Friday, January 30, 2015

In which the pond discovers more amateur coaches and angry parents shouting from the sidelines than you'd find at an under ten game of soccer ...

(Above: and more David Rowe here).

There was sweet bumbler Barners, bumbling in from Tamworth, onetime centre of the known universe until they elected the bumbler to bumble for them, and in his sweet way he urged everyone, including the pond, to move on, to forget it, while giving the odd Australian salute.

Ah sweet nostalgia and memories. Look, there he is, in a spot the pond knows so well, giving it to those pesky Tamworth flies:

Barners was at his Palin-esque incoherent best, betting any number of his personal houses that we'd be all moving along, and delivering this sort of splendid insight:

BARNABY JOYCE: Yes, and the thing I like about Tony Abbott - and I've said this before - it's sometimes the mistakes that prove the authenticity of the person. And I want the authentic. I want the person who I believe is real because when they're authentic, you can trust them. We could easily grab someone from central casting and they'd have the right looks and say the right things, but when the time came to chop your toes off, that's exactly what they'd do. I'd rather the authentic, I'd rather the real and I get that with Tony Abbott.

On and on he rambled in his bumbling, ridgy didge 'chop your eyeballs out' way, and if you missed it, you can find it online here, and what a desperate world it is for 7.30 these days, when all they can get to turn up is bumbling Barners, offering this message:

Pre-nominals and post-nominals and what happened at an Australia Day award ceremony will be lost in the fish and chip wrapper where it belongs.

But the pond couldn't let it go, not just yet, and neither, it seems could the rest of the media, not if this morning's headlines count for anything. This from the AFR:

And this from the rest of the Fairfaxians:

Mark Kenny had two stabs at the story - Liberals weigh up leadership options - was one, with a change of leadership now being actively canvassed, and the other yet another hectoring sermon about how Abbott must do better, Abbott's choice: change or face the axe.

More coaching from the sidelines, more explaining how Abbott has to change.

But it wasn't just the Fairfaxians having a go. For the umpteenth time, the anon reptile editorialist at the lizard Oz had a few points to make, along much the same lines, with the frustrated coach shouting from the sidelines like a parent at a ten year old making a mess of the game:

Can you believe that sort of 'do gooder' drivel? 

Total failure in class to date, must learn more quickly, must open up dialogue with Oz editorialist teacher. Must lead robust public debate by example.

And so on and so forth. As if the 'personal indulgence' doesn't actually cut to the heart of the monarchist man who deeply believes in all the Catholic and monarchist and climate denial and science bashing kool aid he's been swallowing since childhood.

And then there was the question of the Bolter. The pond had gone to bed wondering whether the Bolter's promise to eviscerate Abbott would turn the next day into a fudge.

And indeed it was an artful fudge, with even the illustration artful, evoking as it does Abbott as a supplicant to the all-powerful bitch from hell who makes him do the weird things he does:

Yes, there's mistress Credlin dressing down master Abbott.

And then came the artful fudge, along the lines of better the totally useless devil you know, than the devil lurking in the woods, the very same justification Abbott has been using. 

I might be a dropkick, he's been arguing, but do you want to re-live the Gillard-Rudd feud? Presumably on the basis that if Abbott is given the flick, rather than doing the decent John Gorton thing, he'll do a carefully orchestrated imitation of a psychopathic former Chairman Rudd.

Blackmail by a sociopath!

To support the argument, the Bolter deployed a hearty dose of three word slogans, the hint of the forelock still in play and ready for a tugging:

He has certainly been better than Labor leader Bill Shorten promises to be, and I doubt rival Malcolm Turnbull, so verbose and prone to warming alarmism, would be any improvement if the Liberals were panicked into a switch. 
See, on the big calls on which livelihoods and even lives depend, Abbott has actually been right. 
He stopped the boats — which Labor swore couldn’t be done. 
He scrapped the punishing carbon tax — which Labor falsely claimed would save us from global warming. 
He started to rein in the exploding Budget deficit — which Labor recklessly created and won’t help fix. 
On other issues, too, Abbott has been ahead of almost everyone else likely to replace him. 
He called out Russian President Vladimir Putin for backing the Russian separatists who shot down MH17. 
He has helped lead the fight against Islamist extremism. 
He is cutting red tape, trying to raise the pension age, and is starting to urge workplace reform.

As always, it's impossible to argue with mindless stupidity and simplistic three word slogans, and what followed was more of the same, only this time bashing Labor with the same sort of nattering negativity that Abbott made his speciality while in opposition.

