to the Sydney Institute for that one).

This is roughly equivalent of the pond trying to ameliorate Ned Kelly's sentencing by complaining about the way Ben Hall was celebrated as a gentleman bushranger. The two things don't hang together, though hang they did ...

Instead Polonius reminded us that he had another qualification, Polonius S. J. (Society of Jawboners), as he turned to the wrecker, sniper and white-anting undermining onion muncher as his topic for the day ...



Perhaps it's just as well that prattling Polonius Q.C., S.J., decided to recuse himself from the Pellist legal team, because he's singularly silly when it comes to the onion muncher ...


Stop right there and please allow the pond to be frank.

The pond holds no candle for Mal the copper man, but you'd have to be delusional or Polonius to think that giving the onion muncher a senior cabinet position during the last year would have satiated the onion muncher and sorted his lust for revenge ...

Malware had the example of the sociopathic behaviour of chairman Rudd to consider, and as  it turns out, Rudd was something of a lightweight up against the onion muncher.

Whether the onion muncher was inside the tent pissing out, or outside pissing in, there was always going to be a pissing contest, but one thing's certain ... inside the tent, the onion muncher would have wreaked the same sort of damage as chairman Rudd did, with the ultimate aim the same ... to do a Gollum and seize the ring ...

Oh okay, the pond knows that's a meme that's been done to death, but why not join in ...


The pond needs a joke or three because Polonius then cranks into S.J. history professor gear ...


Put it another way ...


Now the pond will shortly address the notion that the onion muncher has talent, especially when it comes to policy matters, courtesy of the bromancer, when it's clearly obvious to anyone apart from Polonius S.J. that his only talent is for destructive, childish, nattering negativity and the maintaining of the rage and hate ... in short, an antipodean form of the Donald, found wanting in government, but back again as leader of the opposition ...

But before the pond can get to the bromancer there's one last gobbet of Polonius to be endured ...


As he moves towards doddering senility, the resemblance of Polonius to a teacher condescendingly explaining the world to a primary school class grows ever more striking ...

And that last thrust at the poodle is remarkable for its inanity, as conservative Polonius pumps up the volume for Hanson and Cory ... when anyone with half an eye can see that the onion muncher doesn't give a flying fuck about defeating comrade Bill, so long as he can take down Malware ...

He's now achieved full Gollum status, and so Fairfaxians, seeking to terrify their dwindling readership by warning them that Freddy Krueger lurks under the bed, can feature him as a growling, scowling, scary monster ...


The conservatives dearly want to take down the poodle and for what? Something that even Angela Merkel managed to navigate successfully this week ...while the onion muncher clings to climate denialism, coal, homophobia and onion munching ...


And so to the bromancer taking a look at one of the onion muncher's policy proposals this week ...



Unrealistic? That's a polite way of putting sheer futtockry and perversity of a kind not pursued by the onion muncher when in power ...

Now the bromancer does his level best to pay due attention to the onion muncher's proposal, but in the end, he can't manage it, because it's just too silly ...





All the same, because the pond will be under water for a considerable period of time, it's perhaps best to arrange a few illustrations, as the pond admires in silence - run silent, run deep - the bromancer's attempts to come to terms with the onion muncher's absurd attempts to muddy the waters, in a way he never managed while in actual power  ...







And there you go. Has there ever been a better example of a tortured soul wrestling with itself?

The bromancer was extraordinarily fair, and bent over backwards to be polite to the onion muncher, tugging the forelock as much as he could, slagging off Payne, celebrating a reliance on the Donald, talking up the wonders of nuclear subs, designed to stay under water a long time so they can deliver nuclear weapons anywhere at any time .,. 

And the end result? Well a meme could have summarised the policy proposal in a much shorter way...


All this nonsense and carry on and fuss, and talk of nuclear submarines and yet not a word about Angela Merkel and the German government's recent move to legalise gay marriage ... the little booby trap that the onion muncher used to gum the works for his successor, bigotry being his favourite policy position ...

And so the Liberals get what they deserve, an onion muncher descending into the madness of fear, hate, loathing and the lust for revenge, and Malware as inept as the day he followed the onion muncher's instruction to run out the copper and destroy the NBN...

And now a word of personal explanation.

Of course last night the pond took the opportunity to watch Morning Joe and Mika break their holiday to maintain their feud with the Donald ...

Of course the pond enjoyed the Daily News' front page as it was tweeted around the world ...


Sure the news that the Donald used the National Enquirer to blackmail the Morning Joe pair is interesting ...

Of course the pond enjoyed David Rowe's cartoon this day, with more enjoyable Rowe here ...


But in the end, the pond can't. It simply can't ...





16 comments:

  1. Difficult on a Saturday to look away from the final years of the reptiles weekend exertions, I grant you. shouldn't be too much longer.

    But do try and stop in at The Saturday Paper - the treats are varied and generous, but the onion-muncher punching himself in the hooter remains a perennial. Mike Seccombe, what say you now?:

    “Tony Abbott fights on,” writes Mike Seccombe, “oblivious that ‘liberal conservative’ is an oxymoron, that public opinion is not with him on key issues like marriage equality, coal and climate change, and that polls show fewer than one in 10 voters would have him back as leader. There seems no way he can win, but he can certainly help Malcolm Turnbull lose.”

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    1. Agreed, VC. Perhaps you can tell me where Gadfly gets his 'Goosebumps' moniker for the Caterist from? It just seems so - apt.

