Friday, February 27, 2015

Is it still EOG, or is it a case of soul clap hands with joy?

This day the HUN is the only one to go directly to the heart of the matter on its front page.

All this sort of talk does is induce a dose of anxiety in the pond. Is it schadenfreude that makes the heart skip, and fingers tremble or is it just another case of eOG?

Yes, the pond hasn't given up on Portlandia, though it's an intermittently successful joy, but it's diagnosis of early onset grumpiness finally revealed what the pond's been suffering from since at least the age of five:

But if that's the syndrome, why is the pond's heart skipping and fluttering this morning?

Could it be the immense fun embedded in David Rowe's cartoons (and please give the AFR a hit here for his services):

Look at that steaming list of contents - hubris, bile, death cults, beltways, boats, spin, served with a decent dose of hypocrisy and a warning that the box may contain inducements.

What a wag. And so true ...

The story of leadership madness also trickled on to the front page of the Terror:

The other rags weren't so direct, being more circumspect and still obsessed with the Triggs matter:

There's no need to go into much by way of detail, except to note that once again a woman was sent into to the dirty work and the washing up:

But it does fortuitously bring the pond to the case of the barking mad reptiles at the lizard Oz.

This is, the pond has decided, a classic case of paranoid schizophrenia, which can be seen on both the front page and the top of the page digital splash:

Who knows where it comes from? Perhaps it was an early, harsh case of potty training, perhaps it was having mother's breast milk snatched away. No matter, clearly it was a woman wot done it.

But as a result, the reptiles are currently in a state of deep anxiety, and are wildly divided.

There's David Crowe wringing his hands over Higginson, and there at the top of the page is Chris "dog man" Kenny attempting to be a journalist.

The pond hardly dared use the word journalist in the context of a Kenny "story", but it certainly takes a generous dose of breakfast cereal to back the pitiful performance of Attorney-General secretary man Chris Moraitis's performance, and his epic "I lost my notes", and who knows, the dog might have eaten my homework as well ...

Here's how it goes down according to Kenny and Moraitis:

What was in that Rowe breakfast cereal again? Hubris, spin, bile and a decent dose of hypocrisy?

Well if all this was the case, it would seem extremely useless and perverse of Mr Moraitis to allow the dog to make off with his notes. Ah Mr Kenny and his dogs ... do go on:

And there you go, that's how journalism gets perverted. There's a nakedly ideological warrior putting his best spin on it, and at the same time referencing, as his conclusion, the words of gorgeous George embedded elsewhere in the paper:

Remember this is entirely an own goal.

Brandis and company have had since November to work out how the matter of the report be dealt with, and then decided, in the ideological cultural warrior way that seems their only path through life, on all out war and destruction, with Triggs to fall as a ritual sacrifice ...

Only to be surprised that, in a big Mal manner, they might have taken positives from the report ... and turned it around on Triggs and sailed off happily into a deluded sunset ...

Now bear with the pond here, because the pond thinks it is wrong that a major statement of Australia's attorney-general should be placed behind a paywall and used as a money-maker for Murdoch enterprises.

At the least, it should have been published simultaneously on the Minister's web site, here, but damned if the pond could find it.

So what does Brandis, clearly after a double serving of that breakfast cereal, have to say for himself?

That's a huge amount of self-justifying verbiage from a pompous man intent mainly on self-justification, or wiping the egg from his face.

It's a pomposity of style the pond would need a John Clarke to deflate. But the ponderous elephant has barely got to the point, which is to say the recent kerfuffle and his inept handling of the matter:

Uh huh. No one could sensibly say, outside la la Murdoch land, that George Brandis has any reputation, except that of a prize doofus.

But then attacking zinger Bill's about all he's got left in the kit, so badly has he mishandled the matter, no doubt egged on by a fearless leader with a visceral dislike of Triggs.

On and on the pompous blowhard rants:

There you go, it's a long and tedious haul, but at the end of it all, you have to marvel at the childish petulance - oh he loved big Mal, and he hated me ...

Well in a democracy, it isn't character assassination to call the bookcase man woefully inept, and his explanation pathetic, even by his beyond the valley of cereal-gobbling standards...

