Wednesday, December 21, 2016

In which the pond wraps it up for the year with a worthy winner and a final thought from freedom boy ...


The pond had simple aims when it started off ... to last a decade, or at least, to last long enough to cheer the demise of the chairman and the end of the reptiles of Oz ...

Or at least be able to reprint their belated acknowledgment that their rabid Catholic Boys' Daily ways didn't amount to a hill of beans business plan ...

Others might discover new long term goals, to be around say for the impeachment or the assassination of the Donald, or the wiping of all forms of religious fundamentalism from the globe, but the pond is not of a utopian mind ...

Thousands of years of mess suggest that the ending of mess isn't imminent ... and the chief illusion is that somehow a new messiah will come along and fix things, when generally messiahs have turned out to be naughty boys ... (along with the occasional naughty girl, come on Theresa, you can make a right proper hash of Brexit).

In the meantime, all that's left is to wish anyone who's strayed on to the pond for good or ill over the year a happy Xmas - insert god, solstice rite, saturnalia festival of choice in place of X, or insert Christ or Buddha or a stray Calathumpian if you will and don't mind the sound of Christmas or Calathumpmas or Buddhamas - and happy holydays and a jolly good New Year while we're at it ...

The pond will return in the new year, health and roads and reptiles permitting, because, sad to say, the heavy hitters at the lizard Oz have dismally failed to maintain the rage at the end of the year ...

The pond reports with profound regret that Dame Slap was a non-starter in the pond's quest to find a column that would hold sway, stay top of the page over the Xmas/New Year break, and symbolise everything the pond found worthy and insightful.

Planet Janet joined the Oreo and others in refusing to rise to the challenge. Squibs, losers, dropkicks, spoilsports, lazybones ...

Oh sure, there were diligent substitute reptiles on the field. After all, what would the break be without a climate denialist at the top of the opinion page ...


And the diligent bromancer, already certain to win the pond's 'favourite loon of the year' award, kept plugging away ...


But the pond is over religious fundamentalism of all kinds, apart from observing the curious way that reptile Catholic boys' daily fundamentalism has grown in tandem with Islamic fundamentalism ...

And there were the usual reptiles handing out gratuitous advice to Turnbull in the usual way ...


Um, could it be because his key agenda, in the context of the NBN, produces laughter and much good humoured banter about living in the age of copper?

The Terrorists were also in on this caper ...


But that was just silly Timmie suggesting that Malware grow balls of steel like good old Nifty Wran, seemingly oblivious to the way he was suggesting female politicians might have to go with a sex change if they were ever to perform adequately ...

But that's how it goes in a pussy-grabbing year.

And then as a late left field entry, there came a Citigroup chappie explaining how the banks could make out like bandits with higher interest rates, and that this was a 'paradigm shift' ...


Paradigm shift? The pond hadn't heard that sort of silly talk in many a year, and it was an excellent example of the abuse of the original meaning and of the English language ...

But this is the time of lightness and laughter, and so the pond had to head back in time to a humble state politician dedicated to fucking over Sydney and the NSW state finances, while part-time trying to whip up a war over Xmas ...

The brave lad joined in the usual chorus trying to sort out the season ...


Now the pond hadn't understood that Christmas had gone away ...

Where did it go? Did it disappear into the attic with the mad uncle or down into the basement with Tony Perkins' fruity old mum?

But that's why the pond constantly looks for enlightenment, along with a decent dose of irony ...


Well there you go, that will do nicely. 

You see the reptile Terrorists hitched a WSJ video to the parroting Perrottet, and it, in the spirit of the genuine Xmas - where X means $ - urged the world to shop like a holiday bot ...


A "personal technology" columnist?

So this is where agility and innovation have led us and the reptiles?

Could it get any more tragic? 

Well there was that "sponsored content" lurking at the top of the reptile digital page ... look, over on the right ...


Trails and treats?

Sponsored content of the most hideous and banal Nova Scotia kind? How the mighty reptiles and the Catholic Boys' Daily business plan lies in sponsored content tatters.

Pardon ... the pond must go bot shopping for  hideous jumpers too ...


