Thursday, February 05, 2015

Chaos, chaotic chaos all around, and nary a chaotic drop to drink ...

(Above: more Rowe here).

It's always good to smell the Rowe cartoon and the napalm in the morning.

And what this morning heralds - yes the pond heard a kookaburra sounding off this day in the heart of Sydney town - is how the shadow boxing has already fatally weakened Abbott. It doesn't much matter whether he goes or stays, everything in the future will be refracted through the broken mirror of leadership speculation.

Is this issue enough to bring on a spill? Is that matter? Or the next Sir Duke farce which is sure to come given Abbott's haymaker form?

If he doesn't go in the next week, he will go slowly, by way of a thousand cuts, and the pond is torn between the paths. Is it better to have a featherduster quickly, or is making one slowly and carefully, by plucking and mounting each feather with individual care, the more rewarding way to go?

As for today, the reptiles are taking a bit of a breather. Oh sure the HUN is still on song:

But the reptiles at the Oz did their best to downplay the latest treacherous betrayal by that wretched rogue Arfur ... (nice little water board on offer Terry, we could work there for a song):

But the reptiles couldn't help themselves. Not when they could label as an EXCLUSIVE news that's been bleeding obvious to anyone who's paid the slightest attention to the drifting economy ...

No wonder that nervous nelly, the bouffant one, worried that the danger for Abbott remains. 

The next budget is shaping up to blow all those promises about a balanced budget within a few years clear out of the water.

And there were others gnawing at the pain, and the loss of love, and the whole damn thing:

Now there's much delicious reading to be found in reptile la la land, as the poor things try to wrap their heads around the news that Abbott is on the nose, not just with the electorate, but also with many of his colleagues, but the pond today found Greg "the bromancer" Sheridan's the most exemplary of all.

For some strange reason, instead of focussing on the budget - it's the economy stupid - Sheridan decided the biggest problem was not being able to buy submarines from Japan:

And that's the best case Sheridan can mount. 

Never mind that Abbott has done his best to make Australia a laughing stock abroad - with Bishop on hand to mop up the assorted messes the mice make - his going would make us a laughing stock, and then there's the submarines.

Yes we'll all be rooned in thousands of different areas, said Hanrahan, though surprisingly you'd look far and wide and come up empty to find this sort of nonsense in the reptiles' columns when they bayed and brayed for the blood of Rudd and Gillard, and urged on instability and Labor party chaos as a national sport.

Could it get any more pathetic, as a defence, or as a spectre of gloom? Well yes it could, because Sheridan invokes Italian politics as his next excuse for keeping on the Sir Duke man in his duties:

Uh huh. So the United States is laughing at Australia? Well go deal with a measles outbreak, and all the GOP comedy surrounding that farce ...

And wait a minute: is the bromancer, our possible man in Singapore singing a song of Abbott? Or is he covertly pointing out that maybe Julie Bishop, the one who's been actually running foreign policy without a shirtfront in sight, should be the one to replace the shirtfronter?

Nope, the bromancer is still for Abbott, and so he must hunt out others to blame.

Now many will have thought that the Pope cartoon the pond ran yesterday (remember there's always more Pope here)  was a far-fetched, good natured jibe:

But what do you know? Here's Sheridan explaining that Abbott's woes are all the fault of "us":

Yes, we're just a bunch of ungovernable beasts in the field.

And there are all sorts of other problems, all things that have contributed to the hapless Abbott's situation, and nothing at all to do with his actions, deeds, policies, budget or capacity to communicate. What a bundle of excuses they make:

Many, many federal and state governments have struggled with a minority in the senate or their upper houses. They usually deal with it by negotiation - unless you happen to be given to acts of political bastardy like Malcolm Fraser - yet suddenly it's a huge problem. 

And then there's the fiendish intertubes and all that wretched electronic graffiti:

Uh huh. The Murdochian propaganda wing of the Liberal party is helpless in front of the intellectually weak.

Perhaps because they have a donkey's ass like Sheridan scribbling for them.

On and on he rambles, in crisis and excuse mode, building to a final apocalypse:

Yes, before we know it, Adolf Hitler would be running the country. And that's what will happen if we get rid of a monarchist fop!

