(Above: and if you can't get enough of Dr. Johnson, his dictionary here)
It being Friday, how about a little plainsong, or perhaps a Gregorian chant:
Good old Eddie, mate maaate,
Naughty thirteen year old girl, shocker, shocker,
Good old Eddie, mate maaate,
Solid as a rock, no need to go, mate maaaate,
Thirteen year old girl? Shame, shame, shocker
Good old Eddie, no need to go, mate maaaaate,
Dinky di Eddie, true blue, mate maaaate
Keeps on bringing in the bucks, great public face
Thirteen year old girl? Shocker, shameful face ...
Remember, we're all apes, now let's go play some footy
Oh yes, we're all apes, now let's go play some footy
Maate maaaaaaaate ...
And have a little flutter ...
Mate maaaaaaate ...
A title for the ditty? How about the ballad of AFL hypocrisy?
Now about that flutter ... here we go, here we go.
You see Tom Waterhouse has got the message and is ever so sorry, and what's more he tells the Daily Terror so in an amazing, astonishing exclusive to be found under the header I'm sorry and I've listened to your message, says bookie Tom Waterhouse (outside the paywall for the moment, but who knows, because it's the paywall that comes and goes like a thief in the night)
Just like Tony Abbott, the sweet dear ... he's listened and he's sorry.
Now Tom in his story plays the Australian card, and lordy, does he lay it on thick, with a gold-plated trowel.
"Australia" gets a mention six times, and it turns out Tom is in a valiant fight against nameless, faceless god-damned, filthy, vile furriners:
My online business is still young and striving to grow and so I have needed to advertise heavily. This is the reality of being a privately owned, proudly Australian company - employing around 100 Australian workers - trying to take on some very big foreign players in an intensively competitive market.
Because I stand up as the bookmaker, and do not present as a faceless corporation, I also have, somehow, become the public face of the entire Australian gambling industry.
There you go, three Australians dropped in a couple of pars.
Now Samuel Johnson once said that patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel, but as with many other things, (Scots and oats), Johnson got it wrong, it's the first refuge of the scoundrel, and so Tom joins the likes of Dick Smith in using cheap blather about dinkum Aussies to try to obtain a commercial advantage ...
And just who are these vile competitors, these dirty rotten scoundrels?
My competitors include offshore giants such as sportsbet.com.au (owned by Paddy Power, UK) and sportingbet.com.au (owned by William Hill, UK) as well as local giants such as the TAB, who enjoy a retail monopoly on racing and sports betting.
I am taking on the big boys!
Oh brave valiant little Tom, oh filthy, vile perverted pommy bastards ...
And you too TAB, you wretched faceless Aussie bastards ...
It's bad enough that gormless punters, completely unaware of the condition of horses, would drop their loot, but to drop it into the hands of furriners ...
Oh what have we done, what valiant enterprise have we wrecked?
However the public has spoken and you will see less of me on TV.
I have listened.
Just like sweet Mr. Abbott and never mind that signature on the page. What's a written promise when it comes to listening and being sorry for being caught out?
Well as they used to say in Tamworth, after trying out the batwing doors at the old Nundle pub, left after a Japanese western was shot in the district, don't let the doors hit you in the arse on your way out ...
Now if only it were possible to get rid of other noisy crows cawing away from their chairman Rupert sponsored perch:
Yep, he's at it again. Now how to persuade Gra Gra to do a sulky Tom and go away and sit in silence in the corner? Perhaps he could count the balance in his Swiss bank accounts by just moving his lips?
Meanwhile, here's an exercise in relative news values.
Here's today's Guardian down under's top digital stories. You know, the ones flung together by perverted filthy fellow travellers with those bloody invading pommy bastards:
Now here's the digital leads prepared by the reptiles for the lizard Oz, which happens to be run by an American bastard:
Now setting aside the meal the lizard Oz is making of the NBN for the activities of Telstra sub-contractors, the most interesting thing here is the treatment of Abbott breaking his pledge.
Note that it's framed within the context of the coalition pushing for an early poll, and that this story is an EXCLUSIVE.
When in reality truth to tell, the story about Abbott calling a no-confidence motion was given a hearty airing several days ago in Fairfax, as you can read in Abbott too 'frightened' to call no confidence in government. (forced video at end of link).
Back then, Abbott was pinged for doing what he's done since he got to be the opposition leader, which was to get whatever negative routine of the day into print, and never you mind about consequences or follow-up:
The Coalition reaffirmed that pledge on May 13, the day before Wayne Swan handed down the budget, as Labor accused him of ''crab walking'' away from repeated threats to move the motion on budget day. Opposition Leader Tony Abbott said then that the motion would be introduced in the next sitting fortnight: ''We said we will move a motion of no confidence. We will move a motion of no confidence in this government.''
