Friday, December 16, 2016

In which the pond joins the Terror in its war on that bleeding heart Jesus Christ ...

It's Friday afternoon, the pond will shortly be shutting down for the Xmas/New Year season, and so it's time for a little frivolous TGIF, TGIXmas, seasonal fun ...

That Terror front page set the pond off, with its talk of "bleeding-heart" politics, coming at just the right time in the usual war on Xmas nonsense ...

It sent the pond spiralling back into the dim, distant past where 'bleeding heart' had an entirely different, though somewhat literal and bloodthirsty meaning ...

Lordy lordy, golly gee ...

The pond stared at images like that for years ... one set of grandparents had the bleeding heart unavoidably positioned above the chaise lounge (what would that working class cedar be worth these days, speaking of the true spirit of Xmas?)

That's why the pond can imagine the Terrorists denouncing a returning Christ as one of those bleeding-heart do gooders always jibber-jabbering on about being nice to people ...

The pond is one of those atheists who happens to think Christ was delusional on many matters, but who also had plenty of insights worth sharing ...

Like this one (KJV only please) ...

Well there's something to be said for sisterly love too, but it was a bit early for the camel and goat herders to have fronted the public bar to share a beer with Germaine.

And then there was this more famous anecdote ...

What on earth does the mutton Dutton, busy running his gulags, make of those sorts of Xian messages and sentiments? Bound up wounds, poured in oil and wine?

It is, however,  possible to hear in the distance, the reptile Terrorists shouting, "oh fuck off, bleeding heart, just piss off and go far away ...we've got gulags to run for the strangers and the Samaritans, and if there's an angel amongst them, too bloody bad ..."

But of course that's just one of the ironies on this day ... 

Let's check out how the newspaper of the year is doing ... let's see if they can have an anxiety attack about the Xians ...

Forbidden fruit in church? Scantily clad models and dancers?

Lascivious licking of licks and a shot of said shocking scantily clad souls at the top to help out with the clickbait?

Oh the filthy vile purveyors of smut, the indecent rogues ...

Roll the pond over and fuck, fuck with all your might ...

And speaking of that, there was good old 'Becca, she of the urban hysteria, getting nicely agitated ...

Come on 'Becca, sing along with Dino ...

And now it's time for the lizard Oz seasonal heavy hitters, who with the best will in the world, can't seem to take all the nonsense seriously ...

Somehow appropriately? Did somebody mention the gulags? Is there an uprising in the gulags?

And because the reptiles can never get enough, there was another bite at the forbidden fruit ...

Of course what this talk of the "c-word" is all about is the way that it allows the reptiles the saucy pleasure of conjuring up "cunt" without ever going near the word ...

Yes, the pond just had to let all that gibberish roll on, because we wanted to include Bill Leak deploying "Islamic Terrorists", which if it isn't a breach of Godwin's Law yet, will surely become one thanks to his remarkable capacity for endless stupidity ...

Meanwhile that talk of the Terrorists sent the pond off on a Terrorist hunt ...

"No-nonsense" as a way of describing complete and utter nonsense?

How silly did the nonsense get, as the Terrorists gaily talked of "cunt" in the guise of talking about "Xmas"?

Is a joke about the cunt word the Terrorist idea of the spirit of Xmas?

Just wondering ...

Oh fuck ... a world celebration? Of Santa Claus? Well the Indians and the Chinese and lots of others of the Islamic and Jewish kind might not worry too much about the Xian element in the celebration ...but please, do go on, the pond loves a very merry war on very merry ...

Subversion? What planet do they live on? What's subversive about happy holydays?

But of course the real crime is the face in that banner, which the reptiles didn't note or feel the need to comment on ...

It's the hipster beard. Talk about scratchy and insufferable. Ever kissed a hipster beard? 

Thought about making out with a Scotchbrite scourer pad?

Never mind, we're almost at the end of the lunacy ...

Now Fred Nile might be against "happy holy days" - who knows what he believes in, except gigantic casinos and gambling temples and dens of Packer iniquity - but perhaps the pond should explain it doesn't mind wishing anyone happy holydays, or merry Christmas or merry Xmas, or happy Hannukah, or happy kwanzaa, or happy whatever other delusion you've got ... please, just be very merry, even if it's a tough ask for barking mad parochial politicians and off the planet c-word Terrorists ...

The pond only draws the line at happy Zwarte Piet, though not at at a happy bad Santa ...

Yes, the pond will soon be dragging out its favourite seasonal viewing for another run ... what a joyous celebration of all that's right and funny in the season.

Now some nervous nellies might have noted a link in one of those Terror pieces and wondered how long they've been trying to get this thing on a roll ...

Quick, let's flashback to the wicked satanic Clover Moore, daring to associate with herself with gaudy reindeer and fairy lights.

