Friday, December 12, 2014

Well that was bloody weird ... now let's count the weirdnesses ...

It's just as well that comment is free, because who would pay for gratuitous advice from a political loser like Sophie Mirabella?

The pond has largely stopped visiting the big print, dumbed down, simplistic Graudian website - it crashes the pond's ancient iPad for starters - but every so often a startling sight pops up.

Why on earth would they publish Mirabella's pitiful attempt to be a pundit and a psephologist, even if you can read it here for free?

Well they haven't got Antony Green to say something sensible and besides it's a kind of click-bait trolling designed to lure the unsuspecting to their doom. Yes, there are strange folk with a deeply masochistic streak who like the taste of the Mirabella lash. So these were the first few comments, marvelling at the entertainment on offer:

Well yes, it was bloody weird ... even if you like to call a shovel a pickaxe or an adze, in the Tamworth way ... but that set the tone for the day ...

It seems the duties of supervising the building of ailing canoes isn't enough for the relevancy deprived Mirabella, so she turned up elsewhere, with Latika Bourke at Fairfax apparently taking seriously Sophie Mirabella's remorse over lack of women in Abbott cabinet:

"I felt somewhat responsible having lost my seat and deprived the government of a second woman in cabinet and thought perhaps there is something I can do to precipitate this discussion," she told a bipartisan panel discussion in Melbourne on Wednesday night.

Like having Mirabella as the second woman in cabinet would be a victory for women?

Well that was bloody  weird ...

Meanwhile, big Mal is heading into even deeper waters as he goes about the business of placating chairman Rupert, Foxtel and Graham Burke.

The fatuous eastern suburbs fop is busy with word play, as can be read in Ben Grubb's 'It's not a filter': Malcolm Turnbull's anti-piracy crackdown wordplay defies logic.

"Can I just say this to you ... Don't ... I mean, I know the temptation to sort of engage in journalism by click bait is very strong but this is not, repeat, not an internet filter," Mr Turnbull said. 
"I mean that'll get you a lot of clicks [if you call it an internet filter]," he continued. "But that is complete BS. It's not a filter."

Grubb is of course the delusional one. Why on earth would he expect logic from the utegate man? But he's right on the matter of a filter:

"It waddles and quacks like a filter," telco industry veteran John Lindsay, of Lindsay Strategic Advisory, said. 
Turnbull's filter denialism is reminiscent of his defence of Tony Abbott's "no cuts" to the ABC and SBS pledge the night before the election. He eventually came clean, though. 
It's time for Turnbull to come clean and call his site-blocking regime what it is: a filter. 
Yes, there will be oversight by a court with the blocking but that doesn't make it any less a filter.

Grubb even provided a link to the IPA (hardly the greenies or consumer group Choice that he also linked to), and what a tasty opening line Chris Berg gave him under the headline The coalition is reviving Labor's internet filter with its copyright website blocking scheme:

"The government's proposal to block websites that infringe copyright is an internet filter and a threat to free speech," says Chris Berg, Senior Fellow with the Institute of Public Affairs. 
Today, Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull and Attorney General George Brandis announced they intend to amend the Copyright Act to allow copyright owners to apply for a court order which would block access to websites that host copyright infringing material. 

Actually, as noted by Grubb, Brandis wasn't much in view, apart from his name on a press release, but do go on:

"This is nothing more than an internet filter, of the sort which the Coalition proudly opposed when it was proposed by the Rudd and Gillard governments," says Mr Berg. "There is no reason to believe that this will reduce copyright infringement in any material way." 
"It is trivially easy to set up a personal virtual private network (VPN) which would render any government website blocking pointless." 
"In fact, the technical skills required to set up a VPN are less than the technical skills required to download copyright infringing material." 
"Experience has shown us that Australian governments cannot be trusted to block only the sites they intend to block." 
"The Australian Securities and Investment Commission has been accidentally blocking hundreds of thousands of websites due to their lack of technological knowledge. Furthermore, the Labor government's proposed internet filter was found to capture many sites which it had not intended to block." 
"A copyright internet filter is likely to be similarly abused. Parliament should not go ahead with it," says Mr Berg.

Well that was beyond the valley of the bloody weird.

Yet again, the pond and the IPA as one. Close bosom buddies in the summer sun ...