But wait, there's even more in this study of alleged journalism turned mad by grief and woe.

Because this very day, the anonymous Oz editorialist has felt the need to lash out at all the usual enemies:

Oh not all that tripe about the ABC, Graudian and Fairfaxian conspiracy yet again.

There are other forms of media around, and most of them have been noting that the Triggs matter has been a major coalition fuck up. Why there's even sections of Murdoch la la land that have dared to note the state of the emperor's clothes ...

Which brings the pond to suggest that it seems too much cereal eating in childhood does lead to paranoia and the taking of a childish outlook into adulthood, with conspiracies to be found all around.

Yes, in the time it took for the pond to scribble the above, the reptiles discovered that the game was a afoot, and they hastily upgraded the top of their digital page:

And all they can drag out of the cupboard is an old Dennis 'the bouffant one' Shanahan piece, and recycle the Crowe story.

It's outside the paywall but who cares?

Now it so happens that the pond thinks Triggs can look after herself - she's got the job for as long as she cares to hold it for her five year term, unlike the politicians jumping up and down around her, beating their flatulent breast like a gorgeous George (yes, yes, mixed metaphors, yadda yadda) - a point lost in the gorgeous George stew of indignant words.

But it's patently clear that Abbott and his government can't look after themsveles, and it's left to the die hards in the lizard Oz to do what they can to breathe live into a corpse and suggest that the unsettled coalition should settle down, even as the joint is jumping and the ants are in a frenzy.

As soon as the poodle urges calm in the kennel, you know the dogs are barking ...

There's no need to reprint all the rest of the reptiles' re-hashing of the case for Abbott, or their hatred and fear of the Twitterati, except to note how that reflects their paranoia, hatred and fear of being online, the NBN, and the whole new damned, hateful age of broadband and that intertubes thingie ...

Let's just cut to the chase, and the final par:

But he didn't tell that story.

Instead he blathered on endlessly, in the nattering negative way that he's resorted to at every possible point in his career, about how he and his government had lost confidence in Triggs. How it was all Triggs fault ... how the world would be better off if it were rid of that pesky woman and her pesky report ...

He didn't tell the "good story", he went female bashing in his usual way ...

And that's why it's likely soon enough he won't have any sort of story to tell the nation, regardless of who is sitting in the HRC president's chair.

Instead he'll be sitting on the sidelines, regaling the nation with useless commentary, in the style of John Hewson, Peter Reith, Jeff Kennett, Peter Costello, Amanda Vanstone, Helen Coonan (by golly, she's looking really deep south magnolia lady weird these days) and the rest of the pack still seeking attention and relevance via the media ...

You see, dear paranoid reptiles, the incoherent protestations have been coming from the Abbott government, not least from the likes of Ian McDonald explaining how he hadn't read the report, and wouldn't read the report, thereby confirming that he preferred to operate as a profoundly ignorant doofus ...

There is much more of course to observe in the world at large today.

But it's the pond's duty to report on how the functionaries at Murdoch la la land are now so deeply lost, the only question is whether it might be called navel-gazing, or a heroic journey up their alimentary canal.

Such a capacity to deny the obvious is remarkable, and deserves the sort of respect offered to the inhabitants of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest ...

And so to David Pope, who this day decided to swim against the tide, and makes quite a fair fist of it.

You see, under the cover of all the fuss, Joe Hockey has been changing his tune, and trying out what the pond can only think of as nattering positivity.

Remember doom and gloom Joe Hockey? Gone, or at least swept under the carpet until needed:

(in the lizard Oz, you can google it if you have time to waste).

It's as if jolly Joe thinks mug punters have the same attention span as he has, which is roughly about five minutes, and as consistent as a water spider relying on surface tension to stay afloat.

Well there's another upside to Abbott going. The nation won't have to listen to this twit posing as treasurer ...

Go on Mr Pope, give the doofus a serve.

Naturally being fair-minded, Pope apologised to photographer Nick Cubbin, who scored this shot of Sussan Ley.

Naturally there's no need to apologise to Ley. She's donning that glove all of her own volition.

