Sunday, February 16, 2014

Speaking of Biggus Dickus fresh from Rome ...

After the pond had a go at Onan, a reader kindly forwarded a link to God's 12 Biggest Dick Moves in the Old Testament, which it seems was only posted yesterday.

It turns out that Onan only made it to number 8 in god's biggest dickus moves (and if you don't know about Monty Python, would you like to kill yourself now or later?):

8) Killing a Dude for Not Making More Babies 
So you're a dude named Onan and you have a brother named Er. God does not care for Er, and kills him. Standard God operating procedure. Then things gets weird. Onan's dad orders Onan to have sex with Er's wife — not marry, by the way, just have sex with. This is actually pretty awkward for Onan, sleeping with his sister-in-law, and rather than give her any more kids (she had two with Er already) he pulls out. God is so infuriated that Onan did not fuck his sister-in-law to completion that he kills him, too. Now, you could argue that God demands that intercourse be used specifically for procreation, but given how much God loves killing babies and children, I don't think his motives here are exceptionally pure. (Genesis 38:1-10)

Instead Rob Bricken went for this as number 1:

1) Sending Bears to Murder Children 
So a guy named Eliseus was traveling to Bethel when a bunch of kids popped up and made fun of him for being bald. That had to suck, and you can't blame Eliseus for being pissed and cursing them to God. But God had Eliseus' back, by which I mean he sent two bears to maul 42 of these kids to death. For making fun of a bald dude. I have to think Eliseus was looking for something along the lines of a spanking, or maybe the poetic justice of having the kids go bald, but nope, God went straight for the bear murder. But on the plus side, that pile of 40+ children's corpses never made fun of anybody again. (4 Kings 2:23-24)

Sheesh, so wiping out the entire planet's population in a fit of pique doesn't cut it? Genocide is old hat?

Never mind, let the hordes argue amongst themselves as to what is the biggest dickus act that god does in the old testament, and then we can move on to the new.

How about crucifying your son so he endures an agonisingly slow death? Hmm, so many acts and threats of cruelty listed at the Skeptic's Annotated Bible, so hard to make a choice.

Time for you and time for me, 
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea. (here)

And now, to change horses in mid-stream, the pond is also indebted to those who drew attention to the latest racist outburst by the Bolter.

Of course the Bolter is cleverer than Akker Dakker when he scribbles The Left's myths are destroying Aboriginal children, though it has to be said that this is like arguing about the relative thickness and the dense, solid nature of two planks.

You see the Bolter raises the stakes - instead of Akker's silly line about there being no stolen children - and perhaps mindful that a few have been discovered - and so he sets the number at ten, and then dresses it up as a "fact".

You can tell you're in the presence of a goose when they always want to pick a fight over stupid statistics they've plucked from their fevered, delusional brain:

Fact: not one “stolen generations” activist has ever been able to produce even 10 examples of these children stolen from their parents by officials just because they were Aboriginal, and not because they needed care. 
Fact: not one of the many court cases since involving “stolen generations” claimants has found there was a policy to remove children just for being Aboriginal. Those findings apply particularly to Western Australia, South Australia and the Northern Territory. An Aboriginal-led Stolen Generations Taskforce concluded that in Victoria, too: ”there was no formal policy for removing children”.

Fact? Only in the sense that the pond knows for certain the moon is made of green cheese.

In the end it is just the same lot of bald-faced, dissembling, carefully worded lies and "factoids" worked up into a new package of racist nonsense.

And so the HUN is just as much home to addle-brained tripe as the Terror.

But let's not be bleak, it is after all, Sunday, and the pond was reminded yet again that there is only one good reason for watching The Insiders, and that's Talking Pictures.

Now the pond is deeply aware that on occasion it relies heavily on the recirculation of cartoons by David Rowe and David Pope and others - sheesh, there's got to be a ray of sunshine in the gloom that emanates from gazing on the sphincters of the Bolter, Akker Dakker and others on too regular a basis - so what fun it was to see David Pope in the flesh and enjoying life and discussing the week's cartooning.

Truth to tell, it's the cartoonists that help keep the pond half-way sane - only half way, but how could you expect them to offset the oppressive weight of the Murdochians altogether? - and so here is Mr. Pope, and here's a couple of cartoons he was discussing:

Bless 'em all, and tiny Timothea too if she can be found ... and thanks to those who send in notes on the loons.

Some, like William McInnes, might want to watch birds, but you can kill two birds with one stone, if you set your mind to loon watching ...


  1. You might enjoy Jesus of the Week. This one features bird poo on a windscreen which is the image of Christ. Jesus!

  2. Lord Lawson's climate-change think tank risks being dismantled after complaint it persistently misled public

    "Since Lord Lawson launched the Global Warming Policy Foundation (GWPF) in November 2009 it has “persistently disseminated inaccurate and misleading information about climate change as part of its campaign against climate policies in the UK and overseas,” the complaint alleges."

    They're actually talking about removing it's status as a charity as it's blatantly political.


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