The pond already uses and recommends a VPN, and it looks like next year is going to be a good one for suppliers of VPN, and egg wipers, as they keep wiping the geek egg off Turnbull's face as he attempts to polish his Conroy impersonation ...

It's so bleeding obvious that all the pond suggests is you join The Conversation at Forced negotiations and industry downloads won't stop illegal downloads.

There's plenty of high comedy to be found, like the NYT story The Inexact Science Behind D.M.C.A. Takedown Notices, and this poster:

Ah the golden oldies, but actually the pond found more humour in the snap accompanying Grubb's story:

What a forlorn-looking fop. Talk about weird. How lucky for him that the Photoshop skills of the Murdochians are onside with him on this one ...

And so to this day's crisis.

No, not this one at the top of the lizard Oz page:

Enforced celibacy might have something to do with the warped sexuality on display in the Catholic church?

No, say it ain't so, everyone knows enforced celibacy and a marriage to Christ (careful of the gay overtones) is the natural order of things ...

Where's Gerard "desiccated coconut" Henderson when he's needed, explaining how everything is for the best in the best of all Catholic worlds?

Never mind, now that it's been explained, the pond is ready for that rocket science course over the holiday break ...

Actually, the real crisis involves the reptiles, but on another matter, curiously involving a man who gave the Catholic game away ... and for reasons obvious enough ... (you can find Abbott's explanation, as written in The Bulletin in 1987 here, and what a valuable duty Citizen Journalism has done with this reprint).

Lack of sensual intimacy is something that priests have always had to handle. In my case, this had become a heavy burden because I was not naturally drawn to the life of the priesthood and because the modern Church — by minimising its mystique and spiritual elan — had eroded any other basis for its undertaking.

Well that sounds a little weird.

And so the church's gain through loss was Australia's loss through gain ...

But enough of this idle chatter about "sensual intimacy" - words shrouded with a prudish quaintness and which continue to explain so much to anyone with a passing acquaintance with Catholic guilt - and let's get on with the real crisis to hand.

As the government lurches from crisis to crisis, the pond has noted on an almost daily basis a stream of missives from the reptiles in the lizard Oz offering advice, delivering fierce strappings to the bottom as required (take that comic book out of your pants, young Tony) and a good caning with a finely smoothed bit of bamboo - six on the best on each hand, thank you very much sir, may I have another ...

David Crowe is the latest in a long line to bring Master Tony out to the front of the class for a bit of what for:

Say what? Delusonal rumours spread to sow unrest?

What then to make of the actual verifiable Oz editorialist deep in his kool aid cup?

The government also has poor performers in key roles. We have always been sceptical about Joe Hockey’s ability to be tough, work hard and win the policy argument as a spearhead in parliament in the manner of past custodians Keating and Peter Costello; this muscular advocacy role is doubly important, given Mr Abbott is trying to discard his image as a pugilist and is not a proven spruiker on the economy. If he won’t move him, Mr Abbott must demand more energy and competence from his Treasurer. The Prime Minister should also give his popular rival Malcolm Turnbull a prominent role in explaining the economic story. Strong leaders aren’t afraid of allowing possible successors to share the workload or to have a high profile; frisson could work wonders on the whole team. The government is carrying too many dud ministers and liabilities ... (here, outside the paywall, only six days ago).

The pond has always thought that the Oz editorial team was delusional, but to have it confirmed by Crowe ... well, that's mind-exploding weird ...

But do go on, Dave lad, me hearty, and never mind how the conflicting advice, chaos and confusion of words flung at the government might be compounding the chaos and confusion in a confused and chaotic government:

And so on and on.

Crowe hands out fail marks to Peter Dutton, wonders why Fiona Nash has been hobbled, deplores Kevin Andrews as a salesman, notes that Eric Abetz and Luke Hartsuyker (who?) botched the 40 j,ob applications, and concludes grimly:

For all the carping about Hockey, who on the frontbench would have done a better job urging voters to accept the May budget? The question sharpens the focus on a fairly long list of average performers.

