¶ Forty-five percent of Catholics did not know that their church teaches that the consecrated bread and wine in holy communion are not merely symbols, but actually become the body and blood of Christ. (Basic Religion Test Stumps Many Americans).
So almost half the cannibals in the United States don't even know they're cannibals?
And atheists do better in knowledge tests about religions than actual believers?
Well with that happy news in the noggin, here at the pond we're off to Melbourne.
Last week we reminded readers that a win for Collingwood would be proof either that god didn't exist, or if she did exist, she was utterly perverse, and possibly satanic, and quite likely - in the way of women and Republicans - a dabbler in witchcraft. Well perhaps only Republican women. We're with the real Dorothy Parker who dabbled in drink ...
By way of further explanation, the shock horror consternating draw in the grand final threw my partner into utter, abject, adjectivally abundant confusion. It was like reading the runes, examining the chicken entrails, contemplating the tea leaves, and coming away empty handed, desolate and uncertain, with only standard I Ching metaphors for solace ...
Collingwood didn't triumph, so evil didn't reign in the land. But the good and the righteous didn't win either. Was this god's clever way of proposing agnosticism as the only valid philosophical position?
Well we will see what we will see this weekend, with an outcome certain, and the clearest indication yet as to whether god exists and is satanic, or whether the good, simply through their own earnest physical endeavours, can triumph without the need of a long absent deity ...
Which isn't to suggest that we'll be anywhere near the MCG. Lordy, the pond might be mad, but it hasn't reached the certifiably insane stage ... except insofar as talking about the pond in a third person way suggests a kind of dementia ...
No it's family matters and a love of Melbourne that draws us south, and means the loons can frolic on the pond safe and undisturbed the entire weekend ...
But if you want to be reminded of the way the loons have conquered the world, why not head off to the Village Voice (New York is a different kind of America) for White America Has Lost Its Mind:
White folks used to shy away from candidates who e-mailed pictures of a woman being fucked by a horse, didn't they? Can you just see the scene down at the Republican Party headquarters: "Well, except for sending out those e-mails of horse-fucking, other e-mails of nigger jokes, and also fathering a love child, this guy Carl Paladino is just our kind of guy!"
Finding Rick Lazio not crazy enough, white New Yorkers nominated Paladino for governor by a margin of almost two to one.
Yep, it's wall to wall loonacy, and suddenly the loons of Melbourne almost seem sane.
That said, if you want clear and rock solid evidence as to how football can produce insanity, and will possibly be responsible for the imminent collapse of civilisation, why not try Lawrence Money's Magpies today, feather dusters tomorrow ...
The news that the politically incorrect Money loathes Collingwood and is barracking for St. Kilda has sent my partner into a terminal spin. Channeling the spirit of Money?
When last seen, locks of hair were falling to the floor, baldness had set in, orange fabric was being draped around the body, candles were being lit and an eerie bass chant rumbled up from the belly ...
Then came news that Stephen Conroy was a rabid Collingwood lover, scribbling Emotions run wild when you love the Pies. The nausea experienced was somehow intoxicating and uplifting ...
Proof that some content on the intertubes should be heavily filtered? Yes sirree bob. And perhaps a final chance to abandon atheism, in the hope that if god does exist, she'll smote Collingwood from on high ...
But what a choice for a deity ... Money v Conroy in a sweaty leathery blokey smackdown?
Insanity or what? Melbourne has that kind of impact on the system ... next thing you know, we could be transformed into Martin Flanagan.
Oh put me down, put me down sweetly and silently ...
Sounds like Saturday will be best spent checking out the art galleries, soaking up the ghost town atmosphere, and sharing the streets with members of the Anti-Football League. Oh okay, it's virtually defunct, a shell of a website, but its spirit lives on ...
Football as a religion? Only if the pies are turned into flesh and blood and devoured by way of a nice wafer ...
Have fun!
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