Saturday, September 05, 2015

The little reptiles that just can't shut up ...

As promised and proposed, the pond just couldn't keep away from the enticing sights and sounds of the dog botherer and the bromancer in today's lizard Oz.

But this involves a strenuous bout of serious hard-core coaching. 

Those without the stomach, the intestinal fortitude, the strength, might find that they can better educate their terrible twos with a different sort of coaching manual:

Okay, it's on with the real fun as the dog botherer and the bromancer embark on an ambitious set of proposals for reform. First up is the dog botherer:

Uh huh. Couldn't he have just said bring back Sophie Mirabella, because there's not enough of the barking mad already in the government?

Never mind, hey nonny no, on we go, but be warned it's a fair old slog:

Yeay, go coach, let's see what the game plan is ... besides bringing back Sophie Mirabella ...

Uh huh. Did we mention Sophie Mirabella? She's a fusty old discarded white woman.

But never mind, isn't it a most peculiar sight?

One of the reptiles of Oz collective of old or older angry white men complaining about the way the federal government is full of fusty old or older angry white men.

Is there some kind of irony in that, or did the pond miss the point? And what about Sophie? The pond understands she's seriously reformed, and now knows how to hide the way she's barking mad.

Sorry, Soph, no mention for you, but isn't it grand, just days after the reptile editorialist praised the old men at the wheel of the lizard Oz, that the call should go out for more women, more youth, more eagerness and more investment in the future.

Just as called for by chairman Rupert in his bizarre twittering. And they say that the mainstream media pays too much attention to useless social media!

You can see from this that the rich comedy stylings are so funny, the sight of the re-ordering of the deck chairs on the Titanic so bemusing, that the pond simply couldn't get enough of it, and turned to the bromancer for another sumptuous meal:

Only the bromancer could shift from talking of fusty old white men to comparing the government to a bunch of terrible twos in the middle of a childish fit of the tantrums.

Well, if you've survived this far, you might be ready for the marathon:

By golly, the pond just has to pause there - as you do in base camp where the oxygen is already starting to thin and you stare in startled bemusement at yet another rant about social media and a trade union movement - at a record low level of membership - that is apparently even more destructive and evil than Rupert's minions.

It's the gob-smacking stupidity that always takes the pond's breath away and gives it a feeling of hypoxia or even entering the death zone known to intrepid climbers.

But let's go on:

Yep, that hypoxia is really kicking in. Greg Hunt as one of the government's strongest performers!

It's lines like this that make the pond turn to wikipedia every day!

Truly, what's bizarre about this list of the many follies and foibles and outright failures of the federal government is that it's coming from one of its staunchest supporters, the bromancer and cheer leader in chief.

But how did you guess that to save the bromance, jolly Joe must fall, if only so the most useless PM since good old Billy and the slit skirt scandal could carry on making Nazi comparisons?

The thinking actually resembles wise blind men discussing the shape of a camel, but at last we have reached the end of perhaps the longest, most tedious haul in the pond's history of many tedious journeys amongst angry old, or older, white men scribbling furiously for the lizard Oz.

Can we manage one more bout of fear and loathing of the twitterati and that twittering twit, Chairman Rupert?

Indeed we could. So much fear and loathing, and said at such tedious length. No wonder people are turning to a format that limits things to 140 characters and a picture or three ...

Now to help out the reptiles in their pontificating, why not head off to Michael Gordon, who notes the real problem with the Abbott government ... Tony Abbott ... in Two years on, it's all about Tony Abbott, and while there, why not have a vote. 

Early numbers are looking especially good ...

And now naturally the pond just has to run a few treats found on twitter, because it irritates the reptiles so ... and to think that the pond steadfastly ignored twitter until the reptiles kept banging on about its wickedness, and the chairman turned it into a top notch art form for senile old goats. 

Is there an irony there somewhere? Well there's certainly a Sloppy Joe:

Indeed. That reminded the pond it once scored food poisoning along with the 'burger at Greasy Joe's in St. Kilda. Damn you, greasy Joe ...

And now for a really important message:

A new dark ages is descending on the land? Nope, it's already arrived. It's called Tony Abbott ...

And Greg Hunt is the government's star performer! And if you believe that, the pond has got an autographed copy of Tony Abbott's book "The Climate Change Argument Is Absolute Crap" to sell you ... you can put it alongside your Hastie-autographed volume, "Creationism is the Science of the Future" ... just as you might treasure Gerard Henderson's "Everyone's entitled to believe in Creationism ... Muslims do it too" ...


  1. I can sum up the Bromancer in four words: good government starts today!

  2. Naomi Klein "Capitalism And The Climate" live streaming from Sydney Opera House now, 11:30 - 12:30, at

    and a recording available later.

  3. Totes amazing. Chairman Rupert suggests a snap poll to cure Australia's woes and completely by coincidence, both Kenny and Sheridan float the idea of going to an early election and double dissolution triggers. Like minds hey.

  4. *whew* - you've certainly done the hard yards today, DP!

    So Kenny advises that the Government should be out there selling its policies - a reasonable piece of advice. So how should they best do that, Chris? Why, by mounting relentlessly negative attacks on Labor. Brilliant strategy, CK! After all, it's worked so well to date.

    Once again, Foreign Editor Sheridan delivers a breathless rant that contains bugger-all about foreign affairs. Among all the dross, he states as a given that "everyone thinks Hockey a good person". I don't. I had the misfortune of meeting him once and thought he was an obnoxious loudmouth.

    As for Hastie Sr, you'd think that a bloke who believed the world was created only 6,000 or so years ago would find it relatively easy to bone up on history. Yes, Rome was sacked in 410 (not for the first time) by the Visigoths, mainly because the Romans had fucked up negotiations. As sackings go, it was comparatively mild, the invaders took pains to spare Christian churches (most of them were adherents of Arianism, which was a form of Christianity that denied that Jesus was himself divine), and once the sacking was over, they moved on. I'm sure that the news that Rome was "the centre of the Christian world" would have come as a nasty surprise to the Orthodox Christian churches that dominated the Eastern Empire and North Africa - by that stage Rome wasn't even the political capital of the Western Empire. Still, what's a little distortion of history, when it has nothing to do with the rest of his rant anyway?

    1. Interesting language in the Hastie message about 'our nation wants to go on the offensive against Christian values'. He's obviously not a believer in democracy.

  5. "Only 10% of Australians use twitter...'

    And how many buy "The Australian" ?

  6. Saw this and thought of you, Dot. A couple of laughs in it -

  7. Yep,Rupert tweets and the lizard chimps type.....furiously!!
    Alternate version of Hey!Joe ...and his cheatin' budget.


Comments older than two days are moderated and there will be a delay in publishing them.