Friday, June 14, 2013

A post from inside the bubble ...

(Above: important fashion and lifestyle advice below, sponsored by Marlene Dietrich)

The truth is, the pond lives in a bubble, a bit like the bubble-boy in that Seinfeld episode determined to be offensive to bubble-dwellers and bubble-lovers...

I mean, the pond is vaguely aware that Howard Sattler exists, in the same way that it is vaguely aware that Western Australian does, and that the dearest wish of sandgropers is to be excised from the continent, towed away and parked somewhere in the Indian ocean.

In much the same way, the pond is aware that Bob Francis exists ... though perhaps not quite so sure about Adelaide ...

But the bubble isn't to do with distance. Mention Alan Jones and the pond can say with absolute certainty that it has never once heard the parrot's show, despite many years living cheek by jowel who once resided in the north of Newtown (and locals will know what that means).

Sure some taxi drivers get pissed off when you ask them to switch to another channel, but since any trip with a Sydney taxi driver is an exercise in fear and loathing, why have a double shot of fear and loathing with the parrot's squawking? And you can quadruple that for Kyle Sandilands.

If any shock jock says something silly, it will be reported, as with Sattler's latest folly, 'He must be gay, he's a hairdresser'. (forced video at end of link). So let others do the hard yards and the hard listening ...

Now in this modern day and age, you can if you like listen live to 6PR (go here) or you can go to the station's terse statement about Howard Sattler being suspended, here, but why would anyone bother.

Sattler doesn't have any insights to offer, just the standard bile and biliousness, lavishly served in a local market to a parochial crowd, as shock jocks do around the world.

Anxious station executives wring their hands, and announce suspensions, but it's all hypocrisy and paw-washing in the style of Pontius Pilate, because shock jocks are employed to shock, in much the same way that people are drawn to the Bolter because he's a raving ratbag. There's nothing that beats extremism, except more extremism ...

The simpler answer is to live in a bubble, and to save much energy by knowing that diligent possums are still out there ready to report the latest shock jock horror and suspension. Apparently they do it for Australian cricketers too, the ones who are inclined to get into brawls at 2 am, while acting like Oscar Wilde fops on the field ... (or so the pond's partner says, and no, there are no hairdressers in the family)

It only became clear to the pond of the full extent of its bubble when a kindly soul delivered a lot of freebie newspapers from the flight lounge and the pond had a chance to examine the lizard Oz in the actual flesh, so to speak.

Truly the pond can't remember buying the hard copy thoughts of the lizard Oz reptiles in decades (there are only so many cocky cages that need to be lined, so many cockies one should torture).

What caught the eye wasn't the snake pit of the commentariat. That's well known ...

No, it was the snake pit of the letters pages.

There was an astonishing line of conga dancers, all at one, all in complete accord with the lizard Oz editorial that Gillard was clumsy and manipulative, unlike Howard Sattler or Queensland Liberal party donating chefs in search of light-hearted jokes and setting them down strictly for their own private, personal amusement, and never mind the hard work involved. Anything for a private joke and a tickle of the funny bone.

Claire Brittian of Claremont WA (oh yes come on down 'groper) thought Gillard was an insult to her intelligence, though she had no thoughts about Chris Mitchell daily insulting her intelligence; Lucia Kasparkenko of Jones Hill Queensland (please no obvious jokes) was highly offended and thought Gillard was naive; Don Smith of Noosa Queensland, shook his head in dismay and thought it pathetic and juvenile; Jan White of Donvale Vic, found the speech offensive on many levels, and divisive; David Anderson of Burwood WA thought Gillard's gender bleatings had zero credibility, showing staggering hypocrisy and contempt; Pauline Just, Adelaide SA, was outraged at the misandrist Gillard, a bitter and twisted woman wreaking havoc on the country; Veronica Alp, Melbourne Vic thought Gillard unfounded and unfair, on her last legs and shoving her extreme feminist views down the throats of Australians.

Veronica also delivered the immortal plea for Australia to wake up! Yes, wake up Australia, the pod people are here and they write letters to the lizard Oz editor.

Just below her, Ian Mastin, Woodgate beach Qld thought Gillard had a problem with half the population and that if the media was being fair, she should be crucified; Ruth Bonetti, The Gap, Qld thought Gillard was trite and demanded a grown-up government; David Bares of Southbank Vic was outraged that Gillard, leader of the nation, should have dared to divide the country in such a disgraceful manner; Deirdre McQueen of Eltham Vic thought Gillard was beyond embarrassment; John Morrissey of Hawthorn Vic thought Gillard was out of touch with reality, and Colleen Walker of Mt Louisa Qld thought that the PM was inciting prejudices where there are none, and so should be resoundingly critised (sic, you can't expect subbies to do the letters too):

Ladies of Australia, we have strong voices, smart options, equal roles in society ...

Indeed. Good luck with your job in the army Colleen ...

Now there was one dissident voice, one Denise Taylor, of Larrakeyah NT who actually thought Gillard had worked hard and behaved with dignity, and that the chance to celebrate Australia's first female PM had been lost in three years of sexist abuse. But talk about a solitary voice swimming against the tide ...

