In which the dog botherer is desolate, so naturally the pond cackles with delight...

Devastated. That seems to be the only way to describe the dog botherer's gloom, despondency and desolate despair ... the business plan, oh, the business plan ...

Why he's now so taken with his assigned role as a dog botherer that he imagines himself set back on his haunches ...

But enough of dog botherer training, it's on with the first gobbet about the haunch-hunched one ...

Indeed, indeed, though the pond suspects that what the dog botherer meant to type is "this is not in the interest of Chairman Rupert and clearly is the last thing the lizards of Oz need", as Milne helpfully explained in an interview in Crikey, outside the paywall at time of writing here ...

What, the future is the full to overflowing intertubes, when every reptile worth his salt knows that treekiller newspapers will live at least as long as a thousand year reich, and that the wicked logarithms will be cast out to the withered heath and the lonely mountain of Erebor?

One of the funniest EXCLUSIVES this day concerned a certain student newspaper ...

What, the news-ousting ideological reptiles have joined the ranks of student newspapers?

Never mind, the pond understands why Milne would get up the nose of the dog botherer, an easy enough task at any time for one who loves to chase cars and postpersons, without any clue what to do if one should be caught ...

In a personal profile for the lizard Oz, the reptiles dug up this shot from 1984, back in the days when Milne made government videos for the SAFC ...

Now don't get the pond wrong. It's always thought that Milne was a bit of a flake with a slight resemblance to Erlich ...

And it's possible Milne has always had a socialistic, governmental streak. Look at this devious promotional video for government control of wilderness areas ...

National parks? Nationalising nature! Socialism! Communism! Greenies! The ABC!!!

QEDogbotherer.

It's amazing what you can find on Trove, and the pond urges Trove lovers to look here for more tales of the works and deeds of Milne ...

The pond understands that this national treasure and resource is suspect, it being a government activity, and therefore socialistic.

To bemoan the lack of funding for this valuable resource verges on the Communistic - imagine how much better it would be under News Corp, with a fancy paywall and handsome access fees - but perhaps there can be reforms along the lines the NSW government has managed in relation to real estate in New South Wales ... good one Bairdy ...

Could the unnerving Milne be an example of where things are headed?

The dog botherer, the reptiles and the chairman might soon be looking for public patronage - beyond the tax breaks and the other lurks - if the public keeps on drifting away from the reptiles' business model, though the pond hasn't the foggiest explanation of why this might be happening ... might it have something to do with the relentless carping, moaning and whining through the wrong end of a right wing telescope?

Milne seems to have captured the essence of the dog botherer's problems many years ago in the title of one of his company's films:

Naturally the weak-kneed, pussy-footing attempt to take climate science and scientists seriously has pushed the dog botherer to breaking point:

Climate gestures! The ABC! Socialism, nationalising the airwaves, insufferable competition, Latham put down like a dog, paranoia, wrong perspective, the dog botherer not hard right, but soft centred, like a box of Forrest Gump chocolates...sweeeet ...

Oh the tragedy, ruination, political incorrectness when all the arm-breaker did was stick it up a kid ...

Did Milne catch the trend early in his career with another relevant title?

The pond could go on, but the pond thinks everyone knows the dog botherer's predilections, not least his amazing capacity for extracting nonsense from some fundament deep within himself ...

Well it would be wrong to leave it there, because Milne thoughtfully prepared a video which might have helped the dog botherer sort out his deep emotional problems ...

Perhaps it should have been titled A Bolter from the rabid red ... but it's near enough ... 

And then back at Crikey, Milne offered a few more consoling words for the dog botherer.

The apocryphal dog botherer in hot water! 10% of the readership! Why, let's not confuse circulation with readership, but on a M-F basis,  that's less than 35,000 on a good day for the reptiles! The value plummeting like the planet's health after a Donald tweet ...

Oh it's going to get much better for the pond before it gets worse, and to complete the cackle, the pond turned to Rowe here ...

And to David Pope here ...

Fang it! Why, in some past life, the Pope must have lived in Tamworth ...