The time frame gives the opposition until June 6, according to the parliamentary sitting schedule, to move its motion.
It was a nonsense, an idle threat, the negative natter for the day, the ongoing rhetoric to induce a sense of crisis, a bit like the budget emergency that didn't stop both parties from tickling the till.
And in that Fairfax story, Tony Windsor correctly dismissed the gambit for what it was, a rhetorical furphy.
Now, in a bid to give Abbott some credibility in the matter, Poodle Pyne has written to the independents, asking them if they'll support a no-confidence motion.
And so his faithful lap dogs, the lizards of Oz, have trotted out the story as some kind of exclusive angle (Another exclusive? The reptiles piss on the same post as poodle Pyne).
The logic of the poodle is truly wondrous:
Uh huh. After years being berated by the Poodle and the rest of the Liberal pack for being lickspittle lackeys of the Gillard government, suddenly the independents would leap forth into the world, fundamentally cleansed and fundamentally uncompromised.
No wonder the Poodle's voters believe Father Christams's off-duty job is to play the Easter bunny:
"Independents could support a no-confidence motion on the basis that the government and the Prime Minister have not shown consistent good faith in its dealings with MPs and others," he writes.
"Should a no-confidence motion be successful, the Prime Minister would be duty-bound to advise the Governor-General that she no longer has the confidence of the House of Representatives and advise an election at the earliest convenient date."
It's a rich fantasy, but there it is, all faithfully regurgitated and set down in the lizard Oz, and labelled an exclusive to boot.
When the truth is a lot simpler. You can't abuse people all the time, and then deliver this sort of backflip, at least if you're not Tony Abbott caught with his paw in the very same till being tickled in secret with the equally furtive and secretive Labor party ...
Abbott is congenitally negative and incapable of lying in bed straight, and the talk of a no-confidence motion was just more of the same, and to see the lizards at the Oz dress all this up says all you need to know about the bias in the way they go about their business ...
And now it's come to the pond's attention that we have inadvertently vilified pommy bastards, bastards in general - there's nothing wrong with that in this day and age - lizards, and reptiles in general, and it was also perhaps a mistake to abuse crows by comparing them to Gra Gra.
The pond attempted to defend a few of the terms ... after all, the pommy bastards in this piece do much better than the lizards at the Oz, and it has been suggested that the term is in fact affectionate, as in Eddie, maaaate, you old bastard, what about that deviant thirteen year old girl, shocking eh, a real shocker ...
But it didn't wash, and now the pond is off for counselling, leaving deep questions open ... should it be spelled pommy or pommie and did the harmless pomegranate play a role?
Offensive Slang Used as a disparaging term for a British person, especially a recent immigrant. [Shortening and alteration of pomegranate, Pummy Grant, alterations of Jimmy Grant, probably rhyming alteration of immigrant.]
pommy n pl -mies (sometimes capital)
Slang a mildly offensive word used by Australians and New Zealanders for an English person Sometimes shortened to pom [of uncertain origin. Among a number of explanations are: (1) based on a blend of immigrant and pomegranate (alluding to the red cheeks of English immigrants); (2) from the abbreviation POME, Prisoner of Mother England (referring to convicts)
pommy or pommie also pom, n., pl. pommies also poms.
Usage: This term is usually used with disparaging intent, but sometimes it is merely a term of affectionate abuse. The context will usually show the intent, because the word may be used with various adjectives or in set phrases. —n. (often cap.) Usually Disparaging. (a term used in Australia and New Zealand to refer to a Briton, esp. one who is a recent immigrant.) [1910–15; orig. obscure] (here)
Never mind, the intent is clear, the pond is warming to The Guardian, while the lizard oz will have to entirely rethink what it's about after the September election.
As for the pond, after the counselling, we're off to vote in the early federal election, due August 6th, thanks to Poodle Pyne.
What's that? The pond is as delusional as Pyne? And we have to apologise to poodles as well, because they have much better style and brains than Pyne?
Okay, let's put it another way. Let's talk of the cynical backdown currently being peddled by the T-Rex mates of Pyne at the dinosaur Oz ...
Oh come on, show the pond where there's an extant T-Rex with hurt feelings?
Now forget all this talk of boat people ... let's get that leg-spinner on to the team ... and remember if you cultivate the right sort of skills, the land of Oz is a land of opportunity ...
( Below: the pond goes into a time warp)