Sunday, April 23, 2017

In which the pond celebrates Murdochian values with Akker Dakker and the Devine ...


The pond couldn't resist starting with a comedy item in the Sunday Terror about the Manly Mauler ... so desperate in his attention-seeking that anything is possible.

Naturally the notion of a 59 year old onion munching fool was discussed solemnly on The Insiders, but the pond had other things in mind ... an outing to the car wash, the only chance the pond gets these days to come into contact with actual tree-killing editions of the gutter tabloid press ...

The car wash means well, it's not their fault that pornography and filth turn up on their coffee tables ...

The pond couldn't help but notice in the digital edition of the Terror that there was a shocking example of unAustralian values at work ...

Akker Dakker had been displaced from the opinion splashes yet again by a couple of skirts ...


In the tree killer edition, Akker Dakker took his rightful place next to the Terrorist editorial ...


The Devine was deeper into the rag, but she was given delightful wombles as a witty illustration, and a whole page to herself ...


This shocked the pond to the core ... because if ever there was anyone who stood for dinkum, portly, dry sherry or a snort of the white powder in the leather arm chair Aussie values, it was Akker Dakker ...



It came as something of an anti-climax - as most things Akker Dakker do - to discover on returning from the car wash and perusing the digital edition that Akker Dakker was seriously confused.


You see, Akker Dakker was expecting to attack Malware himself because everyone knows you could offer him a sausage sandwich and he'd plead he was on a gluten-free diet (well that was The Insiders joke anyway).

Here were the greenies, comrade Bill and his comrades, the ABC (what no Fairfax?) having a burl, having a lash, when really they should have left it to Akker Dakker ...

It's his bloody turf. How dare they?


You see? After having a go at the bed wetters, Akker Dakker himself can't resist wetting the bed with one of those classic "Billy goat butt" openings, as in "But ... it pains the portly retained of all knowledge of dinkum Aussie values to point out ..." that Malware is unAustralian and lacks dinkum sausage values ...

Immediately after that came the sort of photo we've become familiar with thanks to SNL ...


Yep, here's the puppet, standing to screen left of the puppet master ... getting ready for a good Akker Dakker bollocking and dressing down ...


There isn't actually any need to read Akker Dakker rehearsing all his usual lines ... why not just enjoy a cartoon the pond found in the Sun-Herald?


The funny thing is the way that Malware must have thought he was on to a good thing with the values stuff, but when you're a hater, of the Akker Dakker kind, anything Malware does is up for a good hating ... stand clear, greenies, comrade Bill, the ABC, and Fairfax, your man Akker Dakker is on the bed wetting job ...


Hmm, Malware set fire to the 457 visas? Or he's burning down the house?

Oh wait, that must be someone thinking they can drum up business by advertising on Akker Dakker's page ... by golly, nice lizard ...


Actually if you've got ticker or hypertension problems, or you're overweight, you should think twice about the salt content in Vegemite ... on the other hand, if Akker Dakker thinks that's the mark of being dinkum, who would want to stop him enjoying his very own myocardial infarction ... though maybe that could be induced just by clicking heels three times and whispering that magic incantation into his ear, Allah, Allah, Allah ...

Well there was another cartoon in the tree-killing edition of the Fairfax rag ...and it seemed to echo Akker Dakker and set up the Devine ...


By golly, that print-through gives it an authentic tang of tree killing ... and so on to the Devine, who decided this day to trash Canberra, the federal government, public servants and the whole damn thing ...


Of course the illustration made no sense. The best-know Wombles live in Wimbledom Common, which has bugger all to do with Canberra or federal politics or public servants - it would have been more sensible to resort to the common abuse of smurfs or muppets or the LGM godbots in Toy Story - but who ever expected a Devine column to make sense or contain relevance?

It's the abuse that's at the heart of the matter ...and a whiner telling others to stop whining always delivers the iron the pond's diet requires ...


It's as if Barners' attempts to shift departments lock, stock and barrel out of town - sending every government department and bureaucrat into a tizz and a deep funk these past few weeks - hasn't been happening ... though the pond hears it's the first and last item around the water cooler as people contemplate their shift to Woolbrook to get the town on the move ...

But of course that's the entire point of the piece ... a smug, entitled Murdochian mocking others for being smug and entitled ...


Now anyone who glanced at the dinkum Australian values in that Wilcox cartoon would have noted that the smug Devine is living in smug Sydney, where real estate pricing is a form of madness designed to forever exclude the young of everyone except those spawned by the already well-heeled ...

What's the point of this Devine piece? Well it's just a different angle on the fat cats routine, as opposed to talking about the lives of quiet desperation lived by many public servants, the lesser cogs in the wheel, who do much of the grunt work trying to make the wheel go round ...


