Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Is it now the right time for the pond to retreat to a nunnery?

From this ...

To this ...

Yes that master of the electronic graffiti artz has spoken. The man is friendless and he's so digitally illiterate he doesn't even know what it means ...

Abbott is done and dusted, gone. Now it's only a matter of time, and likely enough it won't be of his choosing, but it will certainly be of his making.

The Man, the master of the electronic graffiti artz, has already anointed the successor, the chosen one, who played private court and homage to the imperious one:

There's more at Crikey, if you can get behind the paywall, but the basic point is clear enough,.

No doubt there are some sceptics in the land - after all it's Bernard Keane, it's Crikey - but take a squiz, have a gander at the reptiles at the lizard Oz this very day.

There hasn't been this sort of uproar since Lord Monckton last hit town to warn of the black helicopters emanating from the United Nations.

Well Dame Slap's always a wild card - she's the one ready to yabber on about the black helicopters and international UN world government conspiracies in the guise of climate science - but that last one is the cruellest of all.

Not Greg "Bromance" Sheridan?! Not the bestest buddy of all?!

A kindly reader had reported that the Bromancer had turned up on that haven of inner city 'leets, the ABC in Melbourne, where cardigan wearers can be found in abundance, provided they wear black, to berate his best buddy, but the pond refused to believe it.

No way could Sheridan be a treacherous ratfink traitor to his own kind. But there he is in print! Dismayed!!

Well there's not much point in going through all of them in detail.

The splashes tell the story, which keeps on reverberating like a gong on speed.

What's even more poignant is the way the chief kool aid swiller and distiller, the editorialist at the heart of the nation, felt the need to give the Prime Moron a dressing down and a guide, and at great length:


Do the word count: dismay, consternation and ridicule cannot be dismissed, genuine and lethally targeted at the nation's leader, rankle, tone deaf or worse, complacent, indifferent to the way he's enraged and bewildered many, the psychology of self-indulgence and overreach, disastrous, lack of appropriate humility, and so on and so forth.

It's just not bloody fair.

What on earth's the pond to do? What to say or scribble? There's the whole collective pack of nattering commentariat naysayer hounds in full cry on the moors!

Dennis 'the bouffant one' Shanahan, Dame Slap, the anon editorialist, and sob, oh sob, et tu, Greg "Bromance" Sheridan ...

But wait there's more of the anon editorialist.

Sheeesh, talk about prolix.

But it's clear the reptiles are desperate. They all conspired to vote for a dud, and now the dud is delivering duds, they've wheeled out the anon editorialist with blackboard and chalk to go through some basic plays, as if their coaching is suddenly going to transform the dud into a bobby dazzler. As if Jung's experiments in alchemy produced results in the matter of lead and gold...

But the key point is obvious enough.

Mr. Abbott ... has provided first rate farce as a distraction ...

Phew, at last the pond can say something.

As usual, the reptiles have got it wrong.

It's a pathetic third rate colonial farce, a tin bauble of no meaning or distinction, handed out to a long distant Royal too old to visit this country again, the Queen's consort and handbag, and soon enough ready for the big fall, by a tinpot colonial yearning for alma mater in a way which has provoked an outburst of Freudian analysis.

In all of it, the pond would like to give special congratulations to Fairfax's Lisa Cox's Doubts over Tony Abbott's justification for Prince Philip knighthood (forced video at end of link).

The dedicated Cox ploughed valiantly through all the Prince's connections to the land down under, and amongst the predictable rubble (Life Member, Athenaeum Club Melbourne), came up with some gems, such as Patron, Australian Carriage Driving Society, and Honorary Member, Sydney University Tiddlywinks Society (defunct).

The pond felt curiously reassured, remembering long and fierce tiddlywinks battles, though truth to tell, the pond's killer speciality was Pick-Up Sticks.

Oh yes, that black would be easy pickings for the pond.

But hang on, hang on, you say, how has the pond drifted from high matters of state?

Isn't the federal government still valiantly trying to fuck over higher education and make that its first duty when parliament resumes?

Hasn't the CSIRO/BOM report noted yesterday by the pond been greeted with a stony silence?

Isn't there an election going on in Queensland? Isn't it closer than expected?

What's happening in Brisbane?

Can someone google it?

Say what? WTF?

Talk about the art of distraction? Why that Jester has got it down to a T.

Aren't there more pressing matters to discuss than Tiddlywinks and Pick-Up Sticks and the country's leading Klown Kourt Jester?

Well yes, but the pond can't help a stupid homesick man derailing the public conversation with a stupid gesture that's seen him friendless apart from a few determined monarchists and eccentrics... and Kevin Andrews. And if that's his idea of sensible, pleasant company, the long absent lord help him ... next thing you know, Abbott will be hanging about with Wackford Squeers ...

Frankly the pond doesn't know what to do or how to respond.

Is it wrong to ask that, now Abbott is on the spit, at least he should be allowed to be done slowly, constantly basted in his own juices?

Or will this reduce the country to the sort of erratic idiocy its leadership offers?

How soon, contemplating the spit turning in the night air, before distracted Australians are reduced to silence, incapable of saying anything, watching in mute disbelief, the odd dribble of spittle on the lips?

Oh sure, there are some valiant cartoonists who keep trying, Like Rowe today, and as usual, more Rowe here:

But even the immortal Rowe is struggling. See how he's reduced to doing poo jokes?