But then the Bolter raked over the coals once more, and the embers flickered to life, and it was yet another warning that Abbott must hoe to the right wing extremist way, or suffer the consequences:

WTF? Abbott has voices in his head? Should we know more?

So there you go Barners.

Tony Abbott is on notice. Both the Fairfaxians and the Murdochians now feel free to hector and lecture him, and every policy move will now be refracted through the question of cabinet collegiality and consultation. His PPL scheme is now but a dream, and some might even begin to examine once again the policy incoherence, which led to a price signal ostensibly to help fix the ailing budget instead being deployed on a grandiose medical research scheme.

Any further stuff-ups of this kind will be given ruthless examination - it isn't long to the next budget, highly likely to be as bad as the last one - and given Abbott's form, it seems most unlikely that somewhere down the track he won't manage to put his foot in it.

We've already got an idea of how Abbott fumbles under pressure. Remember this?

Yes, if you don't mind enduring an advertisement, you can relive that hilarious "you're not saying anything Tony" moment on YouTube here.

If Abbott has a dummy spit like this, or another brain spasm, or tries on yet another policy clearly aimed at denuding the poor and enriching the rich, it will set off the electronic graffiti, and now what's left of the mainstream media will join in and run with the hounds with a wild yahoo ...

Can Abbott change his spots? Not likely. He was always best as a boofhead attack dog, he's never shown much capacity for grace, his best years were as a fiercely negative opposition leader, and he's routinely promised to change and consult ... until the next failure to change and consult comes along ...

It's been a glorious train wreck in government, and it's likely to keep on going that way ...

Oh one last thing. Special kudos to the HUN for digging up this story, a simpering mix of colonial condescension, mixing racism with a put down of Abbott, in the quest for clicks and quaintness:

There's a lot more, but sorry no link, clicks only egg them on. You won't find the same sniggering in the HUN about Anglicans and Catholics and their straw gods ...

Meanwhile, there's an election in Queensland.

At the very moment that Annastacia Palaszczuk passed on the simplest of questions, the pond realised that the deep north was doomed, and it would surely get the government it deserved, though perhaps without Campbell Newman at its head.

Never mind Queenslanders. Where would desperate, alienated Sydney-siders be without the odd state - let's not forget Tasmania - to laugh at?

Cue First Dog, and as always, more First Dog here, and good luck tomorrow Queenslanders. The pond has a lucky rabbit's foot to sell you, and it's likely you'll need it ...


  1. Hi Dorothy,

    Before history sweeps it all away, it might be worth remembering the massive backflip the poison dwarf Newman made, directly after the last Queensland election, regarding the bipartisan ban on uranium mining.

    And to show times don't change, back in the late 70's The Stranglers were touring Queensland and they quickly fell foul of the Bjelke-Peterson government, as Jean-Jacques Burnel later relates;

    "This man, Joh Bjelke-Peterson, he was basically a criminal who gained power through gerrymandering. We became rather critical of him, wondered how this guy who got only 20% of the popular vote had done that. He threw aboriginal people off their land, sold uranium mines to groups who performed nuclear explosions off the coast of Australia. He was racist and corrupt. At one point he brought people in to storm our concerts. We had to flee over the state line. But a wonderful inspiration for the song"

    It's a crap video but the song certainly captures the period.


  2. BARNABY JOYCE: “I 'd rather the authentic, I'd rather the real and I get that with Tony Abbott.”

    The mediocre Joyce praises the mediocrity of Abbott because to the mediocre, mediocrity always appears great.

    1. So true Anon.
      The really smart people in this world see things that most of us do not. They are the creators. They challenge and sometimes shock us. They also excite and stimulate us.
      I don't think Barney from Tamworth is in this group nor do is Tony Abbott who stubbornly knots that boring blue tie round his neck every morning proclaiming with pride that he is conservative, dull, reliable and stolid. A two chop, three veg type of man. Plain spoken. No airs and graces. Someone who could yarn with the locals at the Tamworth pub. Authentic if you like.
      Except that he isn't.
      Abbott is radical. He is the self-proclaimed captain of Team Blue Tie which is hell bent on transforming Australia into a US style society which inevitably harbors the dystopic elements of class division. He lacks curiosity and creativity. He sees us all as economic automatons.
      He has no idea.
      Thank goodness many more of us have woken up to him.
      Miss PP

  3. The confusion that Barners manages to spread in his brain farts is the equivalent of Tone's bizarre brain breakdown. They achieve a similar outcome: white noise, channel static - simply zero meaning, but the comfort that as they stand or sit saying nothing at all, oxygen appears to be entering their bodies.