Oh look, and they take balloon rids and they paddle on the lake. Is there no end to their luxury lifestyles?

It's such a tediously obvious bit of hate, fear and loathing that there's not much point blinking, even when the academics and the ABC turn up to get done over by the rage machine.

Of course if anyone asks the Devine what she gets paid - a shit load of money no doubt - she'll suddenly go all coy. When she returned to the Terror to start her new era of rabidity she told the reptiles of Oz "It was never about the money." (Mumbrella here).

Of course not, it was also about the hate. But please, don't forget the money, oodles of it ...

Bear that in mind when reading the following seething mass of neuroses, resentment, hostility, anger and hate, sustained by an exceptionally generous stipend from News Corp. 

Anyone with long enough memories can remember asking the Bolter to reveal his salary (Media Watch here), only to be greeted with dead silence, because anyone who discovered what Murdoch's queen bees are being paid would reel away in shock (of course if anyone thinks they're being underpaid, the pond would be only too happy to reveal the shocking underpayment):


Indeed, indeed ...



Never mind, it's time to harden the fuck up Canberran ps'ers. 

Everyone's been done over by Miranda the Devine, and had Vitriole, essence of heart of darkness splashed on them. 

This week it was Canberrans, next week, dinkum Australian values demand that some other bunch of mugs have the shit ritually been beaten out of them by an exceptionally well paid Murdochian hate machine ...

But at least the pond can claim it gets its samples from the car wash ...



Another day, another dollar in the sock ... yes, it's not just the well-paid Manly Mauler, with handsome parliamentary pension, standing by to dish out a pounding ... each time someone slips a dollar in the Chairman's till, they're helping spread that essence of Vitriole around the land ...


6 comments:

  1. Acks Dacks: "... the Koran which committed Muslims claim to represent the word of their God, Allah, as reported by their prophet Muhammed..."

    Actually no, "committed Muslims" believe that the Koran is the literal word of Allah as transcribed by His appointed amanuensis, Muhammad. Strewth but he's an ignorant little git, the Dacker.

    And again: "... Defence Department realists better appreciate how dangerous it would be to rely on lunatic alternative energy sources..."

    Well, of course "Lunatic" alternative energy sources would be those tidal generators we still hear about occasionally. But did every body catch up with the report 'U.K. Just Went Without Coal Power for the First Time Since 1880s' in Bloomberg ? Yep a full 24 hour period with only gas, 'alternative' (wind + solar) and basically some nuclear, but no coal. Of course the Dacker would say they're all "lunatics" in Great Britain.

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  2. Nice to see that the Not So Divine Ms M is maintaining her high standards of rigorous research - "A friend who recently moved to Canberra says that.....", followed by a recitation of the usual stale myths and cliches. I wonder if that's the same friend who gave her the lowdown on Cheltenham Girls High School a while back?

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  3. "Well, you could never accuse the Coalition of damaging Canberra's economic growth."

    Or, if you resorted to minor things like facts, you could - The federal public service has shed 8000 Canberra-based jobs in less than four years, or 12% of its workforce. If Canberra is booming, as claimed, its continued growth is now due to the growth of a number of non-APS sectors, including education and training and IT being leaders.

    Devine recites the IPA's unevidenced claim that APS salaries have risen 50.7% in a decade, but I call shenanigans. Thanks to an intransigent government and zero bargaining leverage, the three biggest departments, representing something like 70% of the APS, haven't had a pay rise in four years, so maybe someone needs to look at who did get all the money...it wasn't the public servants, that's sure as shit.

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    1. "...now due to the growth of a number of non-APS sectors, including education and training and IT being leaders."

      And there I thought it was all down to those ex-pollies and pubserves setting up lobbying organisations. Though there has been something of a sizable downturn in the Fyshwick Porn industry in these web based days to balance that.

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    2. The pond is vastly relieved that a few people actually read the words of the Terrorists, and get pleasure from pointing out their folly. The pond is too jaded to contemplate actual facts when reading the Devine and Akker Dakker, since it's wise to proceed on the basis that almost everything written is pure unadulterated spin, aka bullshit ...

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    3. That's our pleasure - or at least our mind-numbing diversion to start our day.

      But I do recall with some fondness a saying held dear by a few computer salesmen I once worked with back in the days when 'computer' meant a multi-million $ mainframe, viz: "You can hang an awful lot of bullshit off one small fact". It helped them sell quite a few mainframes.

      So even now, I still try to seek out the "one small fact" that their bullshit is hung from. Though it is ofttimes a fruitless search.

      In the meatime, may we all get our daily issue of gorm, hap and feck.

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