Saturday, May 20, 2017

In which the grey-beard loon with glittering eye sends readers scurrying away ...



The pond can't help it if the reptiles insist on putting nattering "Ned" at the top of the digital edition of the Catholic Boyz Daily, aka the lizard Oz ...

Sure, there's a fast-moving war going on, a blitzkrieg of wafers at ten paces ...


But the pond is always transfixed by nattering "Ned", even as readers drop like flies or scurry for some sanctuary away from the battleground ...



Eftsoons, 'tis time to listen to the song of nattering "Ned", his glittering eye fixed on the golden years of Ming the Merciless. 

What can the pond do, but listen like a three years child, for nattering "Ned" hath his will ...


The pond immediately and intuitively understood the torment.

Nattering Ned was a giant, a kind of Alice, while all around him progressive cards flapped. Smart arse cards, deuces and jacks, assaulting him, tearing at his soul ...


Damn you ABC, most influential media outlet. How can nattering "Ned" and the lizards of Oz compete with such a behemoth? Why you're probably kitted out with that damned Yankee invention of six handed 500, with 63 bloody cards designed to ruin nattering "Ned's" life ...

Well you pathetic Whitlamesque losers, there's no way you can silence nattering "Ned" with your sordid wildly flapping and cascading casino quality, high slip playing cardboard ...


What a calamitous mistake by the pond. Of course, the metaphor isn't playing cards, but a diversity of feral animals surrounding nattering "Ned" and tearing him down. 

All that do-gooder diversity, all that progressive culture surrounding the dear lad, a seething mass of tormenting creatures, making the dodderer totter on his feet ...


Get away, you pesky things, nattering "Ned" has matters of great moment to discuss. How else to bore the pants, the skirts, or the gender neutral garments off the sexually fluid readership?


Ah, the moral universe of Ming the Merciless. How could the pond have forgotten?




Well come the 22nd September, the pond will be remembering that referendum in 1951, and the result.

Not because it allowed people to publicly speak of their delusional faith in Communism or the Stalinists and their murderous ways, but because it's a reminder of just how close the country came to enduring life under a fascist thought police, roaming the land in full Joe McCarthy mode ...

Why even nattering "Ned" has the right to speak to his delusions, including his idle worship of one of the more despicable politicians to run the country.

Apparently "Ned" yearns for authoritative leadership. Perhaps nice boots and a good leather coat might help things along?


The pond has been here many times before with nattering "Ned." The apocalypse is just around the corner, the forces of dislocation, the talk of populism and irrationality, and all the other hysterical blather designed to cower and confuse the sheep, and intimidate them with fear, and herd them into a corner where they can make a fine sacrifice for the community good ... which is to say the rich ...while pretending it's got something to do with the forgotten people ...

As the pond used to say when in Tamworth, the usual pile of apocalyptic horse shit.

Remember this painting? Apparently it's frequently shared on social media whenever anyone stops by for a read of nattering "Ned" ...


Oh the horror of progressives on horses, so much different from nattering "Ned" riding his assorted set of hobby horses ...

So much useless blather, so much nonsense, it seems almost an insult to the Pope to attach one of his encyclicals to the end of it, but the pond is nothing if it isn't heretical, and seeks absolution by reminding irrational sectional populists, agrarian socialists, Barners' mob, and the social-media driven entitled that it's possible to escape the meandering nonsense of silly old buggers and grey-bearded loons by heading here for more Pope ...




5 comments:

  1. It's a good thing that Ned's column is headed "Opinion", as it certainly has little resemblance to reality.

    Surely it's getting to the point where the poor old fellow should be placed in a nice, quiet, rest home and only provided with newspapers published between 1950-60s and some recordings of episodes of "Blue Hills"? It's distressing to read his concerns - it's like those elderly Americans one hears of whose addiction to Fox News had placed them in a permanent state of fear that Obama and Hilary and the Muslims are about to come for their valuables and guns (BTW, farewell Richard Ailes - you won't be missed).

    As for this near-deification of Pig-Iron Bob that Tories now indulge in as a substitute for coming to terms with the issues of the 21st Century .... faaaarrrrrkkkk. I wouldn't be surprised if this 75th anniversary celebration of what appears to be the only memorable speech Ming ever gave culminates in the sacrifice of 50 Young Liberals in a necromantic attempt to bring him back from the grave.

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    1. (edit - Roger Ailes - a slimebucket under any name)

      Delete
  2. I had been wondering if Nattering "Ned" thinks he's paid by the word count or whether he actually is.

    But then I got it: it's all about filling the Opinion page in the dead tree edition. When the Bromancer or the Dogbotherer or assorted other pop-up laddies have completed their trivial pursuits and Dame Slap (or Sharri or some other pop-up girlie) have done their rant, the The Editor has to fill the remaining blank space on the page. So, out the back "Ned" is scribbling away (with someone looking over his shoulder to do the typing), and The Editor grabs "Ned's" stuff, cuts out the excess (and it doesn't matter where he cuts, it never made any real sense anyway) and shoves it into the page. Hooray, no blank space ! And "Ned's" name lives on.

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    1. They do have an alternative though...

      Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Pellentesque venenatis odio quis libero vestibulum, sed mattis ipsum cursus. Integer dui eros, feugiat et consectetur auctor, ultrices et velit. Maecenas sed purus eget nisl tempor semper. Vestibulum sollicitudin vitae lorem sed aliquet. Morbi cursus congue magna, sed blandit ante iaculis sit amet.

      Delete
    2. Etaoin shrdlu, mate (which at least is shorter than 'The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog', I guess).

      But would some randomly garbalised Cicero really be comparable to a full flowing dose of "Ned" ?

      Delete

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