Saturday, March 05, 2016

When the magic water slows to a trickle, remember there's always prattling Polonius and pompous "Ned" Kelly ...

Muh lud or luddess, the pond wishes to explain its overlooking of this important statement, which manages to avoid saying anything of interest.

First there is the pond's grave concern at serious damage this matter has done to the proud tradition of loonacy at Fairfax, though the pond does appreciate Mike Carlton's offer to step into the breach:

The pond encourages all to aspire to a place in its banner. Surely Moorice can't last forever ...

Then there's the pond's own business model.

Where would it be without its expert Fairfax advisor on Krispy Kremes, magic water,  high priced sourdough bread, junket cruises, climate science, Lord Monckton and damned pesky furriners?

And worse still, there's the yearning and the saucy doubts and fears factor.

Why only suspended? Is he still being paid for being a blunderer who brought the brand into even more disrepute than it currently enjoys?

Why not sacked, why not do the honourable thing and resign, or at least fall on a sword, preferably aligned with certain righteous parts of the anatomy?

What does "until further notice" mean?

Will he return when the heat cools off, because Fairfax is so inept it can't conceive of a civilised replacement, so attached his race-bait stirring that it can't imagine an alternative?

In short, why has the good Sir Knight, Goodsir, only taken another pissant step in a saga of pissantry?

At the moment, it seems the silence continues, as per Amanda Meade at the Graudian here:

It remains unclear whether Sheehan will return to the SMH. He did not immediately comment on his suspension.

The pond has armed itself with a vial of Pellist holy water, a cross, a wooden stake, a number of silver bullets, garlic-flavoured Krispy Kremes and a dose of magic water, because you can never be sure it's safe.

Until it's done and dusted, it's not done and dusted at all, and what the good Sir, Goodsir's, weasel-worded, ambivalent message answers to at the moment is .... nothing at all ... because it remains unclear ... until further notice ... and throughout the entire shabby affair, clarity has gone missing faster than a scientific study of magic water ...

Thus far, all Goodsir has managed, is to finally take down the offending article long after it should have been, and officially advise the world that Sheehan has been given a holiday. That doesn't need the pond's urgent attention ...

As a result, the pond naturally reverted to its favourite reptiles, and what a stack of good reading there is in the lizard Oz this weekend - but this is not an encouragement to buy it, not when workarounds allow access for the price of a click.

Prattling Polonius was in fine mellow mood this hot autumnal Sydney morn ...

At least there are some eternal verities that stay as true as Rome, and a hagiographic offering from Polonius celebrating the wall puncher, by way of the prattler's usual history lesson, is something that allows the pond to count its remaining blessings.

You there, Bunter, in the back row, no nodding off now. 

This is sacred, hallowed ground, revered majestic figures are on the move ... along with an entirely appropriate shunning of the Frasers, a cursed brand ever since the damned wretches became Jacobites ...

Indeed, indeed. If there's one thing the pond would have celebrated about the wall puncher's time in power, it was the way that he generously included small-l liberals in his government's day to day activities.

And dammit, we knew what he stood for, unlike that duplicitous, double-dealing Malware ...

Morale is high, my pretties, morale is high.

Strange, because just over the road, the man who resents Polonius's faithful role as official prattler to the pond, the lumpen, stolid Kelly - let us not talk of Ned in present company - was also casting his eye over the event, and this is where only the ultra-marathoners will stay the course ...

Oh dear, please don't go on, please say it ain't so ... in amongst the verbiage is there an admission that Labor actually has some hope? Unless Petey boy returns?

'Tis strange, 'tis passing wondrous and strange, a bit like a committee examining the shape of a camel, these scribes. 

Why it might have made an infamous pond cut-up in the manner of Burroughs, for at one minute the pond was believing that morale was high, and yet at another minute, there seem to be fears and phobias and personalities in conflict and ill-discipline and division and despair ... and in contrast, amazingly, the opposition is on song and fit to campaign ...