Sadly you won't see any of that sort of cogent analysis by the reptiles in the lizard land of Oz.

Thank the long absent lord for cartoonists, and please given the Canberra Times a hit for the provision of Pope's services, here. You'll find, like Rowe, that the gallery makes for compulsive viewing, almost as much as watching the train wreck unfold in the bunker at the top of that Canberra mound ...

As for the pond's header? Well there are a few poems that cover the matter, but this is kind of the end to a Walt Whitman poem, available in full and proper form here:

O to have life henceforth a poem of new joys, new politicians to abuse! 
To dance, clap hands, exult, shout, skip, leap, roll on, float on, shout at and decry! 
To be a sailor of the world bound for all ports, with EOG insults at the ready
A ship itself, (see indeed these sails I spread to the sun and air and Canberra,) 
A swift and swelling ship full of rich words, full of joys, and wondrous nattering positivity.


  1. So "stopping the boats" has saved children's lives....this furfy is a re-write of the old conumdrum : 'If a tree in the forest falls..."....and if I could contribute a tad of poesy suitable to the occasion..?

    "Oh Loon, that you and I could conspire,
    To grasp this sorry scheme of things entire,
    Smash it to pieces..and then;
    Rebuild it nearer to our heart's desire"........from the old boozy tent-maker.

    1. At least the tree in the forest has an existential ring about it - the saving lives furphy is positively Orwellian.

      War is peace
      Slavery is Freedom
      Stopping the boats saves lives

  2. Interesting description of Helen Coonan, DP; back in her Ministerial days, one of her nicknames among the bureaucrats was "Mae West" (no insult to the great Mae intended, of course).

    1. She who could not duck and lost her head?

  3. Helen Coonan has a secret boyfriend - the Hoff!

    (4th picture down)

  4. Brandis has history in whiteanting the HRC and it's staff. This from Graeme Innis who worked at the Commission from 2005-2014.

  5. Fairfax photographer Alex Ellinghausen revealing the thug pushing his way through with the shoulder and then smirks

    Once a thug always a thug.

    1. Spot on. +10 and thanks for a reminder of how a picture tells a thousand words.

    2. Yes, thanks, I checked it out and it's well worth the look. It should be on the front page, and the pond might have to up Anon and say a picture tells a squillion words.

  6. Abbott’s browbeating of Triggs has reached Switzerland and has not gone down too well with the Chairperson of the International Coordinating Committee of national institutions for the promotion and protection of human rights.

    “These actions against an independent state body that is fulfilling its statutory duties to promote and protect human rights are of grave concern to the ICC.”

    1. Bookshelves' chances of a UN position when he is retired shortly are looker slimmer and slimmer are they not?

    2. That letter is also on a blog frequented by the pond, and mentioned in dispatches before on this site.

      Sure the north coast is far away from what was once the centre of the known country music universe, at least until Barners began squawking, but Clarencegirl sings a good song.

  7. Headline of the week (from Private Eye)

    "Fifty Shades movie ‘a triumph’ say masochists"

  8. A fairly unconstructive vision just flashed through my head. Given that Abbott is quite clearly as unbalanced as was Rudd, is it possible that once dumped, he takes a similar role in backbench undermining of his replacement as PM? This just may be a gift that gives longer than we could have imagined!

    1. I don't think there is any doubt that this is the role he will play when his toy is taken from him. I suspect that he has dirt on everyone - that will be far more damaging than Rudd's undermining did for Labor's integrity.

    2. Take a squizz at the photo linked to above of the bully going the shoulder and then smirking at his clever ways, and that should give a clue.

    3. I saw that series of photos and recognised the move immediately. If it had been a woman in place of Bill Shorten, Tony would have made eye contact with an agressive sexualized expression that men use to intimidate women.