Why the next thing, Rowe and the pond will have to start doing fart jokes ...

That's how desperate it's got.

We have, as the pond observed a few days ago, gone beyond satire, gone beyond sanity, into a land where conservatives are daily writing like they were hired hacks working for the pond. Instead of for the Man ...

First Dog thankfully captured the mood, and ended the need to say anything more, except that you can find the Dog at the Graudian here:

Just the cartoonists? Electronic graffiti artists and bloggers too, the pond suspects ...


  1. I keep asking myself, DP, what sort of narrative would have made last year's budget 'politically palatable?'

    1. That's an interminable conversation Ian and it won't end with the next budget, which oh frabjous joy, is just around the corner ...

  2. Damn! Looks like there goes Labor's best political asset.

  3. Speaking of "get thee to a nunnery", don't you know that nuns are God's whores, regularly had babies by priests by meeting them in secret tunnels and buried the resulting babies in unmarked graves?

    Mind you the recent discoveries in Ireland make you think.

  4. Generalissimo Murdoch commands the sacking of Credlin. Corporal Miranda De Vine acts as town crier, here

    and “Credlin’s replacement should be the person she didn’t want to hire as head of communications strategy, despite various entreaties from high-level media and political figures: Chris Kenny.”

    There are no acrobats, musicians, tightrope walkers, jugglers and unicyclists in this government circus – only clowns.

  5. Oh yes, Do please lnp, bring on the personal gain price signals are everything tool, julie asbestos is good for humanity bishop.

  6. "But the human character, however it may be exalted or depressed by a temporary enthusiasm, will return by degrees to its proper and natural level, and will resume those passions that seem the most adapted to its present condition." ......and yet, what can one do but weep...yes!, yes!..DP. the cloisters..!

  7. I keep picturing Rupe. M hunched over his keyboard, cackling "I have made a viper for my people", but that latest tweet has made me doubt my vision!

  8. Is there anything out there at present quite as synchronous as the pronouncements of Rupey on his electronic graffiti device, and Tony Abbott in anything he proposes?

    They are as cut snake mad and reliably unreliable as each other.

    To infinity with Australia, and bbeyyoondddd!!!!

  9. If one was to sit back and study the current state of affairs re. the governance of this country, study the titles and qualifications of those placed to command, manage , advise and cogitate on the well-being of the ship of'd have to agree there is good, sound reason for social revolution and a civil war to eradicate that dross and flotsam that has fooled the people and betrayed the citizen body to deliver such bedlam to the state.
    If ever there was good reason for such dire action in the light of such incompetence and imbecility, and in some respects ; outright treason, it is this chaos that calls itself "governance"...that we do not erect barricades and rush to "torch the Reichstag" demonstrates more our patience for the passing of such blunder than our seeking of immediate recompense with the blood of the gormless guilty!
    But I wouldn't want to try the public's patience too much longer....remember the Eureka Stockade !

  10. 'Mr. Abbott ... has provided first rate farce as a distraction ...'

    Yep, that's on the money in brand Qld where Canberra bashing is a recurring political foil. No one over the next few days will conflate Abbott with Newman, the Abbott LNP strong plan with the Newman LNP strong plan. Abbott's (?) stroke of genius has distanced the two so much that on this silly non-issue even lickspittle federal coalition Queensland NATS can come out against the PM more so to starkly display the pretend daylight shining between the Abbott and Queensland government leadership. That distinction will be important in determining how many regional disgruntled National Party voters of old don't now back in PUP, Katter, or Independent candidates. The LNP, Abbott and Newman (soon off to Canberra) have their eyes on the prize and a poor showing won't look too good for NSW next on the road to that.

    I mean what else could they have done? For instance, an Abbott campaign tour featuring him promising on return of an LNP win the dollars for broadband delivery to the regions by the quick and dirty method of stringing optic fibre from power poles all over? Hardly anybody lives all over in Tasmania even though it's so tiny, and both those factors made the ploy plausible there. Tasmanians bought that Abbott cheap trick, but in comparatively huge, highly decentralised and well populated regional Queensland they'd laugh at such a ludicrously impossible stunt. No, that wouldn't play, but the cheap ludicrous stunt he has pulled may see many now laughing all the way to Newman's LNP who otherwise wouldn't have. If so, 'mission accomplished' and fuck the duke.

    BTW, what do you think the conservative voter in the Queensland regions reads for news and opinion shaping? And what sets the agenda there that other media like their ABC follow?

  11. I loved the reference to Wackford Squeers, a Music Hall Melodrama type of villain. A lecturer once advanced the proposition that Dickens had turned melodrama into an art form. Certainly Squeersy was one of my favourite villains, which may be why Dickens gave him an encore appearance flirting with Peg Sliderskew. The Miller in Chaucer's Canterbury Tales is another such endearing rogue.

    In Pride and Prejudice the characters, not villains as such, who provide the greatest comedy are those who consistently get the wrong end of the stick such as Mrs Bennett and Mr Collins. I always looked forward to their appearances.

    In real life I don't think we're capable of taking this much comedy and stupidity. The only fun is watching the apologists groan and wriggle.

    1. :) GD. The pond's favourite was always ever so 'umble knuckle cracking Uriah Heep.


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