Now there's a remarkably stupid man.
The heart of our country? Where does that put the lungs? Somewhere around Alice Springs? Oh the pond's suddenly got a stitch and can't breathe ...
Presumably Tony Abbott thought that, because he'd gone camping in the bush for a week, and what with the intertubes not working in remote areas, no one had the first clue he was sucking up to the local mob who'd asked the question "who's the fairest in the land?".
It reminded the pond of its admirable discretion when attending the rather large gathering of daughters down the road the other day.
The one from Queensland, frankly and even in the best light, resembled a toad; the poor thing from Adelaide was ever so quiet and bashful, as plain as a wallflower and resentfully very aware and sensitive about the fact; but that sensitivity was nothing compared to the repressed anger of the Tasmanian daughter, who seemed to have a chip on her shoulder and refused all offers to pulp it into a Murdoch newspaper. As for the daughter who'd made the trek from WA, the resemblance to a feral shark was unnerving ...
But the pond went around discreetly reassuring them all. Yes dear you truly are the fairest of them all, without your beating heart the nation would collapse in tears and so on and so forth. By the end of it, the Adelaide gal was promising to meet the pond at the balls in the mall, so we could embark on a wild tram ride to Glenelg and eat an icecream while remembering Don Dunstan halting the waves.
Are the aunts still on the verandah? the pond unwisely asked, and such a look of hurt took hold that it reminded the pond of the only way forward, as revealed by that old koan, Everything is best:
When Banzan was walking through a market he overheard a conversation between a butcher and his customer. "Give me the best piece of meat you have," said the customer. "Everything in my shop is the best," replied the butcher. "You cannot find here any piece of meat that is not the best." At these words Banzan became enlightened. (more koans here).
Yes everywhere is the heart of the country, and you'd have to truly be a fuckwit of a politician to pander to cliques by saying otherwise. Everyone knows the old riff:
Oh dear ...
Seems you can look in the mirror and all you'll see is your own fatuous stupidity.
Is there anything else?
Well yes you'd have to be a truly fuckwitted politician to use god and religion as selling points for a crusade:
Against god and religion? But which god? The Islamic god, Pell's god, the angry Sydney Anglicans' god?
Does this mean the pond is at one with terrorists, seeing as we seem to be jointly involved in a war against god? Assuming at some time we might manage to find the scaredy cat god, who's always in hiding:
How stupid is this sort of "god, religion and Harry" rhetoric?
Well it's brought the really stupid out on display:
Oh that's right, the pond didn't mention that Victorian daughter. Funny tortured thing, always in a state of angst and wearing black and sulking and saying how Melbourne was the greatest, most liveable city in the world, and never mind the notorious RMIT green fungus infesting the city ...
Well the pond could start on Bill Shorten, or Babs Stilton, or as he's known to his friend Tony Little Sir Echo, but First Dog has already been there:
(the rest of that cartoon, and many more cruel thrusts at Babs here, seeing as how Babs is so afraid of his shadow, he's forgotten that an opposition leader is occasionally expected to oppose).
Anything else on this morning of quiet hysteria catching up with old news?
Well it seems John Howard might have a touch of the wobbles:
Reckoning on Gillard time, Howard can only breathe a little more freely in 2023 (and if we include the AWB oil-for-wheat scandal, we can kick it out a few more years, with the cover-up as appalling as the original crimes).
It might be best if the old dodderer and deceiver shuffled off the mortal coil before then, and save everyone the embarrassment ...
Now for one last thing, and hooray it's Lord Downer speaking up for empire:
Yep, Lord Downer of Baghdad has broken his silence, and not to speak on matters concerning Baghdad, but on matters involving Scotland.
The pond's first reaction was astonishment - that the old dodderer and deceiver was still alive, and still apparently believing that anyone, especially the Scots, would pay attention to anything Lord Downer had to say, that anyone would care ... in short that anyone would give a flying fuck ...
But then the pond became interested in a cage contest, what with other internationally famous experts also expressing a view:
Consult Willie here.
The pond suspects the Scots will make up their own minds, but in the meantime, which is the more fatuous intervention, between wee Willie and wee Alex. Well the pond thinks Alex represents the heart of Australia and Willie the heart of the United States, up there with citizen Murdoch, and so may the most incredible and fictional character win ...