Sunday, December 21, 2014

Goodbye to all that ... hello to all that ...

Professor Edgeworth, of All Souls', avoided conversational English, persistently using words and phrases that one expects to meet only in books. 
One evening, Lawrence returned from a visit to London, and Edgeworth met him at the gate. "Was it very caliginous in the metropolis?"
"Somewhat caliginous, but not altogether inspissated," Lawrence replied gravely. (Robert Graves, Goodbye to All That)

Speaking of the caliginous and the inspissated, as the pond does all the time, with the pond in meditative retreat, here's an invitation for readers - for the seven days the comments stay open - to nominate their favourite government politician of 2014, celebrate their most fabulous achievements and sayings of the year, and predict where they'll be in 2015.

The pond had thought of a similar competition for reptiles, stewing in their own paranoid hysteria and excess, but as that would result in Murdochians 1, 2 and 3, all the way to 20, with magic water man Sheehan limping along behind, it would be a pretty dull race.

There's no rewards, just the pleasures of an exorcism, or being proven right, and the pond offers a few clues and nominations:

Will he nominate more dames and knights in 2015?

How will the fairness man, and his trusty companion Tonto go?

And how will Tonto's trusty companion, HAL 9000, go?

Will there be any money left in the foreign aid budget?

Phew, survived:

Well is he?

Why a smile in front of empty shelving?

Ah,  filled to the brim, and so cheap too. Now to get on with the intrusions ...

Is there a man who's going to bring the right attitude to social services?

Job done. The pond hears that already they're pouring the concrete for a pensioner, student and unemployed gulag.

So what joy at pissing millions against the wall on nineteenth century copper wire technology?

But at least the Chairman got a plug ...

Who is this pale faced man?

Why he's the front line man for Australia ...

Any resemblance to a rabbit in a headlight?

No, no, sleep soundly at night.

Is this man imitating the Riddler?

Is there some room for bumbling rustic comedy, Ken G. Hall Dad and Dave style?

What about famous deeds, sayings and observations? 

More than you can count:

Oops, sorry, a couple of late scratchings:

But wait, there's some replacements coming up on the rail, running hard.

Does he have the humble attitude needed to serve the country? The humility? The willingness to be shorn like sheep in sympathy with the rest of the country?

Seems like it ...

And remember, keep the water cooler and the bottle full of kool aid. It never goes astray, especially when ushering the brand new musical that hits the road in 2015, the all singing, all dancing Tony Abbott Follies, which did a sneak Canberra run on the Sunday before Christmas, when everyone was snoozing,  but which will soon be hitting Broadway.

A toast:


  1. Morrison has been done over by Abbott. His task will be to roll back the Howard bribes and hence become hated by all, not just the left.

  2. Oh sweet Jesus, Dot'..You propose the impossible and then example with the insurmountable!...When I saw your challenge, my first thought and sympathy fell on to one of my most favourite short stories..James Joyce's "Ivy day in the committee room"...; Father Keon has just left the room and; " Mr.Henchy returned with the candlestick and put it on the table. He sat down again at the fire. There was silence for a few moments.
    "Tell me, John", said Mr. O'Connor, lighting his cigarette with another pasteboard card.
    "What he is exactly?"
    "Ask me an easier one". said Mr. Henchy.

    And THAT..I think, says it all!


  3. Seriously though...there comes a time when nothing..N-O-T-H-I-N-G can rescue the lost cause..the hopeless situation...I remember in my "instructive youth", attending my first strip show in Hindley Street, Adelaide..the rough end...there was the usual strut of the young and lovelies and then an "older broad" swung out onto the stage to strut her stuff...there was a groan (poor thing) from the audience...young men don't want to see their metaphorical mother up there doing THAT!...When it came the moment where she invites a member of the audience to unclip her G-string...there were no was a horrible but truthful moment..: "There comes a time"..all is gone, all is lost..youth and plans and schemes and wants..."...all your dreams gone to bust and into footnotes all your lust" folded the end of the year for the Abbott started with sweet, sickly dreams and ended in a nightmare still playing out...

    1. All is forgiven Jaycee, for referencing Joyce. And thanks to your friends at Adelaide University - not so far from Hindley street really - you can read that story, and Dubliners more generally here:

  4. Easily the best comment came at the end of the year. In all three Murdoch tabloids we have:

    PM doubles women in cabinet.

    It's a no-brainer for the gong.

    1. Yes BB, that'd be a 100% increase, at least in mindless stupidity and idle base use of statistics. Or wait, there were three of them you say? Should it be 300%?