What was interesting in this snake-pit of abuse was the way many of the correspondents raised the issue of Emily's List, as if they'd been faithfully reading the lizard Oz commentariat and imbibing the kool-aid of hate, and how many of them sounded like they'd vote for Senator John Madigan when it came to abortion ...

Throw in the lizard Oz talking not just about gender war, but class war and the Queensland high school affair, and a series of short Last Post letters from readers - which ran 18-0 against Gillard - yes that's eighteen -zip - and you have a frenzy of fear and loathing.

Throw in Cut & Paste doing it all over again at the bottom of the page and poor Denise Taylor looked like a very lonely outsider, invited to express a view because ... well because even the lizard Oz feels the need for a little tokenism. Only a little mind you, a tad, a dash, a soup├žon ...

It reminded the pond exactly why it's best to live in a bubble. If you spent even a few days reading the lizard Oz in its physical form, you'd end up entirely detached from reality - the reality that Australia isn't in such a bad position relative to the rest of the world at this moment in time - and barking kool-aid drinking mad as a march carrot-munching hare.

And in the process you'd also be detached from another reality, which is to say the reality of the Howard Sattlers that litter Australian radio, the reality of the reptiles setting the overt agenda of that gay divorcee chairman Rupert, and the reality of life in the Australian army ...

M. Young, female, Townsville, Qld set the pace in the alternative unreal world of the lizard Oz's last post by being given the top position, and saying she intended to wear a blue tie on September 14. This seemed both unfashionable and silly.

Now since you asked - well maybe you didn't - the pond has a view on blue ties. There are several reasons politicians of all major parties favour blue, and none of them reassuring. The first and banal but true reason is that few men know how to deal with striped ties and striped shirts, or patterned ties and patterned shirts.

Worse, blue presents a soft image, but given the Freudian phallic nature of ties, a real man would wear a bright pulsating tumescent throbbing tumid red tie.

Sadly this never happens, because it would reveal their true alpha male, clawing and scratching and back-biting aspirations, so bland, boring duck egg blue it is.

A red tie would also send sensitive young women into a frenzy, in much the same way as the student's red dress in Picnic at Hanging Rock sent her fellow students into a Freudian hysteria ...

Sadly therefore M. Young of Townsville, the pond must urge you to consider either a white tie (virginal) or a black tie (satanic witchcraft), or perhaps a polka dot (confused):

Lah di dah, lordy lordy, and it's days and times like these that the pond is truly eternally grateful to live in a bubble.

Is it possible to imagine living with the fear, loathing, anger, rage, hostility and hate that daily litters the pages of the lizard Oz? Or the stench of unawareness of the real world?

No, it's not a bloody EXCLUSIVE ... but somehow surely it's all misandrist Julia Gillard's fault ...

Ah well, if only the pond still had a cocky - given up long ago as a cruelty to innocent creatures - so that the cage could be relined. And amazingly no doubt yesterday's scenes are being repeated today as more rags are given away free, and the wretched rag once more fails to lurch anywhere near a profit.

Yes here you go, here's Gra Gra:

Indeed. As one Labor stalwart said to the pond yesterday, it will never be too late for Gra Gra to piss off to Switzerland to check out the status of his Swiss bank accounts ... and then hope he never comes back ...

And finally an honourable mention to Brendan O'Neill, a man who can be relied on to take the wrong position about everything and anything, simply for the sake of perversity:

But what's truly perverse about O'Neill's piece, presented in the lizard Oz as Snowden is certainly no saint or saviour? (behind the paywall but information just wants to be free)

Now you might think it's his completely predictable blather about the cult of whistleblowers or his babble about the fashionably atheistic set, or his resentment that The Guardian had a hand in the Snowden affair ... dear sweet absent lord, he's such a spectacularly repetitive, bees-in-bonnet idiot ... you know if old Joe McCarthy had been around today, you could reliably turn to O'Neill to write a vigorous defence, berating the filthy Marxists and the fashionable atheists, while pretending to be an upstanding Marxist himself ...

No, set all this aside, what's truly perverse is that the lizard Oz should put the piece behind the paywall, because O'Neill is such a vain, preening, attention-seeking peacock, he's reproduced the piece on his blogsite, where it's available to read for free, here.

If you don't want to soil yourself and reward O'Neill with even a click, since the blog has a truly laughable quote from The Guardian as a subheader - "A Marxist proletarian firebrand" - who defends the Pope, the CIA, and the establishment on a daily basis - you can find it on the laughable Spike, where it was published last Tuesday UK time, and is also available for free here.

It's the art of the snake oil salesman to extract money while selling entirely useless snake oil, and lordy lordy is the lizard Oz a master snake oil salesman, or what.

Dammit, that cocky will have to serve more jail time to help save the world.

Alternatively, why not save up and buy yourself a bubble instead?

(Below: Twiggy or bubble boy? Your choice)

1 comment:

  1. As you said in your post yesterday,it's just all too hard some days.The likes of the Oneill's of the world just do your head in with said perversity,day in,day out,like wind-up muppets.
    I think Julian Assange on Lateline a few night back summed the MSM up nicely when he referred to the "yellow media".Personally,I prefer the brown-nose media myself.


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