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    2. Was wondering the self-same thing myself Merc, I have no answer. Perhaps the 9th smartest academic in Australia would have an idea if she is reading?

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    3. 'Tis a mystery, isn't it. Yet, as we all seem to agree, it is so apt.

      So anyway, I greghunted 'goosebumps' and got this:
      "When you get cold or experience a strong emotion, your brain sends signals to your muscles that make them tense up. When the muscles in your skin that are attached to hairs do this, they make the hairs stand up and pull your skin up just a bit, creating goose bumps."

      Ok, so Nick The Caterer as a 'cold fish' who nonetheless experiences random flushes of passionate emotion ? Yair, I can grok that.

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  2. So, Polonius says: "The disharmony within the Liberal Party stems essentially from three factors: first, Malcolm Turnbull's decision to challenge the incumbent prime minister, Tony Abbott, for the Liberal Party leadership in September 2016; second the failue of the Turnbull government ..."

    Now forgive me if I don't understand these recondite matters, but surely the second should actually instead be "second, the action of a majority of the Liberal Party MPs voting for Turnbull and thus sacking Abbott" ? If they hadn't done that then surely Abbott would still be Prime Minister (with a capital 'P' and 'M') and the Liberal Party would be a joyous unity !

    Way, way down in the polls, and liable to be utterly annihilated at the next election, but a joyous unity all the way to oblivion, yes ?

    And also: "...Fraser and Howard lost elections

    Howard not only lost an election, he also lost his seat (to Maxine McKew - how droll) after having been the PM in a Liberal government that controlled both houses ! Now that's a truly fine achievement.

    But you never know, if Abbott was still leader at the last election, he might just have been able to repeat most of that achievement too.

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    1. Polonius also claims Abbott was only 'the second Liberal PM to be removed from Office', GB. I presume he really means 'by his own party' because I can count at least four: Gorton, McMahon, Howard and Abbott.

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    2. ... and if you include those removed 'by the hand of God', (or perhaps the Chinese Communist Party), I'd add Holt.

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  3. It would have been funnier if they had come out swinging, but the silence on a number of issues is rather telling in itself. They will have to retreat to the tribal council & try to persuade themselves that history is not against them.

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  4. I'm onto the reptiles, DP. First Shazza yesterday talked about Pyne's 'indiscrete' words, then the Prattler today gives us the pudel's 'fulsome' apology. This - along with all those misplaced short hyphens - is slowly doing my head in.

    At least I think that's what is doing it. Somebody buy these people a decent dictionary, please!

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    1. The pond is profoundly pleased and inclined to be most fulsome in praise that someone noticed Mercurial! Along with that count of expired Liberal PMs ... though have you ever wondered if the submarine was just a cunning ploy to escape his dire situation?

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    2. Thanks for the tip Dot. I shall be watching Malware very closely as those new subs roll out.

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  5. So, in all his researching, the bromancer never came across the Air-Independent Propulsion for submarines "Nuclear-powered submarines have traditionally held a decisive edge in endurance, stealth and speed over cheaper diesel submarines. However, new Air Independent Propulsion (AIP) technology has significantly narrowed the performance gap on a new generation of submarines that cost a fraction of the price of a nuclear-powered boat. - see Did Sweden Make America's Nuclear Submarines Obsolete? at http://nationalinterest.org/blog/the-buzz/did-sweden-make-americas-nuclear-submarines-obsolete-18908.

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    1. In fact Joe, nuclear subs don't have a decisive edge in stealth because at all times the nuclear reactor needs to be constantly cooled, even on standby, and the water pumps and heat exchangers operate continuously, producing noise even during silent running. They've done their best to kill off this noise, but conventional subs don't have this problem when running silent ...

      But it's all academic because the chances of Australia getting any kind of meaningful submarine fleet, which can be properly staffed (see Collins class ongoing problems), during the pond's lifetime is about as likely as Abbott returning to power and spending cash on nuclear submarines ... consider whatever happens a future gift for millennials to pay for ...

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    2. Nukes or AIPs guys, what is this thing with 'subs for Orstraya oi oi oi' ?

      So, the Bromancer romances: "Nuclear-powered subs are vastly more formidable than conventionally powered subs."

      For what ? Nuclear subs are only "formidable" because the ones the Americans and Russians (and Chinese ?) have carry rocket delivered thermo-nuclear bombs. Not for anything else much. Does Bubbling Bromancer really think that Australia - alone and without USA coverage - is actually going to send a couple of nuclear subs to do ... what ? Sink the only Chinese aicraft carrier ? Or the last seaworthy Russian aircraft carrier ?

      What exactly does the Bromancer think a handful of Australian subs - nuclear or otherwise - will actually do, and to whom ? What "enormous damage" will they inflict and on what ?

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    3. http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/we-want-big-role-in-nuclear-club-howard/2006/05/13/1146940775888.html
      http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2007/s2024982.htm

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  6. It's nice to see that, as he gets older, Polonius is making sure he gets plenty of rest. That article certainly reads as though it was written in his sleep. at least three-quarters of it appears cut and pasted from Hendo's standard timeline of Post WW2 Australian politics.


    Also, I think the Bromancer doth protest too much - from where else would Abbott have picked up his nuclear subs thought-bubble? Okay, perhaps he just found a copy of the proposal scribbled on the back of a beer-mat while clearing away the empties after the Bro had been around one evening, but I can't believe that Tony could have come up with it himself - it's stupid enough, but he doesn't have that much imagination.

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