  5. No Dave, they are a bunch of pricks.

    1. thank you persiflage, Swearing is no excuse for terminological inexactitude.

    2. I disagree with both of you. Cunts and pricks are beautiful and useful organs that bring pleasure and new life to the world. Does this describe these politicians? Vermiform appendix is more accurate- useless and tend to get filled with impacted shit, making the owner very ill!

  6. And Abbott has promoted a woman whose parents could not spell the simple name Susan. Goodness gracious me!

    1. amazing times persiflage. Even the wiki for the name doesn't list it as a variant:

  7. Difficult to pick a clear winner in such a rich nest of Cestoids, Trematodes and juvenile Coeopterids.
    Amongst the rich offerings presented by the assorted benthos and scum in cabinet, I would still nominate the irrationally elevated Anthony Abbott as political knuck-fuckle of the year(with encouragement award for Jolly Joe).
    It was a hard call to follow up last years superlative efforts, notably that awkward eternity spent standing silently in front of journalist Mark Riley, glaring, nodding, twitching and licking his lips like a hungry goanna(all in response to a perfectly reasonable question posed regarding his conduct), but our action man has nailed it yet again.
    His on-camera smirk and wink in reaction to an elderly womans' personal tale of degraded hardship showed he has not lost that ability to appear as a cruel and deranged creep without even saying a word.
    I await his efforts for the new year with trepidation.

    1. Well that had the pond scuttling off CB to discover details of tapeworms and parasitic worms but the dictionary spat the dummy on coeopterids, but the pond caught the drift ...

    2. Typo, DP,
      Coleoptera - beetle with boring grub as larval stage.

  8. Tony Windsor: “"He begged for the job and he made the point, not only to me but to others that were in that negotiating period, that he would do anything to get that job, anything to get that job. And you would well remember and your colleagues should be aware, that the only codicil that you put on that (was), `I will do anything , Tony (Windsor) to get that job. The only thing I wouldn't do is to sell my arse'."

    I predict by this time next year the polls will be so low for Abbott that he will prove Tony Windsor wrong.

  9. A very hard task here DP. The lies and deception across the whole front bench is simply breathtaking. I'm nominating the Wiki-Kid, with assistance from the Prime arsehat, on his BBC interview with Razia Iqbal where he,when quizzed on Abbott's claim that climate change is crap comment,responded with "Look, with great respect you can swear on international radio, you can invite me from Australia to do this, you can be profoundly rude, I'm happy to answer, but I'm not going to be sworn at," The man is a lying misogynistic pig of the first order.
    Where he is in 2015: Hopefully dead as he is a waste of fucking space.Or at least voted out of his seat and ending up as an adviser to the Bolthead. They deserve each other.

  10. The oddest cabinet member of all has jumped in with a big claim on the eve of the festivities.

    I have always assumed that Kevin Andrews just hides in the back of any Liberal meeting, and is awarded a position because he is there at all. The man has proven again and again to the public that he has no special skill, much less sense of sympathy for the person in the street. And look where he has popped up: defence.

    "Before even being sworn in as Australia's 52nd Defence Minister, Mr Andrews was forced to reassure the military community of his commitment to the task after it emerged he had once declared he had "no interest in defence issues"."

    And how does the ADF feel about this?

    Neil James, Exec Head of ADA: "Defence is getting very, very tired of receiving ministers who are really in there last term or two in Parliament. What we need is younger and more able ministers with a future ahead of them," he said."

    Yep, there'll be no hiding at the back of group photos now Mr Odd. They have their eyes on you.

    Thanks very kindly Dot, for dipping your energy again and again into The Stupid, and still coming up smiling. Glad you'll be there on the front lines in 2015 - you're a far better and braver person than most of us.

    1. Already the pond keenly feels the wasted holiday opportunities, via collins, what with Tony Abbott saying that he repealed the carbon tax to deliver a special triumph for women, and KA sounding even more gormless than usual. I mean, if you turn up to a game of ludo, as a minister, you should say you're entranced by the game and keenly interested in its rules and eager to design policies to promote the wonders of ludo to the world. So when talking to defence, you say you're bored silly by defence? That's 101 political twit ...

      The pond just might steal your The Stupid as the mission statement for 2015 ... and thanks for reading and commenting ...

  11. Missing you already Dorothy.
    You make me laugh and wince.
    There is so much going on too. Loon-ey tunes for you to whistle. Fantastical tales of ironing boards and chess board manoueverings to block The Bishop. I get the feeling Yuletide will not offer much peace and goodwill.
    Best wishes
    Miss Pitty Pat


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