What do to, what to do? Well it seems that Abbott must do a good Catholic thing, and like Bill Clinton, repent. Oh sure he's said a few Our Fathers and Hail Marys but he needs to do a whole rosary in contemplative silence:

So that's how Abbott will deal with the hole in the next budget. Some more repentance, and she'll be right.

Throughout the piece, alternately gloomy and flinging blame around like confetti and conjuring up nonsensical 'what if' futures, the pond was haunted by a New Yorker cartoon:

The bromancer is in profound denial.

And he's not the only one. This day the Bolter spends his column wringing his hands, warning the agitators and provocateurs against any move, stepping back from the brink to argue better a woeful dog we know than a woeful one we don't.

But it's fellow reptile Niki Savva who doesn't hold back today:

And if that isn't enough, she puts the bromancer and his excuses firmly in their place:

Then comes a litany of complaints, repeated like a mantra:

Yes in Savva's world, there's no talk of dogs, homework, the internet, the senate or all the other excuses drummed up to forgive a politician who never worked out how to turn from nattering negativity and three word slogans into a communicative policy-maker in government:

And so the Liberals are gradually moving towards the man, much loved by many, who made a fool of himself over the Godwin Gretch utegate affair, is disliked intensely by the Nationals, and who at one time outraged climate denialists, and still upsets them, no matter how much he's tried to walk back with his 'let's give direct action a go' chatter.

Oh and he destroyed the NBN, so that one of the pond's family members can gloat about superfast speeds thanks to a private company installing a connection in his apartment block - just before the company was forced to withdraw the offering from the marketplace - while the pond already has its snail-placed 'broadband'. Gee thanks Optus, thanks big Mal.

Yes, it's a perfect storm, with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, and now the pond has a perfect storm of ex-Catholic guilt wondering if it's so very wrong to enjoy the chaos, and even, gasp, to hope that it endures so that the humiliation of Abbott is even more deep, more profound.

The more Abbott talks, in his three word slogan way about ending the chaos, the more Abbott confirms that chaos is afoot and all around him.

Sure, the pond's perversity might help fuck the country, but not as much as Abbott and co., and anyway, isn't that a small price to pay for the pond's ongoing pleasure?

But look, there's good news. The NT is back to normal. Yes, it's soft croc bondage day in the NT:

That surely inspired Pope today, and as noted above, remember to give Pope a hit here.

And now for a final flurry of floozies, the pond would just like to commemorate First Dog doing a Niki Savva yesterday. You can find it, and more First Dog at the Graudian here, where it springs to life full size, but in the meantime, for those who've missed it, the Dog gave Abbott a kind, nuanced, subtle and elegant farewell, which has forced the pond to ignore the embargo warning, though here you have to click on to enlarge:


  1. Who's out? Spoiled for choice! Oh, which to choose?

    Another note about the down and out...

    The above this morning from MK's new rag.

  2. Sheridan repeating that old inaccurate trope about Italian democratic process being bad for government, bad for the country, bad for it's economy post war... just how ill informed, old, and senile are the readers he writes for?

    I suppose he/they must think a 'democracy' would do better with an entrenched governing party dancing to the tune of a media tychoon... oh, wait... Berlusconi

  3. They want Abbott to repent and provide evidence of his absolution? Absolutely, DP! He *will* crack the sads, and repent - absolutely! - and promise he has changed - absolutely! - and he is going on to be better, much better - absobloodylutely!! Hooray, for us all. Those irritating mannerisms - gone! That sly wink to Kochie - gawn! His obsequious nob-polishing for Roop - gaawwwwnnn! Looking forward to more fish-gutting, bag-lumping, crutching & lamb-marking, cutting & drafting, wart-freezing, vaccinating, trolley-jockeying, .... Hoo-bloody-ray!
    BTW, that pic of Julie in the Canberra cold on the Hun seems to have had her finer points brushed out.


    1. Thanks Anon, a splendid offering and feast

  5. A Qld Bill of Rights in the making? Independent Peter Wellington has all but locked the ALP and Miss Alphabet into one:

    Initial notice

    Acceptance letter

    ALP confirmation

    What's the chances of a Zinger Bill of Rights federally, and a federal ICAC?