Will the pond have to swallow its fear and loathing of Bill?

Sadly, it was about this point that the pond began to nod off like Bunter in the back row and felt the need to cherry pick.

First let us examine where we have reached with tax policy ...

Uh huh, no tax policies of any meaningful kind at all, with the wall puncher ruling out any sensible consideration of any revenue raising at all. The alternative government in exile has spoken and there's an end to the matter. 

Malware neutered by the wall puncher and the hard right, still yearning to run the show, and not just run the submarines' timetable ...

So how will the missing in action tax policies be sold?

By an agile and innovative fear campaign, with generous lashings of scare-mongering ... and no doubt by standing by the copper and cable of yore because everyone just loves the NBN that Malware wrought...

And what does it presage for the future? Does the house stand divided?

Well, the point surely is that morale might be high in prattling Polonius land, but in Kelly land, the traps are on the prowl and Ned is in a bit of a funk.

The good news is that the pond shouldn't fear the loss of a Sheehan.

Contrary to Polonius, the prattling Kelly has let a few hoppy toads out to strut boldly, brazenly across the page ... ground control to Malware, take your protein pills and put your helmet on, check ignition and the papers are sure to want to know whose shirt you wear ... but please don't leave the capsule, you'll end up floating in a most peculiar way ...

Oh yes, there will be much to celebrate in the coming months ... with the embittered rankling away at home, and bizarreness abroad, and the trusty Rowe always twittering here (make sure to check his congratulatory drawing in honor of the Chairman).


  1. You may kiss the...

    Ol' Rupe showing abiding attitude to all.

  2. Re Sheehan's being 'stood down', I understand negotiations are still underway for the return of the Devine, Dorothy. Fairfax can't let Sheehan go until they have a replacement, and Miranda hasn't confirmed yet.

    I'm sure you understand.

    1. Of course, of course, essence of Devine bile is just what they need to save their business model, the hapless, useless fuckwits

  3. Shouldn't the description of that pic in Hendo's article say "Tony Abbott, an unnamed admirer, Erica Betz and John Howard…"?

  4. "John Howard and Peter Costello - in a mega 650 strong commemoration dinner ..." [Paul Kelly]

    Yeah, wau, a grubby little grifter who, despite having a majority in both houses lost both an election and his own seat (being only the 2nd PM ever to do that) and whose father fraudulently deceived the Soldier Settlement process just after WWII. Plus a proxy Treasurer who was too gutless to challenge his boss to become PM (though one could also say that was insightful).

    Two really Great Australians to celebrate at a lunch. We'd all want to crowd-fund the next one, wouldn't we ?

    "Will the pond have to swallow its fear and loathing of Bill?"

    Yay, yay Penny ! The wondrous Wong for PM ! (The way things are going, this may become the only minimally sane option, soon).

    1. GB, Penny to move to the Poodle's seat and then PM?

    2. We will have to give Penny a bionic implant though. After all a certain P. Hanson predicted the day would come when we had a Asian Lesbian Cyborg as P.M.
      I say the soon the better!

    3. " move to the Poodle's seat and then PM?"

      Oh, that would be way too much goodness for one simple heart to handle in a single lifetime.

      "Asian Lesbian Cyborg" ? Are you sure our fish 'n' chip shop lady said that. s3 ? I mean, she had actually heard of the word cyborg ? And lesbian (rather than dyke) ?

    4. Ooops, meant you on the second point, GH.

  5. Yes the freak show circus thus described makes one want to puke.
    Meanwhile there is an essay in todays Saturday Paper which thoroughly deconstructs Howard's economic legacy - a legacy which is a millstone around our collective economic and social/cultural neck.
    Re economics didnt John Hewson recently painted a similar picture as to what this toxic legacy is now costing us - 160 billion or something like that.

    1. I've long thought Australia is in pretty good shape economically despite Howard and Costello's efforts, rather than because of them, Anonym.

  6. One word comes to mind - petaphilia


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