Yes, it's the spirit of Xmas ... find the best price with an app!


It's as good as any an irony to accompany the parrot Perrottet sounding off, while a pagan symbol atop a pagan Xmas tree adds to the irony overload ...


Such a fuckwit - and while it explains the dire state of things in NSW, and the generally hopeless Baird government, the pond preferred to relish the irony of the Terrorists using pagan Xmas tree decorations to illustrate a fool blathering on about Christmas ... and the "C-word" ...

Secular zealots? Well it sure beats plain old fuckwits in poetic verbal motion ... now where was that app?



Prices crash!

Well it's time to wrap up this tiresome clown and his jingle jangle jingle bells ...


And yes, there you have in a nutshell why the Baird government is fucked in the head ... and why the pond instinctively reacted with the thought, 'Merry Xmas?', why don't you just fuck off prattling parrot Perrottet and it might be a happy fucking Christmas ... or Buddhamas or whatever ...

You see, if you can find space for silly Islamics, why not find a little space for secular zealots, you overbearing oppressive persecuting dingbat ...

But while the parrot Perrottet did much to establish the mood of Xmas cheer at the pond, we wouldn't want the last post to sound too lightweight, and that's why the pond thought it should honour the most useless campaign of the year, the reptile hysteria over 18C, over which nobody except Bill Leak and the reptiles care much much of a toss ...

Valiant freedom boy was at it again this day ...


And so freedom boy once again joined a campaign that has gone on and on, suggesting that the privileged chattering classes have got way too much time on their hands, and really don't have a first clue about what's agitating the average punter feeling the budgetary heat ...


Splash useful cash on this sort of ongoing crusade? Subscribe to the lizard Oz as a way of endorsing all this useless venting and hot air spleen?

Never mind, it's over to freedom boy for the last time this year ...


Could the pond produce a better example of an indulged ruling 'leet carrying on about nothing, in much the same way as the reptiles have conducted themselves throughout the year, and with bonus rabid ideology and a throwaway free book from Troy which clearly was already on its way to the remaindered shelves ...


Valued at $49.99? Hmm, where was that bot?


$28 bucks with free shipping and that's without going below the fold.

Oh thank you spirit of Xmas bot, thank you ...

And now it's back to Troy for the very last serious thoughts of the year ...


Now somewhere in there, freedom boy seemed to be suggesting that it should all be left to the states - states frame laws around harassment and they do - yet only a few short pars on, the dear lad goes on to deplore Tasmanian state law in the area and be shocked by its impact on a bigoted Catholic doing what bigoted Catholics do ...

And then, right at the end, came that delightful bit of Orwellian wordsmithing of the kind that the pond loves ...

"Projecting challenging ideas ..."

That's standard reptile code for projecting bigotry, hate, fear, loathing, rabid climate denialism, black and gender bashing, and all the rest of the nonsense that has preoccupied the chattering 'leets this year and produced the endless diatribes that have littered the pond like mouse droppings ...

According to the pond's record, the reptiles' "challenging ideas" have flourished shamelessly, unhindered in any way, shape or form by 18C, the abundant growth only matched in an inverse way by the reptiles' business model's sponsored content, get a free useless book business plan death spiral...

No doubt there will be even more tut-tutting and carry on should someone who has been the butt of this projecting of challenging ideas dares to speak her mind ...


And now before signing off, the pond should explain that illustration at the top of the page ...


What a drop kick try hard loser, almost as silly as your average cash in the paw grant-loving Caterist ...

And with that the pond wishes a good night, and a good luck to everyone, until the new year at least ...



Or even not descended from fearful women ...





11 comments:

  1. Good year Miss
    Leaving this
    Bowl of cherries
    on your desk
    https://youtu.be/mc6RS9e3Dhw
    anonpossum

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes. Happy Christmas, Dot.
    I briefly saw 'Carols by Candlelight' last weekend and was struck by the ways in which, in the period I that watched, the hosts repeatedly talked of 'Christmas traditions' and 'traditional Christmas'. This stuck me as passing strange, since the event was called 'Coles Carols by Candlelight', and a number of the songs were performed by scantily clad young women who thrust their groins at the kiddies in the audience. I also wondered why David Koch was playing such a prominent role in celebrating the birth of Christ.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kinkiness everywhere. Just as well it was on 9, who knows what sort of thrusting might have gone on if 7 had the rights!