  6. Wow This looks interesting for Rupe.

    "With the fog of economic war clearing just enough to get a glimpse of the real narrative in the Saudi-US-Syria-Qatar-Russia-Europe chaos, we found it more than a little intriguing that, as Reuters reports, Saudi Arabia's Kingdom Holdings - the investment firm owned by billionaire Prince Alwaleed bin Talal - sold most of its stake in media giant News Corp.

    While stating that they "remain firm believers in News Corp’s competent management," no reason for the sale was given of the US-based media mouthpiece that has been a core holding since 1997."

    1. Well, Rupe can't live forever, and the tone of some of his tweets suggest his mind may be not what it once was. Lets face it, can anyone honestly think that the will and succession to the family throne will go cleanly and smoothly?

  7. So Sheridan thinks he and Tony has to deal with a "dumb public"...with the shit he writes and the shit Tony offers in policy, How do they think they would go with a clever public?

  8. To the murdocracy worshipees of Anarcho-capitalism, you made yah bed now lay in it applies. Govt is no longer relevant. Mission accomplished.

    'When it comes to levitation, nobody but nobody beats the Fed, the ECB, the “Troika”, the Bank of England, the IMF, and the rest of the real circus clowns!'

  9. 1. To slightly twist old Bill's words, isn't Turnbull saying "I come to praise Caesar not to bury him." ?
    (while working on exactly the opposite).

    2. Whilst the pollies are too dependent on public perceptions to say so, aren't the far right 'commentators' laying the ground to justify a coup? (as per Fiji, Algeria, Egypt, Chile etc. etc.)

  10. re. the justification for a coup. It might seem far-fetched, but revisit Chris Mullin's excellent novel "A Very British Coup" and the two TV series subsequently based on it.

  11. Andrew Robb told Sky News: “The fact is that if something happened on Tuesday which led to a spill we would be seen as a bunch of amateurs”.

    The reality is they are a bunch of hopeless dilly-dalliers and the word "amateur" would be a compliment.

    1. Anon, I posted this a while ago at the Guardian: and got the odd smart arsed comment.

      Bring back Bert Newton and New Faces, then we can have some amateurs who will actually try to score points to win, not a bunch of dipshits like this who think that throwing a custard pie at the voters and then dropping their pants and farting is what our country needs.

      It really has all turned into a Punch and Judy Show.

      But, saying that, I want Abbott to stay until 2016 to ensure their banishment to the political wilderness for at least three terms. (assuming Labor's performance gets away from repetitive jargon ((a la Abbott and his sycophantic minions)) and has a bit of bite), at the moment they are just feeding off the dead skin and old scales being discarded by the LNP reptiles instead of cranking up a real Aussie BBQ.

      Ball Scrotum, throw the daily script away and ad lib, and don't say "Tony Abbott" and "unfair budget" in every second sentence. You are doing exactly what he is doing and annoying the hell out of even your committed voters, let alone the swingers.

      Take a cue from Annastacia and diversify your message. Look how well that worked for her.

    2. Spot on Dave C. I would love to hear more from Shorten apart from those rehearsed lines and tired slogans. Bill does not even sound convinced by them. But I would be unsurprised if he does not have a great deal more to offer. I am quietly optimistic and I hope I am correct because chaos produces unexpected results. Scott Morrison anyone? I calm self by reminding self that self is rarely correct about these matters.

      Miss pp

    3. Sadly Miss pp and Dave C, Shorten is the wrong man at the right time, and a constant despair. The only reason he exists at the moment is to provide more zinger humour for Micallef on that show's return ...

    4. No sure Dot. Not sure. Something tells me that Shorten may be better than we think and I don't think Turnbull will be hugely popular. He wasn't last time. With voters or his party. People in late middle-age don't change.

      Miss pp

  12. Singapore Sling Sheridan:

    "But there is a broader question of whether we as a nation are making ourselves ungovernable"
    Well, Greg, me old right wing fuckwit mate, we are only making ourselves un governable because of the detritus that we have to put up with as a "government".

    I've seen better chook raffles run by a bunch of pissed tradies on a Friday arvo than your kinder crew could even imagine.

    1. Steady Dave C, you're departing from the Liberal golden rule, of always blaming the victim and the poor for their misfortune.


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