Sunday, July 05, 2015

When decadent chooks are elected to represent mighty Tamworthians, there will be incoherent blather, babble and bluster ...

Dear sweet, innocent, helpless, hapless, useless, hopeless Barners.

Does the man have a case of foot in mouth disease or footrot or what?

We're all used to comical photos of Barners - where would we be without them? - but the latest outbreak of foot in mouth was pure gold.

The pond had the undiluted pleasure of watching Barners go through the gate and get drenched on The Insiders, and you can too, here. By the end of it, the pond was thinking that perhaps the only way to save the herd was a good crotching, or maybe a little tar on the open wounds.

No wonder they hate the ABC. Asked a simple question, Barners was reduced to a stumbling, flummoxed, babbling, blathering incoherence, until he reached deep into his vocabulary and came out with "decadent", juxtaposed with Asia.

Now this will have been all over new media, but what does the mighty Northern Daily Leader think of it?

Remember, Barners represents Tamworth, once the centre of the known universe - at least until Barners turned up on the stump and made everyone look silly.

No doubt the NDL will treat their fearless representative with respect and a statesmanlike photo:

Oh that's so cruel, NDL, and worse you just had to add:

Asked directly if Australia embracing gay marriage would be seen as decadent, Mr Joyce said: "I think in some instances they would, yes." (here you go, take a squiz at the rag the pond grew up with).

Actually Barners, decadent is what country boys get up to with poddy calves, but shush, the pond's genteel city slicker readers wouldn't have the first clue what we're talking about, eh Barners?

Now here's the crucial, the key question Barners.

Are we being severe enough? Are we taking a firm enough stand against these decadent deviants?

If we're to avoid the impression of decadence in Asia, shouldn't we be immediately legislating against decadence?

How about we take a leaf out of Malaysia's statutes? Here, allow the pond to refresh your memory:

(And there's more here - since we're talking old school fundamentalist Taliban thinking, have you thought about the advantages of Sharia law?)

There was silly old David Marr rabbiting on about how he'd be locked up for 15 years in Malaysia, but let's face it, hanging's too good for him. Got to be tough on decadence Barners, or we'll lack respect. You know, the sort of respect a Mafia gangster expects ...

And have you thought of some of the other advantages? Why you could send your political opponents off to jail for years on trumped up charges of offending the order of nature! Solid Asian values! No one could call us decadent then!

Occasionally the pond feels a twinge of guilt about all this. Gays no doubt feel hurt and offended, being labelled some kind of decadent ancient Spartan Greek or barbaric Roman senator with a taste for oysters and snails, but look at the upside ...the pond gets an easy post every time these geese open their mouths and cackle.

It's an ill wind, as we used to say in Tamworth when the wind blew like a gale down the Peel valley ...

But now Tamworth, it's time to own up and to 'fess up.

Just when did you get into the business of electing cackling geese? Surely ripping off cheap foreign chook labour is more your game ...


  1. "Does the man have a case of foot in mouth disease or footrot or what?"

    Have you noticed Barnaby always has a red face? Look at his expression in the photo of him in parliament. It's his constipated look: always full of crap.

  2. The Pacific Games opened to a spectacular ceremony in Port Moresby on Saturday night. It was broadcast on NITV but apart from that there has been virtually no coverage by the Australian media which shows just how insular and self-obsessed they are. The games have teams from just about every pacific country (including Australia and New Zealand) including some that can only field a team of a few athletes.

    The ceremony was magnificent, Prince Andrew did the official opening, the costumes, displays, dances and music were fantastic. But coverage by the Australian media was just about non-existent.

    Shame Australia. Johnny Depp's dogs warrant attention, but not apparently a major sporting event in our own backyard that represents countries from one third of the earth.

  3. Now Abbott has decreed that no front-benchers should appear on Q&A, so we have lost the opportunity to see Barners in full fluster.

    Has Abbott/Peta realised what this shows?

    1. Oh dear, this morning the pond went with a sheep metaphor. If only we'd seen the huge cock!

  4. "what country boys get up to with poddy calves" True that, or standing upon any handy tree stump with heifers.

    A glimpse at just some of the gobsmacking type of case histories many regional children's social workers routinely deal in..


Comments older than two days are moderated and there will be a delay in publishing them.