It possibly doesn't dawn on the Terrorists that the whole commercial enterprise - Santa, elves, the north pole and all the rest of the crap, if not just outright secular, is certainly outright pagan ...

The stupid dumb fuckers can't tell the difference between Christ and Santa, because one moment they're carrying on about bleeding hearts, the next they're banging on about the secularists and hipster beards ...

Back then they had problems with an Xmas tree? 

There's more if anyone cares to google it, but the pond couldn't be bothered wasting more space on the dumb fuckers. 

By golly, isn't that Billy Bob language catchy ... almost as catchy as the Terrorists joking about the c-word... 

Okay, the pond apologises for the way that the "C" word and other fowl language has found its way into this piece, and it's either the fault of Billy Bob or the dumb fuck Terrorists carrying on in their PC way about absolutely nothing ...

And so to another dumb fucker, sniping away in his best ISIS manner...

It's not funny you dumb fuck ... get back to talking about ISIS in your unhappy Godwin's Law breaking way ...

Luckily, the pond could turn to a Pope for spiritual relief, and as usual, there's more infallible papal wisdom, handy at Xmastime, to be found here ...

Oh yes, the pond will soon be taking a break from the madness  ... while no doubt the mutton Dutton will be jetting into Nauru to sing Xmas carols to the people in his very own special gulags ... or is that something only bleeding hearts like that giant dumbo bleeding heart Christ would do?


  1. Hi Dorothy,

    Matthew 2:13

    And when they were departed, behold,
    the angel of the Lord appeareth to
    Joseph in a dream, saying, Arise, and
    take the young child and his mother,
    and flee into Egypt, and be thou there
    until I bring thee word: for Herod will
    seek the young child to destroy him

    I doubt this sort of patently absurd story would work with Dutton's Border Force. Just another bunch of Middle Eastern economic migrants. Australia's got enough qualified carpenters thank you very much. Send them back to where they came from!

    Merry Refugeemas.


    1. Another Border Farce. Egypt. Godwin's Law.

    2. The thing is that "child" is God Part III - you know, omniscient, omnipotent, immanent and all that stuff. So, pray tell, how would Herod be able to "destroy him" ? Does Herod have a special dispensation from God Parts I or II ?

    3. GB, One of the odd Three's get out of gaol clauses would cover that.

      Let's see now, Clause 2n+1, ta da, Free Will, could do it.*

      *Any dualistic 2n+1** determination certainly may be indeterminately uncertain as required.

      **I think. [I am - see preamble(s)]

    4. He say "One and one and one is three"
      Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see
      Come together right now over me

      for President! yeah!
      Timothy Leary! yeah!
      Come together! yeah!
      Come together! yeah!
      Come together! yeah!

    5. Hmmm Dualistic quantum determinism, you reckon Anony.

      The last time I looked at 2n+1 it was the base of a certain set of Prime numbers. Not all of them though.

      But hew 2*God+1*God ? Father, Holy Ghost and Son ? Yeah, that's primal.

  2. Funny you have written about the Telegraph and Jesus, Dot.

    I have been pondering along the same lines myself recently.

    Just imagine if Jesus Christ turned up today as the leader of a people's movement which preached peace on earth, kindness, humility, people before material things, gentleness and understanding, he would be under daily attack by News Corp.

    They would crucify him.

    1. What if he went into the temples of the money-traders and smashed their screens or rewrote their algorithms?

  3. "...Ever kissed a hipster beard? Thought about making out with a Scotchbrite scourer pad??

    Coming at that again from another perspective, as plenty have that have had the pleasure, there's been much mouthing over the many c-words for a munched carpet.

    Yep, thought will do it every time.

  4. Wonder if the world's least funny cartoonist and crappiest artist will do a cartoon about fine evaders dying in jail? He must be finding that far more hilarious than bad dads who don't know their kids name.

  5. How Does It Feel By Patti Smith, The New Yorker, December 14, 2016

    Unaccustomed to such an overwhelming case of nerves, I was unable to continue. I hadn’t forgotten the words that were now a part of me. I was simply unable to draw them out.

    This strange phenomenon did not diminish or pass but stayed cruelly with me. I was obliged to stop and ask pardon and then attempt again while in this state and sang with all my being, yet still stumbling. It was not lost on me that the narrative of the song begins with the words “I stumbled alongside of twelve misty mountains,” and ends with the line “And I’ll know my song well before I start singing.” As I took my seat, I felt the humiliating sting of failure, but also the strange realization that I had somehow entered and truly lived the world of the lyrics.

    1. Xmas in April.

      Patti Smith here, 3 dates Sydney, 3 dates Melbourne, and Byron on 13/4.

  6. My favorite darkly comic (happy families) christmas movie is The Ref starring Denis Leary, Judy Davis and Kevin Spacey.

  7. Replies
    1. Too much. Music and a festival for Murdochian arses!


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