      As for Kochie, isn't he the Christ child returned to earth so that we might be led to morning television? Just a passing strange thought, and if you can stand it, please report on the fireworks display coverage ...

      And meanwhile a Happy Christmas to you ...perhaps by avoiding Coles.

      Delete
  3. Happy Holidays Dorothy, Enjoy your end of year break. Thanks for an entertaining 2016.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I might have spent 30yrs doing circle work on my JD south of breeza, but my P.E.I. raised wife would never concur with a N.S. put down. Irrespective of source. Merry Seasons Dot.

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  5. There I was, standing in a sweaty pub watching The Soft Boys last night, fretting as one does at whether I could provide Dot with a suitable gift, and boom! There it was. HE'S A REPTILE by The Softboys, lyrics first, then song.

    Thanks for making a simply brilliant year even better Dot - go well over the break, may Melbourne turn it on for youse!

    Here he comes and there he goes
    Got a brand-new suit of clothes
    Looks around and sniffs the air
    (What'd you find?) Well he'll have her on a fork and spoon
    (What'd you find?) And he'll toss her right back over the moon
    (What'd you find?) Watch, he moves in out there in the yard
    Rule number one: don't try too hard

    I believe he was my friend
    Right up 'til he stopped pretending
    He makes amends
    Although it's ended long ago
    Ah, he's moving in now just some piece
    Everybody looks like the police
    Feet of gold and on his skin a fleece
    Sucking shepherd, they just make out Nice [?]

    [Chorus]
    He's a reptile and it shows
    Got a web between his toes, too right
    He's a reptile back in town
    He's a reptile, hanging 'round tonight
    He's a reptile, never cries
    He's a reptile, never dies

    Here he comes and there he goes
    And when he's been, it hardly shows
    He covers up so very well
    But I can tell, see your baby she's been on the sand
    How the hell did that guy get on dry land?
    Better bolt up both your baby's doors
    She'll be dancing with him on all fours

    [Chorus]
    He's a reptile back in town
    He's a reptile hanging 'round tonight
    He's a reptile, whoa whoa whoa
    He's a reptile, watch him go tonight
    He's a reptile, never tries
    He's a reptile, never cries
    He's a reptile of his town
    He's a reptile, hanging 'round tonight

    He's a reptile on his own
    He's a reptile with a bone tonight
    He's a reptile, never tries
    He's a reptile, he never cries
    He's a reptile, he doesn't care
    He's a reptile, he's never there tonight

    He's a reptile just for you
    He's a reptile and it's true tonight
    He's a reptile, watch him go
    How you stand, it never show
    He's a reptile, whoa
    He's a reptile, whoa

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAmoPyovyLE

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Top notch VC, and we might just be borrowing those lyrics. Have fun at Christmas and a good new year ...

      Delete
  6. It's been a fun and thought provoking year of reading you!
    Have lovely Christmas and don't let Zwarte Piet catch you... unless of course you enjoy a good birching :-)

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    Replies
    1. Actually HH, the pond has a bit of a Percy Grainger streak, and where's the harm in that, but draws the line at doing a Bolter impression in black face, or giving dinkum coal to naughty children when we can give it to the world and fuck the planet. Talk about a dinky di win win ...

      Delete
  7. Merry Christmas DP,

    Have a well-earned rest and many thanks for providing such a full year's witty commentary on the sorry state of journalism, (and indeed, the world). My morning coffee is never complete without surveying the pond’s daily catch.

    Kez

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  8. Merry Xmas Dorothy,
    I'll ditto Kez's sentiment.Strong morning coffee and the LP is the best start one could wish for.
    I must admit that every new year is looked forward to with anticipation,but 2017 has me not as relaxed as usual.Seems to be looking like year zero of the loon as there appears to be a uniquely*unique fool on every hill and those reptiles are gonna be tap dancing like never before.:):)........but I am really anticipating the Pond in 2017.

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