  9. Alan Jones is digging up dirt on Triggs, saying she gave away a terminally ill disabled baby, and is not fit for her office (26.2.15)... and I thought Tony adopted out his baby. Wing nuts are hypocrits! Today Jones has prominent guests on declaring that the training of lawyers at the Uni, Triggs is associated with, are exposed to very bad teaching. He's doing a Julia Gillard on this woman. It is disgusting, and he is soooo pissed off with Malcolm Turnbull. Jones will destroy Turnbull if he gets the leadership. Hopefully Jones destroys himself before he destroys Australia with his polarizing rhetoric. I'm sure he coaches Tony Abbott every night because all that Jones spruiks, then falls out of Abbott's mouth the next day ie hatred and malice. Horrible people who couldn't give a rat's about ordinary people, except to manipulate to get their vote.
    These lunatics remind me of Sydney Anglicans under Jensenism but Australia is not just made up of Anglicans, or Catholics, for that matter.

    1. Hopefully we will see a successful defamation against Jones the Mouth.

  10. Sharri Markson on David Hicks. "I say torture away"

    1. Well she tortures her readers with advanced stupidity, so it's hardly surprising.

  11. I wish Gillian Triggs had your lack of decorum and respect, DP. Imagine the fun we could have!

    1. I totally know what you mean - it would be fun - but in terms of being effective and showing up what arseholes these men and their women are, I think Triggs being herself and being vulnerable to the bullying is better than girding her loins and doing it like a man would and fighting back with the same obscene need to win at all costs that they have, and this awful need to destroy their enemies. This naked display of power is not being appreciated by the people on the right as much as it was when it was directed at Julia Gillard.

    2. Triggs has struck back.
      Now let's see how the professional liars handle the matter.

  12. … and I love the way jolly Joe is talking out of his 'alimentary canal' in that Pope cartoon (maybe you do have some decorum after all, Dot).

    1. Why suh, the pond is the very model of mint julep magnolia modesty, though lacking Helen Coonan's hair ...

  13. So, the week has gone by and not a thing from the "opposition" targeting the current Morrison-Abetz unemployment rackets? Ho-hum, lib-lab, and on with their sponsors' scams it is.

  14. Harto dons the EOG t-shirt - this really could all be over on Monday. Someone better let Sharri know the boat is definitely sinking:

    1. That must hurt VC (you don't mind that gong along with a matehood do you?). A good link which the pond missed, but Harto didn't miss with the cruellest cut of all for a macho male:

      the reality is that you've got mostly an impotent government, and I'm a supporter of Tony Abbott, but ever since he lost 39 of his colleagues [in a spill motion vote] he still doesn't get the message and his response has been limp, if not impotent.

      Oh dear, now it's limp dick syndrome ...

  15. Gillian Triggs:

    "I deny any suggestion that I canvassed my future with other members of the commission at any time."

    "No commissioner or staff member has ever urged me to resign."

    "It is ludicrous to suggest that I would have sought an alternative job when I am robustly refusing to resign. I have always intended to complete my full term as president of the Australian Human Rights Commission".

    I’d say that’s checkmate to Triggs.

  16. Feisty chitchat re Triggs between Margo Kingston and the dogged Chris Kenny

    1. Feisty? Keep her away from the shears or Kenny might not be able to do anything with the nearest dog to hand. And all for the betterment of humanity ...

    2. Full marks to Margo, Kenny's piece was a disgrace to journalistic standards.

      He should back to writing about what he loves. I've heard there is an opening on the Poodle Fanciers Gazette.

    3. I've got some sources from the back passage as well. May I have a journalist pass?

  17. Please don't call Kenny the "dog man", it is an insult to decent dog men everywhere.

    However, "dog fucking man" will be duly appreciated.

    1. Apologies, the pond will try to amend its ways in the future. The pond means no insult to dog men or to canines of any kind, but still, the image of a dog fucking a man isn't half so juicy as a man fucking a dog ... or so the pond's lawyers advise ...

    2. You, Sir, are a gentleman and obviously a lover of dogs and men, but not dog fucking men.

      I salute you.

    3. To all of youze abuv.
      Down 'ere at the local Pound, we 'ad a quick whip 'round to check if any ov da ladz would be willin' to 'ave a go at the aforementioned mr Kenny, but the general consensus woz nah fanks very much. Kenny's below us dogs. We reckon that Mr Pyne geezer would be inclined to 'ave a good go in at 'im, Pyne bein' that kinda fella an' all.
      Cheers all.


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