Uh huh. A long list of average performers. And so to take a look at the man in charge of the canoe, and the evil manipulative puppet mistress jerking the puppet's strings:

With a two-step reshuffle, Abbott will probably avoid hard decisions now on replacing senior cabinet ministers. Changes late next year could see some ministers, such as Sussan Ley in education and Michaelia Cash in immigration, move into cabinet. They often make a better case for policies than some of their more senior colleagues. 
If some had their way, Abbott’s reshuffle would include replacing Peta Credlin, his chief of staff. The acrimony over her keeps building as her critics try to ease her grip on power. Julie Bishop asserts her authority, challenging instructions from the Prime Minister’s office, a move that encourages a similar show of strength from other ministers. Despairing over the way Abbott and Credlin run the government, some MPs say one or both will eventually have to go. The idea of Abbott paying with his job if he does not fix the situation is actually canvassed. 
It is a harsh judgment a little more than a year after an election victory and shows the concerns are more than casual sniping. 
So great is the frustration over the way the PMO issues orders to ministers that there is no recognition that Credlin has been a key part of the Coalition’s success in the past five years. Nor is there any suspicion that she may be simply sending instructions that the Prime Minister has devised. 
“This is a manufactured Tony, a plasticine Tony — he’s been moulded,” says one MP. 
The centralisation of power seems at odds with Abbott’s instincts, which have been to give colleagues the room to move that he often exercised as a minister in the Howard government. Colleagues want him to trust his instincts more than his chief of staff. 
Similar alarm bells were rung during Kevin Rudd’s time in power and ignoring them proved to be a mistake. As well as promoting his best advocates, Abbott should let them loose.

A moulded, plasticine Tony!

This from the reptiles! Can it get any weirder, as the reptiles now daily add to the instability and the uncertainty and the chaos and the confusion, compounding the calls for something to be done about Peta and perhaps even the plasticine man himself:

With the reptiles now sounding, if weird push comes to weirder shove, exactly like Waleed Aly in Fairfax with Nothing can wipe the smile off this mug (forced video at end of link), and Jason Wilson in the dumbed down, big print Graudian explaining Tony Abbott's 'reset' can never work because he can't 'reset' himself, and now Martin Shaw and the dogs are in full cry over Prime minister's literary intervention makes a sham of peak event ...

And every day the leadership speculation increases, and the instability and uncertainty continues, and the reptiles are just as bad as the rest ...

It's too bloody weird ...

And all Abbott's got to show for the year is "shirtfront" being elevated to top word for the year ... and oh how the reptiles at RT laughed and mocked the man, here.

Frankly the pond is looking forward to the respite offered by the Xmas/New Year break.

It's all getting too weird.

Time then for a cartoon from First Dog, now one of the few reasons the pond visits the Graudian, and more First Dog herewhere you can check out his Peta for PM campaign.


  1. The Luke Hartsuyker(NAT) mentioned as Erics' offsider in Employment is my area politician(Cowper).
    I do not call him a local member as I do not wish to disrespect the wisdom of the phallus.
    I do not think he will be of great help to Mr Abetz in sorting out the words and numbers.
    I met Luke once when he door-knocked a-vote-seeking.
    I asked questions and he offered feeble platitudes and clumsy evasions.
    When I touched on the environment, he pointed to the color of his glossy brochure, which was indeed green.
    Upon delivering this verbal gem he gave a dopey lop-sided smirk, as if acknowledging laughter and applause.
    He brought to mind the unlikely image of a sloth on cocaine, for which I thanked him.
    I recently wrote him a letter expressing my objection to the fact that, in attending an event called 'pollie-peddling', he was drawing a 'reimbursement entitlement', and forcing me to to monetarily subsidise him receiving bi-cyclical genital stimulation whilst contemplating Tony Abbotts' lycra-clad arse. I did not thank him for this.
    I wonder if he read it. I doubt it. I am not sure he can read.

  2. "government by slapstick"
    That's nailed it.

  3. Tony Hart not Tony AbbottDec 12, 2014, 9:49:00 AM

    Tony will never reach the raw humanity that Morph achieves in his doughy sleep.

  4. David Crowe: “The need for renewal in Tony Abbott’s government is now so pressing a reshuffle is a clear option to prepare for the year ahead.”

    After only 15 months in office there is a “need for renewal”? WTF, is this government akin to a motor vehicle insurance policy needing renewal? For the lickspittles to cry so soon only indicates this government is as meaningless as lint in one’s navel and as that should discarded.


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