    Is this the political discourse that we somehow deserve? Where did these people come from?

  4. There's a great big repository.... full of toxic wisdom.... being unfairly hurled at Tony Abbott. I call on all conservative commentators to scrap this toxic wisdom, this useless, destructive wisdom hurting....

  5. The Kool-aid consumed by The Australian editorialist has reached alarming proportions. Is it Chris Mitchell? Did he spend too many hours trying to prove Manning Clark was a Soviet spy?

    I mean, to open up by asserting that Abbott is a man of "obvious intellect" is entering the deranged territory. I'm not sure that Abbott himself would go that far, unless he was convinced that there were votes in making the claim.

  6. Seems an uncanny silence on Greece election results by distraction going in oZ, must have a few sphincter mechanisms doing overtime hoping we the people haven't noticed I'd reckon.

    Syriza's Original 40 Point Manifesto -

    1. Hold on hold on, Joe ( over my dead body) Hockey has found the solution for all of the LNP's problems .......he's returned to campaign mode ... High Viz Vest & Hard Hat ... Bright Yellow ......
      now that should do it .

  7. Today, Latika Bourke of the SMH reports:

    “Mr Abbott responded by praising his "strong colleagues" and "strong team" but said they benefited from his leadership.
    "One of the reasons why so many members of the team are able to perform so well is because they have got a very good captain," he told reporters.
    "It takes a good captain to help all the players of a team to excel," he said.
    Mr Abbott dug in and defied media baron Rupert Murdoch's public demand that he sack Ms Credlin or force her to resign.
    "I have a very good team and I stand by all of them," he said.
    Asked "will you lead the government to the next election?", Mr Abbott said "absolutely".”

    Absolutely, all the way into the valley of death.

    Was there a man dismay'd?
    Not tho' the soldier knew
    Someone had blunder'd:
    Theirs not to make reply,
    Theirs not to reason why,
    Theirs but to do and die:
    Into the valley of Death
    Rode the six hundred.

    1. I can't decide whether he sees himself as Captain Mainwaring from "Dad's Army" or Captain Queeg from "The Caine Mutiny".

  8. I wonder who told Fairfax about Abbott's offer to make Greg Sheridan Australia's High Commissioner to Singapore.

    Miss pp

    1. Let's just enjoy this implosion, Miss pp.

      Some people are meant to fall in love and not to be together, sigh.

      Sheridan: “We talked over everything. The meaning of life, the purpose of politics, who'd win the rugby league grand final, what girls we planned to ask out, petty squabbles we might have had with our parents".”


      “Prime Minister Tony Abbott considered his close personal friend, The Australian newspaper's Greg Sheridan, for the plum posting of high commissioner to Singapore after the 2013 election.”
      If you love him then you must send him
      Somewhere where he's never been before
      Worn out phrases and longing gazes
      Won't get you where you want to go

      “But the newspaper's long-serving foreign editor, who has described Mr Abbott as his "best friend" during university days, turned down the job after discussing it with the newspaper's editor-in-chief, Chris Mitchell.
      ‘Obviously Greg and I are personal friends, as are Greg and Tony, so I guess the offer was probably quite attractive but he has a pretty good job at the Oz too.’ ”

      Incroyable, ce est un ménage à trois

    2. That still Anon, takes on wonderful resonances with that news. and once again the pond's comment section scoops the pond with mind-dazzling news of the latest circus act.

  9. Today is the anniversary of Charles 1st's beheading for high treason. Maybe this is a portent?

  10. Yes..I came into the kitchen and I heard this bloke rambling on in a familiar stumbling way on RN. and i said to the OH. ; "Is that Bananaby?"..and of course...

  11. A section from the poet Heiner Muller's;..."Mommsen's Block".

    "...Even the silver fragments
    of laconic Tacitus just reading matter for poets
    for whom history is but a burden
    insufferable without the dance of the vowels
    on the graves against the gravity of the dead
    and their fear of eternal recurrence
    He did not like them the Caesars of the late age
    not their fatigue not their vices
    He had enough with the singular Julius
    whom he valued like his own tombstone..."

    Stupidity is just another human vice, and even IT, in the hands of some becomes an art!...what can you possibly say?

    1. :) The pond enjoyed that quote so much we went off to find the original here


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